Getting to the Other Side

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I am coming again and will take you to Myself, so that where I am, there you also will be.” John 14:3 NASB

“Even someone he envisions as ‘poisoned by a wretched upbringing in some house full of vulgar jealousies and senseless quarrels’ can be assured that God is well aware of ‘what a wretched machine you are trying to drive,’ and asks only that you ‘keep on [doing] the best you can.’ ” C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

She was a beautiful woman! She was in her mid-forties, gorgeous, a smile that lifted others, words of wisdom without being preachy and she had muscular sclerosis. MS. I met her when I was 18 years and lost her when I was 24 years. I didn’t just admire her; I adored her. She walked with a cane but I hardly noticed. Even men still tipped their hats and smiled just looking at her. She radiated her savior. She glowed. Her disease was discovered during an eye exam and as powerful as her disease was, she was more powerful because of her savior.

And her husband was a berating cheater. She left him. She had too. He was very abusive and with her chronic disease, who can fight? She got to the other side. Her son became a very famous western art painter. Her home was a log cabin condiminium with windows that reflected the mountains, streams and snow. She invited many to Bible studies in her lovely, warm home and she laughed with praises for others and God.

No one saw all the gruesome, agonizing and lonely times she had. Her Father did. And…

She got to the other side. In her Earthly life

And now she’s with her savior forever.

I could go on. She was my first real experience with a Christian.

You may be someone’s first real experience with a Christian.

You probably are and have been. When you get to heaven, you’ll be so surprised at your legacy! In a very joyful way.

All the hours of counseling and support groups, prayer, wrestling with the word and world—to get to the other side. Even with the old beater you’re driving! I recommend Pilgrim’s Progress in current English to embrace what’s over the river and on the other side. Heck! Even a chicken knows to get to the other side.

Musings

“When things get tough, never quit. Because if you quit you’ll never see the good that’s waiting for you on the other side. And once you get to the other side, things will be even better.” Truck driver sharing his truth of 40 years of marriage.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We forget the wonderful things that await us here and in heaven. We screw up our willpower to get through our challenges and forget you’re in the business of good. You’re the Wonderful Counselor. Help us to rely more on you and less on grit and determination. Help us to glimpse what’s on the Other Side. Hope. Perseverance. And joy.

Amen.

Do You Learn From Your Success or Failure?

“All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Hebrews 12:11 NASB

“Experience is brutal but we learn. Oh God, how we learn!” C. S. Lewis

We are illegitimate if we are not disciplined. Check Hebrews 12:8. Parents discipline and our Father is no different. Well, he IS perfect.

I watched an interview of a successful man teaching young people. They were in their teens to early 20’s and were mesmerized by him. Some listening had tears, some nodded their heads, some had blank stares, some drank in his words like Gospel. He said, “I’ve never learned from my successes but I sure learned by pain and failure.” He is a Christian. He battled addictions anger and more. He’s very successful spiritually, financially and a wonderful parent. Obviously, that’s not how he started.

Yep. That’s how it really is.

And it’s embarrassing.

And it’s discouraging.

And it’s humiliating.

And we all get to experience it. Humbling ourselves “under the mighty hand of God” is not a priority, especially when young and idealistic but it sure does happen.

All children need guidance, discipline (punishment is for another day. Hint: It’s not love), reassurance, belonging and love. I still receive this and will until I’m called home. I’m old and still need discipline and peaceful fruit. Even Jesus was disciplined, which Hebrews states. Hard to believe!

From learning how to ride a bike to becoming a marketing manager, mistakes were made. They were painful experiences.  They were embarrassing events bordering on shameful. Agonizing. I remember my first few weeks of managing and I had a smart, resourceful employee showing up late day after day because of a controlling and lazy boyfriend. I had another who was a controller. If someone said, “darn” they were denounced and banned to the abyss. Great way to start a successful department, no?

Did I learn to overcome with books? No. They helped. Did I overcome by classes? Therapy? No. But I sure went.  Pain was my teacher. Pain got my attention. Pain motivated me to work. Peaceful fruit of righteousness? Absolutely not! Sleepless nights? Oh, yes! Because I had to dig deeply inside of me. It was the Father and mature Christian mentors that guided me.

But I had to do the work. At times it really was brutal.

