“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8 NASB

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”
― Roy T. Bennett, the Light in the Heart

Have you had a hard time lately focusing on the good? Boy! I have! I see the news and I feel powerless and frightened. Someone close is in the midst of an addiction and I’m powerless to help. But the most disturbing problems are the everyday woes like finances, work, kids and we’re instructed to dwell on the positive. Bad news: It’s hard. More bad news: discipline. Everything is the battle of the mind.

 I read somewhere if you know how to worry; you know how to meditate. I think that’s what Paul’s saying in the above verse. What we think about, or obsess over, determines our life. Fortunately, our Father knows we can’t do it without his help, which is why he left us his word, an example to follow, grace, fellow believers and a hotline to his presence.

I was given a 90-day challenge for dealing with a person in my life. The anger in my mind and soul was tormented with all the mean, sneaky, and unfeeling words and actions this person had done to me. The challenge was 90 days of praise for this person. If I criticized this person just once, I had to start over in my challenge. This person had many praiseworthy qualities. He was smart, handsome, talented, well-read and more. I started over many times before I made it to 90 days.  Did it change the situation? No. Did the person change? No. Did I change? Yes. I became a more peaceful person and the interesting part was all the good changes I saw in me. Was it hard? Oh my! Yes. Was it worth it? Yes. The only person I have control over is me and that is overwhelming too. There’s my business. There’s God’s business. Sometimes I confuse the two.

Musings

Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote a book, Man’s Search For Meaning. It’s about a horrendous time in a Nazi war camp. Here’s a quote from his book: “When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.” This is the only way to live fully. We must keep our eye on the ball.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We thank you for so many blessings and we can’t name them all. We know following your son means challenges, character development and putting the focus on you in all our life experiences. There’s always something worthy of praise, even when the feelings refuse to participate.

Help us to keep our focus on you, where it truly belongs.

Amen.

But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country, among his own relatives, and in his own house.” Now he could do no mighty work there, except that He laid His hands on a few sick people and healed them. And He marveled because of their unbelief. Mark 6:4-6 NKJV

“It’s not the parts of the Bible I don’t understand that bother me, it’s the part I do understand.” Mark Twain

Familiarity. We want to reach and help our closest relatives. Jesus did too. Most of his family thought he was, for lack of a better word, unbalanced at best. We know Jesus’ life was threatened many times. The people we love the most may reject God. It feels like they reject you and, in a way, it is rejection of you. They know our hot buttons, how to create chaos, our deeply embedded flaws, turn the tables and we freeze. We feel like failures. Where’s our courage? Where’s our love? Where’s our trust? We’ve been wounded and still need healing ourselves. Maybe we feel like we cast our pearls and we were torn apart. Maybe we were.

What can we do? Detach in love. Go about your business and God’s business. Pray for our family members. If they need food, give it to them. If they need companionship, sit with them. Do this for your Father and you won’t feel resentment. He sees. He loves. All.

Sometimes it’s another that will reach your loved one. That happened to me with my husband. It was a dear friend of his and a book, Evidence that Demands a Verdict, that turned his heart. Look and pray for an opportunity for those that sincerely want an answer, want healing, want something greater than themselves.

Musings

We Black Sheep/Scapegoat types are so aware of our sins and faults; we don’t risk sharing our hope with another. Sometimes that’s good. We need to be right with our Father and the healing he brings. Usually, we help most when our relationship with our father, ourselves and the others we meet are the foundation for sharing our faith. We are encouraged by others and Bible characters that did wonderful and miraculous things, while still being a flawed human being. And sometimes we “put the oxygen mask on ourselves first.”

Jesus was the only one who was perfect. He was still rejected. It’s part of the deal here on Earth. But he gently heals us through the Holy Spirit, the Word, others and prayer. It worked then. It works now because he is the same yesterday, today and in the future.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that even the sparrow is noticed by you. Thank you for looking after our dear family members, friends and co-workers. Help us to remember it is a partnership with you when speaking and helping our loved ones. Help us to remember you love them more than we ever could. You love us more than they ever could. That’s our confidence. That’s our hope.

Amen.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10 NIV

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear”. — Franklin D. Roosevelt

So much to fear! The wars, health, inflation, border crisis, criminals, drugs and corruption are blasted at us every minute of the day. Personal problems, work problems, family issues, commuting with out-of-sight gas prices and corruption in high places take over too.

As a wise man said, “There’s nothing new under the sun.”

