“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? Luke 14:28 NIV

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” Josh Billings

If I say yes to driving drunk, what am I saying no to?

If I say yes to overeating, what am I saying no to?

If I’m pleasing others, what am I saying no to?

If I choose to get even, what am I saying no to?

If I fly off the handle, what am I saying no to?

If I say yes to God, what am I saying no to?

If I’m controlling another, what am I saying no to?

All of life really are choices. We choose to be married and say no to others that may tempt. We choose to have children and say no to our time and finances.  We choose to get help or we flounder, suffer and hurt others. We choose every day what we will be like, contribute, love and lift up.

There’s a lot of choices in between our birthdate and our death date recorded on a cold stone, obituary or urn. God gives us these choices and our consequences. When we say yes, we’re always saying no to something. We do it daily. There is no insignificance in our lives.

Musings

Most of life is simple: showing up, being consistent and thinking of others. Are we living out of fear or love? If we say yes to fear, here comes anxiety, manipulation, aggression, isolation and more. God has reassured us many times to not be afraid. He is here—always. If we say yes in partnership with Christ, we become more like him and live in and with love. We participate in his divine nature.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you said yes to us before the foundation of the world. We say yes to you in thankfulness and awe. May we say yes with our actions, words, resources in your peace and love.

Amen.

“I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.” Psalm 116:17 NLT

“Give thanks in everything, for this is the will of God toward you in Christ Jesus.” I Thessalonians 5:18 Berean Bible

“If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, it will be enough.” Meister Eckhart

Sometimes giving thanks really is a sacrifice, even at this wonderful Thanksgiving time. If it depends on feelings, it won’t get done. If it depends on circumstances, it won’t get done. If it depends on making time, it won’t get done. And giving thanks requires discipline—a daily, minute-by-minute consciousness. It heals, eventually, too. Thanksgiving is not just a holiday. It’s a spiritual discipline. It’s Thanksgiving every day.

I went to the eye doctor the other day and after my examination, the doctor and I discussed some troublesome results. I could be getting macular degeneration and we need to keep a close watch on this. Some lifestyle changes like more fruits, exercise and supplements may slow it way down. I’m on it!

But here’s the deal. How many times have I thanked God for my gift of sight? You can bet I do now. So many gifts are taken for granted. My eyes have been opened (no pun intended) to even more blessings because of my gift of sight and oh how I treasure them! The autumn colors in my little town, the smiles from the cashiers at my grocery store, the beautiful book I read during my morning devotions. The faces of my children and grandchildren could become a blurry fog to me.  How I pray I don’t lose my sight. How I pray to not be a burden on others. Losing my driving privileges is so scary – taken for granted. All from a disturbing eye examination. Poof! Reality! I am not alone in taking for granted our many gifts.

My mind wandered back to the blind man in the Bible and Jesus asked him, “What can I do for you?” If he asked me, of course, I’d answer the same as this blind man, “My eyesight.” With more thought, though, Jesus did everything for me and even though my circumstances are disturbing and my heart is afraid, my answer would be a simple thank you. It’s going to be okay.

Musings

Giving thanks when one is grieving, in pain, ill, homeless, addicted and many of the “Biggies” of life feels like a sacrifice. And it truly is. The good and healing truth is we’re not required to give thanks for the evil and destructive circumstances that come to all in this life but to give thanks in all circumstances. God doesn’t, never will and never has given us evil. We may not feel thankful. We may not understand our circumstances. We may squirm, try to breathe, cling to our faith in these painful times but the truth is, Jesus did do everything for us. The extras are gifts and are grateful for these too.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for all you’ve given and done for us. We can list all that we have to be thankful for and the list is still incomplete. Thank you for each other.

Thank you for giving us what we need this day. Thank you for even our breath. Thank you for some wants too. You truly give abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think.

We come to you in a thankful spirit regardless of the circumstances. Every day is a gift. Every day is an opportunity to love. Every day is a challenge to overcome with you at the helm. Like Peter in the midst of the stormy sea, we cry, “Help us.” And as Peter said, “Cast all your anxieties because he cares for you.”

Thank you.

Amen.

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:9 NASB

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become — because he made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be…. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” C.S. Lewis

I chose the NASB interpretation of this Bible verse because it says to “not lose heart in doing good.” It’s the heart that sits at the center of all we do, are and become.

