“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” Matthew 22:34 NIV

“When people hurt us, it helps us to learn how to let go of wanting them to love us. It helps us to learn how to love purely.”
― Donna Goddard, Love’s Longing

I’ve been taking a class about Dante’s Inferno. It’s a famous poem about the nine levels of Hell. It contains the line most everyone has heard: “Abandon hope all ye who enter here.”One thing that struck me like lightning is Dante has four loves: Beatrice, a beautiful woman who died young; Francesca, a woman he had an affair with; Virgil, his favorite poet; and intellectual people. See the problem? Disordered love.

Until we put Christ as our first love, all is messed up.

Our problem is failure, loss, shame, trauma and all sorts of painful experiences stop us from loving others. Who would love with all that baggage? No one. We try to empty the garbage and fill the void with things, people and substances.  In Matthew, Jesus was filled with compassion because the crowd was harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd.  Even today, our world is still filled with the harassed and helpless.

Our Father knows our stories. Love demands courage and vulnerability, especially with the Father through Jesus. Our story is a love story too.

We start with our Father. If we make a small attempt to know him, he rushes in to save us. Love is always action. There may be good feelings right away or they may catch up to us after some time because love is not just feelings. We love because he first loved us. Our spiritual journey brings love lessons, wrestling matches, and healing but all is to love Him, ourselves, and then to love others. Love is the whole point because God is love.

If we don’t learn to love ourselves and others, how will we act with others in heaven?

Musings

One thing is sure: All things will pass away except love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for creating us and loving us.  It’s so difficult, it seems, to love when the world is a mess, personal problems paralyze and health is fading but we know it’s the foremost commandment. Love is what we will be doing forever.

Amen.

You Have Them!

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him, nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” John 1:1-4 NIV

“We are like books, most people only see our cover, the minority read the introduction, and many will believe the critics. Few will know our content.” Unknown

Have you felt or thought if you pay a compliment to another it takes away from you? Like a generous slice of pie, we’ve less pie. Do you know what would encourage someone but you let the moment pass?

You have the words of life. Another astounding, spectacular, and splendid responsibility.

What words do you say to yourself? It starts there. The harder you are on yourself, the harder you will be with others.

What words do you say to your family?

What words do you say to your coworkers?

What words do you say to the customer service rep? Waitress? Grocery clerk?

What words do you say to the person who belittles you?

What words do you say to your Father in Heaven?

The words of life can heal. The words of life can motivate. The words of life can inspire, encourage and bring wisdom. They cost nothing and the Father will give you the words if you ask. What investment costs nothing but rewards so generously? Our Father with His Words of Life.

Musings

Do you remember the Bible verses that have motivated, comforted, challenged, and inspired you? Life and light. Has someone shed light on an overwhelming problem? Problem exposed by a light giver. Did someone support you at your lowest? Renewed Life. Our words can save a life. Those who work suicide hotlines know this well.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your Son taught us how to pray and to start with, “Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name.” The Word created the universe and gives life. Help us to use this power to create positive changes in ourselves and others. To build a life, a life that honors You.

Every encounter is a holy encounter.

Thank you for Your Words of Life.

Amen.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20 ESV

“Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place.” Henri Nouwen.

Homecoming is a big deal where I live. It’s a little rural town, with about 350 people, and eight-man football. It’s full of celebration with a band and parade and rousing cheers! We recently got stadium lights and are so proud of this accomplishment. Just showing up at the game, I feel welcome by the fanfare, camaraderie, and single purpose.

Not all homecomings are nice. Not all homecomings are cozy. Not all homecomings are affectionate. Not all homecomings are full of cheers and slap on the back. Not all homecomings are safe.

Some of us had a home full of turmoil, absent parents, rigidity, punishment, shame and worse. Who in their right mind comes home to that? Calls it home?  Feels welcome? If we were lucky, a roof over our heads, a place to sleep and eat, but home? It’s hard to be at home when it’s unsafe.