We numb fear with drinking, eating, using drugs, spending, over-exercising and more addictive and fruitless behaviors.

Or we deny the fear. I tried this with my husband’s terminal disease. Luckily, I did not do this for very long. I thank God for leading me through that fiery furnace! It wasn’t pleasant at all, but the right things and persons were there right on time.

Or we huddle with like-minded, fear-driven people and complain. We yell at the TV. We reject opportunity. Opportunity right in our homes and communities.

Or we get creative. God said fear is the beginning of wisdom. Paul states that once we are God’s, we are members of the “upward call of Christ.” What is this really about? What do I need to learn?

Fear motivates but it doesn’t sustain. It doesn’t turn our focus into positive action.  Analysis paralysis. We stew. Chew our nails. Excuse our behavior, “once this has passed, I’ll start that new class, speak in front of people, confront the boss.” And we never do it because we’re waiting for fear to go away. It never does.

Fear feelings will always be a part of the human condition. We live in the fallen world.  So where do we place our focus? On our Father. We throw ourselves on the “mercy seat” and find grace. We open our heart to what our efforts can provide, no matter how small. Jesus blessing the child’s lunch of a few fish and bread.

Musings

Recall the situations in your past how our Father came through. How he provided. How he counseled. How we grew. The people he brought into our lives. Focus on what to do today. I can’t live in the future or the past, not with any positive effect anyway. Jesus counseled that we can’t even change a hair on our head or add to our life span. That’s our Father’s job. Ours is to look for opportunities to share our faith by action or words with our families, communities and the “upward call.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

We admit we’re afraid, at least anxious about the things we cannot control. We remember the Serenity Prayer that cautions us to “accept what we cannot change and the courage to change what we can and the wisdom to know the difference.” Wisdom replaces fear, serenity replaces anxiety, and courage replaces paralysis because of you. Thank you.

Amen.

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9

“You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew.” – Albert Einstein

Most of the problems I’ve had were bad decisions. Feelings were the determining factor.

I feel like one more drink. Wrong decision.

But this relationship feels right! Ignore the red flags.

I feel this is this house for me. Ignore the cost, taxes, insurance. It’ll work out.

I feel unloved. So, I isolate and prove it’s true. Or lash out.

I feel like an imposter! So I act like a wimp and seek approval like a starving person. “Please tell me I’m okay.”

How many feelings do you have each day? I confess I have several. Anger, sadness, excitement, pride, boredom, despair and many, many more. If I acted on the feelings alone, my life would still be a disaster! You?

Love can be a feeling, but it’s based on action. “By their fruit, you will know them.”

Hope can be a feeling. And this is confusing. Is it wishful thinking disguised as hope? A magic genie? Or trust and my actions reflect that trust.

Is faith a feeling? Well, Abraham went out not knowing where he was going. Noah built an ark without knowing the end-game. I’m sure their feelings were mixed at best. There was probably some fear, anxiety, unsteadiness, wonder. But they did what they did in faith. That obedience thing.

Is joy a feeling? It can be mistaken for happiness, which is a feeling determined by circumstances outside ourselves. Circumstances outside of us will disappoint, eventually. The new car? The perfect job? Yes, even the new spouse. Joy is rock-solid trust in our Father, knowing we are loved and knowing we’re okay, even when things are painful or confusing.

Sometimes I feel needy. I manipulate others to take care of my feelings. Honesty/vulnerability would be much better. “I feel needy. Could we talk about it? Have you felt needy?”

Do I control others with worry? When I worry, I place a heavy burden on others. That doesn’t mean we don’t share, pray or find assistance for a problem, but when I’m stuck worrying about the same thing over and over? Do I believe the more I worry  that it proves my love? The more earnest my prayer is?

Control with anger? Ultimatums: “If you do this one more time, I’ll turn blue and stomp my feet. Then you’ll be sorry!”

God has feelings too. Jesus in Gethsemane with sweat like blood, yet he continued with his mission out of love for his Father. I’m sure his feelings were beyond comprehension, despairing and oh so painful. When he forgave from the cross, his feelings were not celebratory. In a perfect act of love, he suffered for us. Jesus mastered his emotions and deliberately chose obedience. In Hebrews, it says, “For the joy set before him, he endured the cross.”  Delayed gratification. Not my favorite thing to do.

