The Three Hardest Words

“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.” Matthew 5:23-24 NASB

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” ― Benjamin Franklin.

I am sorry. The three hardest words. Sometimes I weasel, squirm and look down with comments like, “I made a mistake.” Or “I had a headache.” “I was under stress.”  “I’m dealing with this shame-thing.” No. I’m a very flawed human being getting a lot of practice saying, “I’m sorry.”

When my son was about five years old and zooming about on his new bike, showing off to his friends, he shot out in front of a car. The car screeched to a halt just a hair away from my son. My son tumbled to the gravel road. Heart pounding with “God help me” circling in my mind. I ran toward him, jerking his arm almost out of his socket, the driver shaking terribly, I yelled at my son. What I yelled; I don’t remember. It was awful. Adrenaline pumping, shaking and out of control, I mumbled an apology to the driver who was overcome too. Every parent and driver’s nightmare!  Throwing (almost) my son in his room and slammed the door, tears raced down my face. Thoughts of horror consumed me. Slowly, God’s grace, peace and wisdom replaced my hysteria.

Then…

“I’m sorry.” To my son. Yes, he was wrong. I was too. Out of control and fearful. Does a five-year-old understand grown-up hysterics? No. I’m sorry. Hugs. Tears. And grounded him from his bike after discussing the event with him.

I’ve said I’m sorry to my ex-husband. I said those words to my dying husband. I’ve said those words to employees and clients. I’ve said them to me! I’ve said them to my father in heaven. I still owe “I’m sorry” to others. No excuses. No rationalizations. No denial. No perky gifts or flowery cards. No sugar-coating.

Second hardest three words: “Will you forgive me?” Some do. Some don’t. Some will never forgive. Forgiving yourself is a terrific start. Then I give it to our father. He perfectly resolves the heartache. May take a long, long time and practice.

Musings

Feelings are not dependable in making apologies or restitution. They may muck up and cloud the whole affair. God said, “Be still and feel that I am God.” No, he didn’t. He said, “know.” And when we know, we know.

Zacchaeus said, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” (Luke 19:8). Sometimes we Black Sheep types need to pay back with interest along with our three hardest words. Actions speak louder than the three hardest words.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for being quick to forgive and without punishment. Help us to forgive ourselves, others and move forward to better relationships with our families and communities. If we have robbed, help us to replace with interest. If we have demeaned or diminished another, let us reflect and restore. If we have hurt ourselves, help us to heal.

Amen.

Discouragement

“Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

“The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes, and say, ‘O God, forgive me,’ or ‘Help me.” – Billy Graham

Even little things can be a discouragement. Case in point: my new little dog. Housetrained. Not when it’s zero degrees. Sigh…

“I thank God for you every time I think of you,” Paul said. I do the same when I think of you who visit my blog. It’s such an encouragement that throughout the world we are of one mind and heart to bring people to Christ and to become more like Christ. To transform into new creatures. The world is so hostile. The enemy rages and wants to tear flesh. People are centered on themselves with solutions that do not save. And we are to carry on giving the good news. Truly, there’s a lot to discourage us.

Our father knows this. That’s why we have each other. Sometimes we need each other to celebrate good things, grieve, lift up, teach, hug (virtual hug here). We are part of the father’s plan and he knew we couldn’t do it alone. He gave us the Holy Spirit who works in us in spite of our flaws and sins. The Bible is full of such characters to encourage and teach us too.

The father saw fit to use us in little ways and giant ways. In good times and bad times. He always sees what we’re doing even when recognition and encouragement are sparse or non-existent.

Be patient. More importantly, be kind. The father always rewards at just the right time. We don’t open a cocoon too early but let it work perfectly into a beautiful butterfly. We don’t dig up the seeds we planted to see how they’re growing but we patiently water and feed them and rejoice when they sprout. And we don’t let our toddlers drive a car. “All things are beautiful in their own time.”

Musings

“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.” And this is good news. The best news. When problems, the world threatens us and we’re ready to give up, let us remember “There’s nothing new under the son.” He will overcome.

