A Tender Heart

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 NIV

“A tender heart is a wakeful, watchful heart. It watches against sin in the soul, sin in the family, sin in the calling, sin in spiritual duties and performances.” John Bunyan

“I’ve never met a strong person who had an easy past,” was said to me by a wise person.

The very sad thing is many of us have felt and been rejected by our own church family. Yes, many of us Black Sheep/Scapegoat types were rejected by our family but when our church family where love reigns and we’re rejected, this can be so devastating.

A woman, who was a member of my church, was disabled and her hygiene was, let’s say, very bad. You could be three rows behind her and the smell was very nauseating. Am I exaggerating? No. And everyone in the church gossiped, judged, and avoided this woman. The Harvest dinner was on display with so many scrumptious items on the table. All of us were having a bountiful feast with good feelings, thankfulness and humor. Then the woman with the bad hygiene rolled in. She filled her plate, sat down and began to eat. Everyone else took their plate elsewhere or went home. The silence was palpable, as they say. The smell filled the kitchen.

What would a tender heart do? I failed the test. I avoided it, which is a subtle but just as damaging way of rejection. What would Jesus do? Well, let’s see… He embraced and healed a demon-possessed man. He raised from the dead a man who had been in a hot, dry dusty tomb for over three days. How about cleaning very dirty and dusty feet? And I could not embrace a woman with bad hygiene. I could not, with an open heart, visit without judgment and learn of her circumstances. I have tears for my lack of tenderness and compassion for this woman. She passed away from ill health. Is she, like Lazarus, in the arms of Abraham?

Then my turn came. My husband was diagnosed with Lewy body dementia. Many avoided me during this agonizing time. Some family and friends abandoned me. Dementia is still a scary, unpredictable and terminal disease.  

Abandonment happens to everyone at some time when support and a tender heart are needed. Bewilderment along with loneliness may be the companions. Ask me if I have a tender heart now. I know it’s not perfect but some gigantic lessons have been learned. Scar tissue of the heart. Heart tenderizer.

Living with a tender heart. When times of rejection come even from our own Christian family, may we remember the Father’s son who gave everything for us, and he too was rejected by his spiritual and human family. It doesn’t mean we deny, suppress, or avoid the pain. It hurts! But our Father will provide the healing, embracing, and strength we need with a new and tender heart.

Musings

I did not have to be a person with bad hygiene to have a tender heart for the woman who did. I did not have to fix her. Just be with her. Validating her God-given worth would suffice. Our Father would do the rest. I would do anything for God but embrace a smelly woman? My friends did not have to know about dementia to provide a tender heart during my time of need. The old saying, “What would Jesus do?” is just another way of saying, “What would a tender heart do?”

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your tender heart towards us. There are so many times we’ve failed and didn’t fit the mold of a “good Christian, good boy/girl, good parent/child.” No matter what, every one of us is beloved by you. May we remember this. May we be a bit more tender, validating, and compassionate toward the unlovely brought into our lives. We were unlovely too, even if it didn’t show on the outside.

Bless us.

Amen.

“Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38 ESV

“God will test you because he wants you to grow up. He wants you to mature. He wants you to develop a walk with him that is not based on your fluctuating emotions but on your commitment to him as you learn to walk by faith.” —Greg Laurie

If any Biblical character was pummeled with trouble, it was the Apostle Paul. Shipwrecks, beatings, hunger, cold, and exhaustion were his unruly companions. The Father was measuring, weighing, and testing him for Paul’s good and growth and ours.

We are measured and tested too. It’s for our benefit. I think of all the tests I’ve had in my life; they were repeated until the lessons took hold. Bad news: I’m older and I’m still taking tests. The good news is they are not the same tests. Better news: Times of refreshing.

What do I need to learn from this? I have to be honest. I’m very concerned about the division in our nation. I pray and take classes about the Constitution. This leads me back to many lessons like the state of our families, honing communication skills and contributing to local charities. The truth is I can’t change the world. The truth is I’m not supposed to. I can be God or I can let God. I’m glad the Father is in charge. Do I truly believe this? Measuring, weighing and testing.

Show up. With the talents, resources, and patience the Father has abundantly given us to effect positive change. The changes may be in our families, workplaces or churches and that’s how the Father prefers to work. Like a tossed pebble into a pond, the ripples spread.

