Wandering in the Desert

Wandering in the Desert

“He found him in a desert land and in the howling waste of the wilderness; he encircled him, he cared for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.” Deuteronomy 32:10 ESV

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.” Leanne Schulze

The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years! I’ve been tempted to think they were slow learners until I noticed my own 40 years (give or take) of wandering. There are many lessons I’ve learned but some of them didn’t “take” for a year or more. Is it the mind panicking? Is it the voice that says, “You’ll never make it?” Is it fear of the unknown or even worse, the known? Our minds can become a “howling waste of wilderness.”

And leads to destructive impulses. I have always struggled with a very impulsive nature. “I jump in where angels fear to tread.” Not counting the cost. No waiting with a prayer. No fellow counselors. And wham! I’m at the bottom of a hole and still digging.

Good old Magical Thinking.

Addictions may take a long time with wandering in and out and back and forth of true recovery.

Healing from trauma may take a long time with wandering into denial of the truth.

Grief may last a very long time. Wandering in isolation, perhaps, or thinking life will be the same as it was when the deceased was alive.

Family and career progress may take a long time. Wandering in the past and future with anxiety without today’s efforts, plans and persistence or we may give up too soon.

Paying off debt can seem endless. Rationalizations and excuses may cause wandering into more shopping for things we don’t really want for a jolt of “happiness” which fades with the bill.

Silence the mind. Know that the Father cares for you as the apple of His eye. Silence the doubts and fears and let the Father’s love into your heart with thankfulness for what we have today. The only way to silence the mind is to live now–today. The past is gone. The future isn’t here. But the good news is our Father forgave the past, He’s with you now, and He’s in your future.

Musings

Fears, stubbornness, lack of gratitude and lack of faith will always get in the way of our progress and the Father’s good plans for us. His plans are not to harm us but to prosper us and give us hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Oh! How we wish we lived in a fairy tale where the prince kisses the princess, magic wands dispel problems in an instant and we’re fixed by wishing on a star. But that’s not how it is here on Earth where the Accuser rules.

But You care for us in this desert wasteland with love, protection and wisdom. The Accuser must leave us because You are with us. And with thanks, we continue to grow into Your vision, plan and glory.

Amen.

Intimacy or Insecurity

Insecurity or Intimacy?

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

“Don’t let getting lonely make you reconnect with toxic people. You shouldn’t drink poison just because you’re thirsty.” Morgan Freeman

Truth: We cannot nor should we have intimacy with toxic people.

Truth: We have indulged in these toxic relationships because:

                They were our parents, spouses/partners, or other family members

                It’s familiar. Familiar can be comforting and toxic at the same time

                We truly believe that is what we deserve

                We haven’t learned to get out of our own way.

Here are some behaviors of toxic people:

Silent treatment—teaches you that you aren’t important and not worthy to be in a relationship with them—Jesus did not do this.

Multitasking—Not giving you full attention because their task or phone is more important. No matter how busy, Jesus gave full attention and asked, “What can I do for you?”

Spiteful gestures–Eye rolling, sarcasm, late to dinner or another appointment. Again, Jesus did not do this.

Making fun of your appearance, career, disability, financial status, and talents while claiming you’re too sensitive. Jesus did not do this.

Promising you something and reneging consistently. Jesus was always consistent.

Obviously, they are not loving behaviors and true intimacy is not possible. Time for intimacy lessons from our Father through His Word, prayer, fellow Christians and an empathetic witness such as a counselor, pastor, wise friend or professional. If you stumble or go back, remember it takes practice without self-loathing. Never stop taking chances to have the love and life you desire and the Father wants you to have.

Musings

Time for courage. Time to love and respect yourself. Time to quietly pursue a lovely life. Time to say no. Time to say yes to Your Father and yourself through the Holy Spirit. Risky? Maybe, but how has it been so far? Pray for the toxic person in your life but let’s get out of our own way and the right relationships will be ours.

Prayer

Dear Father,

When our relationship is right with you, we will be right with ourselves and others. Our decisions will be healthy and sound. Your Son makes this possible. He is the “Wonderful Counselor” we all desperately need. He makes intimacy and relationships not only possible but rewarding. Guide us and our loved ones today and every day with the reassurance we are loved.

With thanks.

Amen.