Prayer

Dear Father,

If we let discouragement stop us, nothing will get done. In fact, much of daily life can discourage and immobilize us. That’s why you gave us each other. Help us to encourage and appreciate each other. Let’s face it! It’s tough down here. But we have you, the Holy Spirit, grace and the blessings of each other. Thank you.

Amen.

Spending and Worship?

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21 NIV

“Where you spend your love, you invest your life.” Mumford and Sons

Time to take inventory, especially during the first of the year. Where do we spend our love? Our time? Our money? Our talents? What and whom do we love? Does what we love take up most of our heart? Our concern? We work many hours a week at our career, household duties like shopping, cooking, laundry, homework. Do we treasure it? Do we spend our love on it?

Spending love is an act of worship. Doing dishes with my heart in it for God and family is worship. Gently folding the laundry with gratefulness for having the items to clothe and warm my family is worship. Counseling a troubled employee with God’s wisdom and personal space can be worship. Preparing a proposal for a small business that may save and grow that business is worship. Giving to charity. Walking the dog. All are acts of worship if my heart and attitude are leaning on God. It doesn’t mean everything will turn out the way I expect, but the attitude of worship is desired by our father and is due our father. We, with freedom, spend our love with him and in him.

Everything is an act of worship. Nothing is wasted if it’s done with love. Nothing is insignificant in God’s eyes. We just don’t see it as spending our love and investing our life. It is. We may see it as the mundane duties of every day, but if we see it as treasure, worship and love, we’re building our families, communities and storing up treasure in heaven.

Musings

Today and every day, we spend our love, money and time on something. We can spend our love on so many things that never return that love and fall into replacing it with status, money (the biggie), knowledge, addictions but they never love in return. Our father loves whether we feel it or not. We Black Sheep/Scapegoats relate to the Prodigal Son for sure! Our father demonstrated perfect love with the life and death of his own son.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You spent your most precious thing to save us: your son. May we remember that your son’s blood was more precious than gold as we go about our day. From cleaning runny noses to running a corporation, all is worship of you when our heart and attitude are focused on you. Thank you for the joy and treasure that comes from spending our time, efforts and money now and later in heaven.

Amen.

Grief and Comfort

“All his brothers and sisters and everyone who had known him before came and ate with him in his house. They comforted and consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought on him, and each one gave him a piece of silver and a gold ring.” Job 42:11 NIV

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” — Washington Irving

I will never be free from grief. I will always miss my deceased husband, even though he’s been gone for a few years. Death comes to us all. We all hold some grief for someone in our hearts.

Grief is the final act of loving someone.  The greater the love the greater the grief. We never forget the special person who was so much of our lives. We never forget the life we once enjoyed with our loved one. In fact, when I buried my husband, I also buried a big part of me and the life we had. That part is done. There’s a void. Who am I? What do I do? Where do I go? How do I go on? It hurts to breathe. Every step is a gigantic effort. And faith is tested. Over and over. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost your faith. You may get angry at God. You’re not condemned. You still believe. Pour all of it out to your father. It’s your “dark night of the soul.”

Remember the loss of your first pet or grandparent? I do. The first smack in the head and heart of tremendous loss.  Tears may still come. They were a part of you and who you’ve become. We will still experience grief on this side of heaven. The good news is that our father will dry every tear. He has stored our tears in a bottle.

Musings

Job was a righteous man through-and-through, but he still endured incredible pain and loss—in one day! The father restored Job and added to his possessions and blessed Job with a new family. But Job still needed comfort. He still lost much that was unique to him. A part of him.

There’s gifts from grief like intimacy with our father, compassion for others, stronger faith, honesty, especially reminding us we are but dust and our father helps us in our fragility. When we have mourned awhile, gratefulness will pour out of our hearts because our father gifted us with a wonderful person and experiences. It never, ever happens overnight.

Forgive yourself if you’ve said or done things in the midst of grief. Forgive others who are suffering grief too. You will “companion” someone in grief and ease their pain someday. In fact, many great spiritual leaders say that your greatest ministry will come from your greatest pain. Study grief in the Bible and other resources like support groups, godly books on grief, and counseling with your pastor or another trusted friend. Pour it all out to your heavenly father.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We are told to be grateful in all things but not FOR all things. Sometimes, father, we don’t know how much we need you until you’re all we have. We are grateful you understand and you’re always with us through “the Valley of the Shadow of Death.”

