Ease off the Gas!

Quit abusing God’s beloved.

“If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11 NIV

“Be aware of your inner treasures and share them with others.” Yours Truly

Whenever I have accepted that I have a bad habit, character flaw, or let’s face it, sin, I bear down with all my strength to change it, change me. Not healthy. A very bad habit! And I’ve missed the point. I missed the lesson. Hurt God’s child. Like a brutal taskmaster, I berate myself with: “You idiot!” “You knew better.” “How could you’ve messed up so badly?” “You’re stupid.” “You addict—you’ll never change.” And our Accuser loves when we denigrate a beloved creation of God’s.

We’ve touched on this before and the truth is we’re talking to a beloved person in a very abusive way: Ourselves. I never read, learned or experienced positive, Christian growth with a brutal attack on myself. Have you? And think of the message it carries to our children and spouses!

Three things I know for sure:

1. We are beloved by God
2. We are accepted by God
3. We are transformed into being more like his beloved son

Why do we insist on beating ourselves unmercifully? Childhood dysfunctions, tragedies and mistakes, work fears, worldly advertising, and more are bombarded daily into our ears, minds and hearts. They’re false. Outright lies! Deceptions! Just. Don’t. Do. This.

Today and every day, especially during the holidays, ease up on yourself. Stop. Breathe. Thank God that you are beloved, accepted and transformed, no matter the circumstances, and watch a subtle yet powerful miracle occur in you and your life. Blessings of inner treasure that YOU are to share and demonstrate God’s glory.

Musings

Being a good and gracious steward of God’s personal and unique gifts is an awesome responsibility. It starts with how we speak to ourselves, a beloved child of God. Let us speak to ourselves as a best friend would with wise counsel, love and compassion. If we can’t, let us ask God who will provide exactly what we need without recrimination or punishment. If we do so, think how marvelously we will speak to others. What a difference we would make in our communities—our world.  “As a man thinks, so is he.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

When we are overcome and overwhelmed by our “bad,” remind us that we are your Creation and loved unconditionally. We so often depend on our good feelings to determine our value and twist or hide or deny our frailties. Help us to remember that we can’t change without asking you to help us. When going in our own strength, remind us how that’s worked in the past. It didn’t. “The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Help us to let go and let you in all things, especially our faults, with gratefulness.

Amen.

“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ…” Ephesians 4:15 ESV (Emphasis mine)

“To enter into yourself is the brutally wonderful, painstakingly delightful way. It sometimes feels like death, but always comes up life. The alternatives sometimes feel like life but always come up death.”
― David A. Powlison, Speaking Truth in Love: Counsel in Community

Speaking the truth is difficult. Speaking the truth in love is almost impossible. To speak the truth in love, our egos, agendas, desires and self-importance must be absent. We don’t do this without His help.

Being brutally honest is not speaking the truth in love. Example: Using harsh words, pointing fingers, spewing threats, sarcasm and ultimatums.

Being passive-aggressive is not loving at all. Example: Being chronically late. Waiting for someone to pick up the tab. Praising someone and criticizing them behind their back. Pouting, silent treatment and other “silent” behaviors.

Being a show-off. From “my dog’s better than your dog” to status symbols like fashion, automobiles, or achievement collecting are some ways.

There’s a better way…

Speaking the truth in love requires deep and thoughtful self-reflection with the Word. In the song, Search Me Lord, by Thomas Dorsey. “If you find anything in me, take it out and straighten me. I wanna be right, I wanna be saved, I’ve got to be whole.” How will I know the truth if I don’t take it to Who created me? Who can show me how to love?

Speaking the truth in love may be action only. Jesus died on the cross. Action. Paul was beaten to an inch of his life got back up and went right back to seeking and saving the lost—gentiles.

