“And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites.So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offering sfor God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.” Luke 21:1-4

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Never thought it would happen to me. Widow. I am not in the straits the poor widow in the above verse was but money has flown out of my hands with my husband’s illness and death. My life will never be the same and the financial freedom is gone too. I remember a Christian/recovered alcoholic speaker, with a lump in his throat and wet eyes, cautioned about money. He found the love of his life, they married, a short time later she was diagnosed with cancer and their money was gone. In a flash she was gone too. He never saved money again. He picked up what little he owned along with his shattered heart and started helping addicts. That’s the last I heard of him. But he still gave. He trusted God that “all things work to good for those who love him.” I believe our Father redeemed his pain now and eternally.

Jesus personified giving with gracefulness and trust. He had nothing and yet everything. He still gives from his abundant treasure. His mercies are new every morning.

He gave from the heart. These are tough times for so many of us but realize you have so much to give! It may be welcoming arms, an attentive ear, an encouraging word or time. Priceless! The fullness we receive is priceless too!  Cast your bread. Treasure in heaven.

Musings

When cash is flush, life is smooth and sunshine is everywhere, it’s easy to be generous. In fact, that’s the time I’m most thankful and giving. It’s easy to give from abundance. When dark and lean times come, the fanatical clutching of money, things and property is an overwhelming temptation. We lose sleep, anxiety is constant and control rears it’s ugly head.  Our tempers lash out. We forget there are many ways to give. We forget that our Father is a generous Father. “We can trust the man who died for us.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you’ve given us your son. Thank you that he became poor so we could be rich. Thank you that he died so we could live. Thank you for our daily bread. Thank you for our families, friends and courageous leaders. Thank you that you are faithful, even when we can only scrape up a mustard seed of faith. Open our eyes and hearts to see how generous you are and with the faith that sees the more we give, the more we receive—“Pressed down and flowing over.”

Amen.

“Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,
    who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
    that we might learn to fear you.”  Psalm 130:3-4 NLT

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. It may but not always.

Forgiveness does not mean it’s done once and for all. It may but not always.

Forgiveness does not feel good. It may but it leads to peace.

Forgiveness does not mean you were right. It may but not always.

Forgiveness does not dismiss, belittle, condescend your hurt. It hurt! That’s a fact! And we may think we put it behind us and wham! Something triggers us right back to where we were with all the pain and confusion we thought we left behind.

Many years ago I fell in love with a handsome, intelligent, dynamic man. He called himself a Christian. Many women were starstruck by him. I was not. In the beginning any way. We dated. We had wonderful conversations and little gifts—all the things that make a new romantic relationship heavenly. Walking on air and sunshine! Six months in the abuse began. The belittling, the abandonment, the intimidation. I broke up with him—many times because maybe, just maybe, if I love him enough… But I participated in an unknown dance of terror. Last breakup. Then the stalking. I moved from my hometown and started over, with my son, I might add. My roommate was a male because I feared being alone. A few in my new church were lovely. No judgment. Included my son and me in many Church functions. In fact, I put him in the Christian school, which he enjoyed.

However, I was an anxious, traumatized mess. I was functioning quite well but I would jump at loud noise, refuse to go anywhere alone. Finally, I went to a therapist. With lots of work and prayer, healing began because (surprise!) I attracted and kept this man because of patterns in my childhood. A pattern I hoped to fulfill with love. So unaware! Childhood stuff!

I had to forgive myself first. I made horrible decisions in my personal life because I was unaware. But taking myself to our Father, a professional and supportive church friends along with time, the healing began. Have I forgiven this man? Yes. Was there reconciliation? No! Did I find forgiveness for my childhood traumas? Yes. Was there reconciliation? Not really. There were phone calls and limited visits with some tension. I learned my limits. I learned to set boundaries. The dance of terror was ended. Did I forgive once and for all? No. Situations always come up in life to trigger those dark times. But they’re a blessing in disguise, a caution sign. I walk away.

