Prayers and Musings of a Black Sheep

Testing + Difficulty= Destiny

“Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26 NASB

“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another.”
― Thomas Merton, Love and Living

It was a beautiful June day with all the elements of perfection: flowers, birds singing, fellowship in church and hope. I was baptized that very day. Others were baptized too and they were hugging, laughing, making joyous comments, feasting and singing. Me? I became somber, reflective and scared. For instance: Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” Or “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” Uh-oh!

Like getting married, or having a child, we do not know what we do not know when we enter into these lifelong commitments. In our family relationships and our relationship with our Father, there will be tests. There will be difficulty. Our relationships remove our heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh. We grieve, we struggle, we doubt, we cry. We also celebrate, embrace, support and encourage with joy. A heart of flesh is difficult. A heart of stone represses, ignores and denies. There’s no joy or peace.

The beauty of all is destiny. It could be in your career, family, church or charity. Like the little-known Barnabas, who was the Encourager, there may be little if any recognition. But it was his destiny. He was critical in the foundation of the early church and yet, there’s little known about him. But where would the church be without his encouragement?

Musings

What I went through as a mother gave me a heart of flesh. As a troubled teenager, here comes a heart of flesh. As a newly baptized Christian, many instances of receiving a heart of flesh, but all the way through, our Father, Son and Holy Spirit provided destiny for his glory. The destiny of helping another find the Father, no matter the work. “God causes all things to work for good for those that love him and are working according to his purpose.” Not all things are good. Not all things are fair. Not all things feel good. But they will be–here and in heaven with our new heart: a heart of flesh. A heart like our Father’s.

Prayer

Dear Father,

James says to “count it all joy when we encounter various trials.” If you do not bring us through our trials, we will stumble and fall, let alone despair. Thank you that you have brought us through so many things, some of our own making and some out of our control because it solidifies our faith, trust and love for you. Purpose. Destiny. Joy.

Amen.

Self-Love?

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14 NIV

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.” Unknown

“Put your oxygen mask on first and then take care of another.” Airline passenger instruction.

On one hand we learn to put others first, think about another’s needs, wait for others, listen and encourage. These are good things to do because they’re love actions. But is our cup full first? Do we do these things for ourselves? Do we know what we need? Do we listen to our hearts? Do we wait or seek counsel before making major decisions? Are we people-pleasing? If we don’t do these things for ourselves, how can we do this for others?

On the other hand… Do we abuse our bodies with drugs, alcohol, food, pornography and tell ourselves we deserve it? I need a break. Sometimes we do need a break, but are there more encouraging breaks to take? Would we do this to our children, pets, colleagues, spouses, strangers? Do we say things like, “You’re so stupid, you’ll never make it, you’re a loser?” That’s NOT self-love, in fact it’s not love at all. That’s abuse! We don’t even talk to our pets this way. We’d never talk to a friend this way. You’re a child of God and there’s many verses in the Psalms and in Jesus’ teachings that show us how to talk to ourselves and others. Light of the world, salt of the earth, fearfully and wonderfully made. Are you not more valuable than the birds? Hard to grasp, I know.

How do we know self-love? The same way we know love for others: What are the actions? What is the fruit?What are the motives? It isn’t always touchy-feely, though good feelings come. It isn’t always pleasant. Sometimes the truth hurts when we wrestle with relationships, including the one with ourselves, but we learn to pray about it, seek counsel and give it loads of grace. We’ve learned things that aren’t love can be pleasant, for the moment any way, and entrap us.

Musings

Do you encourage, compliment, view yourself as loved? Do you know your gifts, your talents? Do you say no to yourself and others? No is a complete sentence and we’ve said it to our children when they want something out of reach or harmful. Do you give yourself grace when you’ve make a mistake? Do you accept and develop the gifts of belonging and connection? No one thrives in isolation.

Someone died for you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

And it’s another life-long process. But we don’t do it alone.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that we are made in your image. We forget we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Help us to sincerely love others as we love ourselves. What a lovely home, church and community we would have if we loved you, ourselves and others with our heart and soul. There’s no other way.

Amen.

Friendship with the Father

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 ESV

What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer — Joseph M. Scriven

She was abandoned, this beautiful Siamese cat, close to my home. She’s a beautiful seal point with eyes the color of azure water. And I can’t get close to her. I feed her. I talk to her. But the look in her eyes and the readiness to bolt is there. She’s been traumatized, no doubt. Maybe I should set a trap but she’s so fragile, I don’t have the heart yet. She has food, water and shelter along with me making kitty noises and talking softly.

Aren’t we that way with our Father? The friend that is closer than a brother. There are just some things we don’t confess, we don’t name, we won’t even take a peek. We act like the poor Siamese I’m fostering.

