“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, free of hypocrisy.” James 3:17 NASB

“Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.” Mark Twain

Authority. That word sends chills up my spine, a knot in my stomach, fear and a closed mind.Why? Because authority has been abused in my life. Yours? We know the types that bully, shame, withhold, judge, and intimidate with their authority. It could have been a boss, spouse, parents, colleague that first taught us what authority means. I had a boss who took me out visiting clients and when we were done, dinner and a sexual proposition. I said no. I was fired. There were no witnesses or legal assistance of any kind and the shock with other shaming feelings were numerous. What did I do to deserve this situation? Did I do something? Did I say something to create this sickening situation? The answer is no.

And Black Sheep/Scapegoat types have suffered through many authoritarian experiences that drummed into us the wounds of abusive authority. We reacted accordingly to our detriment many times, while encouraging the abuse patterns. How about in the world? One mob against another trying to prove their virtue, mandates, ultimatums, accusations and more that do not solve. Do not heal. Do not last. But boy is there money and power in division! The foundation for much destruction from our home life, church life to media and politics. A poison that cannot save, ego for a bit, but no resolution. Nothing that lasts.

Jesus demonstrates a different kind of authority. He didn’t have to. He chose to. He never demanded authority, but realized the Father was the true, loving and final authority. In fact, anyone who demands authority has already lost it. But Jesus showed us that we black sheep, scapegoats and ne’er-do-wells are encouraged to ask for help, wisdom, comfort and our daily bread without fear, threats, ultimatums or recriminations. A much different kind of authority. Discipline, to be sure, because we are a fellow heir. What a concept!  Not easy to grasp. Even more astonishing is he trusts us with his authority to go out in the world! A treasure.

I will practice going to the True Authority today. I will not go alone. I will not go in my own strength. I will go with trust. Join me?

Musings

True authority encourages intimacy, empowerment, peace, problem-solving and affection. As an old song said, “Let it begin with me.” God gives us authority in partnership with him. The only proven way.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You have given us authority to go out into the world for your glory. We’ve had bad experiences with authority and with your gracious help, we turn those abuses into positive experiences. When we think we don’t matter, can’t make a difference, or dwell in self-pity, restore us with your gracious authority.

Amen.

Living One Day at a Time

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” Matthew 6:34 NIV

“One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.”  Kris Kristofferson

My grandmother made and embroidered dish towels with the days of the week on them. Did you have a grandma that did this? Washing day, grocery day, cleaning day etc. were meticulously embroidered and displayed on these generous dish towels. When I was blessed to have dinner, Thanksgiving or any event with my grams, I would dry the dishes with her with some marvelous and instructive conversations. She was present. In the moment. Attentive. And true to her dishtowels. She would commit one day to cleaning, laundry, shopping and so forth. How we need to do this for ourselves!

It’s easy to dwell on the past and imagine the future. Spilt milk is what my grams called it when I would be nursing a past hurt or mistake. A reassuring hug with, “What shall we do today?”

As adults, we may have horrific images of the past and the future, I know those like my grandma lived through the depression and WWII did. Some memories are soul-crushing, especially during the holidays when the music, decorations, good will and feelings are everywhere. But the past is gone and the future isn’t here. The traumas hurt but they don’t have the power to ruin my today.

But we can only live today. The hurts are there. The wounds are there. Hope for the future is there. Pain and joy go hand in hand. But today is all we really have. We need to be present for our families, colleagues, church members, ourselves and God. You’ve heard the adage: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.” ― Bill Keane, Family Circus cartoonist. Our history can instruct us but living presently is what God wants. It’s how to eliminate fear and help us to be present. A gift.

Musings

God designed us to handle just today for so many reasons. And he’s promised to be in our today. He’s also the only one that has been in our past and is in our future He uses it for good. Living one day at a time eases the pressure and helps us to be present for ourselves and others on the Journey home. Today is the foundation for the future.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for each day. Thank you that you went before us and made provision for us. Thank you for the mystery of the future. Thank you for being in our past and for bringing  us through. Thank you, even though we don’t understand, that our past wounds are our ministry today. May it glorify you.

Amen

Quit abusing God’s beloved

“If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11 NIV

“Be aware of your inner treasures and share them with others.” Yours Truly

Whenever I have accepted that I have a bad habit, character flaw, or let’s face it, sin, I bear down with all my strength to change it, change me. Not healthy. A very bad habit! And I’ve missed the point. I’ve missed the lesson. Hurt God’s child. Like a brutal task master I berate myself with: “You idiot!” “You knew better.” “How could you’ve messed up so badly?” “You’re stupid.” “You addict—you’ll never change.” And our Accuser loves when we denigrate a beloved creation of God’s.