Then I had blissful success.

Warm relationships.

Bills paid and savings.

Money to contribute to charity.

Gifts for my loved ones.

Horses, dogs and cats. Oh my!

A vacation.

And the start of a mysterious, fulfilling relationship with the perfect Father. Sometimes the feelings were so big and loving, I couldn’t contain them. They come.

Musings

Life is tricky. A roller coaster of ups and downs and no way to get off. In between are mundane days of bill paying, doing housework, budgets and traffic.  Accepting risk with the Father’s help and others will make the ups sweeter and the downs bearable. And peaceful fruit.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We thank you for your discipline because it brings us peaceful fruit. James said “Count it all joy when you encounter various trials.” We can’t do that—not honestly. So we trust. We do not count on our own understanding. We acknowledge you in all we do. We continue with you at the helm.

We don’t want to be illegitimate. We want to be heirs. We want you.

Amen.

Blaming God


Blaming God

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 NIV

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7 NIV

“When life throws you a curve-ball, you will end up saying, ‘God, what are You doing to me?’ We end up blaming God, as opposed to allowing the goodness of God to navigate us through the situation. – Author: Chris Gore

Let’s be honest. When life has been at it’s most difficult, we blame God. It’s the hardest part of faithful trust in the One who cannot lie. You will wrestle Like Jacob. You will question like Job. You will deny like Peter.

Here are the top, trite sayings we use and they are false:.

  1. Here’s one I’ve heard many times and deemed it gospel: “God never gives us more than we can handle.”  It was said to my beloved Grandma diagnosed with terminal cancer.I’ve heard this at funerals, to the terminally ill, to a worried parent, to a struggling addict. I beg to differ. God is our rescuer, especially when times are more than we can handle. There will be many times life will be more than we can handle. The Father deeply loves us. The Psalms are filled with how God rescues and loves. Paul in his letters talks about how God had rescued him from death several times. Peter was released from prison by an angel sent by God. Jesus died for us so we are no longer imprisoned. He rescued us. We couldn’t handle our sin. God certainly did not make us sin!

How could we trust a God that heaps trials and temptations upon us? There are many gods who are always angry, unrepentant and prejudiced. God never, ever is this. He is a merciful God. His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22)

  • The other axiom that I hate, really hate, is: “This happened for a reason.” Said to parents whose child has died, said to someone whose spouse just died, said to someone who’s become disabled or bankrupt. Really? I read how Jesus healed, fed, encouraged all, especially children. Who really does this? False prophets. False gods. They are not your friends.

These trite axioms are said by those who have not truly suffered, truly believe or are loaded with guilt and denial.  I know. In my ignorance, I’ve thrown those axioms out to others to assuage my guilt, ignorance and awkwardness—Then it happened to me. What a hard lesson!

  • When my husband, parents, beloved friends, pets died, here comes: “They’re with God now.” Now that they’re with God, put on your happy, slappy face. That’s the fix.

That’s true. Very true. They’re with God. However, I’m here lonely, despairing and hopeless. Apparently, you’re telling me that’s what God wants! What a slap in the face! Dismissive! Uncaring! God doesn’t take and leave us! If even Jesus grieved his friend, Lazarus, don’t we know we will someday experience the same? How many beautiful psalms were written by David that were a tribute to his grieving? If Jesus was tempted, grieved, hungry, lonely, and he was, so will we be. Remember that we take up our cross and follow him daily. He is with us. Will not forsake us.

The top three lies of God is at fault. God is to blame. God’s doing this to you.

Musings

When I think of some of the things I’ve said to others in pain, I cringe. I’m hyper-aware of how my tongue of fire and lack of compassion hurts and destroys. God didn’t do it. People do it. A corrupt and narcissistic world inflames pain, dismissiveness and loneliness. When I was at my neediest, I needed a gentle presence. A witness to my pain. Hug of comfort.  An ear to vent my agony. Not preaching. Not trite quotes. Presence. And the assurance that He is with me.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that you’re always with us. Thank you that your son took the blame for us, though Your Son was blameless.

 Please make us aware of those we need to make amends to, those that need presence, those that need hope, forgiveness for those that have hurt us and a gentle, listening ear. We all stumble with listening and bearing witness. You will transform us. You bring good out of evil for those who love you.