Trauma, shame, failure, grief, doubt, build a firewall around the most intimate friendship we could ever have. It took me weeks of agony before I confessed my doubt to the Father. And the shame! How could I have doubt when I knew deep in my bones that I believe? How could my Father allow my husband to suffer so much before he died? Then the shooting in Texas—19 children slaughtered. Evil. There is so much evil in this world. I blame evil. We take this to our Father too with prayers of wordless tears, powerless actions and, let’s face it, doubt.

And we have each other too. Our Father made us to desire connection and belonging so we can encourage, comfort, teach, problem-solve and just love each other on this fragile, treacherous, unforgiving journey. Let’s continue to pray for each other and thank our Father too. Ultimately, he carries it all.

Musings

“Boldly go to the Throne of Grace,” we are commanded. “Draw close to God and he will draw close to you.” No matter how threatening, disturbing, frightening the situation, may we draw close to our Father and to each other looking for our rescue.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We live in troubled times, all of history is troubled. Help us to approach you with confidence and thanks. We know you hear our prayers. Help us to remember you know everything and confession is good for our souls. Let us pray for each other, give thanks for each other and especially give thanks to you for your son. Help us to bear all things, believe all things, hops all things, endure all things in love

Amen.

Sunshine Christian?

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14 NIV

Two angels came down from heaven. One to rule the world and the other to sweep the street. Both were pleased to serve. Both were honored to serve. There was harmony. There was humility.

Thomas Paine, one of the founders of our country, called some men Sunshine Patriots and Sunshine Soldiers in his work, American Crisis. All show. No go. According to American Revolution Facts, there were only 48,000 soldiers and no more than 13,000 at a time in battle. There is David and Goliath in the Bible too. They overcame.

We’re going through some very scary times in our country. The latest report says the average family is paying up to $5,000 more a year just for gasoline. Then there’s the grocery bill, taxes, utilities—they’re up too! No baby formula. Threats of war. The shooting in Texas. I could list more.

What is the message? We humble ourselves. We become Sonshine Christians.

We matter tremendously to our Father. He promises to heal our land.

“We can overcome.” We have overcome many scary and depraved times in our homes, communities and country. We will again if we humble ourselves.

Musings

No matter how difficult the challenges, no matter how painful, Christians are still up to the challenge. Our Father expects this and helps us to do so. We still feed the hungry. We still clothe the naked. We still dry the tears and counsel those who have lost much. We still comfort the sick. We still assure the dying. We still pray. We still hold to certain truths. We still have hope. Our work is eternal but also affects this very day and those in our lives. We do these things for our Lord. Our inheritance is sure.

The saying that a snowflake by itself is harmless, but a whole bunch banded together can stop traffic is true. Mothers who need formula have banded together to save hungry newborns. Parents are becoming involved in their children’s education.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our daily bread. Thank you for bringing us through another mystery. Thank you for the promise you will never abandon us. Thank you that we have each other. Thank you for the victory if we humble ourselves.

Help us to be SONSHINE CHRISTIANS.

Amen.

Christianity is Learning to Love

“Jesus replied: “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” Matthew 22:34 NIV

“When people hurt us, it helps us to learn how to let go of wanting them to love us. It helps us to learn how to love purely.”
― Donna Goddard, Love’s Longing

The problem is failure, loss, shame, trauma and all sorts of painful experiences stop us. Who would love with all that? No one. Have you filled the void with stuff, drugs, food? In Matthew, Jesus was filled with compassion because the crowed was harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd. That’s us, isn’t it?

Our Father knows our stories. Love demands courage and vulnerability. The cross proves this. The Prodigal Son story proves this. The transformation of Paul from a murderer to writing the most famous love chapter in the Bible. The rescue of a thief on a cross. A prostitute. The Book of Ruth. The Bible is full of love stories. Our story is a love story too.

We start with our Father. If we make a small attempt to know him, he rushes in to save. He rushes in to love. Love is always action. There may be good feelings right away or they may catch up to us after some time. We love because he first loved us. Our spiritual journey brings love lessons, wrestling matches and healing but all is to be loved and then to love others. It’s the whole point.

If we don’t learn to love ourselves and others, how will we act with others in heaven?

Musings

Is love knowledge? Is it faith that moves mountains? Is it giving everything to charity? It’s action for sure, but motives? Is it because I love the Father or I want to look good? Sometimes it’s people-pleasing?

We learn to love. Sometimes passionately and sometimes with hurt or numb feelings. But love we must.

One thing is sure: All things will pass away except love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you made us and thank you for your love. It’s so difficult, it seems, to love when the world is a mess, personal problems paralyze and health is fading but we know it’s the foremost commandment. Being a Sunshine Christian is easy. Following your son is difficult. Keep loving us so we may bring more to you and watch love multiply. Love is what we will be doing forever.