My grandma taught me many things, welcomed me, played games, told stories, and always hugged me affectionately. She was safe. Her 850 sq. ft home was built by my grandfather during the Depression. They did not have running water, electricity, or heat then but could she love! My grandmother taught me by her example how to be a grandmother. How to invite others with safety. Feeling at home. Homecoming.

Jesus makes a home in our hearts and our minds where we are safe, whether commuting, working, grocery shopping, or playing with the kids. We can tell Him anything and everything. We might as well because he knows anyway. If we are truly at home, we are safe Others are safe. It’s not the latest TV, expensive food, or glamorous trappings that make one safe. It’s the heart. Cliché but true: “Home is where the heart is.” Miraculous transformations occur in us while we wait for our heavenly homecoming.

Musings

Notice that Jesus knocks. He does not force, cajole, shame, bully, preach, entice or threaten. He asks. He eats with us. He sets the standard. He’s home. Our eternal home. “We have passed from death to life.” He brushes away shame, fear, and insecurities while affirming great love for us if we let Him. Now. Eternally. Safe. We look forward to the final Homecoming where he wipes every tear from our eyes and gives us a crown.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you’ve made your home in our hearts and like the Prodigal Son, You embrace and welcome us for just being. Help us to welcome others into our homes and Your home. Remind us that “we have entertained angels.”

Amen.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 NIV

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ― Thomas Edison

Failure is bad. No, it isn’t. It just feels awful! When I look at my failures, I realize they were the foundation for my successes because they caused me to change direction or acquire knowledge and training. The first time I used a computer, many years ago, was a disaster! My husband couldn’t believe how much difficulty I had with a mouse. He said, “You look like you’ve been hit by lightning!” Actually, I laughed because he was right. So, he taught me and I relaxed.

Other failures in life hurt so much: Divorce, addictions, childhood traumas, bankruptcies and more. But the Father is our strength and our heart through these disasters. Have you recounted any of your failures and realized how they propelled you to success? Remember taking a spelling test and the word you missed is the one that’s bronzed into your mind forever? (My word was entrepreneur).

“Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.” Sigh… I’ve proved this over and over. You?

Failure isn’t linear. Success isn’t linear. There are feel-good times, anxious times and “It’s over times.” Athletes are perfect examples of this. I’m a Denver Broncos fan and loved watching Elway play. He had all kinds of ups and downs, a lack of good team players, and doubts, but he finally made it to the Superbowl…. And lost. Made it again and again and lost. But finally! Wins! It was sweet!

The Father uses pain to get our attention, protect us, and train us. Sometimes it’s not pretty. How many athletes broke a rib or leg? Some athletes couldn’t return to their sport and went on to be successful businessmen, teachers, pastors and celebrities. Tony Dungy is one I immediately thought of, though he wasn’t physically injured. He played for the Pittsburgh Steelers and coached the Indianapolis Colts and was fired by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He and his wife have fostered many, many children and Tony started a prison ministry.

How many have successful second marriages? I’m one. How many went to counseling to overcome mental, spiritual and emotional issues and became counselors themselves? Failure is not the whole story. And you will feel joy again.

Musings

I think every Christian gets this painful and true lesson in their walk with Jesus, “You never know how much you need God until God is all you’ve got.” And somehow we get up, try again or a different approach, and ideas of success become more focused and in line with faith. Peace, contentment and usefulness with confidence are ours. All we have to do is ask.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for creating us and showing us how to work for your glory. Help us in our times of failure to remember failure is not the whole story. Moses was a murderer, Joseph was arrogant, Gideon was a coward, David also was a murderer and adulterer and Peter was emotional and prejudiced, but you used these Biblical greats for good. We are grateful to be counted and to be used for good, too.

Amen.

“For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints…” 1 Corinthians 14:33 NASB

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie

Wrong person. At the bottom of confusion, I find it’s “the desires of my heart” that cause confusion and chaos. Have you ever desired a person? You knew this person was bad for you, not necessarily a bad person, but their temperament, beliefs, and values were not yours. They weren’t bad people but when these relationships didn’t work, in my youthfulness and gullibility, I thought they were bad people. They weren’t—just not the right person for me. I didn’t just want, I desired someone truly wrong for me and I was for them.