Redeem the pain of those who are suffering. Remind us that blame has never fixed anything. It does not save. It does not heal. You do.

Amen.

Catastrophizing

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.” – Charles Spurgeon

The 2022 flu. I got it and I got it bad! It was the day before Christmas Eve and I was laid low with fever, chills, sore throat and tears. I wasn’t done wrapping presents, sending cards, checking on my elderly neighbor. I’m a Christmas lover. The lights. The music. The hope. The movies. The food. The warm wishes. And I slept, shivered and cried through it all. I’m still not hitting on all cylinders because of fatigue and a nagging cough.

My grandkids still don’t have wrapped presents from me. Everything is in a box waiting for the perfect ribbon and card. I let them down, I’m sure. Christmas day I woke up to a cup of cocoa, tree lights and back to bed. It’s been 10 days of illness and my house is in tatters. My scared and tired mind reminds me I’m older with an immune system unlike my youthful days.  My flu could turn into pneumonia if I don’t take care. And along comes catastrophizing and when ill, it really takes on a life of its own—people will think I forgot them. People will see my messy house. I look like death warmed over. Soup for Christmas dinner along with cough syrup and pain reliever. Whoopee!

Catastrophizing is focusing on me. There may be genuine concerns and if appropriate, steps to be taken.  Catastrophizing is living in a future where we forget who God is and who isn’t. Jesus cautioned us to live in today because tomorrow has enough worries. And Jesus will be there too.

But I’ve had many beautiful Christmases. The baby in the manger had no twinkling lights, music for a king, gender reveal party, no disposable diapers, overdone baby shower gifts or a cushy crib. He did have a vibrant star, dirty, smelly shepherds, angels and a teenage mom. No blaring trumpets or red carpet. Now there’s a catastrophic story! The world was never the same. Thank God.

Musings

Projecting, anxiety, catastrophizing happens to all of us because life is difficult. It really is. Many difficulties are caused by others and we are still called to overcome them. It was difficult for a helpless babe in a manger and it’s difficult for us too.  We share in his cross because we are his. Catastrophizing happens when we’re living in the past or future and forget who’s in today with thanksgiving. We forget we have passed from death to life.

Jesus said that worrying will not add one cubit to our lives and if we can’t do that simple thing, adding to our lives, we need to give it to our Father. We’ll take it back many times as we learn to trust. But we learn.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We are so thankful you never give up on us. In Matthew, Jesus had compassion on the crowd because they were weary and harassed like sheep without a shepherd. We are so thankful for your never-ending compassion.

Help us to live in today with you. It’s the only way to truly live. It’s the only way to truly love. With thanksgiving.

Amen.

Purposeful Loving–Purposeful Living

“looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2 ESV

“True love doesn’t happen by accident. It’s deliberate, it’s intentional, it’s purposeful and in the end…it’s worth it.” -Darlene Schacht 

It’s also a daily decision. It applies to you and me.

Despising the shame.

Or do we despise ourselves?

Shame is despised because it comes between us and our Father–our growth, our love, our confidence, our success, our relationships with our Father and others. We will “fall on rocky ground” until we remove it’s power and presence in our lives.

Purposeful loving:

It’s deliberate

It’s intentional

It’s personal

It’s hard work

It’s determined

It promises joy

But first, clean-up on aisle three

You weren’t meant to do this alone.

We may need the help of a mature friend, pastor or counselor to root out shame. Shame is a lie! Shame says you’re the problem. Guilt says I made a mistake but I am not a mistake. This is a life-long battle. Here’s what to do: “If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore that person gently.” Be gentle with yourself too.

Purposeful loving demands we sweep out shame, wash it away “with the Word of Truth calling on his name,” bar-the-door and never look back on or in shame. We are making room for joy and all the blessings joy brings.

Musings

“That’s just the way I am. I’m the black sheep of the family. I’m the runt of the litter. Damaged goods. I’ve never been good.” No. No longer. We purposefully love ourselves, our Father and others.  That’s how we despise shame. The Bible promises joy.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Jesus took away all our shame, whether we recognize it or not. Jesus took away our guilt too. Jesus gave us joy, rest and peace. His burden is light because he took away our shame and guilt. All of it. May we, with deep thanks, reflect this in our lives.

