Risk!

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

“If you’re not uncomfortable, you’re not growing” Unknown

The absolute truth in my life is I’ve learned more from my failures than my successes. Comfortable? No. Apologies needed? Many times. Embarrassed? More times than I can count. Humbled? Pass the humble pie, please. Shamed? Yes, but that must be removed. That’s the enemy disguised as a parent, colleague, judgmental person or our own voice.  

I love the Seth Godin quote, “Anxiety is experiencing failure in advance.” Or should I say I love and hate the quote because it’s so true in my life. I grasp, cling and grab onto my ideas of how things should be, how things should turn out, how it will fix me and my life. When I have the spiritual maturity to “Let Go and Let God,” things turn out much differently than I expect. Many times, delightfully so. Surprisingly so. And not my idea. And that angst, anxiety, embarrassment is chopped down to size. My efforts matter in his plan, but God determines the outcome. It’s always better than I imagine and with real humility. Who’s in charge?

Musings

Am I operating out of fear or love? It’s one or the other.  When I risk, am I running toward something or away. As an adolescent I ran away from home but not toward anything good. It was worse, actually. Then I ran toward a high school counselor and a group of kids that were struggling with home issues too.

God is love. Enemy is fear. Am I running toward him? Doing the best I can letting him have the outcome?

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that we have a part in your plan. It starts with one step as we hold your hand. You love us so completely that we can risk. You love us so completely that you take charge of the outcome.  Help us to operate in love. Help us to run toward you instead of running away. Help us to risk as we remember we can trust the man who died for us: your son.

Amen.

Kindness

“Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?” Romans 2:4 NLT

“How we treat others defines who we are.” Unknown

Hope you find the following little “dog experience” I shared on another blog something you can relate to. I’m sharing it because I deeply loved this little dog and because it connected with pet owners of all kinds. It was the story of a dog’s kindness and all the connections of kindness we receive or perceive from our pets. No mighty message. No monumental historical endeavor. No earth-shattering truth. No miracle. Kindness. No political or religious stance. No hurled criticisms. No judgments. Kindness. Connection. Open heart.

Kindness, connection and relationships from a vulnerable, soft and heartfelt “tail.”

Musings

I rescued this beautiful girl!

She showed up on the first day of winter eating bird seed that had fallen on the ground. Very hungry! I picked her up, dried the wet snow from her fur and fed her some leftovers. Called all the vets, posted online and in print hoping her owner would show.

No. A Christmas present for me! Who could abandon such a cutie! Best Christmas present ever!

She was with me for 15 years. Through several trips to Montana, my home state, to be with my parents especially during their illnesses and deaths. Through boring errands. Through my dark days and nights when a dear friend committed suicide. Through my husband’s Lewy Body Dementia and death. Such comfort!

Loved her walks. Loved road trips. Loved ice cream. Terrific burgler alarm. Lousy singer. Always cuddled, especially after the death of my husband. A loving, warm presence that comforted.

She was my best friend for 15 years and passed from congestive heart failure. I never wanted a dog. Who knew I would enjoy my life, even though difficult, because of an angel without wings?

Until we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge…

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for all the blessings of creation from birds singing, crickets chirping to our marvelous pets. Every day possesses gifts that sometimes, in hindsight, we cherish. May hearts be open to all the comforts, joy and treasure of your creation. May we use them to be kind to others. Thank you for your kindness.

Amen.

Pressure!

Who are you under pressure?

“ In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very natureof a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” Philippians 2:5-8 NI

“Character is who you are under pressure, not when everything’s fine.” Unknown

We know Christ’s character. Pressure shows us ours. Pressure shows us Christ’s.  

It really is easy to be kind, generous, understanding, grateful and pleasant when all is good with my life. That’s not the true Black Sheep Babz picture. Not by a long shot! My problems and character are nothing compared to the description of Jesus’ character. Broke? I become stingier forgetting God supplies all my needs. Lonely? He’s always with me but I demand the feelings of his presence. Criticized? Here comes bitterness focused on the criticizer. Pressure at work? Blame, blame, worry and control. Watching the news in fear and resentment forgetting who’s really in charge is a constant battle.