Christianity: Counterintuitive

“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24 NIV

“The astonishing paradox of Christ’s teaching and of Christian experience is this: if we lose ourselves in following Christ, we actually find ourselves. True self-denial is self-discovery. To live for ourselves is insanity and suicide; to live for God and for man is wisdom and life indeed. We do not begin to find ourselves until we have become willing to lose ourselves in the service of Christ and of our fellows.” ― John R.W. Stott, Basic Christianity

Whoever loves their father and mother more than me is not worthy of me.

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.

Whoever loves their life will lose it.

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.

Bless those who curse you. Bless and curse not.

Those who humble themselves will be exalted.

When I am weak then I am strong.

The above and more are found in the Bible. Looking at the list and more, Christianity is not a cakewalk. It is not appealing at all! But it’s the only way to genuinely love, starting with a clean slate through Jesus. Jesus loves us first so we can then begin to love. Does it take time? Yes. For the rest of our Earthly lives.

Our Father’s love transforms us into someone who has love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) These things can’t be bought, except with blood. We know whose blood paid the price.

It is counterintuitive for us to believe Someone died for us. A policeman may, a veteran may or a parent but their blood does not save us for eternity. May we remember just how precious we are even when we were hostile against Him.

Musings

A television show was interviewing a strong Christian about the difference between “nice” and “kind.” Nice is being polite, possibly manipulative or just observing certain traditions. Kind, on the other hand, is Truth with love. Truth that sets us free. Lots to think about. Counterintuitive. Jesus is the example.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Our lives are a lesson in loving and letting go. Encourage us to let go of Self and embrace You.  Remind us it’s the only way to have life and to have it abundantly as we go about our daily work, family time and especially our worship time.

Amen.

Contempt: Antidote is Kindness

“Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker,
    but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” Proverbs 14:31 NIV

“Contempt is the weapon of the weak and a defense against one’s own despised and unwanted feelings.” – Alice Duer Miller.

We all have judged. We all have been judged. It’s elevating ourselves at someone’s expense and drips with contempt. Sarcasm is another sign of contempt. Someone with contempt always believes they are superior, smarter or better than the person they find contemptuous. I’m amazed at how much contempt is in the news with no answers and no kindness except blame with more contempt! People eat it up and the ratings prove this.

Do we have contempt for ourselves? If we have contempt for ourselves you can bet we have contempt for others. Time to check that nasty voice in our heads. That voice is self-loathing or contempt!  Let your Father show you a much better voice and focus. Again, the Psalms and the New Testament prove your unending value, like Light of the World, Salt of the Earth, You are worth more than birds…

We also have a tool—kindness. And it Honors the Father.  It costs nothing. Easy? Not always. We will have many times in our lives when we don’t feel kind and don’t want to be kind even to ourselves. That’s short-term thinking. But if we do it anyway, life becomes much more peaceful inside and out. And it honors the Father.

When I have a difficult person in my life, we all do, they are my lesson in kindness. I know what kindness means to me but what does it mean to a difficult person? I am not talking about a toxic or abusive person because, “As far as it depends on YOU, be at peace with everyone.”  But we are instructed to go another mile, give a cup of water, a compliment or an encouraging word. Little steps in kindness.

Musings

Judgment reeks with contempt. Envy is disguised as contempt. Even sarcasm has a stab of contempt. Loathing of any kind is contemptuous. In all of the New Testament, we are instructed to encourage one another and build each other up. We need to do this for ourselves too. Kindness honors the Father, the person we are kind to, and ourselves.

Prayer

Dear Father,

No matter what is in our lives and hearts we can always be kind. We may feel empty, sad, tired or hypocritical at times, but we’re not. It’s another Part of Your Wonderful Plan here and in Heaven. Kindness humbles us too because it’s not easy to do when we are scared, sad, envious or busy, but You’re there to help. It’s a simple act and blessing even a little child can learn. Thank you.

Amen.

Under Construction

“Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you.” 1 Timothy 4:15-16 NLT

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” Akshay Dubey

Road construction! It’s everywhere this time of year because I live in a cold climate and winter is brutal on the highways and roads. And so annoying! Detours, potholes, lines of vehicles for miles, dusty, dirty, smelly asphalt with hot and grumpy road crew pointing where to drive next. And the child in the back seat is grumpy, thirsty and needs to go “potty.” Sigh…

We’re under construction too. Hopefully, not dusty, dirty or grumpy. There are no days off for us in the Kingdom. Even when resting we are to keep our minds on what’s above. Our Journey has lots of detours, pitfalls and potholes, delays and discouragements. This is what it takes to become more like the Son. Others are under construction too. We’re told in James that if we can control our tongue we are a “Perfect Person.” They’re as rare as unicorns, fairies or a tax refund! Or, a summer day without road construction.

