Failure: The Way to Success

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 NIV

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ― Thomas Edison

Failure is bad. No, it isn’t. It just feels awful! When I look at my failures, I realize they were the foundation for my successes because they caused me to change direction or acquire knowledge and training. The first time I used a computer, many years ago, was a disaster! My husband couldn’t believe how much difficulty I had with a mouse. He said, “You look like you’ve been hit by lightning!” Actually, I laughed because he was right. So, he taught me and I relaxed.

Other failures in life hurt so much: Divorce, addictions, childhood traumas, bankruptcies and more. But the Father is our strength and our heart through these disasters. Have you recounted any of your failures and realized how they propelled you to success? Remember taking a spelling test and the word you missed is the one that’s bronzed into your mind forever? (My word was entrepreneur).

“Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.” Sigh… I’ve proved this over and over. You?

Failure isn’t linear. Success isn’t linear. There are feel-good times, anxious times and “It’s over times.” Athletes are perfect examples of this. I’m a Denver Broncos fan and loved watching Elway play. He had all kinds of ups and downs, a lack of good team players, and doubts, but he finally made it to the Superbowl…. And lost. Made it again and again and lost. But finally! Wins! It was sweet!

The Father uses pain to get our attention, protect us, and train us. Sometimes it’s not pretty. How many athletes broke a rib or leg? Some athletes couldn’t return to their sport and went on to be successful businessmen, teachers, pastors and celebrities. Tony Dungy is one I immediately thought of, though he wasn’t physically injured. He played for the Pittsburgh Steelers and coached the Indianapolis Colts and was fired by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He and his wife have fostered many, many children and Tony started a prison ministry.

How many have successful second marriages? I’m one. How many went to counseling to overcome mental, spiritual and emotional issues and became counselors themselves? Failure is not the whole story. And you will feel joy again.

Musings

I think every Christian gets this painful and true lesson in their walk with Jesus, “You never know how much you need God until God is all you’ve got.” And somehow we get up, try again or a different approach, and ideas of success become more focused and in line with faith. Peace, contentment and usefulness with confidence are ours. All we have to do is ask.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for creating us and showing us how to work for your glory. Help us in our times of failure to remember failure is not the whole story. Moses was a murderer, Joseph was arrogant, Gideon was a coward, David also was a murderer and adulterer and Peter was emotional and prejudiced, but you used these Biblical greats for good. We are grateful to be counted and to be used for good, too.

Amen.

Happy & Blessed Independence Day!

“Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” 2nd Timothy 2:3 ESV

It Is The Soldier

Author: Charles M. Province

It is the Soldier, not the minister
Who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the Soldier, not the poet
Who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the Soldier, not the campus organizer
Who has given us the freedom to protest.

It is the Soldier, not the lawyer
Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the Soldier, not the politician
Who has given us the right to vote.

It is the Soldier who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag,
And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protesters to burn the flag.

© 1970 2010
Charles M. Province, U.S. Army

Ashamed of Shame

“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” Mark 10:51 NIV

“Shame is the most powerful master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.”
Brene Brown

The blind man wanted to see. I’ve pondered Jesus’ question many times, “What do you want me to do for you?” Walking the Christian journey, we realize “we were blind, but now we see.” How devastating this may be. Before our conversion, we knew we sinned. After our conversion, we are overwhelmed with the flaws, mistakes, sins and hurts we have done. Guilt or Shame?

A DUI.

Divorce.

Horrible behavior at a social or company function.

Bankruptcy.

Being a smoker, obese, uneducated, poor, addicted, having too many sexual partners and on it goes.

Guilt: the realization that what I did was wrong. A change of mind and action along with an apology works well. Grace.

Shame: The realization that I am wrong. A flawed, devastating feeling about who we are that is wrong. It is a burning sensation that Isolates, devastates, and paralyzes.  Grace doesn’t seem to quench the fire of shame. We were created by God and yet, we can’t grasp it.

Stuck! Stuck! Stuck! I know my life is hidden in Christ, but others? Not so much.

What to do? We are counseled to confess our sins to our Father and another. Oh! What a big slice of humble pie this is! All is not horrible though. We are a New Creation, though our past behaviors shout differently. Thank God for his patience! We need some for ourselves too.

When we confess to another Christian, one who truly has our best interests at heart, we are encouraged. Usually, a Christian will say they’ve done something similar. C.S. Lewis said, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” Our heart receives some peace in the company of another struggling to grow. Vulnerability: the opposite of shame.

Musings

We are New Creations. We are made in the image of God. One mistake, snafu, slip up and then roaring, condemning, shameful feelings! Sometimes I think shame is the Devil’s favorite tool. It stops us from being honest, reaching out and a wedge grows between our Father and ourselves. We don’t deserve joy, success, friends and family. Shame rips away all the wonderful things our Father wants for us. Today I will be vulnerable. Today I will have courage and share with others. I will be authentic. Today I will be grateful my Father made me.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You nailed shame to the cross. You make us walk in the “newness of life.” Thank you. But we fear exposure. Remind us to “step into the water” of vulnerability and watch the sea part. We cannot truly love with shame dragging us down–not ourselves, another or You. We cannot be “real” with shame poisoning our hearts and lives. We give you our shameful feelings today and in faith, share our vulnerability.