Amen.

He Delights In You

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and he takes delight in his way.” Psalm 37:23

“Cowards are cruel, but the brave love mercy and delight to save.” John Gay

Your peek into your sleeping child’s room and you are mesmerized by the sight of such innocence. You delight in your child.

An elderly man gently assists his wife on a twilight walk. He delights in his wife.

A beautiful rose is handled by the novice gardener drinking in the scent. The gardener delights in the rose.

A couple hold hands at a coffee shop drinking in the closeness and good fortune of each other. They delight in their relationship.

You giggle at the antics of your rescue dog. You delight in such a simple love.

And our Father delights in us. More than we can comprehend. Sometimes we feel his delight while going about our day and gratitude wells up in us from head to toe. There’s nothing on Earth that compares. Sometimes a lovely surprise welcomes our day. Sometimes we believe that we are loved no matter what. A delightful gift from our Father. And sometimes we mess up royally. Our Father delights in pouring more grace on us.

And we delight in our Father.

We thank him every day.

We meditate on his word, creation and those he has given us.

We love others more easily because we delight in our Father’s creation.

We delight in the Lord and he gives us our heart’s desire. Our desires change into His.

We remember all the rescues he has done in our life leading to our salvation.

We become a little bit closer to being like his son. We delight in this transformation, though painful at times.

Musings

The Psalms are filled with praise, confidence, healing, promise and delight. Rich in feeling and wisdom. The Psalms help and teach us to delight in our Father should we be at a loss for words. The Psalms also help us to delight in ourselves—“We are fearfully and wonderfully made.” The Holy Spirit nudges our delight too. Trust this.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Our delight may not be as beautiful or inspiring as the Psalms. We may be childlike in expressing our delight in you, but maybe that’s the point. Thank you that when we’re sleeping, working, successful or mired in pain, you delight in us now and forever.

Amen.

What if You Hadn’t Been Born?

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, this person is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NASB

“The moment the focus of your life shifts from your badness to his goodness, the questions becomes not “What have I done?” but “What can He do?” John R. Claypool, Learning to Forgive Ourselves.

It’s a Wonderful Life is so popular because the main character, George Bailey, gets to see and experience life if he hadn’t been born. A privilege indeed! On the other hand, Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, experiences his tattered, selfish life and all the missed opportunities of a bitter heart. Both were renewed to become better. Their station in life didn’t change. They did.

Our Father tells us in Ephesians 2:8-10 that he prepared in advance the good works we do. Wow! Powerful! Affirming! Validating! A gift! Purpose!

Until the daily grind, the grouchy boss, the critical parent, the bounced check, the troubled child penetrates our heart and joy is gone. Poof! Empty void. Condemning voice. Good works?

Yes. Because our Father helps us with these challenges. He teaches us. He loves us. He pours grace all over us. And somewhere along the way, we get it. We see the good works our Father gave us in advance. We feel blessed. We feel validated. We have purpose. We see how our Father knows best. Then we help another with love, generosity and compassion.

Musings

We are either George Baily or Ebenezer Scrooge. We are the shamed Prodigal Son or the Prodigal’s stay-at-home, resentful brother. Blinded. But our Father opens our eyes and hearts through the Holy Spirit. True, it may be a book, person or article that gets our attention, but it’s not a coincidence. Little signposts, gentle voice, encouraging nudge starts our good works.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for giving us good works in advance. We have purpose. We grow. We overcome. We love. Remind and show us what we are to do today with the gifts you have given us for your purpose.

Amen.

I Do This–I Don’t Do That

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I Do This–I Don’t Do That

“But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God.” John 3:21 NASB 1995

“You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.” Carl Gustav Jung

I am a mom. Do you know that I am by what I say or what I do? Does it match with what you see? Anyone can reproduce. But commitment? That’s a whole different animal. And it takes practice every day.

When I became a mom, I was a beginner. I did some things wrong (my son survived) and I did many things correctly. All was done in love. I did mom things like read to him, fed him, listened to him, hugged him. And sometimes I yelled at him, ignored him, said hurtful things. I don’t do that a lot less. Practice.

Are you like this?

You go to work. You don’t play hooky.

You are faithful to your spouse. You don’t flirt with others. Online or at the office.

You pay your bills. You don’t ignore your debts. You negotiate and communicate with your lender.

I’m not trying to be a sugary, do-gooder. Not by any means! Most all the things I do took practice, discipline, love, grace from others and God. Still do. I love the AA quote: “Progress. Not perfection.”

Here’s some others we may have done:

We got drunk. We didn’t care.

Spent big dollars. The item did not make us happy.

We gossiped. We did not feel good about it.

We are what we do. We are what we practice.

