“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” Mark 10:51 NIV

“Shame is the most powerful master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.”
Brene Brown

The blind man wanted to see. I’ve pondered Jesus’ question many times, “What do you want me to do for you?” Walking the Christian journey, we realize “we were blind, but now we see.” How devastating this may be. Before our conversion, we knew we sinned. After our conversion, we are overwhelmed with the flaws, mistakes, sins and hurts we have done. Guilt or Shame?

A DUI.

Divorce.

Horrible behavior at a social or company function.

Bankruptcy.

Being a smoker, obese, uneducated, poor, addicted, having too many sexual partners and on it goes.

Guilt: the realization that what I did was wrong. A change of mind and action along with an apology works well. Grace.

Shame: the realization that I am wrong. A flawed, devastating feeling about who we are that is totally wrong. Isolates. Devastates. Lies. Paralyzes. Inauthentic. Grace doesn’t seem to quench the fire of shame.

Stuck! Stuck! Stuck! I know my life is hidden in Christ, but others? Not so much.

What to do? We are counseled to confess our sins to our Father and to another. Oh! What a big slice of humble pie this is! All is not horrible though. We are a New Creation, though our behaviors shout differently. Thank God for his patience! We need some for ourselves too. Even Paul struggled to do what he did not want to do. Grace gives us a “do-over.”

 When we confess to another Christian, one who truly has our best interests at heart, we are encouraged. Usually, a Christian will say they’ve done something similar. C.S. Lewis said, “What! You two? I thought I was the only one.” Our heart receives some peace in the company of another struggling to grow. Vulnerability: the opposite of shame.

Musings

We are New Creations. We are made in the image of God. One mistake, snafu, slip up and then roaring, condemning, shameful feelings! Sometimes I think shame is the Devil’s favorite tool. It stops us from being honest, reaching out and a wedge grows between our Father and ourselves. We don’t deserve joy, success, friends and family. Shame rips away all the wonderful things our Father wants for us. Today  I will be vulnerable. Today I will have courage and share with others. Today I will be grateful my Father made me.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You nailed shame to the cross. You make us walk in the “newness of life.” Thank you. But we are fearful. Remind us to “step into the water” of vulnerability and watch the sea part. We cannot truly love with shame dragging us down, not ourselves, another or You. We cannot be “real” with shame poisoning our hearts and lives. We give you our shameful feelings today and in faith, share our vulnerability.

Amen.

Whoever is patient has great understanding,
    but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.

A heart at peace gives life to the body,
    but envy rots the bones.

 Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker,
    but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

Angry people want you to see how powerful they are. Loving people want you to see how powerful YOU are. Chief Red Eagle

We all have times when we’re angry and rightfully so. Anger is a great motivator but it can’t sustain a whole and peaceful life and it will never give life to the body.

There is righteous anger but let’s be careful—feelings aren’t to be trusted at times. Jesus was angry at the money changers and the leaders of Israel because they were in peril of Hell. They had seen his miracles, listened to his counsel and saw his humility but envy ruled.

Anger at a bad habit gets the ball rolling toward good health and peace of mind.

Anger at injustice may get us to protect the vulnerable and innocent, especially the children, disabled, elderly and animals.

Anger at want and need provides the fuel to volunteer and give.

Anger at myself gets me to do some self-reflection and prayer.

But we can’t stay there nor should we. I see angry people become possessed and dangerous with road rage or lack of responsibility and angry because they feel others owe it to them. I’ve even blamed God for my pain and anger. Anger really can be a tool for harm like blame and isolation but at what cost? Your body. Your life. Peace.

Uncomfortable truths and absent self-reflection. I read this in a popular blog post that was answering the question: Why do people repeat unprofitable and destructive behaviors? Here’s why: Who wants to hear uncomfortable truths? Who wants to self-reflect and see the dark abyss inside? Who wants to do the work that is required? Definitely not popular in a secular world! I admit I don’t enjoy it at all! But I want peace more.

But we have a Father who helps and guides us with our anger starting with a guilty conscience. Talking to a counselor, pastor or wise Christian is a good start. Writing down the anger and putting it away for a bit helps. Prayer definitely helps and is a way to decompress anger. We’re promised we will receive wisdom from the “Father of lights.” Sometimes we are angry at ourselves and it takes tons of digging to get to the heart of the matter. Our Father does not want us to live angry lives in this mixed-up and backward world. “A heart of peace gives life to the body.”