When grieving the loss of my husband, there was no relief, hope extinguished, isolation and destructive behaviors multiplied. There was no comfort in knowing Christ grieved. The concept of Christ being the resurrection and the life was not grasped. This was the greatest pressure of my life. The pain seemed an eternity. Quick fixes were abundant with no fix for the empty void. What was your Waterloo? Achilles heel? In hindsight, can you see where Christ bore the pressure?

Musings

Who am I under pressure? I’m Peter looking at the waves in the middle of the storm and crying, “help me!” Sometimes I’m Doubting Thomas praying, “I believe, help my unbelief!”  Sometimes I’m the Samaritan woman Jesus met at the well skirting hard-to-face truths about myself. Sometimes I’m Pilate asking, “what is truth?” Sometimes I’ve grieved deeply with no hope like Martha and Mary when Lazarus died. Sometimes I’ve sold out for money. Sometimes I’ve cast my pearls before swine. Sometimes I’ve sowed seed in harsh and rocky ground. All under pressure. Thank God for grace.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that we “vessels of clay” have the honor and privilege to “cast all our cares” on you. Jesus demonstrated his love so many times in scripture from washing dirty feet to the most shameful and painful death. All under unfathomable pressure. All within very short hours. He did this so we can walk in newness of life and to encourage his life in others.

Amen.

Let Freedom Ring!

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1 NASB

“Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” John Adams

Excellent words! Life-giving words! Truth! By a founder of Christianity and the other, a founder of our nation. I believe the founders of our country believed to the point of death in individual rights. I believe Jesus did to the point of suffering and death. George Washington presented both beliefs with great urgency and emotion in his farewell address.

I have a copy of the Constitution of the United States, copy of the Bill of Rights and many copies of the Bible. In fact, the Bible helps me to understand the Constitution and Bill of Rights. I still have just a taste of it all.


Remember the phrase “Give me liberty or give me death?” Christ died to give me liberty. The penalty for sin is death.  The wages (earned) of sin is death. Liberty is very, very expensive. Blood is the most precious. The ultimate payment. There’s the Bible quote: “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or spot.… “(1 Peter 1:18)

Our founders, forefathers, ancestors, family members also shed blood. It was precious, but it was not without blemish or spot. The founders pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor. May God help us to do this at our churches, school boards, communities, homes.

I depend on the Holy Spirit to guide me day-to-day in these perilous times. History and the Bible prove all times were perilous. They are today. I never want to throw away my Confidence. I want my children and grandchildren to live in this free republic. Paul instructed us to keep standing firm. Standing firm is what I will do, with help from God and other liberty-loving persons.

Musings

We will never make effectual, positive, live-giving change without our Father, Christ and the Holy Spirit. History proves this over and over. And it’s an inside job first. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, personally, culturally and nationally.  So, I stand firm in Christ. In Grace. In the Holy Spirit. There is no other way. They’ve all been tried with devastating results.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for this country, purchased with blood. Thank you for grace and salvation, purchased with blood without stain or blemish. Taking for granted this freedom, indulging in complacency and bowing to fear need to be removed. Humbly I ask you to remove these as we celebrate freedom with words so inadequate, with minds too closed and hearts too small to comprehend.

Amen.

Insert Name Here

“I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John; yet the one (insert your name here) who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he.” Luke 7:28 NIV

“Children are the world’s greatest recorders, but they are the worst interpreters.” Unknown

We are children of the Most High. We have a place reserved in heaven. Yet, we struggle with this immense and powerful truth.  Why?  How we view ourselves. Imperfect parents, siblings, teachers. Trauma. Loneliness. Rejection. Awkwardness. Abandonment. Many of you suffered losses and experiences so great that nothing can compare. However, let’s take in, record, adopt who we are in our Perfect Parent.

So, when I’m down, I pull out some of my favorite verses and insert my name. Care to join me? I’d love that! I’d love to know some of your favorites too.