Every day, we wake up with thanks because you and Jesus so love us.

Amen.

He’s on Your Side

“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
    What can man do to me?
The Lord is on my side as my helper;
    I shall look in triumph on those who hate me. Psalm 118:6-7 ESV

Develop enough courage so that you can stand up for yourself and then stand up for somebody else. — Maya Angelou

But are you on your side?  Do you hate you? What’s in the way? A critical voice? A judging parent? Demanding boss? Advertising that encourages perfection? Know-it-alls? Shame? Failures?

You?

Here’s how I self-sabotage myself. I promised to make a list of my strengths and forgot to do it. So, I berated myself – You flake! No wonder you can’t do this. You never follow through. Would you be with someone like I was to me? How can I grow and love with that nagging, condescending, hateful voice?

We are our worst enemy. The cartoonist, Walt Kelly of Pogo fame, had a character that said, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”

Know you are endlessly, dramatically loved by the Creator of the universe. Nothing changes until we fully accept this. Our Father thought you were a terrific idea. Out of all the people, past, present and future, no one is like you. Searching the Bible for all the ways our Father loves us will take a long, long time—an endless love letter. Every time I start to put myself down for a sin or imperfection, I remember: Abba, daddy loves me. He wants to be with me all the time. He wants to know my thoughts and heart. He’s proud of me. He is always with me. He reveals good things about me. The Father is on our side. We are fully known. How can I continue to put myself down? I’m arguing with the Father!

Jesus proved and proves this every day.

Musings

Ask the Father, like a little child, how much he loves you, especially when down, shamed, scared or faithless. Ask the Father how to speak kindly to yourself. Ask the Father how to show compassion for yourself. Ask him to show you your talents. He will. And your love will grow so much you can’t contain it. “Flowing over without measure.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

There is no doubt you love us. We are learning to love. We are learning how vast and incomprehensible your love is. Help us to take in fully your love and return it to you from an open heart. A heart that has courage. A heart that has wisdom. A heart that is generous. A heart that is patient.

When we forget we were made in your image, speak gently to us. We will learn. We will celebrate. We love you with all our heart, mind and soul.

May we never forget: You’re on our side.

Amen.

Be a Caring Person

Grief During the Holidays

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

 The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all… Psalm 34:18-19 NIV

“Our joys will be greater, our love will be deeper, our life will be fuller because we shared your moment.” – Author Unknown

Holidays are such a great joy but they can also be a bottomless pit of despair when grieving. When my husband was in a care center with his Lewy body dementia, there were many who had no one. So, I shared holiday lights and chocolate along with my affectionate English Cocker (such a ham!) with the patients. I bought drinks for the all the staff during their holiday dinner. Then I went home and cried buckets into my pillow while my little dog gave me comforting licks. My husband was alive but no longer with me. But so many at the care home hugged me and said many comforting things to ease the burden. Not what I wanted but what was available. Jesus said from the cross, “Woman, here is your son. Son, behold your mother.”

Please be a light to someone grieving during the holidays. It doesn’t take much.

Here’s what may happen to the bereaved. The loneliness and pain during the holidays intensifies the grief:

Many become addicted to food, alcohol, drugs, spending, suicidal ideation and more. I believe addiction is a search for love, belonging, safety and acceptance—we all need and search for this. The grief stricken can’t feel this—not for a time. I see this so vividly in the elderly and parents who have lost a child.

A caring person does not judge but checks in with the bereaved because loneliness is such a hellish part of grief—empty bed-no mealtime banter-songs that rip the heart out—holidays are the worst! My first Christmas after my husband died was bleak, empty and tear-filled. I couldn’t wait for Christmas to end! Sometimes faith is shattered. This is not the time to Bible thump. Your private prayer will work wonders. A hug and a little presence will too.

A caring person builds trust and is safe for the grieving person to unload their tremendous burden. Rational thinking may not be there for some time. It’s another part of the grieving process. They will question everything they did or did not do, as if they could’ve prevented the death. Just reassure.

A caring person may take them to lunch, a movie or bring a homemade meal. Shovel the walk. Walk their dog. Tell them a story about their deceased loved one. They matter. They need to find purpose.

A caring person will not take outbursts of anger personally. A time out is okay. Anger is part of the grieving process and part of healing, especially in the beginning.