Musings

Knowing, deeply knowing how loved we are by our Father, deeply knowing Jesus and his sacrifice, deeply knowing a mature Christian counselor and/or friend makes all the difference in forgiveness. It’s another discovery process along the journey home. And the truth does set us free if we face the misery first.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for forgiveness, especially the things “we do not know what we’re doing.” Help us to see that because of your Son, love and grace we can face the dark and unknown with hope. Open our hearts. Open our minds. Open our hands.

Amen.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.”

Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.”— Unknown

I included two versions of 1 John 4:18 because fear is torment! Fear is also punishment! Our Father never gives us a spirit of fear or torment.

Remember as a child those beginning moments of learning to swim, ride a bike, ski, skate, drive a car and someone in our lives coached us, stayed with us holding us up? It could’ve been a parent, relative or friend but someone had your back. Someone caught you. Someone upheld you. But you still had to do the work and step out in trust.

That’s how I think of our Father.

Those sleepless nights, those anxious prayers, those glasses of wine or another activity to numb the fear. It’s torment! And then we put on our big girl/big boy panties and bluster through until exhaustion knocks us off our feet. We forget that feelings are not facts.

Our Father has our back. He upholds us with his righteous hand.

So we do the best that we can with prayer and we give it to our father. We may anxiously take back what is scaring us, paralyzing us but we give it back to our Father. We let go and we let our Father take the wheel. Let him drive and you enjoy the journey. Someone once said, “Who’s driving your bus?” Our Father is. Enjoy the discovery of who you are with your Father.

Musings

Only one person loves perfectly and it drives out fear.  We learn over and over that feelings are not facts. Where we are is where our Father is too because he promised he would never leave us or forsake us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We may not feel your presence, acknowledge your presence or thank you for your presence sometimes but we know you’re with us. Thank you for your love that drives out fear. Help us to know without a doubt that you are with us in the fiery trials, the rivers that threaten to overwhelm us or any circumstance that threatens. It’s easy to remember you and thank you when life is all sunshine, and we do, but now we thank you for your presence when fear strikes us, slaps us, intimidates us because you’re with us then too. A steppingstone to trust and faith.

Amen.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 NIV

“A tender heart is a wakeful, watchful heart. It watches against sin in the soul, sin in the family, sin in the calling, sin in spiritual duties and performances.” John Bunyan

“I’ve never met a strong person who had an easy past,” was said to me by a wise person.

The very sad thing is many of us have felt and been rejected by their own church family. Yes, many of us Black Sheep/Scapegoat types were rejected by our family but when our church family where love is to reign and we’re rejected, this can be so devastating.

A woman, who was a member of my church, was disabled and her hygiene was, let’s say, very bad. You could be three rows behind her and the smell was very nauseating. Am I exaggerating? No. And everyone in the church gossiped, judged and avoided this woman. The Harvest dinner was on display with so many scrumptious items on the table. All of us were having a bountiful feast with good feelings, thankfulness and humor. Then the woman with the bad hygiene rolled in. She filled her plate, sat down and began to eat. Everyone else took their plate elsewhere or went home. The silence was palpable, as they say. The smell filled the kitchen.

What would a tender heart do? I failed the test. I avoided, which is a subtle but just as damaging way of rejection. What would Jesus do? Well, let’s see… He embraced and healed a demon-possessed man. He raised from the dead a man who had been in a hot, dry dusty tomb for over three days. How about cleaning very dirty and dusty feet? And I could not embrace a woman with bad hygiene. I could not, with an open heart, visit without judgment and learn of her circumstances. I have tears for my lack of tenderness and compassion for this woman. She passed away from ill health. Is she, like Lazarus, in the arms of Abraham?

Then my turn came. My husband was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia. Many avoided me during this agonizing time. Some family and friends abandoned me. Dementia is still a scary, unpredictable and terminal disease.  

Abandonment happens to everyone at some time when support, a tender heart is needed. Bewilderment along with loneliness may be the companions. Ask me if I have a tender heart now. I know it’s not perfect but some gigantic lessons have been learned. Scar tissue of the heart. Heart tenderizer.