Musings

All the following are from the NIV translation.

Feeling awkward, stupid, mistakes etc.” “But God chose the foolish things (insert name) of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things (insert name) of the world to shame the strong.” 1 Corinthians 1:27

Feeling there’s nothing we can give. “Truly I tell you, anyone (insert name) who gives you a cup of water in my name because you belong to the Messiah will certainly not lose their reward.

Guilt, Self-Loathing, Doubt.  “Come to me, all (insert name) you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

Disability. Illness. “But he said to me (insert name), “My grace is sufficient for you (insert name), for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I (insert name) will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2nd Corinthians 12:9

Suffering. “But rejoice inasmuch as you (insert name) participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you (insert name) may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:13

Confidence. For God so loved the world (insert name) that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever (insert name) believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Self-esteem. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ (insert name)t, the new creation (insert name) has come: The old has gone, the new is here (insert name)!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

There are so many wonderful, effective, loving ways God describes us!  I’m sure you have your favorites with your name that intimately builds your relationship with Christ and others.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you personally know me. Know my name. Love me unconditionally. Your mercies are made new every morning.

My name, heart and prayers is in this old, but lovely hymn.

Just as I am, without one plea

Aut that thy blood was shed for me

And that thou bidst me come to thee

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, and waiting not

To rid my soul of one dark blot

To thee whose blood can cleanse each spot

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, though tossed about

With many a-conflict, many a-doubt

Fightings and fears within, without

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, poor, wretched, blind

Sight, riches, healing of the mind

Yea, all I need in thee to find

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, thou wilt receive

Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve

Because thy promise I believe

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am, thy love unknown

Hath broken every barrier down

Now, to be thine, yea thine alone

O Lamb of God, I come, I come

Authenticity

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18 NASB

“To love at all is to be vulnerable, love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” C.S. Lewis – Four Loves

I love authentic people, not only are they easy and fun to be with, but they give me courage to live authentically. They’re warm, inviting, graceful, joy filled.  They are not perfectionists. I leave their presence feeling just a bit better. Enlarged. May we be courageous enough to do the same.

And you will get hurt. You will be stunned. You will have a broken heart. You will be betrayed. You will be criticized and sometimes cruelly by spineless creatures on the Internet. Sometimes our own family. Yet, love we must, authentically, or it’s not love. It’s probably some people-pleasing, approval-seeking, manipulative, codependent behavior. It’s making someone else responsible for my well-being, my sense of self, validation. If that person disapproves, then I crumble. Thank God!  Work to do. There’s only one Person who can give us perfect love. And he waits for an invitation. He does not cross boundaries, threaten or intimidate. He does it perfectly. Where is our treasure? Where is our self-image? What is our idea of success?  

People die. Pets die. Plants die.  I read somewhere that the greater the love the greater the grief. Grief is the final act of loving someone. But it’s authentic, painful, agonizing, but part of who we are. What an empty life without authenticity. Love. The good and the bad. Joyful and despairing.

Musings

The most authentic, unassuming, validating Person I know is Jesus. From rabble-rousing fishermen, tax collectors, prostitutes to me, what an authentic person! He had no advantages. He grieved. He wept. No status. No sports cars. No designer clothes. No media platform. No agent. Yet, people were drawn to him. Changed with him. Loved with him. Died for him. He experienced everything and more.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that you have made us unique individuals with stewardship over the talents you’ve given. Help us to live authentically for that is the only way we can truly live and love. Love hurts sometimes. Your beloved son knows this. “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Thank you for joy and a life with all the colors.

Amen.

Damaged

Damaged

“Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.” Romans 12:21 HCSB

“He who works with his hands is a laborer.
He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist.”
― Saint Francis of Assisi

Other Bible translations say, “Do not be overcome,” which I appreciate and thoroughly believe. However, sometimes conquer really describes what we must do with evil, with the Holy Spirit’s help, of course. We Black Sheep, Scapegoats, Ne’er-do-wells, dysfunctional, rageaholics, addicted and downright ornery know it’s conquering evil that must be done. Not another. Not a group. Not ourselves. Not our family. EVIL.