A caring person will check in with a grief counselor, hospice, pastor or someone qualified, should the grief be destroying the grief stricken. They may be suffering from Complicated Grief or trauma. Listen to the experts and do what they advise.

If your gut tells you they need emergency help, call 911 or a suicide hotline. I’d rather look foolish and bear their anger than lose them.

It’s not easy. If it were, we’d all be a caring person.

Musings

The golden rule applies. Think: Is it kind? Is it helpful? Then do it.  If the bereaved doesn’t know what they need or want, just say, “I’m going to do such-and-such. Is that okay with you?” You don’t know. You could save a life. You could save their faith. You could validate the most important thing: they are loved. They are valued. They matter. We are to weep with those who weep. Someday, we too, will weep and in the future the Father will wipe every tear from our eyes.

Prayer

Jesus prayed before his crucifixion:

“My prayer is not for them alone [his disciples]. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.” (John 17:20-26)

Amen.

Boundaries and Myths

“Do not let any unwholesome word go forth out of your mouth, but only good, for edification of the need, so that it may give grace to those hearing.” Ephesians 4:29 Berean Standard Bible

 “At your absolute best, you still won’t be good enough for the wrong person.” — Unknown

Perfection. It’s not possible for you or for me. This is when striving, willpower and all sorts of gymnastics drive us, especially during the holidays. Drives us to frustration, meltdowns or to a heavenly discussion with our Father.

And it cuts both ways. Others can’t do perfection. Only one man in all of history was perfect. We know what happened to him.

Someone once said, “I may not seem like much, but you should’ve seen where I started.” There’s so much truth in this.

My mom was a controlling, anxiety-driven and sometimes cruel person who was 20-years-old when I was born. It took me years to realize why. I was an independent, dramatic, obsessive and compulsive adolescent.  Left home twice. Both of us were doing the best we could and it was horrible!

My mother was just a little vulnerable girl and very poor during the Great Depression. I grew up during the Free Love, Viet Nam War era. Neither one of us could relate to each other and some counseling was in order. Mom would not go. I did. I learned so much about my mom and her anxiety which, being a child, I internalized. I learned what a drama queen I was and still can be (sigh). Eventually, I let go of what I internalized: a bad person, a bad child, no good. My mom was wrong. It had very little to do with me. But, because I was a child, I carried that baggage for years! My mom carried hers.

Then forgiveness. You’ve heard the expression, “There but for the grace of God go I.” If I had been born in the same situation, I could’ve been my mom. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it took a long, long time for healing. I began to feel some pity for my mom’s life—some painful results were the result of her own choices, as were mine. “That was a hurtful thing you said. Please don’t or I will leave,” I said shakily. Leaving the past in the past is no quick and easy venture.

Myth: Boundaries won’t be painful or scary. Yes, they are painful and scary but “walking on eggshells” is no cake-walk either. We don’t set boundaries alone. We have our Father. We have others to help us. We don’t scream, cry, beg or manipulate. Nix the dramatics. We just state, unemotionally, what’s acceptable and what’s not. The best we are able.

Myth: Boundaries mean all will be well. No. Many times we lose that person in our life. It can be freeing after some grieving and reflection and recognition of patterns—but we continue to live in the light of our Father’s love and others who live in the Father’s love.

Myth: We only have to set them once. Once again, nope. Depending on the situation, the person and the willingness you have to keep this person in your life, you will set boundaries over and over. Also, other people with similar personalities and baggage appear and you have the wonderful task of setting boundaries again. Count on it! Patterns.

Musings

This side of heaven, we will never be perfect. We will never perfectly handle situations or people. We get better. Others will never be perfect. They get better. We all are at different places and came from different backgrounds. Some of us started life in the hole. Some of us had a loving foundation. The great equalizer: We are all doing the best we can with grace.

Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?  These questions can be a helpful guide for you and communicating with others in your lives.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Your Son modeled all of this for our sakes. On the cross he said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they’re doing.” Unconscious. Unaware. So much of the evil in this world would be gone if we loved like you. We only have to practice this today, which is challenging, but your grace keeps us on your path. Thank you.

Amen.

God Acts on our Behalf

“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”Isaiah 64:4 NIV

“God’s timing, not mine.