Musings

Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking that created them.” “We have the mind of Christ” (1 Corinthians 2:16) so anger can be used properly or used for our Father’s will.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our emotions. Some are so pleasant and some are so uncomfortable—warning lights that flash an urgent need or action.  Help us to honor all our emotions and to handle anger as your Son did with wisdom and love from above.

Amen.

“Arise, for it is your task, and we are with you; be strong and do it.” Ezra 10:4 ESV

“Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction and events without reason. Without a purpose, life is trivial, petty, and pointless.” Rick Warren

Get up.

Show up.

Never give up.

And that doesn’t mean you won’t stumble. As long as you get up, show up, you won’t give up. Wisdom may shout from the streets, but she is a demanding instructor.

We know what Jesus’ purpose was and is. Everything he said, did and prayed was for us. Love.

Now we must find our purpose.

Barnabas was called the Encourager. He brought many to the Christian faith. He worked with Paul and brought many Gentiles into the faith until… They parted ways because of the disagreement about John Mark. Paul did not want John Mark because he had failed him. Barnabas did want him, so he took John Mark on his expedition. He discipled John Mark who grew into a mature and effective Christian. Paul sent for John Mark in his later ministry because of this, calling John Mark useful. All things worked together for good. Purpose. They both aimed to bring many into the Christian faith, though they were very different in style and manner. However imperfectly, they loved God and learned to love others.

We start with the Great Commandment: “‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Then what?

That’s where passion comes into play, though it isn’t everything. We’ll get bored, discouraged and scared.

Talent? Yes, but it’s not everything.

Knowledge? Yes, but it can puff up. So can generosity.

If we love the Father and put our trust in Him, these things will become clearer.

So we get up, show up and never give up. True faith.

No one has a purpose in a vacuum. Others can point out our strengths, support and positive criticism, which is why a Christian family is so important. Prayer, of course, but bumps, entanglements and setbacks will occur. So, don’t give up!

Musings

It hurts sometimes to Get Up. Show Up. Never Give up.  It also requires a huge dose of humility, faith and patience–doesn’t every worthwhile challenge? The three questions: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Is important too. We risk because there’s no other way. We will blow it. If our purpose is love, we’ll make a huge difference no matter the mistakes—the Bible is filled with imperfect people who had a purpose. Our Father will make it good according to His purpose.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for encouraging us every day to get up, show up and never give up. You’ve promised to be with us always, which empowers our faith daily. The little, everyday triumphs give us direction and purpose—Your purpose. It’s amazing when truly seeing how far we’ve come and how much has been accomplished!

With gratitude…

Amen.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

There are no shortcuts to maturity. Suffering is another painful step toward maturity. It must be fully experienced to move forward. I watched on television a touching story of a retired Marine who helped a young Marine war veteran with unpredictable and agonizing PTSD. Both struggled greatly but they did so together. The older veteran said, “You’re not a victim. You’re a survivor.” Big difference! Their relationship became a beautiful work of faith.

Have you known someone who lost a pet and knew exactly how you felt when you lost yours?

Helping single young women start and maintain a career was my fondest and most challenging redemptive experience. Not victims. Survivors.

AA was founded by two alcoholics who could not stay sober. No longer victims of alcohol. Survivors.

Many in police work lost a loved one to crime.

Many abused children grow up and foster/counseled troubled and at-risk children. True and miraculous survivors.

Jesus was and is the perfect example of redemptive suffering. Easter. Resurrection Day!

Redemptive suffering. We become empathetic witnesses to the person suffering. A very critical step in healing. We comfort with the comfort our Lord gives.

The Apostle Paul was beaten, shipwrecked, hungry and cold to the point of death. Yet, he raised a boy from the dead (see Acts 20) and healed many but not himself. Luke seemed to be Paul’s constant companion and doctor to help heal his wounds—no quick fix for Paul. But his letters are rich with love, hope and grace, as a result of his pain. Redemptive suffering.

Musings

It stays with us, those scars of abuse, betrayal and abandonment but they’re not the whole story and not who we are. We become survivors and then Overcomers. Our stories are the redeemed feelings, wisdom and scar tissue we use to help others. We are commanded to comfort others, once we are secure with our Father and the loss. The loss you’ve experienced will not go unnoticed or prove not unfruitful, even though the understanding of our Father’s will in it may not be clear. Trust. Faith. Love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We know that your ways are not our ways. We know leaning on our own understanding and not yours is dangerous. We can only comfort others with the comfort You abundantly pour on us. Help us be grateful despite suffering because we know You will use it for good. Now and forever.

