“He who is slow to anger is better than a warrior, and he who controls his temper is greater than one who captures a city.” Berean Standard Bible

“We need to be able to deal with doubt lovingly, helpfully, and especially without ever scolding or shaming anyone for doubting. We must allow people to be who they are and then be able to meet them where they are.”

― from “The Allure of Gentleness: Defending the Faith in the Manner of Jesus”

A man, a neurosurgeon I respect said, “Anger brings company.” Oh! How true! Pausing to ask myself what this anger is trying to tell me is challenging because I’m all emotional when angry with little rational thought. Remember the phrase, “count to ten when angry and if very angry count to 100?” So wise. Because here are some of the companions to anger:

Defensiveness. Protecting our ego, caught in something troublesome, still working on shame issues—what is this anger trying to tell me?

Unfairness. Life will always be unfair. The perfect man was sent to the cross. Many good people have died helping and rescuing others. Diseases still annihilate even the good or young. This could be righteous anger that motivates us to action or giving.

Irresponsibility. Avoiding or denying my part. Even bad relationships are not entirely one person’s fault.

Doubt. Everyone has times of doubt. Atheists have doubts. Doctors have doubts. Parents have doubts. We are tested so that doubt may shrink and trust in the Father grows.

Denial. This is another convenient behavior that will leave us stranded. Most people in recovery grapple and, hopefully, overcome through their willingness to let go to a Higher Power.

Envy. Comparing ourselves to others will always bring us up short. There will always be someone smarter, richer or more attractive. Those aren’t the things that get us to be like Jesus. I believe the Pharisees envied Jesus, who had no advantage at all, all the way to the cross and resurrection.

Past real or perceived wounds. They need attention. Pray, talk to a wise friend or counselor and let go. Make a list of progress and talents.

Illness. My husband would get very angry during his last couple of years fighting Lewy body dementia and it could not be controlled and it was not his fault. Many times it was directed at me. Boy! Did I learn to practice gentleness? I lost a few times. This brings me to…

Compassion. For yourself. For others. With lots of prayer and self-reflection without ruminating. It’s funny how compassion works. When I am compassionate toward myself, there is room for compassion for others. It’s “what flows out of the heart…” It’s gentle. It’s forgiving. It’s empathetic. It real. It’s active love. It dismisses Anger’s devilish companions.

Musings

We need to pause, pray quickly and ask ourselves, “What is this anger trying to tell me?” Sometimes it’s nothing except to walk away. Sometimes it is motivation to right a wrong like hunger, suicide or addiction. Sometimes it’s a warning light on some unconscious need, trauma or falsehood. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are always available to help.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Paul reminds us, “We do not fight against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” It’s a challenge we often forget, which is why prayer is so crucial.

Help us to pause when angry and pause longer when very angry and let the Spirit take the lead. We ask and thank You for your constant counsel and help.

Amen.

“And since he would not be persuaded, we became quiet, remarking, “The will of the Lord be done!”’ Acts 21:14 NASB

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Teddy Roosevelt

Since the beginning of time, intimidation, bullying, threats and war have existed, from which we don’t seem to learn. Jesus counseled, “By their fruit, you will know them.” I use that phrase often to make decisions from dating to whom to vote for. Most of the news is filled with threats of war, fires, showboating politicians and higher taxes hurting poor and working-class families. When the protesters in France threw soup on a Van Gogh painting, Mr. Black Sheep and I said to each other, “How is this persuading us to their cause?”

Do we do the same with others in our life? When Jesus started the Sermon on the Mount, he fed them first. He knew a full tummy is more receptive to the truth than an empty tummy. He then revealed to the crowd their prized and heavenly attributes, before giving any other messages. Jesus counseled us to feed our enemy, pray for them and leave the results with the Father. No force. Even useful when instructing and disciplining our children. Do our children know how much we care? Undisciplined parents can harm more than we can imagine.

Motives. What’s the real agenda here? Some are obvious: Attention, money or favors. It reminds me of Jesus’ story of the worker who was embezzling from his boss and about to be fired. But the worker went out to his clients and wrote off some of their debt so he’d have them in debt to him when the boss fired him. Jesus called him shrewd.  The children of this world are shrewder than the children of light. True then. True now. Check the fruit.

Godly persuasion takes much more work, honesty and research. How does this benefit them? Every good salesperson or therapist knows how to find the client’s problem and assist in coming up with solutions to the client’s problem. And it takes work. It takes active listening. It takes empathizing. It takes putting my own ego aside. It takes tons of patience as people usually aren’t persuaded the first time. Think about the changes you have made in your own lives: Was it one and done? Probably not. Were the changes forced? An arrest or ultimatum may start the process but it will not last without care. Not even something so wonderful as becoming a Christian. Two steps forward…

Musings

“What can I do for you?” “Would you like to get well?” “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Persuasion. No demands, attention-seeking, emotional outbursts, ultimatums, no rule-making but serving with love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Persuasion is difficult, especially when our focus is on ourselves and not on You. But loving persuasion becomes life-changing with joy one person at a time. Help us to ask others, “What do you want me to do for you?” when faced with the problems of today. Help us to pause, self-reflect, pray, research, and most importantly, follow through.