My desire to attach and control. When I give in to this, pain is mine. When I do, I may alienate others–Your drinking is ruining us! Can’t you see how hard I’m working? (Asking for help doesn’t enter the picture.)  Enter a judgmental persona. Take care of my feelings! When I attach to a specific outcome, whether a relationship or thing, (Internet down?) there is no peace, just chaos.

Or how about getting what you desire? The Rolling Stones had a hit song, You Can’t Always Get What You Want with the verse, “But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.” In my younger days, moving to a big city was so exciting! The career opportunities! The entertainment! The glitz! The concerts! Parties! Yet, underneath it all, I had sadness and anxiety—distractions from the real me. No self-awareness. The slow, rural life of nature, trees, birds, animals, and community fits so much better for me. For another, city life means success, community, and a wealth of things to do and see.

It’s not a matter of right or wrong, black or white. It’s knowing our Father and He reveals who we are in Him and what we truly desire. Without judgment. Without retribution. With a bit of waiting and patience.

Musings

Getting to know yourself means getting to know our Father. Every other gimmick, promise, or technique will eventually let us down. Enter confusion! Enough!

Remembering:

What is this feeling trying to tell me

Is there anything I can do right now

Has this happened to me in the past and fits a dysfunctional pattern

 Do I need help and what kind of help—I confess that depression was a real challenge

These questions we take to our Father and possibly another who loves us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are not the author of confusion. Some things are quite clear and we wrestle with these as we grow in your grace. Some things require patience like sowing and reaping because the harvest takes time. Some things we desire and you have something much better for us if we would just let go. Help us to name what is confusing us because we can’t be honest with You or make good decisions unless we know the heart of the matter.

We thank you for giving us companionship, counsel, hope, clarity and awareness.

Amen

“But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled…” 1 Peter 3:14 ESV

“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you.” ― Rupi Kaur

We will be hurt by someone we love. We will hurt someone we love. It’s a part of life and relationships. It’s risky. I remember the story M. Scott Peck wrote about a lonely woman in his book, The Road Less Traveled.  She went to church, worked, and came home to her cat. She had no conflicts. She had no turmoil or drama. Life was predictable and secure. She avoided all relationship hurt. She avoided all relationship joy. We all have seen someone like this. Perhaps, we were this.

Relationships are risky! They can hurt! A lot!

Here are three things to consider when someone hurts you:

You can let it define you. We pick up others’ opinions like adhesive tape. Someone once asked, “If someone called you a chair, would you be upset?” Of course not! It’s obvious we’re not chairs. But let someone tell us we’re too sensitive, shy, talkative, and on and on, we glue it to our hearts like the gospel.  It isn’t.

Let it destroy you. How many have been with family members or others who strike us, shame us, and dismiss us? How many came close to breaking down? I did. This is not suffering for righteousness’ sake. It’s martyrdom. It’s unhealthy for you, your children, and others who love you. How can God’s glory be in this?

You can let it strengthen you. Here’s where the rubber meets the road and it’s not for the faint of heart—first, some self-reflection not rumination. Second, prayer– hold nothing back, He knows anyway.  Third, seek support from a friend, group, or counselor—we need each other. And fourth, a biggie, let it go.  If it comes back, let it go again.

Jesus searched and studied the Word for His place and purpose. He “shook the dust off His feet” when unbelievers mocked and tried to trap Him. And He forgave. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, it may, but forgive for your sake. He didn’t “hang out” with those who wanted to harm him.

Musings

When people are on their deathbeds, relationships are front and center in their minds. How much money they made, status, and possessions mean nothing. Relationships are the stuff of a full and abundant life here and in Heaven. The Bible is full of relationships! It reads like a melodrama at times but is full of insight. People haven’t changed.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our relationships, especially the one we have with You because of Jesus. You have provided everything necessary for healthy and loving relationships.

Help us find our identity and purpose in Jesus, not others. We appreciate praise and recognition from others but we must not depend on these. We find ourselves when we find You.

Amen.