We’ve touched on this before and the truth is we’re talking to a beloved person in a very abusive way: Ourselves. I never read, learned or experienced positive, Christian growth with a brutal attack on ourselves. Have you? And think of the message it carries to our children and spouses!

Three things I know for sure:

1. We are beloved by God
2. We are accepted by God
3. We are transformed into being more like his beloved son

Why do we insist on beating ourselves unmercifully? Childhood dysfunctions, tragedies and mistakes, work fears, worldly advertising and more are bombarded daily into our ears, minds and hearts. They’re false. Outright lies! Deceptions! Just. Don’t. Do. This.

Today and every day, especially during the holidays, ease up on yourself. Stop. Breathe. Thank God that you are beloved, accepted and transformed, no matter the circumstances, and watch a subtle yet powerful miracle occur in you and your life. Blessings of inner treasure that YOU are to share and demonstrate God’s glory.

Musings

Being a good and gracious steward of God’s personal and unique gifts is an awesome responsibility. It starts with how we speak to ourselves, a beloved child of God. Let us speak to ourselves as a best friend would with wise counsel, love and compassion. If we can’t, let us ask God who will provide exactly what we need without recrimination or punishment. If we do so, think how marvelously we will speak to others. What a difference we would make in our communities—our world.  “As a man thinks, so is he.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

When we are overcome and overwhelmed by our “bad,” remind us that we are your Creation and loved unconditionally. We so often depend on our good feelings to determine our value and twist or hide or deny our frailties. Help us to remember that we can’t change without asking you to help us. When going in our own strength, remind us how that’s worked in the past. It didn’t. “The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” Help us to let go and let you in all things, especially our faults, with gratefulness.

Amen.

Real Friendship

“No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15 NASB

“A real friend walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” Walter Winchell

What a friend we have in Jesus, the song goes. I remember meditating on this hymn in the emergency room suffering through a miscarriage. Joseph M. Scriven wrote the poem to comfort his dying mother and later was set to music into the hymn we sing today. He entitled the poem, Pray without Ceasing. There’s not a lot known about this Irish poet, but in 1860 he was to marry and his fiancé died from pneumonia. However, he continued to teach, mentor and write hymns. This hymn has comforted, encouraged and inspired Christians for years. Many of the old hymns are like the Psalms. They teach, lament, hope, grieve, praise, comfort unlike any book, person, retreat or seminar because they’re available all the time. Like Jesus.

The NASB quote says “slaves.” Other translations say servants. I chose the translation slaves because we were slaves, slaves to sin. Now there’s a beautiful and trustworthy friendship where once was hostility and enmity. This relationship overflows with intimacy, sharing secrets, learning, encouragement, trust and affection. I don’t always like myself. Others don’t always like me. But (Jesus loves me this I know) from another old and cherished song) and you unconditionally with only the best intent for us.

No one can be the perfect friend, spouse or mentor. As much as I loved my son and my husband, I was not perfect. No one can perfectly provide the ultimate love for us. Jesus is the only one that will never, ever leave us Jesus is the only one that will never forsake us. He’s here at any hour, at any place. God said even if our mother forgets us, he will never forget us. We have the Perfect Friend. We are loved.

When times are tough, grief violently abuses us, understanding is gone, addictions harass and torment and loneliness engulfs, may this little hymn remind us we have the very best friend of all. And he wins!

On another note: If you’re contemplating suicide or another urgent need, please call a hotline in your area, church, addiction center or community center. Jesus is the best friend but we need people help along the bumpy road of life, too.

Musings

What a Friend we Have in Jesus – First stanza

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Prayer

Dear Father,

To grasp that you, the creator of Jesus, the creator of the universe, of us, want friendship with us, an intimate relationship, is indescribable! But you do. Beyond all we ask or think, we Prodigals thank you for embracing us each time we come to you, whether we feel it or not. Whether we understand it or not. We know that troubles bring us closer to you.

Amen

A trust journey.

“How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” 1 Corinthians 7:16

“Control and manipulation are not love; the outcome is a life of imprisonment ultimately leading to deep-rooted feelings of resentment.” Ken Poirot

I met my husband at work. He was handsome. He was compassionate and understanding. He was talented. He was in AA recovery. He was popular. He was Agnostic. So… what did I do? I married him. Yes, we should not be unequally yoked, but being the dysfunctional, deluded, gullible, naive and optimistic person I was (still am at times), I married him. It was a lovely wedding with dinner at a beautiful bed and breakfast.