That’s why we have each other. Sometimes we limp together, sometimes we cheer each other on, sometimes we pray together and sometimes we grieve together. We learn to love each other as the other needs. We learn perseverance. We learn endurance. We learn (here’s my all-time favorite) patience. We learn acceptance. We learn to depend on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

With Grace. Lots of it. The Bible reminds us that “He richly pours his grace on us.” And we need it!  Let’s remember when things get tough, we’re all Under Construction.

Musings

We need a sense of humor, along with grace when dealing with our potholes and detours. May we not take such aggravations and setbacks so seriously. Maybe, just maybe, they’re opportunities to reach our potential with kindness.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We pray for grace and patience but avoid situations that provide these. Thank you for giving us what we need and not necessarily what we want. We may not feel that way today but we have learned from You, Jesus and the Holy Spirit to “Enter by the Narrow Gate.”

Amen.

It is Good

It is Very Good

“And God looked upon all that He had made, and indeed, it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.” Genesis 1:31 Berean Standard Bible

“Well done is better than well said.” –Benjamin Franklin

We are created in the Image of God. We have thoughts, actions and creations that are very good, just like our Father. Have you ever stopped during the day and admired something you did? Your garden? Your children? Your charity? Your art?

We all are creative. We all are good at something. I know this because the Bible says we are his handiwork with specific work to do. Jesus was a mason/carpenter but that is not what we think of first.  I think of Barnabas doing work for the early Christian church. Not much was or is known about him except his nickname: the Encourager. If anyone really needed encouragement, it was the early Christians. Oh, how good!

It changes during our lifetimes. When we’re young, we’re making mistakes and deep into self-discovery. This could be in college or career, but the enthusiasm! The energy! Something motivating happens when we’re learning. From learning to walk, winning at sports or contests to the first prom, these experiences are good. It’s very good. Take a look at your ribbons or A+ Math test. Realize they’re good. The foundations and encouragement to take calculated risks.

When we’re in the middle-age, we’re at our prime. We’ve got a rhythm to our life even though it may be at supersonic speed. We overcome many challenges, mentor others and incorporate the lessons into a real, rich and full life. We have families and communities that grow and love. I know my son is very active in a group that helps the veterans. He and his group come up with creative ways to raise funds for the veterans as well as honor them.  The veterans don’t necessarily know what they do for a living or how many children they have but they know they have help and respect. It’s very good. His heart and the hearts of his group have grown. The compassion is genuine. This time of life is so good. We may not stop to realize just how good.

And the Golden Years. The retirement years may not be so golden, especially for those whose partners are chronically ill or have passed. When my husband was in full-time care, I observed the elderly as they shared a meal, a hand caress, or just a smile. It was so good. They would sing songs and play cards no matter their disabilities or loneliness. The local ranchers would bring miniature horses for the residents to enjoy. This is so very good. And those older, much older than my husband and me, sat with me and just offered their authentic compassion. It was good. Very good, though the situation was painful.

We need to stop and notice the good. The very good in us. The good we produce. With thanks for the talents, empathy and artistry our Father has given us.

Musings

Stop today and look at your well-cooked meal, your laughing children, your vegetable garden, your vintage car. These are good things that make life so pleasant. These are works that may not have a salary but add so much enjoyment to life for you and others. If you don’t know your unique talents, please pray and enlist a close friend to counsel you. You possess something very special and good.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We pause and thank You for making us in your likeness with good things to do and enjoy. We get so hurried and anxious in life and forget to stop, breathe, thank and enjoy the things we can do. And it’s good. Very good.

Amen.

Audience of One

Who’s in Your Audience?

“For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.” 2 Corinthians 10:18 ESV

“When we want human approval and esteem and do what we do for the sake of it, God courteously stands aside because, by our wish, it does not concern him.” David G. Benner

One of my most difficult challenges is seeking approval. We all want to be approved and accepted, which is a part of our design, but when we seek it from others, we’ll go off the rails. We always have an audience of one: the Father.

