Attachments

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful.” Buddha

Everything is God’s and not mine. When it was time to put my little dog to sleep, it was agony. She was gone. She is God’s. But still, there’s pain. I hang on. I still have her collar, numerous photos and still shed tears. Love. Gratefulness. Compassion. Relationship. And a new dog. I became just a bit better from my little dog.

Then there’s other changes that are not sentimental or loving. Every time I try to quit a bad habit, addiction or judgment, there’s pain involved. Trying to overcome low self-esteem, melancholy, the past is formidable. I am a new person, yet I cling and resist changing. Even the Apostle Paul personally struggled with this frustration described in Romans! These things are obviously bad for me and remain a part of me because, for one, it’s comfortable, like old pajamas that are no longer useful. Then, immediate regret. Attachment. False security. Instant gratification. Toxic relationship. Someone has to help me accept and live this new life and let go of destructive behaviors. God sees this new creation even if others, including myself, do not. Yes, pain is involved. Eventually, joy.

Musings

Picturing ourselves as a new creation takes practice. It involves letting go while enduring the emptiness and trusting our father. I grab worldly things to fix me and they always let me down. We have a helper to guide and encourage new behavior. We have grace as we stumble one step forward and several back. But new creations we are and we have relationship with our father, with each other while our grip lets go of “false idols.” Eventually, we glimpse this new creation in ourselves and fulfill God’s plan.

Prayer

Father,

Help us to see attachments and let them go. Help us to see relationships, especially our relationship with you. Help us to see what you saw when you created us.

Everything is yours and we are fortunate that you’ve blessed us with everything pertaining to life and joyfulness. Help us to loosen our grip on what is not beneficial and to grow up into you.

Amen

Today, will you join me in honoring and praying for the fallen and their families?

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:20-21 KJV

“The soul is a treasure chest; hidden inside of it are priceless jewels.”- Matshona Dhilwayo.

Today, I post with a heavy heart because I treasure my country. I grieve for the families, allies, Afghans and our precious veterans.

A pastor once said in a sermon, “If you want to know what you treasure is, check your checkbook.” And I looked. True words. A card statement works. Online statements work. Receipts. It’s a spiritual mirror which shows my real desires and what I treasure.

 Here’s what I found in my checkbook: Dog, cat and vet expenses. Non-negotiable for me. My tithe to a Christian group that rescues sex trafficked children. Books! And more books. Bills, of course, utilities, maintenance of the home, groceries, Wi-Fi, writing courses, gasoline and car maintenance, clothing, makeup and perfume. But I was astonished at how much I spent on animal expenses and books! Lots! I treasure pets and books. I really do!

Time is another valuable resource that once it’s spent, Whoosh! It’s gone. Where do I spend the most time? Social media is one addictive timewaster. Entertainment, whether it’s TV, gaming, or even online self-improvement gurus. It’s okay to have some downtime, education and fun, but never mistake it for treasure. Sometimes we need to plan our absence from those things that just aren’t treasure.

Some adjustments will be made. I learned books and animals are my soul’s desire, aside from my father, of course. Proof is in my checkbook and card statement. However, my pets may want me to spend more time with them rather than toys, too many treats and yes, a doggie sweater with my favorite football team’s logo. Am I spending for them or as a “quick happiness fix?” Guilt? Definitely applies with our children. I have been guilty of spending money on my children and grandchildren too much, rather than time and experiences. I’ve started a book of my ancestors with photos, stories, and historical events like the Kennedy assassination, 9/11, the Great Depression and plan on sitting with them and sharing the emotional and spiritual aspects too. Possible lessons and insight for all of us. Treasure.

Musings

God is my treasure, too. The “Pearl of Great Price.” There’s always room, lots and lots of room, for improvement. I have invested in seminars, books, several Bibles to know him better. But, like my pets and grandchildren, my treasure is being with him every minute, every hour with gratefulness, being open to all he has for me as I grow up into him. Relationship. Treasure. There’s a big difference between knowledge and experience. As I walk with him, he reveals how precious he is and how precious I am.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for giving us the most precious gift of all, your greatest treasure, your son. “Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness.” Jesus’ blood is more precious than gold. Eternal treasure. And thank you for eternal life that we may be with your forever.

Amen.

“I will call those who were not my people, ‘My people,’ and I will call her who was unloved,‘My beloved.’”Romans 9:25 NET

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”” C.S. Lewis

Being a Christian means we belong. We belong to one another. We belong to a king. We have a Wonderful Counselor. We have grace and freedom. We have connection. We have love. We change.

 We belong!

