Fire Your Parents

“Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,” Matthew 6:8-9 NIV

“So Jesus answered and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel’s,

30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time–houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions–and in the age to come, eternal life.” Mark 10:29-30

“The black sheep blazes the trail for other family members to follow when they finally see the wolf.” Unknown

I was having a real bad morning sick in bed with thoughts all over the place with grief over my deceased husband. My intense and difficult childhood and adolescence became entangled with my grief. Grief does that. Childhood issues that aren’t addressed and healed keep us spiritually and emotionally crippled, blocked at especially vulnerable times. Childhood damage happens because, as little children, we didn’t have the skills, knowledge and understanding required and the damage sticks like Gorilla glue while causing storms throughout our lives. The damage continues to harm our children and others. Generational.

A still, small voice entered my heart and mind when I was nursing wounds from my childhood still sick as a dog. It said, “Fire your parents. Replace them with me, your Father.” And I have. My new Father embraced me Like the father of the Prodigal Son. This was the starting point of real healing and forgiveness. It brought me through many tears with new friendships, understanding and peace. It taught me that no human could ever provide the love I need. Only the Father can. Counselors, pastors, books new people were guideposts to love and welcoming. A new family.

And the abusive cycle is broken. No blame. No destructive behavior. No addictions. Some forgiveness.


We forget that we have a Father in heaven who created us, is with us, counsels us and gives us a purpose. He wrote the instruction manual. More importantly, he loves us perfectly. No human can or should love us perfectly. Was our past fraught with pain, fear and shame? Yes, absolutely! Our Father in heaven does not deny or minimize this. He helps us to overcome evil with good, break the cycle and live in newness and with purpose. Gently. No recriminations. No recycling of our pasts. No shame. No secrets.


Dear Father,

Thank you that you adopted us. Thank you that we can shout or whisper, “Abba!” “Daddy!” It is a marvelous thing to come home to you and reach up with arms and hearts like a little child. Help us to blaze a trail of love for others because you first loved us. Help us to feed each other. Help us to heal one another.


Published by Barbara Hinther

Barbara Hinther author of Meditations and Encouragement for the Caregiver of a Loved One with Dementia and What About Me, God. Time to share what she has learned and hopefully, others will know they are not alone. This too, shall pass with beautiful, yet painful, lessons. Barbara lives in a rural town in Idaho where all is community. Bless everyone in the community for their support and their never-ending let’s pitch in attitude! She worked in marketing for over 30 years and volunteered with the Idaho Youth Ranch and St. Vincent’s de Paul Thrift Store. Then her hardest job ever was caring for her husband who died from Lewy body dementia and needed her full-time care. Feelings of abandonment were constant. Life was very difficult for a while, but love, faith and hope will overcome. Let the adventure continue!

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