“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:20 NIV

“Observe with compassion rather than judge with condemnation.” -Harold W. Becker, Unconditional Love

Remember the great Toilet Paper famine at the beginning of Covid? Something was wrong with our hearts.

Am I alone in this? If I really like something I must have more and more of it. Have you seen the Hoarders TV Show? I can’t watch it. So much pain–Filling the heart with stuff. But am I any different?

Let’s see…

I like a television show so much I binge-watch until my eyes burn—escape?

A game, a simple game turns into an obsession—am I really enjoying this or competing with others or myself? Distracting myself from my responsibilities.

Finding a 100-year-old pitcher at a garage sale has become an overflowing mess of vintage pitchers—Obsession or fun? Possession?

Addictions. They start “innocently” and become a habit and then a depressing way of life. Or they start as a reward for accomplishing something.  I started my wine habit this way. After a hard week at work, I’d sit down with a rich glass of cabernet and without much thought, it became a nightly reward. Uh-oh. After this presentation, I’ll have one potato chip which grows into a bag of chips. The heart is still empty. The heart still condemns. The reward is turning against me.

What’s going on?

Why or when does something become bad? If honest it’s when my heart condemns me. Not when I get caught. Not when I’ve spent too much.  And it gets worse if caught, judged or shamed like an ugly stain that no club soda or spot remover can conquer. Thank the Father he is greater than our hearts—the heart of the matter. He knows the deep-down, ugly, hidden true root causes even if it starts innocently enough. And he loves us anyway. Have you met someone who quit smoking and now has a weight problem? Or the drinker quit drinking and sucks down a marijuana brownie? Heart of the matter. Something is still terribly out of sync. Our Father digs deeper into our hearts without shame or judgment.

Observe with compassion. Observe without judgment. Name it. Own it. Pray about it. Share with a mature and caring Christian. Set aside striving, denying, criticizing and take it to the Father. Remember: “His mercies are new every morning.”

Musings

One thing is sure, we all have something that trips us, shames us or baffles us. We are set free from one thing and here comes another! Beating ourselves, hiding ourselves (Adam and Eve did this) blaming (this one too) or denying will not solve it. That saying, “We’re all the same size at the foot of the cross” is true. Something in our hearts needs attention and care. Let’s take it to our Father now. And let’s practice loving ourselves and each other. Practice is definitely required.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We thank you for your mercies each and every day because we know our hearts deceive us. Our Enemy knows too. You are greater. Remind us not to judge, criticize or condemn ourselves when struggling with our heart’s desires but to bring them to you through your Son. We are discovering who we are and who we can be in your Son each day.

Amen.

Here come the holidays!

“Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind,
    and the fool will be a servant to the wise of heart.” Proverbs 11:29 ESV

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” George Burns

Cain killed Abel.

David’s son, Absalom, rebelled against him.

Joseph was sold into slavery.

Jesus’ brothers thought he was out of his mind.

There are plenty of examples of family dysfunction in the Bible. I bet you have some examples in your families and I do too.

Years ago, there was a company Christmas party with Santa willing and waiting for hopeful kids to whisper with that kid-like excitement their toy lists. My youngest sister went right to Santa’s lap and started to confidently express her wishes and her great affection for Santa. My other sister and I sat down and covered our eyes because who could look on such greatness?

We lived in a very dysfunctional home and there’s stuff from childhood until adulthood that continues to torment, mystify and hurt to this day. Do other people’s behaviors bother us as much? No. No history. We were “programmed” as little children and we unconsciously carry dysfunctions into our families, work and churches today. However, my sister who was so open and carefree with Santa, became open and protective in her social work career. My other shy sister became a caring volunteer for many Christian causes. We can flip those dysfunctions to good with the Father’s help.

Celebrate the differences! They’re part of the Father’s plan and the Body of Christ. A time-out may be required with a generous amount of grace. If the dysfunction is severe and interferes with your life, counseling is in order. Those childhood dysfunctions are as rooted in us as a dandelion in the lawn. We must dig out the root. Everyone has some. There are some family members who may be too harmful at this time.  Even Paul counseled Timothy, “Turn away from these.” (2 Timothy 3:5) Support from a professional, prayer and caring friends are needed for a very tough journey to wholeness. Look for what may be causing trouble and pain, accept it, pray over it and see if you can use it for good.