My whole being was rejecting the daily mundane duties the other day.  My mind drifted off to high school.  Mind you, I haven’t thought about high school in years. They were extremely painful times of dramatic parents, dramatic me and no connection or belonging. Someday I’ll share that. Why visit this time? Because there was a spot of joy. This spot of joy had been neglected for many, many years.

A sweet, shy, handsome Greek boy entered my mind. There isn’t even one celebrity that could compare to this young Greek!  My heart filled when I thought of him, back to art class in my senior year. The class was an hour I relished because of this deep, open, fun Greek student with which I shared a table.  We shared so many things besides a table. He lost his mom at an early age. His parents emigrated from Greece. He felt awkward around girls. I shared my turbulent upbringing. How I hated liver and onions. Most of all we laughed at silly things. Our guard was down and we were authentic with each other. We winked at each other. We flirted. We laughed at our art projects that failed. Teased. I couldn’t believe girls weren’t stalking him! What a vibrant, caring, fun and lovely human being. We belonged.

Work and a personal crisis cancelled my art class. We lost touch. Something very rare slipped away.  He was very shy. I was very distressed at that point in my life with responsibilities and utter confusion. We were no more.

Then he died. Age 18 years. He took his life. That permanent decision for a temporary problem. Belonging? Was that the issue? Belonging is as crucial to life as breathing. He didn’t want to breathe anymore. Of course, I wished I’d phoned him, shared more, gave him a caring note. Shock! What ifs are devastating and hard to ignore.

I prayed about him and gave him to my father who loves this young man more than I did or do. I trust my father with him. Jesus died for him. He belonged and didn’t know it. May I be more aware of belonging for myself and others. I hope I see him again.

Musings

Belonging. Our father created us to belong. It’s as critical as our heartbeat. May we be brave enough to say, “What, you too? I thought I was the only one.” Slowing down and embracing what is and who is may prevent tragedy and enrich lives. Jesus invites us to his table. “Come! Eat and drink without cost.” We belong. There’s always room at his table.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for the gift of belonging. Help us to reach out and be present. We don’t always know which soul needs a gentle touch, an authentic, listening ear or a warm embrace—belonging. The daily challenges sometimes blind us to what is truly essential for another and for our own souls. Jesus invited everyone to his banquet. May we do the same.

Amen

“Then the angel of the LORD came again and touched him and said, “Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you.” 1 Kings 19:7 NLT

“If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God, you’ll be at rest.” Corrie Ten Boom

Times when the journey is too much come to everyone. When my husband was terminally ill and losing memory, ability to walk and talk, it was too much. When the boss, customers and colleagues swarm, it’s too much. Never mind raising children from newborn to adulthood, there are times it’s too much. Watching the news. It’s waaay too much!

When my husband was in care and I was frazzled, running on empty, numb and praying was beyond my ability, some came to help my journey. The cafeteria staff at the care home brought me coffee or asked if I wanted some food. The caregivers were gentle with my husband and me. The hospice staff let me cry. They were gifts from God because the journey was too much for my husband and for me. Snippets of grace and care. Sometimes underappreciated until looking in the rearview mirror.

God does touch us when we’re going through too much. Sometimes we don’t notice. During a commute the right song or speaker touches your heart. A colleague helps even though it’s not “their job.” A warm embrace from your child or loved one. A cherished book reveals an unseen truth. Absence from social media is a definite rest. Bottom line: going in our own strength fails. Going in God’s strength we rest. He refreshes even when we don’t notice. He refreshes even when we’re still active.

We become the rest of God for someone too.

Musings

We can rest in God and let him minister to us amid the whirl, uncertainties, heartaches and burdens of life. Our souls rest. Our hearts rest. The body relaxes. Sleep refreshes. God validates and affirms the journey is too much for us.  Like the HALT acronym, we may be Hungry, Angry (Anxious), Lonely or tired. This is our cue to rest in him. Encouragement to care for ourselves too.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for the gifts of sleep, food, companionship and rest. Thank you for refreshing times. They help us during our journey to you. Thank you for “ministering spirits” here and in your realm. We don’t journey alone. Help us to be mindful that the journey is too much without you and without others.

Amen

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14 NIV

I hope you will join me in prayer and fasting for our nation and Afghanistan. I hope you will join me in prayer and fasting for the border. I hope you will join me in prayer and fasting for the fires raging in our country.

I hope you will join me in prayer and fasting for wisdom, love and courage.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2 ESV

“Be careful letting the devil in for tea because the next thing you know, he’ll stay for breakfast, lunch, dinner and move in.” Unknown

When life feels like a maze, God gets the blame. When there are so many questions, it’s God’s fault. Disasters happen, well, God allowed it. When a loved one dies, it was God’s will. When children are abandoned or abused, where is God? When heartaches happen, God is punishing you. When financial ruin comes, well, God has a plan.