I believe in God, so, I know Evil exists. Evil “disguises itself as an angel of light,” too. How many addictions have we adopted looking for happiness and security, how many people have we carbon-copied, how many positive-thinking gurus have we devotedly followed, how many quick-fixes have blown up in our face? By the way, regular people do this too.  Some of the faith do this. Evil is a “roaring lion” looking for someone to devour. Christ’s disciples were not immune, therefore, neither am I and neither are you

To conquer evil, we must put on the “breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation” and “draw near to God and He will draw near to us.” He conquers if we let him. Invite him. Trust him. Partner with him. We don’t go it alone.

Musings

The most loving, uplifting, encouraging people in my life were very damaged people. They still are with courage, honesty, hope and faith. They’re not perfect yet. I’m not either. Their compassion, patience and presence are what I too embrace, share and give. Conquer.

Prayer

Father,

“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” was Paul’s instruction to believers. He was very damaged until his road trip to Damascus. The legalist who wrote the most beautiful description of love. We have our roads too that introduced us to your love and mercy.  Only Christ is the true conqueror of every evil thing and he conquers with mercy and grace. Thank you that this is true for us. Give us the courage and strength to imitate You. To let you do the battle and win the war.

Amen.

Ordinary…

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2

“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
― William Martin

My grandma’s birthday is today. Yes. June 21st.  Her name was June. She’s gone now. She was the most loving, smart and forgiving person I knew. She’s been gone for over 30 years and yet I think of her everyday with some wistfulness. She was what the world would call ordinary.  Baseball was her game of choice, cardplaying with grandpa and her friends, the best homemade pies (still haven’t accomplished this). Staying overnight with her was a treat! Smelling the line-dried sheets on the huge bed, pancakes in the morning, games, stories about her childhood during the Great Depression. Her mother owned a small grocery store because she was alone with two girls to raise and this was so courageous during this dark time in history.  Stories about ice-skating to school, how she met my grandfather at an auction. How her great uncle was wounded fighting for the Yankees during the Civil War. Even more stories that still are fascinating to me and I share with others. She gave great hugs, warm, big, reassuring. Ordinary.  She taught me to be a grandma before I was in junior high school just by who she wasl. I now tell stories to my grandchildren about the old days of a wall phone with a dial, television without a remote and those funny rabbit ears on top, going everyplace in our neighborhood to play and coming home for dinner. No fear. Lots of community. And I give great hugs, warm, big, reassuring. Ordinary.

Musings

Throughout the day, throughout my life and when boredom comes, when I’m alone and feel nothing I do matters, nothing makes a difference, I think of my grandma. What a legacy she truly left me! She taught me love. Ordinary? Perhaps to the world. Then I remember all the ordinary things Jesus used to teach, encourage and love. Things like a mustard seed, salt and light, bread, living water, harvest and even his own humble and short life. Ordinary. A legacy of love and grace for all.

I’m about to play Go Fish with my five-year-old step-grandson. The start of a legacy?

Prayer

Father,

You bless the ordinary now and in heaven. We don’t see it sometimes. We forget “a cup of cold water only.” We forget we’re children of the Most High.  Help us to do the next right thing, the ordinary, the way you see them. Even Jesus said he did what he saw the father doing. May we do the same. Thank you for all the miraculous and wonder you’ve done and do. And thank you for the ordinary.

Amen.

Ready or Not!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

“Sometimes we are called to proclaim God’s love even when we are not yet fully able to live it.” Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey

Or, another saying that is so true, “If I know who I am, I know who I am not.” If I’m his child, his daughter/son, his disciple, servant, I am a person of love. Love is the hardest thing for me to do. You? It’s so easy to love others when my problems have dissipated, the sun is shining, money in the bank, recognition, approval, and the kids are behaving, the dog didn’t scoot across the new carpet. Unfortunately, that is a rare occurrence! We have problems every day. Commutes. Angry bosses. Health concerns. Kids with minds of their own. Gossips. Slanderers.  Then the bigger problems: traumas, anxieties, addictions, bankruptcies.  And we are STILL commanded to love.  I have not accomplished this perfectly. Opportunities and practice come daily. All my posts reflect wrestling with God.