Then marriage.

It was turbulent! It was agonizing. Arguing. Fault-finding. Put downs. The first year was an endurance contest for both of us! We went to counseling and had a very good counselor who said, “eliminate divorce from all conversations.” We both committed to this.

I did not lecture him or judge him on his faith or lack of faith. His higher power was his AA group, which worked for him because he’d been sober for many years. I continued to attend church, listen to spiritual programs on the radio while getting ready for work, and read Christian books.

What happened?

My husband was still very unhappy in our marriage. He visited an AA friend who was dating a Christian girl and asked for counsel. The friend said, “Why don’t you give Christianity a try? I did and glad I did.” He then gave him the book, “Evidence that Demands a Verdict.” We attended church with them. My husband became convinced that God exists, believed and was baptized. He led the church choir. He filled in as a speaker. He read Christian material and the Bible enthusiastically. The bookshelves were filled with commentaries, translations and Christian self-help.

Why did he not believe?

Here’s the thing, and I’m glad I was hands-off. My husband was not agnostic. Not really. He was downright angry with God. More investigation led to his childhood with controlling parents using God as a shaming, rigid and threatening tool. His world view was that all Christians are like this.

His relationship with his parents was eventually restored with boundaries–Firm yet caring boundaries. He and his dad sang beautiful duets at church with his mom played the piano. Our marriage was wonderful, not flawless, until the day he died. Many, many old childhood wounds were healed. By the way, I worked on my childhood issues too and my husband grew in tenderness as we journeyed through this together.

He died from Lewy Body Dementia at the age of 66 years. He’s with God now. I’m sure he’s being comforted by God with a choir to direct, photos to take and others to embrace.

Musings

Hands off! This is God’s child. Sometimes, many times, this is wise counsel. I’m either God or I let God. I cannot do both. Decide today. God provides the tools, the when, the who and the lesson. This doesn’t mean letting someone drive drunk, beat a child or spouse. Heaven forbid! But each person has their own unique relationship with God with their own unique vocation. We’re there to support, encourage and love. Not control. Not threaten. Not puff up. We’re fellow travelers looking forward to the day we’re home.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for a very personal relationship that is designed specifically for each of us. May we not interfere. Thank you that we can love, encourage, listen and pray for one another but sometimes the Prodigal must “come to their senses “to  travel home to you. Help us to be patient, strong in our faith and ready to celebrate when a person finds you. We know that the angels in heaven sing praises and celebrate when a lost soul comes to salvation.

Amen.

In Honor of our Veterans and Their Families

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love.” Ephesians 1:4 NIV

“The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it.” Epicurus

Sometimes I meditate on Ephesians 1:4 imagining me as a little child pleading with the Father to put me in the world he was creating. I want to please my father and help others in the world. With a sigh, an embrace and trepidation, he sends me into the world and reminds me he is always with me. No matter how I feel, what I do, life or death. He’s with me.

And I flounder as a child too young, immature, dependent to be in first grade—where’s my father on Earth and in Heaven? I shy away from sharing a little song with my Sunday school class I wrote in the eighth grade for God—I hid it under a bushel. I won first place for a Christmas story I wrote in high school—did you see, father? It was about a lost boy who was cold in the snow and the only shelter was in a church.

As an adult, I was ashamed of how little my husband, my baby son and I had on a military’s salary—Top Ramen for dinner, cloth diapers in a pail and two quarters for laundry. Cowboy cotton diapers I made from remnants. I was frightened of people that spit and condemned homecoming Viet Nam vets. Vegetables and other slimy objects were thrown at them. Family members received this too. Worry consumed me with no word from my husband, none, nil, nada, bupkis for weeks while he was on board a minesweeper off the coast of Viet Nam. No communication allowed in a war zone.

Put me in coach.  No. I’ve changed my mind. Where are you, Father?

Many of you veterans and currently serving, have survived much worse. You’re constant. You’re always there doing the tough things with little or no recognition. God bless you all. I salute and hold you near and dear in my heart. I pray for you. From the founding of this country to the Afghanistan tragedy just a few months ago, I thank you. Your families too. Words truly are inadequate.

I’m thankful the Coach put you in. Every. day.