Musings

Back to keeping it simple: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? If all three are yes, we’re speaking the truth in love. It’s a good place to start. The Spirit will guide us, the Word gives examples and grace will give us confidence.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Wholeness comes from speaking the Truth in love. We need to speak the Truth in love to ourselves, others and you. Help us to speak and demonstrate the Truth in love. Help us to pause and ask You.

With thanks for Your Son and Spirit,

Amen.

Be a caring person to those who are grieving.

Please be a light to someone grieving. It doesn’t take much.

Here’s what may happen to the bereaved. The loneliness and pain during the first few months may cause them to isolate. Many become addicted to food, alcohol, drugs, spending, suicidal ideation and more. I believe addiction is a search for love, belonging, safety and acceptance—we all need and search for this, but more so for the grief-stricken. The grief-stricken can’t feel this—not for a time. I see this so vividly in the elderly and parents who have lost a child. Holidays are more salt in the wound.

A caring person does not judge but checks in with the bereaved because loneliness is such a hellish part of grief—empty bed, no mealtime banter, songs that rip the heart out—holidays are the worst! My first Christmas after my husband died was bleak, empty and tear-filled. I couldn’t wait for Christmas to end! Sometimes faith is shattered. This is not the time to Bible thump. Your private prayer will work wonders. A hug and a little presence will too.

A caring person builds trust and is safe for the grieving person to unload their tremendous burden. Rational thinking may not be there for some time. It’s another part of the grieving process. They will question everything they did or did not do, as if they could’ve prevented the death. Just reassure.

A caring person may take them to lunch, a movie or bring a homemade meal. Shovel the walk. Walk their dog. Tell them a story about their deceased loved one. They matter. They need to find purpose.

A caring person will not take outbursts of anger personally. A time-out is okay. Anger is part of the grieving process and part of healing, especially in the beginning.

A caring person allows the grief-stricken their own space. Grief is not a “take this, do this, it’s about time to move on” experience. There are no steps to being grief-free. It takes a lot of time and is different for each person. They will never completely get over the loss. It’s part of who they are. They are learning how to have a different relationship with their deceased loved one.

A caring person will check in with a grief counselor, hospice, pastor or someone qualified, should the grief be destroying the grief-stricken. They may be suffering from Complicated Grief or trauma. Listen to the experts and do what they advise.

If your gut tells you they need emergency help, call 911 or a suicide hotline. I’d rather look foolish and bear their anger than lose them.

It’s not easy. If it were, we’d all be a caring person.

Photo is my dad at 17 years. Korean War Period.

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1 NASB

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Teddy Roosevelt

Life-giving words. By a founder of Christianity and the other, one of our famous presidents. The founders of our country, though flawed, believed in freedom and individual rights to the point of death. Jesus suffered and died for freedom from “slavery to sin.”  The Bible says, “There is no forgiveness without the shedding of blood.” There is no liberty either.

Remember the phrase “Give me liberty or give me death?” True now and true then and the price is always blood.  “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or spot.… “(1 Peter 1:18)

Our founders, forefathers, ancestors and family members also shed blood. It was precious, but it was not without blemishes or spots. The founders pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor. May God help us to do this in our churches, school boards, communities, and homes.

Musings

Without our Father, Christ and the Holy Spirit, we will never make productive, positive, freedom-loving, life-giving changes. History proves this over and over. And it’s an inside job first. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, personally, culturally and nationally.  So, let’s remember the blood that was spilled by others and our Lord on Veteran’s Day.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for this country, purchased with the blood of Your Son and our brave military. Please help us to appreciate our freedoms without fear. Help us today and every day to celebrate freedom because “It was for freedom that Christ set us free.”

Let us not go back into slavery.

Amen.

“And Elijah came near to all the people and said, ‘How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the Lord is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him.’ And the people did not answer him a word.” 1 Kings 18:21 ESV (Emphasis mine)

“If you set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing.” Margaret Thatcher

There are times when compromise is welcome and times when it will hurt—compromising on dinner plans, helping someone who truly needs it, rearranging the budget or many things in life where we need flexibility.