The work we do on ourselves with God’s help to become more like him seems impossible! Actually, it is impossible but with God all things are possible. This should be a relief!

But relationship situations, our bad habits, depression, discouragements are exhausting, discouraging, and overwhelming. Progress is hard to see. We overcome a challenge and there’s two more challenges wagging and winking, sneering and taunting. Whack-a-mole!  And it’s true, whether nine years old or 90 years, the job is not done. Perfection is not ours and that’s where grace does its greatest work.

Sometimes the work we do is not our sin but the sin of others that wounded, pierced, devastated us. And that “how many times do I forgive my brother—77 times” example from the Bible reminds us and haunts us. Heavy sigh.

If we were “fixed,” complete, done there are many wonderful gifts we would miss like:

Compassion

Empathy

Hope—does not disappoint

Community

Patience

Perseverance

Humility—ouch!

Vulnerability—I wrote an article in Christian Living Magazine about addiction and the caregiver. Even now my shame is burning my face and ears but vulnerability and all of the above gifts keep me pursuing and encouraging caregivers. Caregivers are compelled to hide any weakness. They must be strong for the disabled or terminally ill.

I’m sure you could list more from your life’s journey. They could appear quickly, but that’s not my experience.

The bottom line is love. Grace is the tool. Gratefulness is the attitude. Those good feelings come.

Musings

The Lord’s Prayer instructs us to pray for our daily bread. It seems that our spiritual journey is a daily decision and the outcome is God’s. In my marriage, the decision to be married was a daily decision. To be a good parent, a daily decision. To be a good boss, employee, colleague is a daily decision. To love at all, is a daily decision. Jesus told us to focus on today. God is the only one that sees the future and if I focus on being more like him today, the “fix me now!” is resolved because my focus is on him. More practice.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We want to be whole and we want it today. We want others to be fixed and we want it today. We get tired, anxious and discouraged on our spiritual journey to become more like your son. Remind us that the transformation and growth are yours and my part is willingness. It’s a daily decision. Help us to not grow weary in doing good. Help us to remember all the good we’ve accomplished and experiencing today, because of you, with thanks.

Amen

“Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you, I will give other people in your place and other nations in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4 NASB

“Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” – Oscar Wilde

Wow! God calls us precious, honored and loved in his sight! The Creator of all things! The Father of Jesus! This is the foundation for healing, eliminating shame, taking risks, Loving others. Also the hardest thing to grasp, especially for Black Sheep, Scapegoats, Perfectionists, Addicts, Over-eaters and fill in the blank. Our past tells us that we’re flawed (we are), not worthy (true), ignorant, clumsy, ugly, emotional basket cases, failures and more. Yet God made us. He made us before the foundation of the world. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Is a janitor precious, honored and loved? A nurse? A parent? A baker? Truck driver? No matter what our calling/vocation, we are precious, honored and loved. By the Creator, Father, God. Let it sink deeply into our hearts.

There are many layers to the above scripture, but holding on to this fact, and it is a fact, that we are precious, honored and loved whether we feel that or not, is a fact. Self-improvement gurus, parents, friends, counselors, colleagues may see our worth, may love us but they have not done for us what God has. No one has given other people in my place. God did. His son.

When days are bad, remember you are precious, honored and loved. When sick, you are precious, honored and loved. When you can’t see your worth, remember you are precious, honored and loved. When overwhelmed, hold on to the fact you are precious, honored and loved. When lonely, you are precious, honored and loved. You were purchased with the most expensive price.

I am glad God made you.

Musings

Counseling, prayer, fellowship, friendship and community are wonderful, God-made gifts. But first and foremost, we are precious, honored and loved. All. The. Time. By our father.

Prayer

Dear Father,

How hard it is to grasp how much you value, love and guide us, especially when we stumble. Especially when we remember our wounds. Especially in the midst of failure. Especially when we can’t see value in our station in life. Help us to embody how precious, honored and loved we are and share this wonderful fact with those in our lives. We step out knowing how much you value us.

Amen

Hoarding Wounds From the Past

“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Matthew 6:20 NIV

“Count your blessings, not your problems. Count your own blessings, not someone else’s. Remember that jealousy is when you count someone else’s blessings instead of your own.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Confession time here. I am a “hoarder light,” not really the hoarder that has a painful illness, but letting go of stuff is hard. I’m in the process of clearing out, cleaning and donating many items and clothing. The back room is full of boxes and bags of clothing, jewelry, household items and much more. With Covid dominating our society, it’s been heard to donate to thrift stores and other charities.