Musings

All families have some dysfunction in them. I thought about a dear woman who was a pastor’s wife and was raising five lovely children. The extreme standards others, Christians too, put on her were unbearable at times. Her soul, her empathy, her persona and her gift of communication were priceless. Dysfunction made good. Jesus said, “Those who do the Will of my Father are my brothers and sisters.” We are family. Dysfunctional at times, but family.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you we were born into Your Family. Thank you for Your First Born, Jesus. We are now His brothers and sisters.

Help us to love our families the way You do. Show us how to love. Help us to let go of things that bruise our ego. Remind us of the incomprehensible love You have for us.

Amen.

He is able to make you stand.

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV

“Injury brings pain and loss, then fear and anger, which mingles with resentment and contempt and settles into postures of coldness and malice, with brutal feelings that drain the body of health and strength and shatter social well-being.” Dallas Willard

Let nothing move you, counsels Paul. I don’t know about you but I’m being moved every day and not in the direction I want to go. Every day there is something to move me away from the Father, others and myself. It’s a mixed-up, upside-down world! I get distressed over the nation, world, finances and safety. What to do? Stand.

The Father is able to make us stand. He shows you what to do today. It may be as intimate as a quiet prayer or as important as attending the city council meeting. He helps us stand. We do not rely on ourselves. As Psalm 37 says, “Trust the Lord and do good.”

The Father will bless your labor in the Lord. We don’t have the power to change the world. That’s the Father’s job. But we do have the power to encourage our communities, love and guide our families and pray. We do have the resources to self-reflect and ask for help. Prayer seems to be a “Hail Mary” pass instead of the first thing to do. A man interviewed because of a tough financial situation that affects him and his many employees, said, “Before my feet hit the floor, I ask for God’s wisdom.” The Father’s wisdom keeps us upright, on course and effective.

Because He makes us stand…   We may have some huge personal problems like grief, illness or trauma but the Father still empowers us. Bitterness, resentment and contempt leave our hearts and minds when we look to Him. We are able to love truly, no matter the circumstances. The Bible is full of times when all looked bleak and hopeless. Who took a stand? Many Bible greats were cowards full of fear and trembling—Gideon comes to mind. The giant threatening Israel was dealt a final blow by a young shepherd boy. This teenager stood firm. On my own, I’ll fold like a paper airplane, but looking back, the Father made me stand. We place our confidence in the Father, His Son and the Holy Spirit and not in others or the world. Who’s more trustworthy? Who knows everything?

Musings

It seems we’re stuck in a painful loop going round and round, dizzy and spiraling out of control. This world is tough! People are complicated and vengeful. “The heart is sick. Who can understand it?” says the Psalmist. Jesus knew this and still does. Time to take a stand. He is able to make us stand.

Prayer

Dear Father,

No matter our circumstances, we give thanks. We ask you to help us to stand and do good with You today. Your promises keep us trusting and hopeful. We will do “good” today. We stand tall and confident.

Amen.

“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20 NLT

“Indeed, in the early stages of spiritual development, we could not endure seeing our inner lives as they really are. The possibility of denial and self-deception is something God has made accessible.” Dallas Willard

Here are some descriptions of the beginning of genuine change:

Dying daily

Mental breakdown

Soul earthquake

Self-rejection

Painful self-probing.

I am ruined! (Isaiah said this—Isaiah 6:3)

But it leads to: Wonder and delight.

Loving relationships

Cheerfulness

Peace

Joy even in hard times

Wisdom

Good health

Peace

And so much more! The loving Father gives us grace so we don’t have to tackle our sins all at once. He knows we would be overwhelmed! Many of us didn’t have a loving father who would guide and love us, but we see a loving father in the Bible.  He’s our Father in Heaven, If we just take a step, plant a mustard seed, and become willing through Jesus, we will live in everlasting joy.

Musings

Over and over we think it all depends on us alone. Not true. Trust is required and we show our trust by taking one small step.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Today we walk with You in trust. We want to live like Your Son. No matter what we have done, You love us and guide us. You are our only Hope and You can be trusted. We can trust in the Man who died for us.

With gratefulness,

Amen.

“How long, Lord, must I call for help,
    but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, ‘Violence!’
    but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
    Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?
Destruction and violence are before me;
    there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed,
    and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
    so that justice is perverted.” Habakkuk 1:3 NIV

“Bad things are actually good things for awakening! But the best thing is to be awakened before the bad things happen!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

How many times have we asked why in difficult times? I did every day when my husband was terminally ill.  Why did a pregnant woman die in a car accident? Why are there countries where people die from starvation? War? Like Habakkuk, I believed and felt I was looking at injustice and strife every day. It’s not supposed to be this way. Habakkuk concludes with a dark picture of nothing in the barn or on the farm, yet he still had a reason to rejoice because of the Lord, His strength and His salvation. (Habakkuk 3:17-19) We can rejoice even though we are angry and fearful because the Father sees eternally and we do not.