But dating someone who is mean to you, stealing from your employer or neighbor, knowing the right thing to do but avoiding it are not good compromises. It’s being compromised. It’s manipulation. It doesn’t feel good. It’s controlling. It’s bargaining. It’s making someone owe you or vice-versa. It’s “making” someone like you. Well, until the rules change on likeability. Rules change. Do I want to be liked or true? It’s tough sometimes.

It’s limping.

If you’re not sure, here is a question I wish I would pause and ask more often—will this please the Father? I’ve found myself compromising on this too. From watching a movie with questionable morals to holding back on giving time to one in need or telling a “white” lie to avoid hurt feelings.  Compromise. Limping.

How many times have I neglected to encourage a coworker? Limping. Holding back praise and for what? Praise with specifics is so rare. How about your unique talents? Even the Father wants to hear our praise with specifics. The Psalms are filled with the wonderful things the Father does with inspiring specifics.

Musings

If someone arrested me for being a Christian, would they have enough evidence to convict me? I read this question somewhere and it was a real awakening. Compromised? Words are a dime a dozen if not backed up with actions. It caused me to check my behavior. I don’t have to be aggressive or brutally honest (that’s another fabrication meant to be mean). Sometimes we need to say no, we need to say let me think about it, and/or I love you but I’m going this way.

Prayer

Dear Father,

It is difficult at best and impossible at worst to act on what we know is truth. You will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free is a promise that seems so vague until we act upon it. Help us, with thanks, to seek Your face when the temptation to compromise is before us.

Amen.

Helpers

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart triumphs, and with my song I shall thank Him.” Psalm 28:7 NASB

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” Fred Rogers/Mr. Rogers

You heard the story of the man stranded on his rooftop after a great flood. A man with a rowboat came to help, a man with a canoe and a man flying a helicopter, but the man turned them down because he was waiting for God to rescue him. Of course, God told him he sent a rowboat, a canoe, and a helicopter but the man did not believe these came from God.

Our Father sends us Helpers. Of course, the Holy Spirit is our comforter, the adviser who guides and prays for us. But the Father has sent us human helpers too. When I was a troubled adolescent, at just the right time, a counselor came to help. After my divorce, a Bible study teacher who went through a divorce came to comfort and guide me. Looking back, many life preservers have come to help me. Like the Apostle Paul, “I thank God for you, making mention of you in my prayers…”

We become Helpers. Especially when we remember every encounter is holy and pleasing to the Father. No matter our careers, disabilities, finances or losses, we’ve been helped. We can help at work, at church, and in our communities. No title or degree is required. Paul reminds us to comfort others with the comfort the Father gave us. We’re the Father’s Helpers.

Musings

When I’ve helped another, my heart sings! Maybe not right away but it will. It doesn’t matter if those I helped or encouraged thank me. It’s the Father’s approval and furthering His will and my growth that truly matters.  And it lasts. Jesus healed nine lepers and only one thanked Him and was a gentile! The gentile was praised. What a compliment!

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are our Help and Protection! We can’t see what lies ahead but we trust You with all our hearts. Help us to ease burdens, lift up others, praise others and with many thanks to You.

We promise to be helpers.

Amen.

What Does Not Satisfy

“Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And delight yourself in abundance.” Isaiah 55:2 NASB

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People

“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction,” the Rolling Stones wailed in the 60s. The truth is, I’ve done it too. What I think will satisfy me does satisfy me for a little time, which makes it so attractive. New and adorable puppy, until it chews the television cord. New dress, until I spill a glass of wine on it. New carpet, until the cat places a hairball right in my path. It’s my unsatisfied thinking! I think happy thoughts right up until my reality changes. When my reality changes, my thoughts do too. Luckily, the Father helps.