Thank you for persuading us to be in your family through your Son.

Amen.

Anxiety

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” — Aristotle

If you know how to worry, you know how to meditate. This jewel of a statement says it all. However, it’s difficult! Some may need professional help for an anxiety disorder, the disorder of today. It is one of my most difficult challenges and the answer is simple but so tough to implement.

Slow down. Talk to yourself as a dear friend. Identify the judgmental parent, teacher, neighbor or boss in your head. They need to go! It’s very eye-opening to learn the voice in our head is the problem much more often than a person.

Back to this moment. Live in today. If you need help, seek it.  Slowing down and praying is an excellent way to find an empathetic and wise person.  We need support to release the tension with affection and understanding.

Pray. Ask. Thank. But the heart beats so fast and the mind is shooting static! Our emotions explode. Sometimes anger is involved, guilt for a perceived wrong, and anxiety over the possible outcomes. Our Father is in the future and in the moment.

Self-compassion. The Father knows our limits and is eager to help and stretch them. If he is compassionate toward us, shouldn’t we be? Is the voice in my head shutting out the voice of His Spirit who prays with groanings too deep for words? Take a bit of heat off yourself. This world is challenging, yet His Son took this world as it is so he can help us. The Psalms teach us self-compassion with hope. 1 John demonstrates the full love of the Father, which eases the anxiety. Loved people are anxious at times, but not as often or as intensely because they have a Helper.

Musings

As long as we’re on planet Earth, anxiety will visit and pour doubt all over us. The Accuser loves to use discouragement, anxiety, guilt, shame, fear and hopelessness. He is the Father of Lies using a speck of truth within lies to bring condemnation to our life. When anxious, remember the Father of Lies knows the Word better than we do and perverts it to keep us imprisoned. Jesus has freed us from prison. “And it came to pass…”

Prayer

Dear Father,

We know anxiety has been troubling people since Adam and Eve. It paralyzes and lies to us like a whirlwind! But the still, small voice that cuts through the whirlwind is Your way of helping and rescuing us. We’ve experienced this many times without condemnation or abandonment. Thank you.

Amen.

Love is a Person

“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” 1^st John 4:16

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”–Victor Hugo

Have you had a child or student ask you what is love? We know our Father is love, though mystifying.

“It starts with the end in mind.” All parents imagine wonderful things for their newborns. Will they be a doctor? Pilot? Cure cancer? They make a big deal about their first step, first “potty” and first day of school. And they do everything possible in the present to love this new one to good things. They save for college. They make sure to feed their loved ones the very best. They encourage, discipline, praise, teach and touch. And our Father does the same for us, His children, and more too. Think about when you became a brand new Christian. Did the Father delight with your most basic accomplishments? Did He not celebrate when you were baptized or took your first communion? The angels celebrate when someone becomes a Christian. They celebrated over you! We were babies in the faith and look how far we’ve come, even if it was only yesterday. He knows the end result that is perfect.

Love is a person. He’s active. He serves. He has fruit for those who hunger. He comforts the grieving. He counsels – “Wisdom from above.” He never ever leaves you. He never gives up. Jesus said, “If you being evil know how to give good things to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give to those who ask Him.” We receive from a person. We have a relationship with a real person.

He’s got this. He’s got you. No matter the challenges, situations or griefs we experience, Jesus prayed and said, “Not one will be snatched from his hand.” It’s hard to grasp this when we’re drowning in turmoil, but he truly has us in his hand. No matter what you’ve done, did not do or won’t do, He’s got you because He loves you. This is how we learn to love each other.

Musings

This is why we are grateful IN ALL THINGS. No, we’re not grateful FOR all things. But we have Someone that loves us more than we can understand, for now. Some things will be clear and some things will not be until we’re with the Father in Paradise, but we can be sure Someone who is Love is with us always and forever.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Love is a Person: Jesus. Perfect love. Love that casts out fear. Love that never leaves us. Love that has a vision for us now and forever.

With a grace that knows no bounds.

Thank you.

Amen.

Including us!

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV

“We have nothing that is really our own; we hold everything as a loan.” ― Nicolas Poussin

As has been said, “The good news is nothing lasts forever. The bad news is nothing lasts forever.” Loving a person, animal, nature or a good book is healthy. Thinking it will last is unrealistic. And all of it is the Father’s. My child, my spouse, and my home are on loan from the Father. Same with you. And I’ve battled with the Father when it was time to give back to Him what is His. It’s tough to have light hands and open hearts with gratefulness.