Living with a tender heart. When times of rejection come even from our own Christian family, may we remember the Father’s son who gave everything for us and he too was rejected by his spiritual and his human family. It doesn’t mean we deny, suppress or avoid the pain. It hurts! But our Father will provide the healing, embracing and strength we need with a new and tender heart.

Musings

I did not have to be a person with bad hygiene to have a tender heart for the woman that did. I did not have to fix her. Just be with her. Validating her God-given worth would suffice. Our Father would do the rest. I would do anything for God but embrace a smelly woman? My friends did not have to know about dementia to provide a tender heart during my time of need. The old saying, “What would Jesus do?” is just another way of saying, “what would a tender heart do?”

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your tender heart towards us. There are so many times we’ve failed, didn’t fit the mold of a “good Christian, good boy/girl, good parent/child.” No matter what, every one of us is beloved by you. May we remember this. May we be a bit more tender, validating, compassionate toward the unlovely brought into our lives. We were unlovely too, even if it didn’t show on the outside.

Bless us.

Amen.

“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” Revelation 3:20 NLT

“Love is a divine act that can transform and bring a change of heart.”  Lailah Gifty Akita

What I truly love about Christianity is how the Lord waits to be invited. There are no mandates, dictates, bullying, controlling or manipulating. He asks. The Lord of Lords, the King of Kings asks. He knocks.

What I love about the Lord is how he transforms me in the midst of pain and fear, not with pushing, bullying, condemning or judgment.  He is with me in my darkest hour. He weeps with me. He prays for me. He companions me, whether I feel it or not. He redeems my pain and fear. You know, everything works to good for those who love him. I experience a relationship with him.

I have knowledge about God but the intimacy, the experience is priceless. There are relationship things like joy, trust, communication (much more one-sided than it should be), love, encouragement, inspiration, anger and yes, silence. Our relationship is more than feelings. It’s a trust walk. All good relationships work on trust.

All relationships have their ups and downs, misunderstandings, dark times and good times, even and especially with our kids, parents, siblings and colleagues. But real relationships start with the heart. No change in the heart– no change. No change in the heart– no change in character. No change in the heart–no change in behavior. No change in the heart–no intimate relationship. Knowledge is good and helps but it’s not the heart.

I managed a small marketing department and I had four single, head-of-house women working for me. They struggled, really struggled, being full-time parents, financial turmoil and exes that were so toxic. It was up to me to make it work! Some had just a GED. No college. No technical training. They lived in harsh environments. The only reason they were working for me was they had to. This was it. It looked impossible.

So, I loved them (and was humbled many times). Love is action from a persuaded heart. I acknowledged with praise what they did well. Learning was a fun, down-time activity. I knew their kids, their boyfriends and even their parents. Most of all I prayed for them. Most of all I prayed for me. But our Father through the Son made us successful. Was there an unexpected pregnancy? Oh, yes. Utilities shut off. Top Ramen for dinner. But we worked, encouraged, lent a hand and cash, overcame and cared. Mistakes were made but it drew us closer. Our Father brought us through.

Every one of these girls is now in adulthood with their own professional careers, loving husbands and families with awards and accomplishments they never imagined. We are friends. We all were persuaded. We all were transformed. All have a spiritual life. It didn’t happen overnight but it happened.

Musings

Whatever problem, person or situation, prayer for an open heart, a persuaded heart is required. A miracle! We learn to see with spiritual eyes and heart like our Father and his Son. We experience a joyful, loving relationship with our Father first and it flows to others. We gain the ability to love our Father with our heart, mind and soul as well as our neighbor.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We must see you first before all the things will be added to us and our loved ones. Your Son said, “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” Oh how we stumble on this statement when our pulled-up- by-our-bootstraps mentality tempts us into self-sufficiency and toxic control and away from you. Thank you for persuading, asking, gently encouraging us. Help us to do this with others too.

Amen.

“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3:20 NIV

Observe with compassion rather than judge with condemnation. -Harold W. Becker #UnconditionalLove

Am I alone in this? If I really like something I must have more and more of it. Have you seen the Hoarders TV Show? I can’t watch it. So much pain–Filling the heart with stuff. But am I any different?