Here’s the other problem. If the item in question was from a friend, family member or an exciting thrift store find, my fingers won’t let go. If it’s clothing that was a Christmas gift or when I was a slim size six, vowing to fit in it again, back to the closet. I have and will not achieve this but the dream dies hard.

And wounds. I’ve hung onto hurtful words, actions and abandonments hoarding them like they were treasure. How they’ve hurt me! How the giver of these hurts is or was hurting. What’s the payoff? Blame. Ducking my own responsibility Was the person hurtful? Yes. Truth. Was I abandoned? Yes. True. So I hoard it. Ruminate. Pierce myself over and over. Time for a Righteous Purge. Time for a bonfire. Acknowledge these painful times, turn it over to God and let them burn away.

No one can perfectly love me. No one has the right actions all the time. No one has the right words all the time. No one. Me included. Traumas are part of the journey and I don’t know why. Frustrating! It may have been another’s actions that hurt me but it’s still my responsibility to grow and move on. Sometimes I get a clue when I let go in trust. Sometimes it’s not pretty and it may have nothing to do with me—don’t take on another’s failings. Sometimes it’s a lesson. Sometimes it’s to grow into compassion and empathy. Sometimes it’s discipline.

Only our Father can love us and do for us perfectly and I don’t understand it many, many times. Trust walk. Sometimes it becomes a crisis of faith and it has nothing to do with another in my life. But when I look to my Father to provide, love, build and encourage he does so and gives me a small window of understanding into those that have hurt me. He does so in his own timing and mine. He provides others for help.

Musings

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 – It’s a discipline to be sure! When meditating, sometimes our insides are the problem and not another. Sometimes we nurse and hang onto wounds because they’re familiar—no change required but no growth either.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for those in our lives. May we hold them loosely and their hurtful words and actions. If we expect them to meet all of our needs, we will be extremely disappointed. By the same token, we cannot meet all the needs of those in our lives no matter the urgency to do so.  Keep us focused on what’s lovely and true. Help us to discern what is ours and what is another’s responsibility. Each has their own journey with you. I can be a witness to the journey, but it is their journey with you. Thank you for the peace which surpasses all understanding.

Amen.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him and eat with him, and he with me” Revelation 3:20 NIV

“God will meet you where you are in order to take you where He wants you to go.” – Tony Evans

A Montana January, below zero with wind screeching and threatening my very life around my rusty, tin can trailer. Oh how it rattled the roof and windows! Pipes frozen. Coffee can for … A local truck stop gave me water. 24 years old.  Newly divorced. Barely a high-school graduate. Out of money. Lonely. Hungry. Punishing myself. Believed I deserved it.

Government assistance? Nope.

Godly assistance? Yep.

Through tears, I asked Jesus to come in and eat with me. Please, Jesus, speak to me. I have a 25 cent box of macaroni and cheese, coffee and tears. Mice had invaded my home and I could hear their scratching and squeaking throughout the night. One (I hoped only one) skittered across me while I was sleeping. At least I had heat from an old gas stove. But, please Jesus, be with me.

I wish I could say everything turned to rainbows and stardust. It didn’t. It was only looking back that I could see Jesus was with me and not as I expected. No knight in shining armor. But I was comforted and encouraged to take wobbly risks. I met people that offered opportunities. But really, inside, I was panicked, bottomed out, numb from fear and unaware of all the positive things happening each day. One foot in front of the other. More macaroni and cheese. Helping and holding hands. Others’ stories of survival from Christians who survived the Great Depression to a Viet Nam Vet with PTSD. They fed me spiritual and physical food. I even got delicious cookies and comfort from a motherly Christian woman! They showed me my strengths. They laughed and soothed. They helped with the water and mice problem. They gave me books, hugs, phone calls (no texting back then and I’m forever grateful). Now I do this for others. I bet you do too. A personal Savior.

Musings

We have a personal God. He dines with us. He comforts us. He renews us. He lets us share in his kingdom. He lets us help one another. He died for us. I know of no other religion that has a personal, sacrificing God who “will never leave me nor forsake me.” Never the way I think he should.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your ways are mysterious. You teach us to pray for each day only. Today’s bread only. You take care of the rest, even when we’re overcome with shame, fear and doubt. Redeem our painful times for your honor. Remind us that dependency on you is a very good thing. Remind us to ask, seek, knock. Thank you that you dine with us.