Musings

Feelings are fickle! Sometimes they lie! Create all kinds of chaos if they’re not mastered. With help from our Father and the Holy Spirit, we master our feelings. It is a lifetime project for sure. Many times it’s very unpleasant. When I was a child, I acted like a child, but now I’m a grown-up.

Good feelings come. They are wonderful! They are a blessing! God gave them to us. God has feelings too. But… the good feelings come when I do the right thing. And it may be a long time for the good feeling to come. Will I stay faithful? I’m better, but I have a long, long way to go.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for feelings, the good ones and unpleasant ones. Feelings can teach us, warn us, embrace us, lift us, encourage us, but they can’t be trusted all the time. You can be. Help us to master our feelings and make wise decisions. Help us to be vulnerable with each other with loads of grace.

Amen.

What is this really about?

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26 ESV

“When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people’s hearts.”-Lao Tzu

Difficult people! Tough situations! But no one has our number like our family, do they?

Who can shatter with one look? You know–that eye-brow lift that condemns?

Who can diminish with a not-so-well-meaning phrase? Example: Are you losing weight? Here, have a cookie.

Who can share your most intimate experiences behind your back? Can you feel the shame or anger rise in you?

Family dinner. The liberal accuses the conservative of being unfeeling and without empathy. The conservative bites back that the liberal has no head, understanding or the consequences of emotional decisions. One thinks the other is boring and rigid. The other thinks she has no heart. And then the extremes of each is volleyed! What a nice dinner! Mashed potatoes are washable.

Aha! Family! The ones that are supposed to love us. The ones we’re supposed to love back. The ones that know our weaknesses even better than we do. And you know theirs.

What is this really about?

Coming from a very dysfunctional family is what it’s about. You did. Your siblings did. Your spouse did. Your best friend did. Your boss did. We all sin and fall short. Probably the trickiest is our family and affects all other relationships. We learned, whether we were aware or not, how to adapt, limp and shoot from the hip, especially we black sheep/scapegoat types. Survival!

 Then the biggie: open your heart.

Then everything becomes unicorns, roses, fairy dust and rainbows. Actually, not at all. Our Father gently but firmly puts my focus back on him. We take out our emotional garbage. He may remind us that our siblings came from the same dysfunction, but they experienced it and adapted differently that we did—they were in survival mode too. Then our Father reminds us of how precious and loved we are by him. Then we open our heart. We challenge the dysfunction, not the person. We set boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not. The “here, have a cookie” is met with “no thank you.” The gossip is met with silence trusting the Father to reveal the truth. The liberal/conservative debates are met with, “With God all things are possible.” And we trust. We trust our Father. We gain patience. We gain peace. We let go. God reveals what a beautiful, “New Creation” we are. We live. We love. We are thankful for the lessons.

Musings

Almost every complaint, whine and story shows what a righteous person (victim, usually) I am compared to the other in my story. Then the question: “What is this really about?” There’s my business and God’s business. My business is to give this person space and pray. Seek help, if truly troublesome. My business is not to internalize and personalize actions and comments that come from a dysfunctional family, living or dead. If I’m to do more, God will gently open a way.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our church families. Thank you for our Earthly families. Both are opportunities to grow in grace and love looking to you to fill our neediness. You are readily available to show us how loved we are no matter the blind spots we have. Love is a discipline too, but it’s the thing that lasts forever.

Amen.

“Therefore there is now no condemnation at all for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 NASB (Emphasis mine)

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become – because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. . .It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.” C.S. Lewis

How do you talk to your pet? Do you say, “Good boy/girl! Oh, you’re so pretty/handsome! You’re so smart!” Now, how do you talk to yourself? Do you say, “I’m such an idiot! I look like hell today! My body disgusts me! How could I have done such a thing? I’ll never get over this.” Those condemning words are not from our heavenly father. They’re from a critical parent, boss, significant person, the Enemy and our own brainwashed mind. And they’re lies! The battle in our minds!

Sometimes, most times, Black Sheep, Scapegoats, dysfunctional people and sinners dwell on the negative about themselves and hurt themselves over and over! Dwelling, ruminating, navel-gazing and self-sabotage rule the day. Like picking at a scab and letting it fester. A victim, again!

Somehow, we think the harder we are on ourselves the better we’ll be. NOT TRUE! This has failed us over and over. And our Father knows this. In fact, the harder we dwell on our shortcomings, mistakes and sins, the more power they gain. That’s not our goal, but that’s the result. What do we do?