How many times have we asked why when things are good? Why do I have such a loving family? Why did I receive good health? Why do I have loving relationships? Why do I have an abundance? It’s been said that being born in the USA is a tremendous gift. I believe it’s true. If you make $10,000 a year, you’re wealthier than 84% of the world. You can’t avoid seeing all who want to come here to know it’s true, no matter your political persuasion.

We take so much for granted, including and especially the Father. Throughout the Bible and history, we have seen the rise and fall of great countries. We have seen the rise and fall of mighty people. We have seen it personally in our homes and communities. We toss aside our faith and put it in the “wisdom” of others. Time for a Trust Walk. Our history with the Father shows He can be trusted. The saying, “If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it” is just as true today as it was in Biblical times.

Musings

In the Bible, the Lord says, “Come now, let us reason together.” That includes all the why questions. Sometimes we get an answer right away, sometimes it takes a long time and sometimes it’s a mystery. But the Father always does what is right for us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are so patient with us! We are like a determined toddler asking You why from sunup to sundown. We need to remember to look at all you’ve created, like Job, and realize we are the creation and You are the Creator. We can be God or let God be God. We choose to let you be God. We are so unqualified and inadequate for the task. And yet, we’ll ask You Why.

Forgive us and open our eyes to all of our blessings.

Amen.

Quick! Fix me!

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:9 NASB

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become — because he made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be…. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” C.S. Lewis

I chose the NASB interpretation of this Bible verse because it says to “not lose heart in doing good.” It’s the heart that sits at the center of all we do, are and become.

The work we do on ourselves with God’s help to become more like him seems impossible! Actually, it is impossible but with God all things are possible. This should be a relief!

But relationship situations, our bad habits, depression, and discouragements are exhausting, discouraging, and overwhelming. Progress is hard to see. We overcome a challenge and there are two more challenges wagging and winking, sneering and taunting. Whack-a-mole!  And it’s true, whether nine years old or 90 years old, the job is not done. Perfection is not ours and that’s where grace does its greatest work.

Sometimes the work we do is not our sin but the sin of others that wounded pierced, and devastated us. And that “how many times do I forgive my brother—77 times” example from the Bible reminds us and haunts us. Heavy sigh.

If we were “fixed,” complete, done there are many wonderful gifts we would miss like:

Compassion

Empathy

Hope—does not disappoint

Community

Patience

Perseverance

Humility—ouch!

Vulnerability—I wrote an article in Christian Living Magazine about addiction and the caregiver. Even now my shame is burning my face and ears but vulnerability and all of the above gifts keep me pursuing and encouraging caregivers. Caregivers are compelled to hide any weakness. They must be strong for the disabled or terminally ill.

I’m sure you could list more from your life’s journey.

The bottom line is love. Grace is the tool. Gratefulness is the attitude. Those good feelings come.

Musings

The Lord’s Prayer instructs us to pray for our daily bread. It seems that our spiritual journey is a daily decision and the outcome is God’s. In my marriage, the decision to be married was a daily decision. To be a good parent, a daily decision. To be a good boss, employee, or colleague is a daily decision. To love at all is a daily decision. Jesus told us to focus on today. God is the only one who sees the future and if I focus on being more like him today, the “fix me now!” is resolved because my focus is on him. More practice.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We want to be whole and we want it today. We want others to be fixed and we want it today. We get tired, anxious and discouraged on our spiritual journey to become more like your son. Remind us that the transformation and growth are Yours and my part is willingness. It’s a daily decision. Help us to not grow weary in doing good. Help us to remember all the good we’ve accomplished, because of you, with thanks.

Amen

Denial is Demanding

“And Peter remembered the word which Jesus had said, ‘Before a rooster crows, you will deny Me three times’ And he went out and wept bitterly.” Matthew 26:75 NIV

“The attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain.” ― Gabor Maté

A wife was caring for her husband in the hospital and lifted her anxious eyes to see the verdict on the doctor’s face as he approached her. She said, “Not now. Let me put the bad news in my pocket to deal with later.” The doctor hugged her, put his phone number in her pocket and left. She did confront the bad news later that day but for a time, she prayed and consoled her very ill husband and wept privately. There is a time to deny some really harsh things in life for a time.  We put it in our spiritual pockets and take care of what is in front of us with awareness and faith.