Our feelings may be raw, confusing and agonizing but we KNOW you will ease our suffering and bring good out of it. We remember the suffering of your son and the victory of his resurrection. We may not feel grateful, but we know without a doubt, good will come from our loss. Thank you for the loved one we’ve lost. Redeem our pain.

Amen.

Sidetracked

“Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to live until I come back, that is not your business. You follow me.” John 21:22 NCV

“There’s my business and none of my business.” Unknown

Some of the stickiest, ickiest relationship problems are when I judge, usually when I’m not following God and especially when I don’t want to address something inside myself. Those two go together, unfortunately. Boy! That so-and-so drinks too much. That may be true. Why did I judge? Have I overindulged in something at some point? Make sure he doesn’t drive—that’s your business. That person is so selfish! That may be true. If I hadn’t been selfish, I would not recognize selfishness, would I? Ain’t that a kick in the head!

But the reverse may be true to. If I see something wonderful in another, maybe there’s something wonderful in me too.

I had a step-mother who was very judgmental about my husband, especially his battle with his weight. She would talk about him behind his back and found others to agree. Except…My husband had a disease that limited his mobility and his mind—impulse control. We really don’t know what is at the foundation of a problem. It also kept her in the dark about her own issues and isolated her from fellow church members and her own family. She lives to this day. By herself. Alone. She still could follow Jesus.

If I’m to help another, there’s an urging from the Holy Spirit and more frequently, a person asks. Sometimes we need to extend patience, space and safety to the person who’s in need. In the meantime, mouth shut, prayer offered and mercy extended. Follow Jesus. That’s how I grew. That’s how I sadly saw my judgment was an “icky” thing to address and handed it over to my father. My business and none of my business. There’s good news! It gets easier because the rewards are so joyful. The relationships so rewarding. Another miracle of grace. It works!

Musings

When I am tempted to gossip or judge, I remember: There’s my business and none of my business. Follow Jesus. The biggest blessing in not judging is there’s lovely space and grace for the other to grow and myself to grow. To create the blessing of a loving and accepting relationship. Someone said, “Better get along with others now or how will you in heaven?” We all have our own business to tend to.

*However, if you’ve suffered trauma, abuse or grief from someone, that’s an entirely different matter to take to a counselor, trusted friend, support group or pastor. Please don’t suffer alone.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your son who modeled business perfectly. He ministered to individuals, like the Samaritan woman, privately and with dignity, grace and hope. Remind us to practice this for those we meet today and even for ourselves. As Jesus said to his parents as a youngster, “I must be about my Father’s business”. We need your grace to do this too.

Amen.

Cocoa and a Nap

And He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a little while.” (For there were many people coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.) Mark 6:31 NASB

“When you rest, you catch your breath and it holds you up, like water wings…” — Anne Lamott

Sometimes there’s no mighty message, eloquent prayer or inspiring book that guides or inspires you. Sometimes, disappointing I know, it’s rest that’s greatly needed.  We want to march on, teach this, provide that. Humbling, I know, it’s rest we need. We are much too impressed with ourselves at times. I must do this. I must be there. We go over and over a conversation or problem until we’re spiritually, emotionally and physically spent with no satisfactory resolution in sight.  I must, I must, I must. No you don’t! Get honest. Are you tired? Are you a bit hungry? Do your feet hurt? Are you God or a fragile human being with needs?