And oh so slowly and gently, our Father gives us another picture of who we are and what we do. And we stumble, practice and learn to do the things our Father wants us to do. “God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.” Romans 5:20 NLT

Thank heaven for grace!

Musings

“By their fruit, you will know them,” Jesus said. It was true then. It’s true now. From the leadership of our nation to our homes, communities and work, our fruit shouts the truth. The other saying my mom drilled into me is, “Actions speak louder than words.” Quite frankly, I’m tired of do-nothing words.

We are what we do. We are what we practice. More importantly when we overcome, others see it has been done by God, our Father. We want what our Father wants. So, we do (practice) what our Father wants. What our Father wants is always good.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your son, the perfect example for us to follow. Thank you for grace so we can haltingly, timidly and hopefully practice his example. It was all done in love. Love is a verb. Be with us as we practice. Encourage our baby steps. Let others see it was done by you.

Amen.

Boredom or Threshold?

Boredom or Threshold?

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:15-16

“Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored.” ~ Wayne Dyer

Boredom is a great enemy of black sheep types. I don’t need to explain. Just a fact.

Overcome a relationship problem? Check. Done. Overcome a bad habit? Yes. Some celebration. Handling boundaries with a mother-in-law? Done. Finish a demanding work week? With bells on. Got the kidlet’s math grade up? With celebration. Ran a marathon? Finished fourth. Puppy is potty-trained. Whew!

Then the letdown. Boredom. Daily, sometimes annoying, never-ending tasks. Life. Most of life. No major problems. No self-scrutiny. Health is good. Food on the table. Everyone is healthy and caring. Bills are paid. Regular stuff we take for granted. What a blessing! Or is it?

When I read the New Testament, I read the wonderful, impactful, hopeful stories of drama, insight and healing. There was also boredom, hissy fits and dailiness. Most of life then, too. Dirty, dusty roads before the next village. It took days to get from place to place. Preparation of meals. Washing dirty feet. Four days travel until Lazarus’ resurrection. Sitting by the well in the hot noon-day sun before asking a Samaritan woman for a drink of water. Three days before Jesus’ resurrection.

Could these empty, boring times be the threshold of something new? It may not be dramatic. It could be peace and the joy not of this world that Jesus promised. A little taste of heaven. It could be a time of rest. It could be a time for praise and thanks. One thing for sure, something new and marvelous held in a spirit of love and curiosity is the attitude to have. Something specifically designed by our Father just for you!

Musings

Most of life is the daily, repetitive and, let’s face it, boring tasks. The Bible and Jesus’ ministry used the daily lessons of salt, light, bread, water, planting and harvesting to demonstrate power and a wonderful spiritual life. Grateful! No tragedies. No dramas. A threshold of rest, thanks and curiosity. Openness.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our daily bread. Thank you for what we call boredom that may be a threshold to a newness in us and others. When feeling bored and restless, lead us not into temptation but deliver us from Evil. May we be curious and expectant with openness and gratefulness.

Amen.

What Would I Be Doing If This Hadn’t happened?

“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.” John 14:18 ESV

“Faith is the only force that can hold you fast at all times.” Lailah Gifty Akita

Your child has a bad report from school.

You received bad health news.

Your month has run out of money.

You had an explosive argument with your sweetie.

A letter from the IRS.

There’s a story about a woman who looked out the window and saw her pastor coming up the walkway. She knew it would be bad news about her husband who was serving in the army. She proceeded to put on the coffee and place cookies on the plate. She answered the door and pleasantly invited the pastor in and to have a privileged spot at her kitchen table.

“You know I have bad news,” he said.

“Yes, I know.”

“Then why are you making coffee and being so hospitable?” the Pastor asked.

“Because this is what I’d be doing today with a lovely visitor like you.”

There’s wisdom in this. When something blindsides us, rocks our world and knocks us for a loop, sometimes the ordinary tasks anchor us. They make room for a “still, small voice” to keep us sane. To help us adjust to the unexpected. To breathe. To say a quick prayer. To keep our dignity intact.

Do you go for a daily walk? Do it anyway.

Work out at the gym? Do it anyway.

Work in your garden? Do it anyway.

Go for coffee with a friend? Do it anyway.

The situation will still be there but you’ll be better prepared.

I’m not saying that this fixes the unexpected. It’s a way of calming and preparing the mind and heart for what’s next. And our Father is always with us and will let light in.

Musings

There will always be trials, struggles, disappointments in this life but there are comforting and instructive experiences too. May we remember what would we be doing when the unexpected times come. Let some sanity and light that comes from the regular, daily things. Keep your appointment with your routine and your Father. There’s something reassuring in this.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We overlook the power in keeping with the every day habits and experiences in our day. They so often are the very things that keep us anchored in the midst of the unexpected. We take them for granted. Please keep us anchored in you today.

Amen.