Reading the Bible and seeing the ordinary become life-giving and life-changing encourages us forward and upward. Some of the ordinary things in the Bible that turned miraculous were the Israelites escaping through the dry Red Sea, the day of Pentecost, and Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. No social media sites or PR firms are to be found. The feeding of over 5,000 who were hungry, thirsty and tired. Jesus noticed they were helpless and harassed like sheep without a shepherd, like us—But multitudes just showed up and saw with amazement and thanks the world change. We will too—good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over right into our laps.

Musings

It isn’t by might or by power but by my Spirit. This statement in Zechariah reminds me that apart from Jesus, I can do nothing. And that’s a relief! But for our growth and others’ growth, we will be measured, weighed and tested.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Just like the Bible greats, we have our missions and lessons, especially in our families, churches and communities. We thank you for measuring, weighing, and testing us after the fact, but during is sometimes beyond our comprehension. So we show up and move forward with thanks for the faith and grace You abundantly give us through Jesus, knowing You will never leave us or forsake us.  

Amen.

“An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.” Proverbs 29:22 NLT

“Discussions are always better than arguments because an argument is to find out who is right and a discussion is to find out what is right.” Aspiring Quotes

Time-out. That’s how I would discipline my son when he was mouthy or refusing to do his chores. The time-out was for me too. If I didn’t sit down and reflect, I would say things I didn’t mean, spew threats like grounding him until he was 30 years old and criticize my lack of parenting skills. Yes, it happened. More times than I can count. But with practice, parents get lots of practice, we could get to the bottom of the problem without drama, name-calling or tears.

Arguments happen at work, the grocery store, the church, and much to my dismay, in our governments. Emotional explosions happen frequently with little to no helpful resolve. Would we send these people to their rooms for some much-needed self-reflection and attitude adjustments? James says that someone who controls his tongue is a perfect man able to rule cities. But (sigh) our only control is self-control with the much-needed help from the Father. Prayer is quick sometimes while we breathe and count to ten or 100. We don’t want to commit all kinds of sins because of hotheadedness! Then the situation becomes worse—much worse. Through His word and the Holy Spirit, the Father wants our discussions to focus on the What, not the Who.

Musings

Paul Tripp wrote this and I find it very helpful: “How you treat your spouse is an opportunity to share the gospel. How you raise your kids is a forum for evangelism. How you do tasks and maintenance around the house or yard—and offering to serve your neighbor at the same time, for example—is a chance to put the sacrificial life of Christ on display.” What a tremendous responsibility! And it glorifies the Father. Actions do speak louder than words.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thanks are not enough for all the arguments and angry words Your grace has covered. We commit to do better and then someone tempts us to anger and our resolve disappears. Help us carve out some time to reflect and obtain some wisdom for the What and not the Who.

Help us, with thanks, to remember all we do reflects Your Son.

Amen.

Who’s Living Rent-Free in Your Head?

“But understand this, that in the last days, there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.” 2^nd Timothy 3:1-7 ESV

“Character is revealed when pressure is applied.” – Unknown 

Time Limit. When I find someone who is difficult or has harmed me, I go ahead and put on the kitchen timer and let myself indulge in my painful thoughts. Then it’s over and I evict them. After all, feelings do need recognition. I think Paul gave Timothy good advice because the people described above will not listen or change and it’s not our responsibility to do for them what they must do for themselves. It stops us from doing the work the Father has appointed us to do.

What about those you can’t avoid? The treacherous employee, the arrogant boss, or the family member swollen with conceit? We grumble, go on and on with our friends, and lose sleep over these toxic members of our lives. They are camping in our heads and hearts rent-free! It is time to pray, research the particular problem, and seek advice. Usually, the ones we have in our lives are lessons but which ones? There’s the rub!

Seek out Biblical characters with similar behaviors. I had major troubles in my youth so the story of Joseph helped me tremendously, as he was abandoned by his brothers and sold into slavery. What helped is Joseph knew life was unfair but relied on the Father to sustain him and to bring good from it. The waiting seems forever!

Bottom Line: Do not be overcome with evil but overcome evil with good. Sometimes that means walking away. No drama, no regrets, a little self-reflection and boundary setting, and moving on with the Father’s help. Just because someone doesn’t recognize good doesn’t mean we don’t practice it—and enforce a time limit. “Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.”

Musings

“Some people come into your life as blessings. Some come into your life as lessons,” Mother Theresa said. The challenging part is which one.  It’s another lesson in growing in Christ.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Other people are in our lives; some are such blessings and the lessons ones, they’re challenging. It’s easy to thank you for the loving people but the hurtful, deceitful, or irreconcilable people are tough. Nobody knows this better than Your Son. Help us focus on You, talk to You, and hold to your promises with difficult people.