Let’s see…

Liking a television show so much I binge watch until my eyes burn—escape?

A game, a simple game turns into an obsession—am I really enjoying this or competing with others or myself? Distracting myself from my responsibilities.

Finding a 100-year-old pitcher at a garage sale has become an overflowing mess of vintage pitchers—Obsession or fun? Possession?

Addictions. They start “innocently” and become a habit and then a depressing way of life. Or they start as a reward for accomplishing something.  I started my wine habit this way. After a hard week at work I’d sit down with a rich glass of cabernet wine and without much thought it became a nightly reward. Uh-oh. After this presentation is finished, I’ll have one potato chip which grows into a bag of chips. The heart is still empty. The heart still condemns. The reward is turning against me.

What’s going on?

Why or when does something become bad? If honest it’s when my heart condemns me. Not when I get caught. Not when I’ve spent too much.  And it gets worse if caught, judged or shamed like an ugly stain that no club soda or spot remover can conquer. Thank the Father he is greater than our hearts—the heart of the matter. He knows the deep-down, ugly, hidden true root cause even if it starts innocently enough. And he loves us anyway. Have you met someone who quit smoking and now has a weight problem? Or the drinker quit drinking and sucks down a marijuana brownie? Heart of the matter. Something is still terribly out of sync. Our Father digs deeper into our hearts without shame or judgment.

Observe with compassion. Observe without judgment. Name it. Pray about it. Share with a mature and caring Christian. Set aside striving, denying, berating and take it to the Father. Remember: “His mercies are new every morning.”

Musings

One thing is sure, we all have something that trips us, shames us or baffles us. We are set free from one thing and here comes another! Beating ourselves, hiding ourselves (Adam and Eve did this) blaming (this one too) or denying will not solve it. That saying, “We’re all the same size at the foot of the cross” is true. Something in our hearts needs attention and care. Let’s take it to our Father now. And let’s practice loving ourselves and each other. Practice definitely required.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We thank you for your mercies each and every day because we know our hearts deceive us. Our Enemy knows too. You are greater. Remind us not to judge, berate or condemn ourselves when struggling with our heart’s desires but to bring them to you through your Son. We are discovering who we are and who we can be in your Son each day.

Amen.

“For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints…” 1 Corinthians 14:33 NASB

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie

Wrong person. At the bottom of confusion, I find it’s “the desires of my heart” that causes confusion and chaos. Have you ever desired a person? You knew this person was bad for you, not necessarily a bad person, but their temperament, beliefs and values were not yours. I did this several times.  They weren’t bad people but when these relationships didn’t work, in my youthfulness and gullibility, I thought they were bad people. They weren’t—just not the right person for me. I didn’t just want, I desired someone truly wrong for me.

My desire to attach and control. When I give in to this, pain is mine. When I do, I may alienate others–Your drinking is ruining us! Can’t you see how hard I’m working? (Asking for help doesn’t enter the picture.)  Enter a judgmental persona. Take care of my feelings! When I attach to a specific outcome, whether a relationship or thing, (Internet down?) there is no peace, just chaos.

Or how about getting what you desire? The Rolling Stones had a hit song, You Can’t Always get what You Want with the verse, “But if you try some time, you just might find you get what you need.” In my younger days, moving to a big city was so exciting! The career opportunities! The entertainment! The glitz! The concerts! Parties! Yet, underneath it all, I had sadness and anxiety—distractions from the real me. No self-awareness. The slow, rural life of nature, trees, birds, animals and community fits so much better for me. For another, the city life means success, community and a wealth of things to do and see.

It’s not a matter of right or wrong, black or white. It’s knowing our Father and he reveals who we are in him and what we truly desire. Without judgment. Without retribution.

Musings

Getting to know you means getting to know our Father. Every other gimmick, promise or technique will eventually let us down. Enter: confusion! Enough!