Nothing satisfies here on Earth. The award we receive along with the congratulations and attention will fade away. The marathon preparation and race will not satisfy when old. The bloom of new love fades with changing diapers and dental bills. Life changes all the time. We get older. We get sick. If we don’t have something Greater, we will be unsatisfied and unhappy.

Gratitude. Again. A vintage piece of my grandmother’s China fell to the floor. Ruined! Gone! Irreplaceable! After excoriating myself, a small voice whispered, “Did you enjoy it?” The many Thanksgivings with my grandma and this piece filled my mind and heart. Yes, I enjoyed it and can for the rest of my life. My thoughts changed to pleasant memories with the vital question who owns everything? My little dog died and I was crushed. “Did you enjoy her?” Oh yes! Every day! My thoughts turned to walks in the country, road trips, and snuggles every night. Yes, a tear or two fell.

Who owns everything? And abundantly gives us everything to enjoy? The Bread of Life. And it costs us nothing.

Musings

I become attached to everything I care about. We are to hold things lightly but it’s so difficult when it’s someone or something we love. Then I remember: It’s all the Father’s. It doesn’t mean I’m not sad or frightened, life is that way, but all belongs to Him. He always sees the Big Picture. He is our Satisfaction.

Prayer

Dear Father,

The most important gift was and is Your Son. Without the Bread of Life, we’ll never be satisfied. I’m afraid we’ve all tried that with disappointing results.

We thank you that we can delight ourselves in abundance, especially as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday. Every day is Thanksgiving with You.

Amen.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control].” 2 Timothy 1:7 AMP

“The steamship whose machinery is broken may be brought into port and made fast to the dock. She is safe, but not sound. Repairs may last a long time. Christ designed to make us both safe and sound. Justification gives the first – safety; sanctification gives us the second – soundness.” Agatha Christie

As a child, I felt safe and sound in my little bed at night. I’d hear a little bit of the television while yawning into blessed sleep. Some of us had colorful monsters under the bed or ghostly shadows that spooked our imaginations. But with a safe and loving home, the creatures fade into nothingness. I had no idea what sound meant in the familiar quote. I sure do now!

Sound of mind means life-long work, life-long repair and life-long support. The death of a loved one, divorce, health crisis, war or threats of war, and financial ruin robs us of safety and a sound mind. Safety seems to be at an all-time low, but because of what Jesus did we are safe and sound. We can navigate the storms and chaos because of what He did for us and His abundant promises.

Are we saved to get to Heaven or learning to have Heaven within? Everyone has a story. Everyone. Healing comes when we share with others we trust. Sometimes it comes from blogging with like-minded souls. We know with “blessed assurance” we will be in Heaven but the Father wants more for us: Heaven within. It’s so attractive we may win others to Christ because of it. The saying, “People won’t remember what you said, what you did, but how you made them feel.” That’s Heaven within. Soundness.

Musings

It’s been said, “In youth, you learn. In age, you understand.” I’m old enough to know this is true. Learning is so painful and having an understanding person in life is medicine for the soul. The Hymn, In the Garden, reminds us He walks with me and He talks with me. We have his power to become safe and sound and words may have nothing to do with it—presence, prayer, Heaven within.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are our security, safety and harbor. Your Son came to save us but also to transform us into soundness. You give us love, power, sound judgment and self-discipline. Help us carry a little Heaven with us today with thanks.

Amen.

What You Feel, Pause

“Call to me and I will answer you and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” Jeremiah 33:3 ESV

“Feelings live on the front row of our lives like unruly children clamoring for attention.” Dallas Willard

I want to add to the above quote that feelings are also sticky, muddy and confusing.

Who’s in charge? Our minds or our feelings? I must admit, feelings are like herding cats! When I finally capture those “cats ” it’s learning how to settle and quiet them.

How I feel about something versus how I think about something are often opposed. I feel like buying the car but I know it’s too expensive. I feel like staying home but work is what puts the food on the table.