When overloaded, unsure, anxious, or (are you ready?) exhausted, get your favorite blanket, a hot mug of soup, cocoa or beverage, turn off all your devices, get comfy, snuggle with your pet and take a nap.   Maybe it’s 40 winks. Maybe it’s an hour or day. You may just need some peaceful, nurturing rest. We are clay. We are dust. We are God’s children. We’ve always made sure our children get rest. Even our pets get rest. God’s children need rest too. God rested on the seventh day. If the Creator of all rested, we need to do the same. Faith knows God works even when we’re sleeping. Better yet is we don’t get in God’s way. “Now I lay me down to sleep…”

Musings

It’s amazing how huge problems are cut down to size, emotions find their right place, answers come and patience is extended when we just rest. Some of our Bible heroes received messages from God while they dreamed. Rest in our father’s arms. Wake refreshed.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for rest. Sometimes we are working so hard on our souls and life that we neglect our rest. Help us to not neglect our bodies by pushing, straining and improving beyond what we are able. Help us to encourage rest for others too. This world screams at us to do this and that and we forget we are fragile. We forget that you are in charge. We forget that you made us with rest in mind. Thank you for your rest– restorative and lifegiving.

Amen.

Life’s Messy

Termites and other pests.

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, so that the outside may become clean as well.” Matthew 25-25 Berean Bible

“Life’s Messy–clean it up!” Vacuum cleaner slogan

“Have you gained weight over the holidays?” I was asked.

“No. I only look that way next to “small” people,” I replied. Ouch! My cup and dish are very dirty!

I did not reply, actually. I wanted to. I strained to be silent. I wanted to give them a one-two punch! But I said nothing, at first, then changed the subject. I knew where that question was coming from and where it was headed. I was eating it up with a spoon.

At home I caressed that question in my mind. Berated myself with that question. Hurt myself with that question. Did I gain weight? Is that why I’m so defensive? Why am I internalizing something so insignificant? Does it matter if I go to heaven today?  So much for my spiritual growth. Surprise! I’m not as spiritual as I think.

Many times in our spiritual journey, we’re cruising along, we’re so grateful and at peace. Then…Bam! Some small slight, some rude person, a questionable comment out-of-nowhere derails us. The loving thing to do or say eludes us and our ego is set to fight back. Now who has a problem? Who is the one that needs change? To my deep embarrassment, it’s me. I’m messy. God, please clean me up. Grace is the scrub brush, though very gentle and forgiving.

Musings

Sometimes it’s not the big things, tragedies or major decisions that derail our walk with our Father. It’s those little “termites” of life that eat at us that are said to us by people who are just as unaware or unconscious as we are. Sigh… “We do not war against flesh and blood.” “You who are spiritual restore such a one… in a spirit of meekness.” “A soft answer turns away wrath.” No. I don’t think I’ve gained weight. Are you concerned about my health? How are you? Those “termites” are opportunities for growth for me and for the other. Let’s face it, most of life is dealing with the termites. Spring cleaning is in order.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that we can take everything to you, especially those daily encounters that mess up our soul and our ego. They derail us from the real goal. Help us to see with your eyes and to respond in your way. The ego always cries out in pain! And nurtures the pain until we can’t see you. Help us to see and celebrate those little annoyances are opportunities from you to grow and to love.

Amen

Let Go or be Dragged

“Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely, and may your entire spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24

“Let go and let God.”

But don’t let go of God.

I have let go of some very destructive things in my life such as toxic people, addictions, worship of money and status and, especially, that I’m in control. The “I’m in control” has hurt me more times than I can count and dragged me away from my Father! There is very, very, very little I can control. This is a hard lesson and a huge relief!

When I am feeling anxious, troubled, exhausted and fearful, there’s something I’m trying to control and it may not be my job. It may be God’s. Time to reframe my thoughts and trust him.

The blizzard that ripped through my area shook me. Fear consumed me. The power was out. The house was cold. My mind imagined so many horrible things as the wind howled. Fear dragged me around like a limp rag doll so I succumbed to my addiction—dragged away. “He will keep you in perfect peace…”  “God sent us an advocate” were in my mind and heart but…

Tremendous sadness consumed me. I failed again. Dragged away. I came back.  “All things work to good to those who love him…”  Yes, even my failure. Yours too.

Musings

Until Jesus comes back, the Prince of this World will torment us, especially the lovers of God. We don’t want to be dragged under or away, so we let go and let God be God in trust. It isn’t easy. We have many times in our lifetimes where this lesson is front and center. Is it because God cares more about our character than we do?

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your son was not dragged away but chose a filthy, rugged and humiliating cross for our sakes. It was a dark, despairing, frightening and lonely time. Three days later, there was great joy! Help us to remember this when struggling with life’s problems and temptations. Help us to not be dragged away from you.