 God didn’t do this.

I get it! When my husband suffered from Lewy Body Dementia for over two years, anger at God that he allows suffering was top of mind and heart. When he died, even more anger, isolation and big resentment. Looking at my childhood and adolescence, grief and shame, you know those black sheep/scapegoat experiences? I couldn’t grasp that I’m God’s beloved. I can barely do it now.

Sometimes we blame God to dodge responsibility. Sometimes we blame him out of ignorance. Sometimes to get instant relief from unrelenting pain and grief. Sometimes we treat God as a vending machine. But most of the time life’s tribulations are unclear. Jesus warned us that we would have tribulation. He warned us to count the cost. The world is full of obstacles, dangers and devastation. But most of the time, it’s the Liar, Murderer and disguised Angel of Light taking advantage. Faith is tested.

Musings

Jesus told Peter that Satan asked to sift Peter like wheat. Satan afflicted Paul with an illness that would not go away. Eve was tempted by Satan in the garden. Job was afflicted unmercifully by Satan and we know Satan threw his very worst at Jesus. That’s why we are instructed to put on the full armor of God and to draw close to him. We can’t overcome by ourselves. We can tell our father everything that’s in our mind in heart and that eventually, he will cause all things to work for good because we love him and work according to his purpose. In the meantime, our understanding is so limited. We see in a mirror darkly.

The good news. He has overcome for us. God does provide others that have been through the “valley” to help us, encourage us, love us and lift us. God doesn’t set us up, tease us, abandon us. We know who does.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for the Psalms that richly describe all our sorrows, anger, frustrations and questions. The Psalms always end with praise. The Psalms always carry hope. But the writers were people just like us, flawed, confused and scared.

Help us to move through life with hope and praise, even when we don’t understand, especially when we don’t understand. Help us to accept with grace that some things are a heavenly mystery that some day we will know fully.

Amen.

“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.” James 3:17 NIV

“No problem can be solved by the same consciousness that caused the problem in the first place.” Albert Einstein

When I have condemning thoughts toward myself or others, I stop. Those thoughts are not from my father. No matter the sin, grief, or defeat, my father is gentle. He is full of mercy. We have the mind of Christ. Condemning thoughts are not from him, but they do need attention from my father.

If I have shaming thoughts, obsessions, compulsions, fears, act harshly, act judgmentally, I am indeed, unconscious! Fortunately, we have a Father we can bring this too and ask humbly, what’s going on? If we do it without judgment, with an observing only attitude, many things come to our minds and hearts. We can rest in him.

I have a dear friend who is elderly with health problems. She has been a cheerleader for me. My coffee buddy. Yet, I forgot her, and the excuses are many and moot. She was in the hospital with pneumonia and on a truckload of oxygen. I didn’t check on her. She called me to see how I was doing. She felt abandoned (and she was) by her friends. No one had checked with her in weeks. I was crushed by my selfishness. Repented. Told the truth. I was consumed with me. Asked her to forgive me, which she did quickly and with affection. No condemnation. No judgment. She modeled my father. Quick to forgive, gentle, peaceful and caring. I thank God she phoned me. She could be with God any day and I would have a boatload of regret. I was unconscious. I was not malicious, just unconscious.

Musings

The hurts I dish out and the hurts I receive are usually not malicious. It’s unconsciousness. The destructive behaviors like drinking, using, judging and self-pity are unconscious. Would a person with a beloved image participate in destruction?

Life distracts and we go on autopilot. Apologies, repentance and letting God participate in my heart, soul and mind heals.  As long as we are here on Earth, we’ll go unconscious. I will step in it. Unconscious. I will slip into compulsions. Unconscious. We possess God-Consciousness now, if we let him in.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that even when we’re zoned out, overwhelmed and selfish, you love us. Incomprehensible. Because of your love, we can come to you at any time and let you gently correct, forgive and set us on the right path. God consciousness. Help us to use this consciousness in our family relationships, work relationships, church relationships and even more so with those we don’t like very much. When we have your consciousness, miracles happen, lives are uplifted, and we are privileged to be a part.

Amen.

Trust?

“Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the LORD JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2 KJV

“O Lord, Thou knowest we can trust the Man that died for us.” Unknown

Trusting the Lord for my salvation is so easy to do, isn’t it? Really? How about trusting him with my finances. With my family. With my health. Traffic. The boss.  Do I really trust him? Do I really trust him with my salvation if I proceed to worry about the cares of the world from politics to a noisy, irritating neighbor? The dailiness?