Amen.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8

“We must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Remember the story of the rich man who approached Jesus and asked how to get into the Kingdom of Heaven and Jesus told him to go and sell all he had and follow him? The rich man was so sure of himself because he kept the letter of the Law. He left very disappointed. There’s so much the rich man must have been thinking. He was humbled. Maybe he thought he could earn it (we’ve all done that). And to let go of great wealth? Wouldn’t we all struggle with that?

We all have and will be disappointed. With others, with circumstances, with God and with ourselves. Mostly expectations of how things should be and how they actually are.

We are disappointed daily with traffic, weather, loss of a client, unexpected bill and catching the flu. There are major disappointments too like someone leaving the faith, death, relapse and absent answers to prayer. Don’t “stack” your disappointments. An example of this is I woke up today with horrible allergy symptoms, the wind is roaring and the national news is awful. I just stacked these disappointments into a miserable day like a Costco warehouse!

Fixed mindset. Things shouldn’t be this way! No, they shouldn’t, but they are. We have daily mindset training, and Paul says beautifully how and what to think about in the above verse.  Martin Luther King reminds us that disappointment is everyone’s lot in life, though disappointments don’t last. Did your parents say, “The people in (some foreign country) would be glad to eat whatever food you disliked? (Peas, yuck) The start of a negative mindset. I still won’t touch peas.

There are no shortcuts to maturity. We change our minds so easily in some areas and dig our heels in others. So Paul tells us to think “about these things,” which puts us back into gratefulness. We may not feel grateful but we know we are. When I was commuting in a blizzard, anxiety and dread were strong! The vision of my car sliding into a pit was all I could see! I prayed for safety for myself and other commuters. My white-knuckling fingers relaxed on the steering wheel and the vision of having enough water in my drought-stricken area because of the snow helped me get home. Tuning the radio station dial to a positive Christian station helped. Mindset. Such a tough habit to form, especially under pressure! I have not fully accomplished this yet. A recent computer crash humbled me. Baby steps.

Self-Loathing. As the common phrase says, “Be patient with me. God isn’t finished with me yet” starts with you being patient with yourself. We have had years of disappointing thoughts and situations that it may take years to flip to hope and gratefulness consistently. I read, “It takes a day to grow a mushroom and years to grow a tree,” Our Father doesn’t change us overnight. He could but good character just isn’t an overnight achievement. With the Father’s help, we’ll have a new and positive mindset.

Musings

Sometimes we brush off disappointing circumstances and feelings but they must be faced especially our disappointments. But with grace and support, we improve much quicker and with gratefulness creative solutions appear.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We aren’t in heaven yet so disappointments are everywhere! Thank you for the discipline of centering our minds on much more fruitful and rewarding thoughts. We always have so much to be thankful for, starting with Your Son, Jesus.

Amen.

Are You Stuck Where You Don’t Belong?

“Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already—you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.” Isaiah 43:18-19 GNTD

“You’re not stuck. You’re just committed to certain patterns of behavior because they helped you in the past. Now those behaviors have become more harmful than helpful. The reason why you can’t move forward is because you keep applying an old formula to a new level in your life. Change the formula to get a different result.” Emily Maroutian

New behaviors will need to be developed throughout all stages of life or we will be forever stuck. Thankfully, we have a Father who will help us. He clears the road and gives us refreshment and wisdom along the way. Practice makes excellence.

My latest challenge was widowhood. I needed a new formula. But what new formula? I couldn’t see past my all-encompassing pain and neediness. It truly was a wilderness!

First, I took it to my Father and prayed over and over. Finally, with support, time and awakening came acceptance. The formula I was applying to my new life wasn’t working because I didn’t “live” there anymore. Wifely responsibilities and all that come with being a wife were gone. Now I really needed my Father to show me the way. Being a wife was a description but it’s not all I am.

Patience. This one has always been a huge challenge for me in my “fix it now” world. A big, gaping hole was in my life but gently the Father showed me that first, I’m his child. He loves me more than my spouse, parents, friends and children. He has a place and works for me to do no matter my station in life.

When I became a wife, my single life formula didn’t work anymore and I willingly gave that up and practiced new behaviors, especially commitment. Will be tested.

When I became a parent, adult responsibilities became a new and challenging formula to practice. Midnight challenges from newborn feedings and colic to teenage years anxiously waiting for my teen to come home. He was way past his set curfew. Will be tested.

Retirement brings its own challenges such as loneliness, boredom, health issues and “what now” times.

Becoming a Christian is the most challenging formula, covering all of life’s stuck places with promise. Will be tested over and over. Other life changes don’t necessarily have promise. Becoming a parent can be riddled with pain. So is getting married. Starting college or a new career. Only our Father has the formula. We are to practice the new behaviors. We become unstuck. We become “New Creatures.” We practice for excellence.