Amen.

But the wisdom from above is first pure [morally and spiritually undefiled], then peace-loving [courteous, considerate], gentle, reasonable [and willing to listen], full of compassion and good fruits. It is unwavering, without [self-righteous] hypocrisy [and self-serving guile]. James 3:17 Amplified Bible

“Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, how others feel after having an experience with you becomes your trademark.” Maya Angelou

If I think I have wisdom, like humility, I probably don’t. Wisdom is pure. Ouch! I don’t know any pure people except one: Jesus.

There’s very little wisdom in our world today. Wisdom always has a big dose of humility along with purity. Wisdom: It’s the standard and the best I can hope for is progress with grace.

Wisdom is Pure, Peace-loving, Gentle, Reasonable, Full of Compassion, and Good fruits.

Maybe good fruits are where we focus our efforts.

Here are some signposts:

Shame has lessened because you follow Jesus and not others’ ideas of who you are. There is no shame in Christ, even when we fail miserably.

Anger’s energy has been channeled into purposeful living and healing, yourself and others. Boundaries have been set.

Bitterness is absent most of the time. Because we have dropped judgments and expectations of others and turn to the Ultimate Healer. If help is required, we seek it.

Discomfort has become a flashing light to tell us something needs attention, possibly a lesson.

Sadness shows our depth and empathy for others. We accept some sadness as Jesus himself was a Man of sorrow. We ask the Father to turn it into good.

Anxiety is a sign that we’re living in the future or the past and we need to get back to the present.

Musings

We are in this together.“Therefore encourage each other with these words,” the Apostle Paul said. And thank the Father for grace and each other. “He will continue the good work in you.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

Wisdom is a tall order and becoming wise is challenging at best and impossible without Your help. Thank you for continuing Your work with us. Please help us to embrace the fruit in our lives and the lives of others.

With thanks,

Amen.

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” Ezekiel 36:26 NLT (Other translations say the heart of flesh)

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

What happens when we become a Christian? We learn to love as Jesus did. We turn in our hardhearted hearts and start living a new life with a new heart.  A heart of stone does not beat. It does not feel empathy, compassion, pity, or hope. It does not grieve or share. It never is vulnerable. It exists. It survives. Regrets? Very few regrets, I’m sure, but oh how big the void! The cost for a heart of flesh is great too but there’s a promise … Life and abundantly. This includes heartbreak and grief along with joy, happiness and peace. A full and abundant life has pain and joy. We turned in our hearts of stone for a tender one.

Musings

The Father gave us hearts to feel like His Son did and does. To celebrate like He does. To respond as He does. To forgive even when hurting.  To give when empty. To hope when all seems lost. Jesus did this in His very short life on Earth and is our Perfect Example. Sometimes it seems too much! But to miss love is to miss the Father and all the grace and gifts of being His child.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for this new heart of flesh. It hurts sometimes, teaches always, and brings us closer to You and Your Son. When our tender heart is in pain, remind us of Jesus’ pain and the price he paid so we may be Your beloved Child.

In His name, Amen.

Fullness of God

“That according to the riches of his glory, he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19 ESV (Emphasis mine)

“I feign fullness, but in reality I am achingly empty. And it is because I too often sit at the table of the world instead of the feet of God.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

I struggle to understand the fullness of God. It is something to be desired. It is something that surpasses knowledge and who can measure it? I read that the following are indicators of the fullness of God, though I believe it’s still more and a mystery.

To have the fullness of God means:

Restoration. The Father “restores our souls.” How can we restore the loss of a loved one? How can we restore our health? How can financial losses be restored? Sometimes health and finances are recovered but the soul? The promise of the Father making everything good for those who love Him is solid. We may not like it then, but we’ll see how it will benefit us and others if we trust Him.

Harmony. Our country has no harmony right now. Families are torn apart. Businesses are going under. Empathy and compassion are in very short supply. How do we walk in “concert” with others who do not know God or want Him? We walk in concert with the Father and release others to Him. We ask the Father to show us what to do today. The future, good or bad, is made up of the little actions we can do today. Jesus reminds us to live in today.

Soundness. For much of my youth and beyond, I did not have a sound mind. I was a hot mess!  It took counseling, support groups, and a strong church to get me above water. If a person is drowning in one inch of water, they’re still drowning. A sound mind—what work! But the Father beckons us to continue. He encourages us to know Him and this will reveal to us who we are—His beloved child with a sound mind.