God’s will, not mine.

God’s plan, not mine.

God’s glory, not mine.” Mark Robinson

Recently, Larry Schweikart, author of A Patriot’s History of the United States, was being interviewed about his very successful book. It’s being used as a text for many private, religious, home-school educators. He said something so profound I have to share it: “I get up in the morning and thank God that he is God and I am not.” He taught me to do the same. It keeps my self-reliance, self-control, will power and expectations in check. I am the creature. He is the creator.

And he acts on our behalf. Another lesson to be learned and usually only in hindsight. Our Father’s timing, as you probably already know, is not our timing.

I’m pretty sure God has given me much of what I prayed for and it wasn’t so great and definitely humbling. I prayed for a wonderful job and I got it. I also got more stress, more hours, horrendous commute and more responsibility. I prayed to live in a nice city. He said no. And I’m so grateful now—not in the beginning. This is where the desires of my heart come into play. He patiently guided my desire into his– a country bumpkin. I prayed he would help/change others. Got burned on that one! I am not God. How arrogant! He still worked on my behalf and gently showed how to change me; the only one I’m responsible for. He still worked on others’ behalf and not the way I expected—thank God!

I really don’t think like God, know what’s best like God, do not keep the world spinning like God. So I pray, “ Thank you, Father, that you are God and I am not.” And I have a whole lot of peace. Peter told us to cast all our anxiety upon him because he cares for you.

Musings

We may not recognize, see or hear all the things our Father does on our behalf. In fact, I’m sure of it. I’m sure that it’s all for his glory, though I don’t understand how it blesses but it does. I know the Father loves me. He promises an abundant life. He promises to make me a New Creation. He does the same for all his children. Our expectations are brought into line with the Father’s.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are God. We are not. We thank you for this. We thank you for the situations that all worked for good. They worked for good because we love you and you love us. They worked for good because you enable us to work for your glory. When we see the troubles of this world, communities and family, we remember: you are God and we are not. We are open to your will. Thank you.

Amen.

For Those Grieving During the Holidays–Scar Tissue

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5 NIV

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” David Richo

No one can help a parent who has lost a child like a parent who has lost a child.

No one can help a single mom like a single mom.

No can help a cancer victim like a cancer victim.

No one can help an addict like a recovering addict.

No one can help an abuse victim like someone who’s survived abuse.

No one can help someone with suicidal thoughts like someone who’s held on to life when all was lost.

“Out of our wounds come our greatest ministry” has been said over and over because there’s so much truth to it. And no one volunteers for this. Our ministry may be our career, but I’ve found it’s people who have suffered, wrestled with their wounds, who find treasure in ministering to others, no matter their vocation.

One thing I’ve learned the hard way is timing. I may have jumped into helping other dementia caregivers before I’d truly come to grips with my own dementia journey. I wouldn’t say healing because there’s always some pain that remains. Always some vulnerability that knocks me down. Accepting that it takes us months or years of prayer, counseling, support before we’re ready to be that vulnerable can be so discouraging. Preparation is necessary. Envision your father comforting you, guiding you, loving you in and through the turmoil and pain. Talk to yourself as your best friend. I bet you’d be gentle and patient to your best friend.

But when you reach that one with your story and knowledge, it’s like winning the spiritual lottery! You’ve overcome evil with good! Some healing and hope has been shared. Some beauty from tragedy is felt. Redemption.

Musings

Even Bible greats needed time, prayer, support and reflection after enduring tragedy and loss. The Psalms are filled with stories of this. Many respected Christian authors, pastors and counselors have shared their hope years after wrestling with their deep wounds. We are no different. It’s in God’s time and with his great love for his little child before he sends his little, banged up, wounded child.

People will discount, dismiss, ignore, reject and say all kinds of things that will stump and hurt you sometimes when sharing your greatest wound. Remember: This may be part of it too. This is why there’s major preparation, support and faith needed. A little callous over the heart.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you gave us each other and your son to heal and give purpose to our scars. Your son still bears the scars of his death. He chose to be vulnerable for our sake, while enduring all kinds of mocking and rejection.

Father, give us wisdom; we don’t want to cast our pearls when we share our wounds. Let us take in deeply your love for us so that we may minister to others, share hope and ease pain.

Amen.