“But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled…” 1 Peter 3:14 ESV
“Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” — Unknown
People stuff. Exhausting. We could make it easier if we stopped explaining ourselves to those who don’t get it, won’t get it, and look for arguments and control. Do we do this to ourselves too?
Here are three things to embrace when people dismiss, gaslight or criticize you:
You can let it define you. We pick up others’ opinions like a wind-tossed tumbleweed and getting unstuck is hard. Someone once asked, “If someone called you a chair, would you be upset?” Of course not! It’s obvious we’re not chairs. But let someone tell us we’re too sensitive, shy, talkative, and on and on, we glue it to our hearts like a truism and pierce our hearts. Many times it’s not true and has much more to do with the person hurting you.
Let it destroy you. How many have been with family members or others who strike us, shame us, and dismiss us? “You made me do it and if it weren’t for you doing such and such” is no excuse. How many came close to breaking down? Taking things personally will always bring us down. I did. This is not suffering for righteousness sake. Martyrdom. It’s unhealthy for you, your children, and others who love you. How can God’s glory be in this?
You can let it strengthen you. Here’s where the rubber meets the road and it’s not for the faint of heart. How Jesus did it is miraculous. He prayed privately, publicly and constantly. He learned who He was and is. He relied on His friends and the Father. He searched the Word for His purpose. Jesus quoted scripture when He was up against the Liar. You may not do this to someone who is “gaslighting you,” but privately with the Father and for yourself. He “shook the dust off His feet” when unbelievers mocked and tried to trap Him. And He forgave. He didn’t “hang out” with those who wanted to harm him, not until the Cross, which He did willingly.
Musings
Each day may be a challenge to be who we are. The temptations to people- please, gain approval, or frankly, give up, are tremendous. Remember, if we suffer for “righteousness sake,” we will be blessed.
Prayer
Dear Father,
We know that life is hard and sometimes we suffer. Suffering for righteousness sake is a tall order that only Jesus could do. Help us see clearly when people’s stuff comes at us, especially when unprepared. Help us see every encounter as a holy encounter for us, whether others see it or not.
Thank you for Your Spirit Who teaches us all things.
Amen.
Prayers and Musings of a Black Sheep 
A long time a go, my psychologist told me that the abusive words my first husband said to me did not represent the truth. That idea set me free from the oppression of not being loved. I later learned that people judge you by the way they see themselves, that is, their criticism is based on their own insecurity. We all want acceptance and love. If we don’t feel accepted and loved, then we become offended, and then do not show acceptance and love for others. Instead we must get out acceptance and love from God our Father and show grace. Wonderful post, Barbara
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Thanks for your words. I think many problems come from seeking love from sources other than from our Father. Our significant others can’t give like He does.
I had a husband like yours. Thank God for Christian counselors like you!
Hugs and blessings.
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