My behavior tells on me. Which is the bigger problem, salvation or the cares of this world? Yep. He’ll usher me into his Kingdom, but as for my daily bread…  I have doubts, anxieties and sleepless nights. And a big waste of time and feelings of guilt. Security is not faith. Yet, I pursue it relentlessly! I forget that he promised “all these things shall be added to you” because I seek him and his kingdom first. My father knows the things I need, no matter my insecurities.

Musings

A recovering addict asked, “Am I operating out of fear or love?” We’re doing one or the other. God is love. When my focus is on him, I’m operating out of love, which I can do because he loved me first. Trust. We can’t hold multiple thoughts in our minds. When I dwell on a criticism, empty bank account, what to wear or what to eat, I’m focused on fear, loss. Perhaps, focusing on others’ approval. I trust God with my salvation but those worldly things? Ouch! He said, “You follow me.” Trust starts with that command. His yoke is easy, but it takes a baby step of trust. The father provides this too. Talk about dependence! The good kind.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that you know what we need before we even ask. The very first thing you gave us was trust in the man that died for us. We start there and the spirit lives and transforms our very being into your image. Keep our focus on you with eternal thanks. Trust.Amen.

Everyone Fails

“The servant given one thousand said, ‘Master, I know you have high standards and hate careless ways, that you demand the best and make no allowances for error. I was afraid I might disappoint you, so I found a good hiding place and secured your money. Here it is, safe and sound down to the last cent.’ “The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least? The least you could have done would have been to invest the sum with the bankers, where at least I would have gotten a little interest. “‘Take the thousand and give it to the one who risked the most. And get rid of this “play-it-safe” who won’t go out on a limb. Throw him out into utter darkness.” Matthew 25:24-30 The Message

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
― Winston S. Churchill

Have I failed? Oh how I’ve failed! Let me count them!

 Failed marriages. Yep. Check

Fired. Yep. Check.

Made a fool of myself in front of others. Yes, again. Check. Many times without being drunk or incapacitated. No props to blame.

Quit high school. Yep. Check. Did eventually get my diploma.

Bankruptcy. No, but very close. Hungry but never homeless. However, the places I’ve lived would scare you.

Ran away from home. Still have a propensity to run away from difficult people and situations.

You get the drift, but one of the most heartbreaking failures was a devotional I wrote for dementia caregivers. I prayed. Bought a computer and tablet. I sought editing and formating. Lessons. Small ad with an article in a Christian magazine. You Tube video. Paid a few thousand. Used my husband’s last photo as the cover. Just a hundred or so copies sold. My heart and soul were put into the effort to help dementia caregivers hang onto their faith with hope while navigating the treacherous and exhausting dementia journey. I wasn’t the servant that buried the money. I was the servant that blew it all! And then some!

Or, was it a failure? Let’s check expectations, shall we? Did I think it would be a best seller? No. No one would seek a dementia devotional until they’re smack-dab living in it. Not a popular subject. Not movie-worthy. Was I glory-seeking? No. The pain and and agony were too great and I relived it writing the devotional. Amateurish? Probably. We’re all amateurs a something! No shame in that. None.

Then I received an email from a wife who was caregiving her love with a terminal brain tumor. “I could breathe,” she said when she read the devotional.  They were in their 40’s. My husband was 66 years when he died From Lewy Body Dementia. There were more responses that said I helped them.

Then I wrote an article for a Christian publication about dementia caregiving. No payment of any kind. It helped others. Just a few. Did I bury it?

I cried over this perceived failure. I tried hard to help. Honestly, I was hoping to break even. I’m not flush with cash. However, my little devotional helped others to carry on with hope. They may share the book with others whose hope is crushed by the dementia journey, maybe even after I’m with God in Paradise.

Musings

Did I help one person? Yes. Jesus leaves the 99 to find the lost sheep. Did I focus on God and easing pain? Yes. Have my needs been met although I spent much to accomplish the devotional? Yes. Did I bury it in the ground? No.

I have my answer. It brought me even closer to God. This was not a failure. Humbling, perhaps, but not a failure. How about you?

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for the opportunities to help others as a big part of your plan. We don’t have to be the servant who buried his talent with fear, blame and excuses. We are partners with you and your word will not return unfulfilled no matter how we stumble and make mistakes. Thank you for this honor. Help us to invest confidently in those that are thirsty. Those that are hungry. Those that are afraid. Those that are sick. Those that are poor in spirit. Those that are grieving.

Amen.