Live Life Fully. “None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself as an afterthought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you are carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.” Anthony Hopkins. Our Father has given us so much and we’re so focused on being serious, nursing wounds and collecting successes that we’re letting good things and memory-making things slip by. How can we envision heaven when we aren’t enjoying the present with all its delights?

Musings

An ice cream cone while walking barefoot, splashing on our favorite perfume, camping in the backyard and sneaking in some fishing are harmless and overdue treats we should pluck while we’re here. They are so much fun now, cost little but give much, while developing comforting memories for the future. What’s your treat? Enjoy! With a full and thankful heart.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Those special little treats you give us each and every day become background when we lose touch with you. Help us, with thankfulness, to open our eyes, hearts and hands realizing it’s all yours. Thank you.

Amen.

“A fool always loses his temper, But a wise person holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11 NASB

“No matter what type of anger or frustration we have to struggle with, a clear picture of how our faith in God is the answer to anything we need to overcome.” – Carol Graham

Small things don’t matter until you’re in bed with a buzzing mosquito!

Frustration is those annoying, itching, biting mites interfering with our goals, rest and peace. It’s so remarkable that people can handle catastrophes, tragedies and pain better than the daily nits that poke at us. An urgent phone call in the middle of a meeting, a child throwing up in class, or a flat tire on the way to work are those little bugs that throw the whole day out of kilter. Worse, our attitude.

Have you been on the phone to make sure your internet provider is aware of a “bug” in your service? Have you waited an hour to be told we’ll send you a new router then it comes and it’s not the problem? So, it’ll be a week or two before we can send someone to your office to correct the problem and don’t even say they’re sorry? This is what really shows who I am! Bad words come into play. Throwing the router out the window comes to mind. The image of Jesus’ cursing a fig tree that produced no fruit so that it withered and never produced again, gives me a wee bit of satisfaction.

Control. I have, once again, fooled myself into thinking I have it. The big obstacles of life are so hard, it’s true, but we give ourselves grace and admit we do not have control over life and death, tornadoes or floods. We pray. We give ourselves a bit of compassion. We seek assistance. We pray for each other. More importantly, we get back up, dust ourselves off, thank the Father, and start again. It’s the same for the little, annoying, and frustrating things. Life is so full of these! And many times in our day.

Musings

The termites, mites, gnats and bugs of life. These are what cripple our spiritual walk and our joy. The daily “what nows” of life humble us. The belief that we should have control and do have control over the little annoyances deceives us. Perhaps, that’s the point. Let’s start all over again… With grace. They are small things compared to the eternal picture.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your wisdom, grace and counsel in the big and the little things. We consider little things annoyances and frustrations but they are the daily disciplines of being more like your Son and living in abundance. No matter what happens today, you are with us and we can joyfully, and with a bit of humor and humility, have a good day. Jesus took the world as it is. We need to do this too.

Amen.

Count the Cost

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” Luke 14:28

“The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life, which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” ― Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Good things cost. Having a family means your time and money are not your own. Remaining single means you have your time and money but loneliness may haunt you.

Bad things cost. Continuing an addiction means loss of health, friends, family and possibly arrest. Not paying your bills may cost you more than paying them with the rewards of bad credit, no home mortgage or harassment from creditors.

Following Christ costs. However, a lot of things life dishes out to us happen to those who don’t follow Christ too. However, they don’t enjoy a loving relationship with the Father, grace, counseling, spiritual family or eternity with Him. We do. We are to set our sights on what is “Eternal” while the nonbelievers do not. For them, this is it.

Love costs. “But we don’t grieve as those without hope.” “Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted.” Love anything or anyone and it will die. It’s always a shock, but we are comforted knowing this world is not all there is. The Father provides comfort through his Son, creation and fellow Christians. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. Grief is the final act of loving someone. Even Jesus grieved—the Man of Sorrow.

Everything we do costs something.  Freedom may mean war. Peace may mean conflicts and seemingly endless negotiations. Time spent with an ill friend costs us the time to do something pleasant. Spending time at work and providing for our families means hobbies are on the back burner.

Neglecting our time with the Father is very expensive. I spent the most fulfilling time with my Father in the car commuting. Your slice of intimacy with the Father may be early morning, jogging, over a cup of coffee or in the shower—any time and any place are good. The Father and I discussed everything! From my finances and the deaths of friends or family to asking for the Father to help me be full and reassured of His love, especially when I’ve done wrong. I am dependent on the Father for the very air I breathe. Acts 17:28 confirms this. I have fallen asleep praying to the Father. Experiencing the Father is not the same as knowing about him. We need both. Relationship. Companionship. Freedom from hiding the darkest secrets and struggles is such a gift. And healing. Transforming.  We don’t depend on willpower alone.