Amen.

“Stop striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted on the earth.” Psalm 46:10 NASB

“Belief in God and trusting God—the difference is enormous!”

The Christian life is difficult. The non-Christian life is difficult. For the Christian, suffering is only for a time-a moment compared to eternity. The choice, you would think, would be easy.

The most dark and frightening time in my life was when I was a full-time caregiver for my husband with Lewy Body Dementia. However, the dogs needed their walk, horses needed their feed, water and care every morning. This was Christmas time, the last Christmas my husband would be in his own home. My goal was to have everything as nice, loving and normal as I could for him. Lots of striving involved. So, with my husband settled in his recliner, I threw on my winter garb, got the dog leashes and set out for our walk. There’s a little park across the street from my home in my rural town and Christmas lights were sparking on the cabin and large fir tree there. The dogs were digging in the snow and displayed their snow beards with doggie enthusiasm and doggy wags. The horses whinnied and nuzzled me and each other–oatmeal Christmas cookies. And there were diamonds in the snow and the icicles sparkled like blue topaz. The stars above were just as marvelous-winking their approval. It was warm. No wind. For that short time, I was beloved. Embraced. Hopeful. Glimpse of Paradise. Breath of Heaven. I was still. No striving. God. Me. Creation. And God was exalted with great awe and tenderness. I did not sit down and chant or recite a Bible quote. Speechless wonder and thanks were mine. It carried me through my husband’s erratic illness and death.

Most translations of Psalm 46:10 say, “Be still and know that I am God.” But my controlling ways recognize “stop striving” so much better. Caregivers strive. Young parents strive. Elderly strive. We all strive at some time. Recovering Black Sheep/Scapegoats strive to be good. The smart ones know that God causes the growth and faithfully do what’s in front of them. No striving.

Musings

Striving, and the world encourages this, will not guarantee success. Striving will not necessarily reward you and if it does, it’s fleeting. Striving is bad for our mental and physical health. The temptation to strive and strive some more is there every day. Yes, I have work to do. Yes, I have responsibilities. I don’t have to strive. The outcome is God’s. I can depend on my Father for my future. Seems risky. However, my way has humbled me into knowing His way is best.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our future, especially our future with you. Let us immerse ourselves in the wonder of you and your creation. You called it good. Let us trust you. No matter what we face, we just need to know that you are God and dependency on you means no striving. No matter the media blasts, headlines, threats and hyperbole of this world, we don’t strive. We trust you.

Amen.

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16

“Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Boredom is a great enemy of black sheep types. I don’t need to explain. Just a fact.

Overcome a relationship problem? Check. Done. Overcome a bad habit? Yes. Some celebration. Handling boundaries with a mother-in-law? Done. Finish a demanding work week? With bells on. Got the kidlet’s math grade up? With celebration. Ran a marathon? Finished fourth. Puppy is potty-trained. Whew!

Then the letdown. Boredom. Daily, sometimes annoying, never-ending tasks. Life. Most of life. No major problems. No self-scrutiny. Health is good. Food on the table. Everyone is healthy and caring. Bills are paid. Regular stuff we take for granted. What a blessing! Or is it?

When I read the New Testament, I read the wonderful, impactful, hopeful stories of drama, insight and healing. There was also boredom, hissy fits and dailiness. Most of life then, too. Dirty, dusty roads before the next village. It took days to get from place to place. Preparation of meals. Washing dirty feet. Four days travel until Lazarus’ resurrection. Sitting by the well in the hot noon-day sun before asking a Samaritan woman for a drink of water. Three days before Jesus’ resurrection.

Could these empty, boring times be the threshold of something new? It may not be dramatic. It could be peace and the joy not of this world that Jesus promised. A little taste of heaven. It could be a time of rest. It could be a time for praise and thanks. One thing for sure, something new and marvelous held in a spirit of love and curiosity is the attitude to have. Something specifically designed by our Father just for you!

Musings

Most of life is the daily, repetitive and, let’s face it, boring tasks. The Bible and Jesus’ ministry used the daily lessons of salt, light, bread, water, planting and harvesting to demonstrate power and a wonderful spiritual life. Grateful! No tragedies. No dramas. A threshold of rest, thanks and curiosity. Openness.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our daily bread. Thank you for what we call boredom that may be a threshold to a newness in us and others. When feeling bored and restless, lead us not into temptation but deliver us from Evil. May we be curious and expectant with openness and gratefulness.