Musings

No matter how difficult. No matter the chaos. No matter the outcome. May we thank and pray for our veterans, those serving and their families. Some never returned and were buried in a foreign land. Not even dog tags to hold. Their heartache is palpable. Their glory is great. Others return and are homeless, sick and suffering with PTSD. Their glory is great. Many go on to accomplish great things and to mentor others. Their glory is great.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for this wonderful country that is made possible by the courage, conviction and sacrifice of the men and women in our military and their families. Thank you is not enough. Help us, Father, to never forget that because of our veterans and families we live in peace, freedom and love. We can worship in peace, freedom and love.

Amen.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? Luke 14:28 NIV

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” Josh Billings

If I say yes to driving drunk, what am I saying no to?

If I say yes to overeating, what am I saying no to?

If I’m pleasing others, what am I saying no to?

If I choose to get even, what am I saying no to?

If I fly off the handle, what am I saying no to?

If I say yes to God, what am I saying no to?

If I’m controlling another, what am I saying no to?

All of life really are choices. We choose to be married and say no to others that may tempt. We choose to have children and say no to our time and finances.  We choose to get help or we flounder, suffer and hurt others. We choose every day what we will be like, contribute, love and lift up.

There’s a lot of choices in between our birthdate and our death date recorded on a cold stone, obituary or urn. God gives us these choices and our consequences. When we say yes, we’re always saying no to something. We do it daily. There is no insignificance in our lives.

Musings

Most of life is simple: showing up, being consistent and thinking of others. Are we living out of fear or love? If we say yes to fear, here comes anxiety, manipulation, aggression, isolation and more. God has reassured us many times to not be afraid. He is here—always. If we say yes in partnership with Christ, we become more like him and live in and with love. We participate in his divine nature.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you said yes to us before the foundation of the world. We say yes to you in thankfulness and awe. May we say yes with our actions, words, resources in your peace and love.

Amen.

“I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.” Psalm 116:17 NLT

“Give thanks in everything, for this is the will of God toward you in Christ Jesus.” I Thessalonians 5:18 Berean Bible

“If the only prayer you say in your life is thank you, it will be enough.” Meister Eckhart

Sometimes giving thanks really is a sacrifice, even at this wonderful Thanksgiving time. If it depends on feelings, it won’t get done. If it depends on circumstances, it won’t get done. If it depends on making time, it won’t get done. And giving thanks requires discipline—a daily, minute-by-minute consciousness. It heals, eventually, too. Thanksgiving is not just a holiday. It’s a spiritual discipline. It’s Thanksgiving every day.

I went to the eye doctor the other day and after my examination, the doctor and I discussed some troublesome results. I could be getting macular degeneration and we need to keep a close watch on this. Some lifestyle changes like more fruits, exercise and supplements may slow it way down. I’m on it!

But here’s the deal. How many times have I thanked God for my gift of sight? You can bet I do now. So many gifts are taken for granted. My eyes have been opened (no pun intended) to even more blessings because of my gift of sight and oh how I treasure them! The autumn colors in my little town, the smiles from the cashiers at my grocery store, the beautiful book I read during my morning devotions. The faces of my children and grandchildren could become a blurry fog to me.  How I pray I don’t lose my sight. How I pray to not be a burden on others. Losing my driving privileges is so scary – taken for granted. All from a disturbing eye examination. Poof! Reality! I am not alone in taking for granted our many gifts.

My mind wandered back to the blind man in the Bible and Jesus asked him, “What can I do for you?” If he asked me, of course, I’d answer the same as this blind man, “My eyesight.” With more thought, though, Jesus did everything for me and even though my circumstances are disturbing and my heart is afraid, my answer would be a simple thank you. It’s going to be okay.

Musings

Giving thanks when one is grieving, in pain, ill, homeless, addicted and many of the “Biggies” of life feels like a sacrifice. And it truly is. The good and healing truth is we’re not required to give thanks for the evil and destructive circumstances that come to all in this life but to give thanks in all circumstances. God doesn’t, never will and never has given us evil. We may not feel thankful. We may not understand our circumstances. We may squirm, try to breathe, cling to our faith in these painful times but the truth is, Jesus did do everything for us. The extras are gifts and are grateful for these too.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for all you’ve given and done for us. We can list all that we have to be thankful for and the list is still incomplete. Thank you for each other.

Thank you for giving us what we need this day. Thank you for even our breath. Thank you for some wants too. You truly give abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think.

