Who’s Driving Your Bus? The Wounded You or the Beloved You?

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV

“Anger is frustration at the fact that we are not God, and do not have control over reality.”
― Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend

I’ve heard the statement, “Who’s driving your bus?” from many Christian and secular speakers. I ask myself that question every day, especially when embarrassed, frustrated or angry.

My sister traveled many miles to visit me and when she returned home, told my other sister my curtains were gray. How could she gossip like that? How could she travel and focus on my dusty curtains? I was incensed! She took a long trip to see me and my curtains were her focus? I told this sister and the other that related the information how small, how nitpicky, how uncaring. And blah, blah, blah. I proceeded to hurt myself and ruminate on it for days! I stepped in it. My Black Sheep persona. By the way, it was true. I took the comment personally and continued to embrace it, much to my pain. Who’s in control? Do I value clean curtains over more important matters? Will it matter in eternity? Who’s problem is it?

Mine. All mine. The battle within. Warring with the mind. The ego in charge. The temper-tantrum wins. Or did it? How much control do I have over people, places or things? Sibling relationships really test us. They may be the most instructive because they wound the most. Lesson learned. Until the next time.

Thankfully, I can take this to my Father, another friend or even the dog. The dog got it first. Listening to myself, I melted into a puddle of embarrassment. I took that wounded child out of the driver’s seat and put the beloved in charge.Oh, and washed all my curtains.


Every day is filled with choices—big choices and little choices. Who’s making the choice? The wounded child or the beloved child? How easily the wounded child takes over! How difficult to embrace and take in the love from the Father. That’s why there’s grace and practice. Relationships are the “iron that sharpens iron.” They’re pleasant, joyful and rewarding but they also reveal so much about our wounded and selves too. Everyone is wounded.


Dear Father,

We thank you for our relationships. The most difficult relationships are the ones that teach us about ourselves. How we marvel at how much you love! We can be more effective, more joyful, more peaceful, more generous, more wise when we meditate on how much you love us. Help us to do so today and gift it to others.


Published by Barbara Hinther

Barbara Hinther author of Meditations and Encouragement for the Caregiver of a Loved One with Dementia and What About Me, God. Time to share what she has learned and hopefully, others will know they are not alone. This too, shall pass with beautiful, yet painful, lessons. Barbara lives in a rural town in Idaho where all is community. Bless everyone in the community for their support and their never-ending let’s pitch in attitude! She worked in marketing for over 30 years and volunteered with the Idaho Youth Ranch and St. Vincent’s de Paul Thrift Store. Then her hardest job ever was caring for her husband who died from Lewy body dementia and needed her full-time care. Feelings of abandonment were constant. Life was very difficult for a while, but love, faith and hope will overcome. Let the adventure continue!

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