Amen.

“Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,” Matthew 6:8-9 NIV

“So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s,

30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time–houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions–and in the age to come, eternal life.” Mark 10:29-30

“The black sheep blazes the trail for other family members to follow when they finally see the wolf.” Unknown

I was having a real bad morning sick in bed with thoughts all over the place with grief over my deceased husband. My intense and difficult childhood and adolescence became entangled with my grief. Grief does that. Childhood issues that aren’t addressed and healed keep us spiritually and emotionally crippled, blocked at especially vulnerable times. Childhood damage happens because, as little children, we didn’t have the skills, knowledge and understanding required and the damage sticks like Gorilla glue while causing storms throughout our lives. The damage continues to harm our children and others. Generational.

A still, small voice entered my heart and mind when I was nursing wounds from my childhood still sick as a dog. It said, “Fire your parents. Replace them with me, your Father.” And I have. My new Father embraced me Like the father of the Prodigal Son. This was the starting point of real healing and forgiveness. It brought me through many tears with new friendships, understanding and peace. It taught me that no human could ever provide the love I need. Only the Father can. Counselors, pastors, books new people were guideposts to love and welcoming. A new family.

And the abusive cycle is broken. No blame. No destructive behavior. No addictions. Some forgiveness.

Musings

We forget that we have a Father in heaven who created us, is with us, counsels us and gives us a purpose. He wrote the instruction manual. More importantly, he loves us perfectly. No human can or should love us perfectly. Was our past fraught with pain, fear and shame? Yes, absolutely! Our Father in heaven does not deny or minimize this. He helps us to overcome evil with good, break the cycle and live in newness and with purpose. Gently. No recriminations. No recycling of our pasts. No shame. No secrets.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you adopted us. Thank you that we can shout or whisper, “Abba!” “Daddy!” It is a marvelous thing to come home to you and reach up with arms and hearts like a little child. Help us to blaze a trail of love for others because you first loved us. Help us to feed each other. Help us to heal one another.

Amen.

Feelings…

“For you, LORD, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling” Psalm 116:8 NIV

“Sometimes we are called to proclaim God’s love even when we are not yet fully able to live it.” Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey

I was born backwards, you know, butt first. I’ve been doing things that way for way too long and still have that tendency. Put my coffee table together, frustration, then read the instructions. Yes, I became pregnant and then got married.  Ran away from home, then sought out a counselor. Tried many worldly things like striving for money, perfection, acceptance and then had a (spiritual awakening) breakdown leading to Jesus. “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” Another typical Prodigal Son, or daughter scenario.

Feelings were a huge part of my problem. Waiting to “feel” like cleaning the bathroom. Waiting to feel like going to work. Waiting to feel like getting counsel. Waiting to feel like going to class. Waiting to feel like loving my teenager. Waiting to feel like paying the bills. Bill collectors don’t care one bit about your feelings. Waiting to feel like becoming and being a Christian. What if Christ waited until he felt like going to the cross? We’d be dead in our sin. No hope. Paul said, “the most pitied.”

Now some good news. First, feelings are not facts. I chose daily to love my husband though, at times, I didn’t feel like it.  I’m sure he didn’t feel like loving me either many rocky times. We had a wonderful and imperfect relationship.  I chose to budget my money. My income stabilized and increased. I chose to love my son by listening, supporting his athletic efforts and his education. Even better news! I received marvelous feelings of warmth, appreciation, gratefulness and most of all, love. Absent feelings come back too. Sometimes despairing ones when I feel God isn’t with me. Feelings are not facts! He’s always with me.

Musings

Love is a verb. Feelings are not. Feelings require no action, they’re passive, they destroy and place blame, if not managed and understood. I feel like drinking. I feel like hitting you. I feel like complaining. I feel… On and on it goes. Love is also patient. Loving and wonderful feelings come to those who act lovingly, even when the situation is not as we hoped. Most of life is not feelings. It’s action and the good feelings come—sometimes right away and sometimes it takes years.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You have great feelings for us that we can’t comprehend. You love us and never leave us, no matter what our fickle feelings shout at us. Thank you for the gift of feelings. Thank you that Jesus showed us how to love regardless of feelings. Thank you that Christ despised the shame and looked forward to the joy set before him. May we do the same.

Amen.