Amen

Purpose vs Achievement

“For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Luke 19:10 NIV

“The two most important days in life are the day you born and the day you discover the reason why.” – Mark Twain

I believe God’s purpose is love. “For God so loved the world that he gave…” “Love never fails.”  “The one who fears is not perfected in love.” “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” But how God achieves or demonstrates his love is unique to each character in the Bible and unique to each of us. He created us, after all!

What is your purpose? Mine is to love and teach my children, grandchildren, employees and community. How do I achieve this? Through work, goal-setting, education, story-telling, saving, experiences and more. When my granddaughters were little, horses were one way I showed love. They learned to care for the horses by grooming, feeding, riding and praising the horses. They achieved many things with the horses but my purpose was to love and demonstrate love to them and teach love for God’s creation. I pray that when I’m gone, they’ll continue their purpose no matter they’re achievements.

One thing that is sure is we have a purpose no matter our stage in life, no matter our age, looks, disability or intelligence. When dust accumulates on the awards and trophies, our children have grown, health is fading, looks are gone, money is scarce, memory is faltering, purpose is still there. God helps us to continue until we’re with him in Paradise.

Musings

We get confused about purpose vs. achievement and sometimes we get off track with busyness. My purpose in writing this little devotion is to demonstrate God’s love for you. I achieve this by writing, researching, praying, sharing and paying for the blog service. If I fail, my purpose is still the same. I may need to find other ways to share God’s love but the purpose remains. Jesus’ purpose is to seek and save—the ultimate love. It still is. So is mine. So is yours. Our trophies, achievements and treasures are all laid down some day and we exchange it for a crown but our love will remain. Purpose.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our achievements but especially thank you for our unique purpose. Thank you that you teach and encourage us in our purpose. Our achievements will differ according to our stage in life but our love for you and our purpose remains. Our purpose and yours is love.

Amen.

Pretzels and Knotholes

Where’s our focus?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.” John Wooden, basketball coach

I received the most wonderful Christmas present from my sweetheart. A little chihuahua mix with the most loving soul. I missed having a lap dog since the Maltese I had died from heart failure over a year ago. I missed having a little dog that loves to go on road trips, walks and watches TV with me. There’s a lovely Queensland, Red Heeler to some of you, that is a wonderful dog but a lap dog she ain’t! This little boy came to me via an elderly woman who was placed in assisted living. She knows her little pup is loved and deeply cared for. He’s never alone.

Except… The temperature where I live dropped to below zero with windchills in the minus 30’s and snow over a foot deep. Did my little dog, Benny (named by the previous owner), relish doing his “business” outside? Nope! Chasing after him, scolding and new dog euphoria turned to despair until praise entered my mind. shoveled a sheltered place with grass, placed treats in my pocket. Eureka! Business was done with making over him as if he had cured cancer. No one saw my despair as I cleaned dog messes. No one saw my joy when Benny got the picture. Time to focus on excellence, praise and whatever is true.

People need praise too. Training our minds to concentrate on what is excellent or praiseworthy is twisting ourselves into pretzels and knotholes because this is not natural—it’s supernatural! To do this with annoying, unkind, judgmental people is supernatural too. This comes from training our minds, agreeing with God and practice, practice, practice. It’s giving people space to change. Has anyone given this to you? Did it help get you on the right track? Transformation. God working through us and others.

Musings

Sometimes we withhold praise because of the scarcity mentality. If I praise someone and I get nothing in return or worse, criticized, there’s less for me. But not true in God’s world. In fact the more we practice this, the larger our hearts and lives grow and become rich. We let go of twisting ourselves into pretzels or dragging ourselves through knotholes. We get closer to others, ourselves and God. We get closer to how much God loves us. Transformation. Again.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your love. Thank you for the ability to see and embrace what is lovely, noble, true, praiseworthy. “As a man thinks, so is he” is a valuable truth no matter our circumstances and protects us from the Evil One. Help us to focus on your son, the picture of all that is lovely, noble, true and praiseworthy and let’s celebrate our transformation into his image.

Amen.