Musings

Everything has a price. Jesus fully paid our price so we may “boldly approach the Throne of Grace and find help in time of need.” Think of the Father’s price—the crucifixion of his only Son.

No matter the struggle, the Father is always there for us. He always brings good out of bad to those who love Him. He loves us more than we can comprehend but we’re learning.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for Your Son who fully paid the price so we may be called your children. Guide us in the choices we make today. Help us to see and count the costs and our blessings, especially the price Jesus paid so we can have communion with You—to be called Your friend.

Amen.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful.” Buddha

Everything is God’s and not mine. It was agony when it was time to put my little dog to sleep. She was gone. She is God’s. But still, there’s pain. I hang on. I still have her collar, numerous photos and still shed tears. Love. Gratefulness. Compassion. Relationship. And a new dog. I became just a bit better with my little dog.

Then there are other changes that are not sentimental or loving. Every time I try to quit a bad habit, addiction or judgment, there’s pain involved. Trying to overcome low self-esteem, melancholy, the past is formidable. I am a new person, yet I cling to and resist changing. Even the Apostle Paul personally struggled with this frustration described in Romans! These things are obviously bad for me and remain a part of me because it’s comfortable, like old pajamas that are no longer useful. Then, immediate regret. Attachment. False security. Instant gratification. Toxic relationship. Someone has to help me accept and live this new life and let go of destructive behaviors. God sees this new creation even if others, including myself, do not. Yes, pain is involved. Eventually, joy.

Musings

Picturing ourselves as a new creation takes practice. It involves letting go while enduring the emptiness and trusting our Father. I grab worldly things to fix me and they always let me down. We have a helper to guide and encourage new behavior. We have grace as we stumble one step forward and several back. But new creations we are and we have a relationship with our father, with each other while our grip lets go of “false idols.” Eventually, we glimpse this new creation in ourselves and fulfill God’s plan.

Prayer

Father,

Help us to see attachments and let them go. Help us to see relationships, especially our relationship with you. Help us to see what you saw when you created us.

Everything is yours and we are fortunate that you’ve blessed us with everything pertaining to life and joyfulness. Help us loosen our grip on what is not beneficial and grow into you.

Amen

The Most Effective Character Builder

“And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.” Matthew 7:25 ESV

“Life will keep bringing you the same test over and over again until you pass it.” Unknown

Have you felt like life is a setup? Do you wonder why evil people live in prosperity and you’ve barely got enough money for milk and bread? Why are your loved ones deceased and others living joyfully with their loved ones? Me too. I’ve read repeatedly in the Bible that our primary goal is to become more Like the Son, Jesus. And many times it feels so bad! Life is a test. But…

He promises us and God cannot lie:

“So that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous [those who are morally upright] and the unrighteous [the unrepentant, those who oppose Him].”

Who we are under pressure is who we truly are. For me, it’s not pretty! And it reinforces my total dependency on the Father. John the Baptist said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.”  Life is a test.

Dependency. There’s so much out there about co-dependency, self-improvement and success training, which surely builds us and shows improvement. But the Father’s way is to accept and even embrace our failings with him. If we don’t, we will rationalize, intellectualize (my go-to) or deny the truth. Something as simple as losing my temper over the smallest thing like my dog barking non-stop can drive me to frustration. Why? It’s a test and shows my very human logic: I want control over the dog. I can’t so I’m a bad dog owner. I’m a bad person. The neighbors will see what a bad person I am. See how this works? I’m not embracing or accepting at all of my dog, myself or the Father!

And the Father uses others to get our attention. The greatest lessons in my life were handed to me by the Father and they were always others—even a dog. When the boss is demanding, the children are whining, the grocery clerk is snippy and the news depresses me—all character development tests. And I’ve failed them many, many times but realizing I’m truly loved by the Father opens my heart. I sometimes fearfully ask him, “What’s the lesson?” In Psalm 139 it says, “Test me Lord and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.” It’s a prayer that is always answered. It takes a huge amount of honesty, humility and bravery. And the Father will send the right situation to nudge us forward. With him. Until we pass the test.

Musings

Time for a very honest conversation with the Father. Let’s face it; He knows anyway. Being honest with the Father about ourselves is never easy. It’s never a quick situation. It requires uncomfortable truths, prayer and self-reflection. But it works! It’s peaceful. It’s encouraging. It brings joy even in the midst of turmoil. And it makes us more like the Father’s Son.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for Your Son, our High Priest, who never punishes but welcomes our honesty and struggle. We are doing the best we can because we love you but we will always need you to do what is right and good in the storm. Thank you for causing all things to work to good.

Amen.