Denial can be so very demanding. And it hurts! Ourselves and others.

Denial is a Brutal Taskmaster. We strain out a gnat and swallow a camel. Even the religious of Jesus’ time struggled with this—a mutual admiration society. Patterns are indicative of this: seeking approval, picking unhealthy people, addictions, chronic debt and more–unconsciously.We can’t change our lives with the same mind that got us into trouble. We must become conscious—we avoid this like a root canal! And the patterns and pain continue.

Denial is deceptive. It may make us think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. Sadder still, is less of ourselves who are made in the image of God.

Denial makes us judgmental. We see the speck in another’s eye and deny the log in our own eye. We will stumble and crash over this log because we are blind. Self-reflection and awareness of the judgmental voice in our heads help banish judgmentalism, especially the judgmental voice that accuses us. That’s not the Father.

Our Father helps us.  No other person loves you unconditionally except our Father through His Son. No other religion loves unconditionally. In His wisdom, He shows His love by dying for us and facing hard truths with us—Not guilty. We have a new mind, “the mind of Christ and a new heart.” 2 Corinthians 2:16

It takes time, self-reflection, courage and hope. It’s a worthwhile and life-long goal with support and signposts along the way. We wouldn’t start a trip without a map, rest and a solid vehicle.  If a warning symbol lights up on our dashboard, we don’t deny it—we check it out and get help. When our feelings light up on our dashboard, time to pay attention and take a step toward healing. The Bible is our roadmap, the Holy Spirit is our vehicle, Jesus is the driver and other encouraging Christians are our signposts.

Musings

One of the most difficult obstacles in our Christian journey is denial. So much opens up for us when we face our patterns with faith and courage. Help is on the way. Help is here.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Knowing we are fully and completely loved is our first step toward banishing denial. Thank you for being gentle with us. You are even gentle with us when we come and admit some hard truths about ourselves. You know them before we do. We know You want what is best for us and for Your Kingdom. What You have graciously given us should never be denied.

May we never deny Your Son.

May we share the good things today.

Amen.

Feelings and Thoughts Always Go Together

“What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and defile a person.” Mark 7: 20-23 NIV

“Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.” Soren Kierkegaard

I’ve been taking classes about the writers of the Constitution and one thing is sure, human nature is flawed and determined to be so to its ruin. The founders’ observations were humans’ passions take over without reason or time for thought. Without care for the country, ambition and deception run rampant. This was constantly on the minds of our flawed founders when creating our government: Human nature. Human nature is passionate but without reason and reflection, we repeat history. The Bible and the histories of all nations prove this.  Without God, a Higher purpose, self-government is a pipe dream. These classes, on the one hand, are teaching me how painfully and thoughtfully our nation was forged and on the other, how painfully and with great difficulty we have been saved.

Dominant thoughts. “As a man thinks, so is he,” the Proverb says. Enter feelings of passion without reason and all kinds of chaos results. Haven’t we regretted a sarcastic remark or unkind behavior? It started with our dominant thought and impulse was the result. Was someone helpful or kind to you? It started with their dominant thought. Addictions prove to be crushing dominant thoughts.

Thoughts come first. If I want to change how I feel, I must change what I think. Paul encourages us to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable and we know how hard his life and missions were! There are plenty of good things if we just look. When I take my dog, “the Furminator,” for a walk and I inhale the autumn scents and take in the beauty, my heart is full and thankful. When I stub my toe on the walk, I automatically think I’m a klutz and hope no one sees me. Again, thoughts. Bad thoughts come so easily! Good thoughts take practice and focus.

Musings

Seems so simple. It is and yet so difficult to corral our thoughts to focus on higher and eternal things, especially when hurting, stressed, jealous or ashamed. To change our lives we must change our thoughts. It’s work. It’s downright frustrating at times. It doesn’t mean we suppress or deny our feelings because they are telling us something important but let’s not live there. There is so much to be grateful for. Gratefulness, whether the feeling is there or not, brings a peaceful and full life.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your Son demonstrated perfect control of His thoughts and feelings. From the Pharisees testing Him and plotting against him to the passion of the Cross, His whole being was focused on You and us. His concern for his mother and the thief on the cross while in great pain that dark day is our example.