Why am I seeking approval? Sometimes I honestly want to please Mr. Black Sheep. I have to admit, he’s pretty easy to please. I made a summertime meal of pulled pork, potato salad and watermelon. You would have thought he won the lottery! The compliments and acknowledgment kept me happy all day. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to please your mate.

But… If I’m manipulating the approval with a needy heart, we’re both going to be resentful. For instance, I’m having a tough day and Mr. Black Sheep wants to go have a beer with his son. I’d prefer to have him be with me and say good things to cheer me up, but sometimes I need to handle my tough day on my own. But I’m not alone—I’m with the Father. Mr. Black Sheep needs some “guy time” with his son, who works a lot of tough hours during the summer because he’s building houses.

I still have Someone. And I don’t want the Father to stand aside, especially when I’m seeking approval like a starving person. Example: A surgeon was asked how he stood the long and traumatic hours of residency. He stated that it was very difficult on him and his family but the training makes him an instinctive and automatic healer because of the long and grueling days. He can work quickly, automatically and with focus because of this training. I want that kind of healing!

Seeking the Father first becomes instinctive and automatic with practice. He’s always there. He knows all the details and challenges. He’s the first to approve and assist. He knows us best. We always have an audience of one. We become instinctive and automatic healers in the Kingdom of God—and approved.

Musings

We always have approval because of what Jesus did for us. We may not always have approval for our behaviors. But just like the surgeon, we go to the Father instinctively and automatically to heal and become a little bit more like Jesus.

Prayer

Dear Father,

How often do we forget you’re always with us, even though you promised this? Help us remember we are approved because of Your Son, especially when feeling needy and scared. Thank you for approving us even when and maybe especially when we’re not aware. May drawing close to you become instinctive and automatic.

Amen.

Does Love Conquer All?

Or, it isn’t about me

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13 NIV

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Lao Tzu

If you believe Love is a Person, Jesus. Yes. He conquered all, even death. It was about us, while we were still hostile.

If you believe it will happen here on Earth. I don’t think so. The world is fatally flawed and temporary. Jesus said He overcame the world and his peace He gives us, not as the world gives.

I loved my husband very much and yet my love did not cure him or stop his death. I’ve had people, possibly well-meaning, tell me to have more faith. Well, love is greater than faith and my husband still died. Even if I had the courage to lay down my life for my husband, he still would have died. Even those Jesus healed eventually died. This world is temporary.

I know a parent whose young son died. I know this parent loved her son. I know she aches every day. I know she hurts when she sees other parents attend their children’s school plays, graduations and weddings. Family reunions are a nightmare! Did love overcome?

Or am I not perfected in love?

Not perfect yet. That must be why I’m still here learning how to love as our Father loves.

For instance:

Love is not about me.

People can’t love me the way I want them to. They love me the way they can. My sister’s idea of love is lots of gifts for Christmas. Mine is a well-thought-out card with something special about us written inside the card. Neither is wrong. Just different. I love my sister so I start scouting for fun and caring gifts during the after-holiday sales.

Some believe you have to love yourself first before you can love another. Possibly. I believe we must take in and really contemplate how much we are loved by the Father and the rest will follow. It’s not about me.

Nagging, criticizing or controlling another is not love. It will destroy the relationship like a slow-dripping faucet can destroy. When I was a young bride, I nagged a lot. I manipulated: “If you care, you would…”  Loving feelings were replaced by resentment and disapproval. We divorced. No one was happy or wise in this and our son got the brunt of it. It isn’t about me.

Love is not a feeling. It sure can be but don’t count on this—feelings are fleeting. How many nights have you been with your flu-stricken child in the bathroom? That loving feeling just isn’t there. The action of love surely is. It’s about the child. Or, letting go of someone who is toxic is a loving thing to do for you and the other. Time for the Father to sort it out. He knows all intimately. It isn’t about me.

Musings

Expectations. From selfish expectations of others and myself to “playing God,”  I’ve run over others and wounded and discouraged myself. Something isn’t working. Back to basics: God so loved the world…Love God with all my heart, mind and soul and my neighbor as myself. Back to learning love from the person who is love, Jesus.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for Your love that knows no limits, never stops and always overcomes. We want to be like Your Son whose love conquered all. We start with baby steps.

Amen.