Remembering:

What is this feeling trying to tell me

Is there anything I can do right now

Has this happened to me in the past and fits a dysfunctional pattern

 Do I need help and what kind of help—I confess that depression was a real challenge

These questions we take to our Father and possibly another who loves us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are not the author of confusion. Some things are quite clear and we wrestle with these as we grow in your grace. Some things require patience like sowing and reaping because the harvest takes time. Some things we desire and you have something much better for us. Help us to name what is confusing us because we can’t be honest with you or make good decisions unless we know the heart of the matter.

We thank you for giving us companionship, counsel, hope, clarity and awareness.

Amen

“For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16 Amplified Bible

“Even when I detach, I care. You can be separate from a thing and still care about it.” David Levithan

Do you have someone in your life that is troubled? Ill? Addicted? Clueless? Dead?

We all do, I’m afraid. When my husband was dying and died, I was torn apart. The one thing that kept me knowing that our Father has all under control was the statement, I love him more than you do. Did I understand? No. Did it hurt? Yes.

When my niece, addicted to meth, abandoned her daughter and is nowhere to be found, possibly dead, a quiet voice said, “I love her more than you do.” Did I understand? No. Was there angst? Yes.

It’s true our Father loves them more than we do. There’s evidence. Our Father sent his son to a horrific death filled with shame, torture and total abandonment by friends, his disciples and his Father. Our Father loved his son more than we do.

I could not sacrifice my son for sinners. Just the thought wrenches my heart.

“How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know husband, whether you will save your wife? Regardless, each one should lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him.” 1 Corinthians 7:16 Hands off! With love, prayer, wisdom for the day and attending to my own walk with an open heart.

Musings

We must release our loved one looking to ourselves and our Father to keep us faithful. Sometimes a miracle happens and the loved one is in remission, rehabilitated and counseled to a Godly life. And sometimes, painfully true, not. So we do not lean on our own understanding but release them to our Father with prayer and his wisdom. Our Father created them before the foundation of the world.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Our words are insufficient to describe our loved one’s suffering and our overwhelming need to fix them and control the situation. Many times, our suffering is greater than our loved one’s. We see with such clarity how a loved one’s life may end. We are powerless to change it. You experienced even more suffering with your son’s death for us. We don’t question your understanding.

We greatly miss our deceased loved ones.

We question why as You companion us through the dark. We’ll know someday. We see “darkly.”

We believe. Help our unbelief.

With gratefulness.

Amen.

“Therefore let us [with privilege] approach the throne of grace [that is, the throne of God’s gracious favor] with confidence and without fear, so that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find [His amazing] grace to help in time of need [an appropriate blessing, coming just at the right moment].” Hebrews 4:16 Amplified Bible

“One day in God’s grace is equivalent to a thousand days of striving by your own efforts.” ~ Joseph Prince

Over and over and over we try to change something in ourselves and disappointment reigns.  A set-up for self-loathing and major disappointment. I won’t, I won’t, I won’t eat that. I won’t spend, I won’t spend, I won’t spend. I won’t drink, I won’t drink, I won’t drink. And then that parental, critical, judgmental voice beats the heck out of ourselves when we slip. Very rarely does someone commit perfectly to a major life change without slips. Going in my own strength, willpower, has shot me in the foot many times.

Focus. I’ve put my focus on not doing something. It never works. Remember that saying, “The beatings will continue until morale improves?” We say things to ourselves and about ourselves that we’d never say to another. And we think it’ll work on us.

Just a few verses earlier, Hebrews says we’ve ceased from works and entered God’s rest. His grace is sufficient. We are to meditate on whatever is true, noble and lovely. That ain’t easy in this world. We forget that we are beloved, cherished and important to the point of our Father’s son saying on the cross, “It is finished.”

Musings

Every time I start to berate, judge and condemn myself, I bring up a verse that reminds me grace and love are mine. However one needs to do it, memorization, note cards, journaling or silent prayer, starts the process of the “upward call of Christ.” Jesus didn’t condemn. Confess, be open and try again tomorrow with grace. At some point in our walk, very quietly, we’ll find the wonderful change in us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Today we pray these words said by your Son: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” We thank you for all we’re learning from you.

Amen.

Thank you.

Amen.