We thank You for our feelings because they make us fully alive, draw us closer to You, and enrich our being.

Amen.

“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.” Galatians 6:3-4 NIV

“Talent is God-given; be humble. Fame is man-given; be grateful. Conceit is self-given; be careful.” John Wooden

New Christians may come across a bit hypocritical when they become a new Christian, but that’s young enthusiasm and thankfulness until the life lessons come to visit. And they always come to visit.  They feel and celebrate as the Prodigal Son did with his Father, which is good, but what about the other son? Do we resemble him too?

Plodding, enduring, working and a bit of martyrdom. I can tell when I’m not abiding in Christ: resentment, comparing and “what about me” is exhausting! It’s back to seeking approval, earning approval and thinking it’s in my power that produce. I have forgotten a very basic truth:

Faith is a gift. It’s all a gift! I can’t earn it; I don’t deserve it but here it is–a gift. Ephesians 2:8-10 states it plainly and it’s so we won’t boast and tumble away. We may become the other son in the Prodigal story. He earned it. He endured his brother’s failures. He worked and worked. Did he do it for the love of his Father? I think he was operating on his own power—not love. The father said, “Everything I have is yours but your brother was dead and now he is alive!” Was the son that remained with his dad alive? This son remained with the Father, he possessed all his Father had but he was not abiding with him. And he definitely did not celebrate his brother’s return to life.

And it’s a gift. The biggest, most healing, most loving gift ever! Jesus did it all and humbly gave us the gift.

Musings

It’s so upsetting sometimes when charities, politicians and other public figures declare their faith and get caught in some scandal when no one is looking. They’ve cheated on their spouse, they come across as phony, and they’ve endangered or financially hurt their communities or their employees because they forgot: it’s a gift. We must thank and abide. It could be us. Maybe it has been us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

The world always seduces us into thinking we’re something we’re not. It’s in our very hearts to be “something” famous, rich, beautiful, talented or wise. These gifts can be good things if we abide by and remember who is the Gift-Giver.

“Thank you for Your Indescribable Gift.”

Amen.

“Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.” Colossians 3:2 NLT

“I think and think and think, I have thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.” – Jonathan Safran Foer

If there’s anything I do more than anything, it’s overthinking. The belief that the more I stew, ruminate, conjugate and review, the better the situation will be. Not true! I just get higher blood pressure, stomachache and a headache that dumps me into depression. It’s spinning my wheels. I feel like I’m getting somewhere, and I am, deeper and deeper in the mud.

Antidote: Will this be pleasing to God? Overthinking causes me to be cranky with my children, and colleagues while diminishing me—not in a humble way. Overthinking is a whirlpool of apprehension. Pleasing the Father is not in my purview. I’ve again replaced the Father with me and sometimes use prayer to continue in overthinking. It’s been said: “God plus one is a majority.” Time for some faith and looking at troubles with the Father’s help.

Antidote: What is this trying to teach me? Maybe it’s as simple as looking upward or seeking wise counsel. Sometimes it’s a procrastination battle—it’s unpleasant or scary. Sometimes it’s reaching out to another. If I’m thinking about them, overthinking is not in my mind.

Antidote: Write it down. Get it all out! Then put it away for a day or two. We might find the problem was not a problem or our problem. Sometimes the problem we’re overthinking dissipates. Poof!

Antidote: Self-compassion. Is this working for our good? For others? When overthinking, it’s a whole lot of self-loathing and self-condemnation. A change of mind is in order. We change our minds several times a day and we can change it back to good.

Antidote: Exercise. Take a walk with your pet. Put some elbow grease into something annoying you like a dirty car or spot on the rug. Sweat it out on a bike or dance as if nobody is looking.

Maybe you can add to this list, but one thing is sure, overthinking is not useful, kind or positive. Asking for prayer helps more than we realize. Practicing looking upward is tough but so helpful.

Musings

We get caught up in overthinking while excusing it as critical thinking. Not so. Overthinking is an indulgence in procrastination and anxiety. We cannot hold two thoughts at the same time so we need to choose: Hopefulness or trapped. Optimism or pessimism. Faithfulness or control. Confidence or escape.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You gave us a brilliant mind to solve problems, make plans, overcome obstacles and grow. Help us to see where we need to consider and unravel situations and where we need to look up to You to take the helm.

May our thoughts immediately go to You: What are you trying to teach us? Will it be pleasing to You? Is it our problem to solve? We are promised perfect peace through Your Son.

With thanks,

Amen.