Just Because You’re…

“When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you? The king will answer them, ‘I can guarantee this truth: Whatever you did for one of my brothers or sisters, no matter how unimportant they seemed you did for me.’” Matthew 25:37-40

 “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as you ever can.” (Without the right understanding this is just a great weariness.)” John Wesley

Here’s the kicker: You don’t have to feel like it. You can do the right thing and leave it with the Father “who is a rewarder of those who seek him.” First, we’re not looking for others to praise or approve of us because we’re looking for Someone greater to do this. Praise or approval may happen or it may not but the praise from the Father is priceless and unswerving. It’s a joyful thing to accept the praise and recognition from the Father. (David was a man after God’s own heart)

Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you can’t contribute to the needy, sick or lonely. (Widow and her two cents in the offering plate)

Just because you’re young doesn’t mean you don’t have something of value to offer. (Timothy 1 and 2)

Just because you’re poor doesn’t mean you don’t have something of great value to give others. (Jesus was born in a hardscrabble life and He gave to the World)

Just because you’re a sinner doesn’t mean you can’t help others. (Rahab the Harlot)

We’ve heard the saying, “Just show up.” Over 80% of life is just showing up. The rest is being open to the Father’s will, whether we feel like it or not, whether it’s convenient or whether we’re fearful. Prayer, even a quick one at the moment, will help.

Many of you have answered a late-night phone call from a very distressed person. You did this for Jesus.

Many of you have given food or money beyond what you had. You fed Jesus.

Many of you have prayed for others in secret. You prayed for and with Jesus.

Many of you sat with a lonely or sick person. You sat with Jesus.

Many of you have overcome tribulations, traumas and criticisms just like Jesus and turned your suffering into a beautiful comfort and/or lesson for others.

Great is your reward. Beyond all we could ask or think!

Musings

John Wesley was right: Without the proper understanding, giving is a duty—weariness. But doing it for Jesus? Such an honor, even and maybe especially when feelings are absent, fearful, tired or annoyed. Good feelings come but they can’t determine our call to feed, clothe, encourage, comfort and visit. This leads to more blessings from the Father.  To hear him say, “Well done my faithful servant…” What an honor!

Prayer

Dear Father,

We forget it’s an honor and not weariness or drudgery to serve others. Serving others is serving You. Even a little child drawing a picture for a shut-in or a shy person caring for abandoned animals is serving You. To the world, it may seem so insignificant, but Your Son says differently. Help us to remember even the seemingly small things we do today and every day are part of Your will and kingdom.

Thank you for serving us then, now and forever.

Amen.

Humiliation or Humility

“In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because,

‘God opposes the proud
    but shows favor to the humble.’

 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:5-6

True Humility Is Not Thinking Less of Yourself, It’s Thinking of Yourself Less. -C.S. Lewis

Many of you are suffering or have suffered humiliation–that searing, shaming, sticky and stuck feeling that you are no good and will never be good, which we may translate into not belonging, not being accepted, and not being loved. From having toilet paper stuck to my shoe in front of the whole office to being called a whore in my teens because of my make-up. Devastating! There are no words that are descriptive enough to define the pain. What a confidence destroyer! That’s humiliation. It’s so closely related to shame. Both are big fat lies!

Humility doesn’t mean humiliation at all! It means knowing my strengths and weaknesses. It means knowing who is in control and who isn’t. It means knowing when to serve and when to be served. It means learning all the wonderful things we are as a Child of God and sharing this with others. It means making mistakes and getting back up in grace. It means learning effective and caring communication. It means knowing who is God and who is not. It means asking the One who designed us who we are and what our purpose is with thanks. We have a purpose. A good and rewarding purpose. Really!

Musings

I can list so many times I fooled myself thinking I knew better than the Father. For instance, If I love XYZ enough, he’ll stop drinking. If I work myself to the bone, I’ll be successful. If I do this or that for XYZ, they will accept me. That’s false humility mixed with a big dose of manipulation. It always disappoints. Sometimes it leads to humiliation. It is based on what we do rather than who we are—A child of the Most High.

Our Father has written a Handbook with all we need for an abundant and loving life. It starts with His incomprehensible love for us along with joyful self-discovery.

Prayer

Dear Father,

The World blasts us with thousands of messages about who we should be, what we should do, how we should look and sometimes we internalize this with heartbreaking results. Help us to come back to You whenever we feel humiliated and truly take in and see who we are in You–without shame or reproach.

 Humiliation was endured by Jesus for our sake so we can walk in the newness of life—with purpose.

Thank you.