We come to you in a thankful spirit regardless of the circumstances. Every day is a gift. Every day is an opportunity to love. Every day is a challenge to overcome with you at the helm. Like Peter in the midst of the stormy sea, we cry, “Help us.” And as Peter said, “Cast all your anxieties because he cares for you.”

Thank you.

Amen.

“And let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not grow weary.” Galatians 6:9 NASB

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become — because he made us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be…. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” C.S. Lewis

I chose the NASB interpretation of this Bible verse because it says to “not lose heart in doing good.” It’s the heart that sits at the center of all we do, are and become.

The work we do on ourselves with God’s help to become more like him seems impossible! Actually, it is impossible but with God all things are possible. This should be a relief!

But relationship situations, our bad habits, depression, discouragements are exhausting, discouraging, and overwhelming. Progress is hard to see. We overcome a challenge and there’s two more challenges wagging and winking, sneering and taunting. Whack-a-mole!  And it’s true, whether nine years old or 90 years, the job is not done. Perfection is not ours and that’s where grace does its greatest work.

Sometimes the work we do is not our sin but the sin of others that wounded, pierced, devastated us. And that “how many times do I forgive my brother—77 times” example from the Bible reminds us and haunts us. Heavy sigh.

If we were “fixed,” complete, done there are many wonderful gifts we would miss like:

Compassion

Empathy

Hope—does not disappoint

Community

Patience

Perseverance

Humility—ouch!

Vulnerability—I wrote an article in Christian Living Magazine about addiction and the caregiver. Even now my shame is burning my face and ears but vulnerability and all of the above gifts keep me pursuing and encouraging caregivers. Caregivers are compelled to hide any weakness. They must be strong for the disabled or terminally ill.

I’m sure you could list more from your life’s journey. They could appear quickly, but that’s not my experience.

The bottom line is love. Grace is the tool. Gratefulness is the attitude. Those good feelings come.

Musings

The Lord’s Prayer instructs us to pray for our daily bread. It seems that our spiritual journey is a daily decision and the outcome is God’s. In my marriage, the decision to be married was a daily decision. To be a good parent, a daily decision. To be a good boss, employee, colleague is a daily decision. To love at all, is a daily decision. Jesus told us to focus on today. God is the only one that sees the future and if I focus on being more like him today, the “fix me now!” is resolved because my focus is on him. More practice.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We want to be whole and we want it today. We want others to be fixed and we want it today. We get tired, anxious and discouraged on our spiritual journey to become more like your son. Remind us that the transformation and growth are yours and my part is willingness. It’s a daily decision. Help us to not grow weary in doing good. Help us to remember all the good we’ve accomplished and experiencing today, because of you, with thanks.

Amen

“Since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you, I will give other people in your place and other nations in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4 NASB

“Ordinary riches can be stolen; real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.” – Oscar Wilde

Wow! God calls us precious, honored and loved in his sight! The Creator of all things! The Father of Jesus! This is the foundation for healing, eliminating shame, taking risks, Loving others. Also the hardest thing to grasp, especially for Black Sheep, Scapegoats, Perfectionists, Addicts, Over-eaters and fill in the blank. Our past tells us that we’re flawed (we are), not worthy (true), ignorant, clumsy, ugly, emotional basket cases, failures and more. Yet God made us. He made us before the foundation of the world. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Is a janitor precious, honored and loved? A nurse? A parent? A baker? Truck driver? No matter what our calling/vocation, we are precious, honored and loved. By the Creator, Father, God. Let it sink deeply into our hearts.

There are many layers to the above scripture, but holding on to this fact, and it is a fact, that we are precious, honored and loved whether we feel that or not, is a fact. Self-improvement gurus, parents, friends, counselors, colleagues may see our worth, may love us but they have not done for us what God has. No one has given other people in my place. God did. His son.

When days are bad, remember you are precious, honored and loved. When sick, you are precious, honored and loved. When you can’t see your worth, remember you are precious, honored and loved. When overwhelmed, hold on to the fact you are precious, honored and loved. When lonely, you are precious, honored and loved. You were purchased with the most expensive price.

I am glad God made you.

Musings

Counseling, prayer, fellowship, friendship and community are wonderful, God-made gifts. But first and foremost, we are precious, honored and loved. All. The. Time. By our father.

Prayer

Dear Father,

How hard it is to grasp how much you value, love and guide us, especially when we stumble. Especially when we remember our wounds. Especially in the midst of failure. Especially when we can’t see value in our station in life. Help us to embody how precious, honored and loved we are and share this wonderful fact with those in our lives. We step out knowing how much you value us.

Amen