Musings

Seasons of life must pass with new behaviors or we remain stuck. We’re always a parent but the relationship must change when our children grow up. Spouses may become chronically ill and our behaviors must change to care for them. Have you ever known someone in their adult years who was still acting like a child? Stuck. Same behaviors. Paul did. He said they were still on breast milk and not ready for meat in Corinthians. Immature. Ouch! Stuck. But we have the promise from the Father that there is a wonderful way for us with lots of practice and relationships.

Prayer

Dear Father,

The most important thing is to be yours and to imitate Your Son, Jesus. We fall so woefully short. Help us to relish the grace You pour upon us, especially during this holiest of times: Resurrection Day. Though we struggle to practice New Creation behaviors, we know you are there to make us more and more like Jesus. Transformation. Resurrection.

We thank you for the blood of Christ, grace and a whole new life with you.

Amen.

Thoughts during this Holy week.

Is Kindness a Weakness?

“The LORD is [unwaveringly] righteous in all His ways And gracious and kind in all His works.” Psalm 145:17 AMP

“One should never mistake kindness for weakness… For it is the moments that we apply kindness that our strength is revealed.” Unknown

Animals. Even a feral kitten tears my heart out. It’s so easy to be kind to this orange tabby kitten who is such a love bug. Most people find it easy to be kind to animals. They’re innocent and have no choices to improve their lot in life.

But people? They’re the hardest to be kind to. My sister and I had a disagreement about people. She thinks most people are basically good and kind. I argued that we are not naturally good and kind giving examples of toddlers having meltdowns in the grocery store to politicians accepting bribes. Warlords are disturbingly the same. We choose and learn to be kind. Or, we choose to be something else.

“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God.” Romans 3.

It’s easy to be kind when a person is a good person but people are not good. I know I’m not. That’s why Jesus came. He is the kindest and strongest person to grace the Earth. He forgave us from a humiliating, bloody and shameful cross and continues this today. I think about Jesus trying to carry his cross with his back stripped down to the bone from the whips with sharp stones. Strength. While we were still hostile… More strength. And kindness.

Some think Jesus was a pacificist and a gentle man. But his fury at the temple when he threw out the money changers and called the religious elite white-washed tombs says differently. The Roman centurion asked Jesus to save his beloved servant from death. Jesus was ready to walk with the centurion to his home to heal the servent, but the centurian recognized Jesus’s strength and authority. A gentile who grasped what Israel could or would not. True authority and strength. Of course, the servant was healed that very moment the Centurion asked.

But Jesus was gentle and kind. He blessed the children and made time for them even though the disciples tried to shoo them away. Or the woman with a bleeding disorder who secretly touched Jesus’s robe and was praised for her faith. Jesus crying over Jerusalem and Lazarus’s death. Jesus in torment at the Mount of Olives. For us.

Perfect kindness and strength. Our example.

Musings

No one was as strong or as kind as Jesus. No one is good, except Jesus. It’s Palm Sunday as I write this and looking toward Good Friday. May we be strong and kind as we celebrate Jesus’ death, resurrection and eternal life.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for Your Supreme Gift, Jesus. We struggle to understand and to love as He did but your grace keeps us looking upward toward Him.

Thank you for the death, resurrection, forgiveness, grace and eternal life because of what Jesus did for us.

Hallelujah—Praise the Lord!

Amen.

Knowledge or Intimacy

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-2 NIV (Emphasis mine)

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Unknown

Knowledge is easy to obtain. You can research online, through books, lectures, experience or by asking another.

Intimacy takes time. Presence. Honesty. Listening. Empathizing. Vulnerability. Challenges. Feelings. Personal growth.

I remember reading in the Bible how sick and tired of sacrifices, showboating and wordy prayers our Father was. The religious of the day took great pride in their religious practices. Their heart was far from the Father.

Our Father wants a personal relationship with you. With me. It’s good to study the Bible, go to church and give to charity. We know to do these things. But the Creator of all, including us, wants friendship (Jesus called his disciples friends) from us. I know of no other religion that wants such an intimate relationship.

For so many years my motives were definitely out of sync with what our Father wanted. My checklist was as follows: Teach Sunday school, mentor, volunteer, and give to charity. But my heart was far from Him. I was earning brownie points and, quite frankly, was exhausted! Isn’t this what good Christians do? Yes, if it’s out of love. If you’re feeling exhausted, check the motive.