Sneaky thoughts still creep in. A spouse who is clueless about how much you do may make you feel dismissed and taken for granted. Why do evil people have so much and I have so little? Comparing situations with little information about the “evil” person? Why is this happening to me? We forget tough times come to all.

Then feelings call the shots. We can ruminate, feel sorry, shout angry words, orwe can pause, call on Him, and wait for great and hidden things we have not known. Jesus was not evil but had so little. I forget the struggles of those around me like my neighbor battling cancer or a parent with an addicted child. I forget what my spouse does for me, especially when tired. If I pause, reflect, pray and remain open, good feelings come. Opportunities to be compassionate, have authentic conversations and contribute to those in need become more relevant. We are yoked with Christ so we don’t do this alone. And He will tell us great things.

Musings

Our relationship with the Father directs and heals us and our relationships with others. If a feeling is “acting like unruly children,” it’s time for a time-out. “What is this feeling trying to tell me?” is a good place to start. Before I act, I ask: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Simple. Difficult. But good for us and others. We have Help.

Prayer

Dear Father

Feelings are a gift from You, yet we misuse them at times. The lesson is to use our heads with our hearts and with You. Life would be so empty without feelings but You and our minds must discipline them. We know feelings like peace, joy, contentment, love, compassion and hope are also feelings we enjoy. Help us focus on these.

With gratefulness.

Amen.

But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:30-31 NKJV

“I do not believe there ever existed a Christian yet, who did not know and then doubt his interest in Jesus. I think, when a man says, ‘I never doubt,’ it is quite a time for us to doubt him.” – Charles Spurgeon

Apparently, Christians doubt. An honest Christian will say that doubt happens frequently in our Christian life. It’s part of self-discovery and growth. It builds faith and endurance if we let it.

In fact, I read somewhere that children have a natural instinct to reach out to God. This has proven true in my life, my children, and the children in my Sunday school class. He just is. He just loves. Some of the painful stories children have endured from cancer to abuse, naturally cling to God. They sing Jesus loves me, Jesus loves the little children with glowing faces. It truly is innocence that’s a powerful witness! They never doubt they’re loved even in excruciating circumstances.

In the dark times of life, from being broke, hungry, traumatized, lonely, or the death of a loved one, our Christian faith is tested. The faith that we are eternally loved and cared for mocks us. “I will never leave you nor forsake you” seems so hollow. Some turn their back on God and I was one. I didn’t lose faith in God. I just thought if God loves me, he can keep that love! I’ve got enough bad love in my life so I turned my back on him. My faith was broken. My hope was gone. Purpose left.

I believe all Christians reach a dark night of the soul. Do we love the giver or the gift? We wrestle with what we believe. Jacob wrestled with an angel. Job continued to seek God even after he lost everything, even his health, and Doubting Thomas’ story is familiar to all.

Do we doubt that God loves us? Do we truly believe God is involved in our life? We no longer feel the love of the Father. Where did our blessings go?  Doubt. The only way through is through. Usually, in hindsight, we see the Father’s work in our life and our faith is strengthened. The Bible is filled with persons who doubted. Many Christians can come alongside and help. The Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings too deep for words. Time to make a list of all the things our Father has done for us. Give thanks and ask.

Musings

You may not receive answers. Some trials I’ve been through still baffle me. Job didn’t receive answers. And Jacob would not let go of the angel he wrestled until he had his blessing—not answers. Some things are a wrestling match with no clear-cut answers. Just like Jacob, do not let go until you have the Father’s blessing. I encourage you to ask and not let go. Your faith will be stronger. Ups and downs will become still waters and green pastures.

Prayer

Dear Father,

It seems like the hardest test is to believe that our faith “is the evidence, assurance, confidence of things not seen.” Certainty. Promise. We hang on to this. We cling to you. We wait for you. We give you our doubts. We remember all hope was gone when Jesus died on the cross. We remember the great joy when He rose. And we thank you.

Amen.