Jesus did perfect love. Jesus is our example of love. He forgave while hanging on a cross. He forgave his enemies while hanging on the cross.

So many times, we confuse love with feelings. Good feelings come eventually when we act lovingly, but we are commanded to love whether we feel like it or not. Love is discipline (see above quotes). From the little annoyances like someone cutting you off in traffic, patience when waiting in line to life’s bigger problems like grief, feelings of despair, fear. Yet, we are still commanded to love. That doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us. Sometimes people do not respect you or your limitations or boundaries. Do what Jesus did. Walk away. Take it to your Father or a dear friend. Sometimes absence is a much better and loving teacher than all the feelings, words and gestures we can demonstrate.

Musings

We can’t love another if we have no clue how much we are loved, especially by our Father. Sometimes we feel secure in our Father’s love. Sometimes we don’t. Many times, we don’t. But if we keep our eyes and heart on how Jesus loved, we start getting a clue. And we practice. God provides unlovable characters at times so we can practice. Sometimes that unlovable character is me!

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that we “vessels of clay” have the honor and privilege to love. Jesus demonstrated his love so many times in scripture from washing dirty, filthy feet to the most shameful and painful death. He did this so we can walk in newness of life and love others.

We thank you for faith, hope and love. Especially love, the greatest of these.

Amen.

Is God to Blame?

God Gets the Blame

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 NIV

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!2 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:7 – 12 NIV

Here’s one I’ve heard many times and deemed it gospel: “God never gives us more than we can handle.”  I’ve heard this at funerals, to the terminally ill, to a worried parent, to a struggling addict. I beg to differ. God is our rescuer, especially when times are more than we can handle. He loves us. The Psalms are filled with how God rescues. Paul in his letters talks about how God had rescued him from death several times. Peter was released from prison by an angel sent by God. Jesus died for us so we are no longer imprisoned. He rescued us. We couldn’t handle our sin. God certainly did not make us sin!

How could we trust a God that heaps trials and temptations upon us? God never, ever does this. He is a merciful God. His mercies are new every morning. (Lamentations 3:22)

The other axiom that I hate, really hate, is: “This happened for a reason.” Said to parents whose child has died, said to someone who’s spouse just died, said to someone who’s become disabled. Really? I saw Jesus heal and not disable a child of God. Who really does this?

These trite axioms are said by those who have not truly suffered.  I know. In my ignorance, I’ve thrown those axioms out to others to assuage my guilt, ignorance and awkwardness. Ran home to safety and security. God forgive me.

When my husband, parents, beloved friends, pets died, here comes: “They’re with God now.” That’s true. Very true. However, I’m here lonely, despairing and hopeless. What a slap in the face! Dismissive! Uncaring! If even Jesus grieved his friend, Lazarus, don’t we know we will someday experience the same? How many beautiful psalms were written by David that were a tribute to his grieving? If Jesus was tempted, grieved, hungry, lonely, and he was, so will we be. Remember that we take up our cross and follow him. He is with us. Will not forsake us.

Musings

When I think of some of the things I’ve said to others, I cringe. I’m hyperaware of how my tongue of fire and lack of compassion hurts and destroys. God didn’t do it. People do it. A corrupt world with narcissistic tendencies enflames pain. When I was at my neediest, I needed a gentle presence. A witness to my pain. Hug of comfort.  An ear to vent my agony. Not preaching. Not trite quotes. Presence.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that you’re always with me. Thank you that your son took the blame for me, though Your Son was blameless.

 Please make me aware of those I need to make amends to, those that need presence, those that need hope, forgiveness for those that have hurt me and a gentle, listening ear. We all stumble with listening and bearing witness. You will transform me.

Redeem the pain of those who are suffering.

Amen.