I know what my son does for a living. I know what charity he volunteers and gives to. I know what hobbies he has. Does this mean I know him? No. I know about him. We talk about our challenges, disappointments, fears and loves. We share meals together. That’s the heart.

Our Father wants the same from us. The works will follow from an overflowing love with thanks. Our Father knows anyway and yet we think our Father only wants the “big” things from us.  But most of life is the little things that build relationships. Now I tell him everything, even the little, grumpy, embarrassing and boring. I’m learning to sit still and be open for the “still, small voice.”

Musings

Relationships are the wonders, rewards and foundations of life. If the relationship with the Father is sound, the rest will follow. Thanks, forgiveness, affection and honesty are the tools. Intimacy.

What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We forget you call us your friends. David was “a man after your own heart.” We are too. Encourage us to bring everything to you and enjoy the privilege of friendship with you.

In your Son’s name, we thank you.

Amen.

Happiness is a choice.

“You make known to me the path of life;
    you will fill me with joy in your presence,
    with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalm 16:11 NIV

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” —Mahatma Gandhi

A teacher gave her students balloons and instructed them to put their names on them, blow them up and float them into the school’s hallway. They did as the teacher instructed with quizzical looks all over the classroom. The teacher then instructed the students to find their balloons in the hallway with their names on them. The hallway was filled with colorful balloons bouncing against the walls and floor spilling into the classrooms.  The students couldn’t find their own balloons. The teacher then said to pick a balloon and find the person whose name is on the balloon. In five minutes with giggles and surprise, everyone had their own balloon. The teacher then said, “The balloons are like happiness. When you are chasing happiness, you won’t find it, but when you reach out to another, you will find it.”

Brilliant teacher.

And something so colorful, inexpensive and simple as a balloon really adds to happiness .

Musings

No matter our circumstances, if we reach out to others there will be a bit of bliss. Happiness is always a choice. My friend who recently passed away was stuck in a chair at home because she was so ill, but still managed to have coffee with me along with lively conversations and great affection. A bit of happiness and memories of her company in an old farmhouse I will treasure forever. I think I’ll send up a balloon with her name on it.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your Son who always reaches out without punishment or condemnation. He said that others will know us if we love each other—happiness. Help us to realize and take in happiness today.

Amen.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 NIV

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ― Thomas Edison

Failure is bad. No, it isn’t. It just feels really bad! When I look at my failures, I realize they were the foundation for my successes because they caused me to change direction or acquire knowledge and training. The first time I used a computer, many years ago, was a disaster! My husband couldn’t believe how much difficulty I had with a mouse. He said, “You look like you’ve been hit by lightning!” Actually, I laughed because he was right. So, he taught me and I relaxed.

There are other failures in life that hurt so much: Divorce, addictions, childhood traumas, bankruptcies and more. But the Father is our strength and our heart through these disasters. Have you recounted any of your failures and realized how they propelled you to success? Remember taking a spelling test and the word you missed is the one that’s bronzed into your mind forever. (My word was entrepreneur)

“Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.” Sigh… I’ve proved this over and over. You?

Failure isn’t linear. Success isn’t linear. There are feel-good times, anxious times and “It’s over times.” Athletes are perfect examples of this. I’m a Denver Broncos fan and loved watching Elway play. He had all kinds of ups and downs, a lack of good team players, and doubts but he finally made it to the Superbowl…. And lost. Made it again and again and lost. But finally! Wins!

The Father uses pain to get our attention, protect us and train us. Sometimes it’s not pretty. How many athletes broke a rib or leg? Some athletes couldn’t return to their sport and went on to be successful businessmen, teachers, pastors and celebrities. Tony Dungy is one I immediately thought of though he wasn’t physically injured. He played for the Pittsburgh Steelers and coached the Indianapolis Colts and was fired by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He and his wife have fostered many, many children and Tony started a prison ministry. How many have successful second marriages? I’m one. How many went to counseling to overcome mental, spiritual and emotional issues and became counselors themselves? Failure is not the whole story. And you will feel joy again.

Musings

I think every Christian gets this painful and true lesson in their walk with Jesus, “You never know how much you need God until God is all you’ve got.” And somehow, after failure, we get up, try again or a different approach, and ideas of success become more focused and in line with our faith. Peace, contentment and usefulness with confidence are ours. All we have to do is ask.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for creating us and showing us how to work for your glory. Help us in our times of failure to remember failure is not the whole story. Moses was a murderer, Joseph was arrogant, Gideon was a coward, David also was a murderer and adulterer and Peter was emotional and prejudiced but you used these greats for good. We are grateful to be counted and to be used for good, too.

Amen.