Spiritual Breakdown

 ^“And Peter went out and wept bitterly. And the men that held Jesus mocked him and smote him.” Luke 22:61-62

“It’s not the load that breaks you down. It’s the way you carry it.” C.S. Lewis

Peter, even after Jesus warned him, broke. He denied his savior three times before the cock crowed. This, after Peter said he would die for Jesus. What a picture of internal devastation. Betrayal of the one he loved most. Spiritual breakdown.

We all have been broken, will break or are broken now. Tests of faith come. The gut, heart and soul are in agony because of the hopelessness of who we are. We may focus on the death of a loved one, bankruptcy, health, addiction and hold resentments toward our Father for it all. Pain’s like that. Like a cornered animal, we snarl and strike, weep bitterly or suppress the feelings and suffer depression. We can still take it our Father. Hope.

Or is it a spiritual breakthrough? Feelings are a necessary part of life. They’re noisy, unpleasant, exhausting like undisciplined children demanding attention and “I want it now.” Are we turning loose of the situation while resting in our Father? Are we reflecting, praying, seeking assistance? Sometimes all we can do is the next right thing while we wait. Peter went back to fishing. The thing he knew. The load he could carry. But the miraculous love he received a few days later made him the rock. This is true for us too.

Musings

We all have times where we hit bottom. It helps to remember that Job said, “And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside.” There’s a purpose even when we can’t see it. He redeems our trials. Our breakdowns make us humble and whole, especially when we rely on our Father. Then comes the breakthroughs that make us stronger. We become like gold now and eternally. We become a little bit more like Jesus.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your word, lessons, Holy Spirit and grace to see us through our Spiritual Breakdowns. Thank you for the breakthroughs that make us more loving, forgiving and hopeful servants. We may not understand the trial right now so we rest in you, trust in you and tell you everything. We wait with thankfulness for our breakthrough. It’s our little step toward “counting it all joy when we encounter various trials,” feelings get in the way, but we trust, with your help, we will.

Amen.