Wholeness/completeness. Without the fullness of God, how can we be complete? What makes a person complete? Acceptance that I am dependent on the Father is my starting place. He will give me life and abundantly—(John 10:10) Power through His Spirit in our inner beings and grounded in love. We are never alone.

Musings

The world promises so much and it is enticing! Like binging on a dessert, we’ll feel full, but a few hours later, we’re more empty than before. The world is dramatic and discouraging—be this, do that. Most of our failures and uncertainties are from “looking for love in all the wrong places.” The world can never give us the fullness and richness of Life. The world is not permanent.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We have fullness because of what Jesus did and does for us every day. Please help us to realize with thanks our fullness and share this fullness with others. Remind us our cup is never empty.

Amen.

“Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.” James 1:17 NASB

“A blessing is what we get from practicing righteousness and rejecting wickedness.” Inspirational Quotes

Have you ever gone on a dinner date and knew there was a dark motive? Have you ever had someone help with your work and then take credit for all of it?  The situations promise something but deliver something entirely different than expected.

The Blessings of God have no darkness or push-pull motivations. The blessings may be so familiar or subtle that we miss them. I missed a horrific car accident by a few minutes and was grumpy because I was late getting to an appointment. I missed the hug from my son when he was little because he would be covered in dirt or some other unknown substance. He used to put earthworms in his pockets.

Proverbs promises blessings on the household if we keep close to Him and practice righteousness. That’s right, practicing. Practicing righteousness is not a cakewalk, even with help from the Word and the Holy Spirit. That’s because we abandoned our old way of life to walk in the Savior’s way. That old way is comfortable and familiar. But the blessings come when we change direction and walk with Him and they’re always more than we expect.

Musings

A job well done. An unexpected gift from a friend. A peaceful and contented day. The smell of a newborn. A wet kiss from your child. A delicious dinner. These are blessings we overlook. Running water and heat for our homes! When the famous columnist Erma Bombeck was diagnosed with cancer, suddenly the stained carpet, the dust mites, and the loads of laundry shrunk to their true importance. I, too, put off gatherings because of a stained carpet and loads of laundry. I’m missing some blessings!

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for Your many blessings, especially the ones we take for granted or miss entirely. Please help us practice righteousness daily knowing this leads to peace, joy and success.

We have a new year to look forward to because of Jesus’ sacrifice. May we remember daily.

Amen.

Fullness of God

“that according to the riches of his glory, he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19 ESV (Emphasis mine)

“I feign fullness, but in reality I am achingly empty. And it is because I too often sit at the table of the world instead of the feet of God.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

I struggle to understand the fullness of God. It is something to be desired. It is something that surpasses knowledge and who can measure it? I read that the following are indicators of the fullness of God, though I believe it’s still more and a mystery.

To have the fullness of God means:

Restoration. The Father “restores our souls.” How can we restore the loss of a loved one? How can we restore our health? How can financial losses be restored? Sometimes health and finances are recovered but the soul? The promise of the Father making everything good for those who love Him is solid. We may not like it then, but we’ll see how it will be good for us and others if we trust Him.

Harmony. Our country has no harmony right now. Families are torn apart. Businesses are going under. Empathy and compassion are in very short supply. How do we walk in “concert” with others who do not know God or want Him? We walk in concert with the Father and release others to Him. We ask the Father to show us what to do today. The future, good or bad, is made up of the little actions we can do today. Jesus reminds us to live in today.

Soundness. For much of my youth and beyond, I did not have a sound mind. I was a hot mess!  It took counseling, support groups, and a strong church to get me above water. If a person is drowning in one inch of water, they’re still drowning. A sound mind—what work! But the Father beckons us to continue. He encourages us to know Him and this will reveal to us who we are—His beloved child with a sound mind.

Wholeness/completeness. Without the fullness of God, how can we be complete? What makes a person complete? Acceptance that I am dependent on the Father is my starting place. He will give me life and abundantly—(John 10:10) Power through His Spirit in our inner beings. We are never alone.

Musings

The world promises so much and it is enticing! Just like binging on a dessert, we’ll feel full, but a few hours later, we’re more empty than before. The world is dramatic and discouraging—be this, do that. Most of our failures and uncertainties are from “looking for love in all the wrong places.” The world can never give us the fullness and richness of Life. The world is not permanent.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We have fullness because of what Jesus did and does for us everyday. Help us to share this fullness with others and remind us our cup is never empty.

Amen.