There’s no condemnation from God. We can honestly tell him everything. Pour our hearts out to him. Hold nothing back. Hide nothing. He knows anyway! We are free to do this because we know “the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” No condemnation! None! Nada! Bupkis! Then authentic and life-giving transformation begins.

Musings

Start talking to yourself like you would a good friend or beloved pet. It’ll be difficult at times. Ask your Father to show you the way. He will. Gently. Don’t focus on the negative. You’ll only give it power. Focus on him. He’ll give you power. And think how fruitful you’ll become.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your gentleness. Thank you for your acceptance. Thank you that you made us. You called us good when you created us. As we go throughout our day, please remind us of all the good we are and do. It’s not arrogance. That’s insecurity. It’s confidence. God confidence. We see it in your son. May we take hold of it.

Amen.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” Revelations 3:20 NIV

“The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.” C.S. Lewis

It’s my son’s birthday today. When he was born, screaming and squished discovering his tongue, I fell in love with him. There was nothing I would not do for him. It’s the closest feeling and experience I’ve had to how much God loves us, his children. My son had not done one thing to earn my love. He didn’t need to. I just loved.

1^st John describes us as little children. God loves us perfectly and without earning anything (as if we could), and even though I love my son more than life, I have not loved him perfectly.

We have an intimate, soul-building relationship with our father too. Like all relationships, there’s laughter, encouragement, lessons, discipline, trials, conversations, apologies, listening (the hard one) and more. I don’t always understand my son. He doesn’t always understand me. Troubles come from lack of understanding. Taking things personally, reacting out of anger, silent treatments, temper tantrums and slamming doors are part of the human relationship experience. It’s not fair! Has been shouted by young and old.

How many times have I done this with my heavenly father? Many, many times. There’s still things I hang onto where I feel God wronged me. Got to fess up. Unload. With grace. Slowly, transformation and gratefulness fills the heart. Some of our spiritual greats have done this too. Jonah didn’t want to go to Nineveh. I don’t think he ever came full-circle on this one. Elijah fell into a great depression. David and his erring ways with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband certainly deserves attention. God loved. God restored. God transformed.

Musings

We have a 24-hour-a-day relationship with ourselves.  Thankfully, we have the same with our Father. He’s more than a 911 hotline, more than a loving friend, more than Santa Clause. He loves us so much that he wants to spend all his time with us. He loves us so much that he transforms our character. He loves us so much that he grieves with us.  He loves to just be with us. And we don’t earn it. It, too, is a priceless gift. May we enjoy him today and every day.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We aren’t a puppet; we are a partner with you. You are first in all our relationships. Because of you and our relationships with you, we are transformed into more loving people. More like your son. We take you with us every minute of our day, in everything we do and say with thanks.

Amen.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NIV

“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.” Unknown

Rainy days and Sundays get me down, the song goes. Winter blahs. Rinse and repeat. Trudging. Plodding. Same old, same old. The world is a mess. People at each other’s throats with blaming, warring and bullying. I’m sure Jesus and his disciples trudged through dusty roads, same food or hungry, harassed by politicians, the unstable, sick and the religious elite. We get the same.

We also get to be available to love. To contribute. To seek opportunity in the gray, painful and dismal. To seek answers from the Word and other Christians.

Then I decide to pray. Why do I save prayer for last? Why do I forget that He is always with me? Why do I forget he will not forsake me? Why am I afraid?

Because I’ve limited my father. Because I’ve limited my father’s power. Because I’m trying to go in my own strength and not trust in my father.

We’ve adopted rules and regulations for prayer from those we’ve elected as spiritually superior. The longer the prayer, the more effective, we think. The longer on our knees, the more pious and humble. Then why does Hebrews declare that we are to come to the Throne of Grace boldly (Hebrews 4:16)? Why does the Bible say we are a Royal Priesthood (1 Peter 2:9)? Because he loves us. Because he loves others. Because the victory is the Lord’s. The power is his and not man’s. And God delights in this.

Musings

Today, the news is heart-wrenching and full of fear. Actually, the news is always heart-wrenching and full of fear. A simple prayer offered in all sincerity should be first on my list. God help them. God help me. God save me. God save them. The details are my father’s. I trust the Holy Spirit, prayer and the word to lead to beautiful destinations. Prayer first.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you’re with us always, even to the end. Thank you for your power in our personal lives and in the world. We will not be moved. Your unfailing love is ours today and tomorrow. Even a simple prayer like “help me” or “save me” is answered by you. Help us to remember to abide in you and with you. “I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Amen.