Amen.

Confusion

“For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints…” 1 Corinthians 14:33 NASB

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” Melody Beattie

Wrong person. At the bottom of confusion, I find it’s “the desires of my heart” that cause confusion and chaos. Have you ever desired a person? You knew this person was bad for you, not necessarily a bad person, but their temperament, beliefs, and values were not yours. They weren’t bad people but when these relationships didn’t work, in my youthfulness and gullibility, I thought they were bad people. They weren’t—just not the right person for me. I didn’t just want, I desired someone truly wrong for me and I was for them.

My desire to attach and control. When I give in to this, pain is mine. When I do, I may alienate others–Your drinking is ruining us! Can’t you see how hard I’m working? (Asking for help doesn’t enter the picture.)  Enter a judgmental persona. Take care of my feelings! When I attach to a specific outcome, whether a relationship or thing, (Internet down?) there is no peace, just chaos.

Or how about getting what you desire? The Rolling Stones had a hit song, You Can’t Always Get What You Want with the verse, “But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.” In my younger days, moving to a big city was so exciting! The career opportunities! The entertainment! The glitz! The concerts! Parties! Yet, underneath it all, I had sadness and anxiety—distractions from the real me. No self-awareness. The slow, rural life of nature, trees, birds, animals, and community fits so much better for me. For another, city life means success, community, and a wealth of things to do and see.

It’s not a matter of right or wrong, black or white. It’s knowing our Father and He reveals who we are in Him and what we truly desire. Without judgment. Without retribution. With a bit of waiting and patience.

Musings

Getting to know yourself means getting to know our Father. Every other gimmick, promise, or technique will eventually let us down. Enter confusion! Enough!

Remembering:

What is this feeling trying to tell me

Is there anything I can do right now

Has this happened to me in the past and fits a dysfunctional pattern

 Do I need help and what kind of help—I confess that depression was a real challenge

These questions we take to our Father and possibly another who loves us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You are not the author of confusion. Some things are quite clear and we wrestle with these as we grow in your grace. Some things require patience like sowing and reaping because the harvest takes time. Some things we desire and you have something much better for us if we would just let go. Help us to name what is confusing us because we can’t be honest with You or make good decisions unless we know the heart of the matter.

We thank you for giving us companionship, counsel, hope, clarity and awareness.

Amen

When Someone Hurts You

“But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled…” 1 Peter 3:14 ESV

“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you.” ― Rupi Kaur

We will be hurt by someone we love. We will hurt someone we love. It’s a part of life and relationships. It’s risky. I remember the story M. Scott Peck wrote about a lonely woman in his book, The Road Less Traveled.  She went to church, worked, and came home to her cat. She had no conflicts. She had no turmoil or drama. Life was predictable and secure. She avoided all relationship hurt. She avoided all relationship joy. We all have seen someone like this. Perhaps, we were this.

Relationships are risky! They can hurt! A lot!

Here are three things to consider when someone hurts you:

You can let it define you. We pick up others’ opinions like adhesive tape. Someone once asked, “If someone called you a chair, would you be upset?” Of course not! It’s obvious we’re not chairs. But let someone tell us we’re too sensitive, shy, talkative, and on and on, we glue it to our hearts like the gospel.  It isn’t.

Let it destroy you. How many have been with family members or others who strike us, shame us, and dismiss us? How many came close to breaking down? I did. This is not suffering for righteousness’ sake. It’s martyrdom. It’s unhealthy for you, your children, and others who love you. How can God’s glory be in this?

You can let it strengthen you. Here’s where the rubber meets the road and it’s not for the faint of heart—first, some self-reflection not rumination. Second, prayer– hold nothing back, He knows anyway.  Third, seek support from a friend, group, or counselor—we need each other. And fourth, a biggie, let it go.  If it comes back, let it go again.

Jesus searched and studied the Word for His place and purpose. He “shook the dust off His feet” when unbelievers mocked and tried to trap Him. And He forgave. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, it may, but forgive for your sake. He didn’t “hang out” with those who wanted to harm him.

Musings

When people are on their deathbeds, relationships are front and center in their minds. How much money they made, status, and possessions mean nothing. Relationships are the stuff of a full and abundant life here and in Heaven. The Bible is full of relationships! It reads like a melodrama at times but is full of insight. People haven’t changed.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our relationships, especially the one we have with You because of Jesus. You have provided everything necessary for healthy and loving relationships.

Help us find our identity and purpose in Jesus, not others. We appreciate praise and recognition from others but we must not depend on these. We find ourselves when we find You.

Amen.

Compassion Fatigue

“Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. 1 Peter 5:7 AMP

“Compassion is not a finite resource, but your energy and emotional capacity are. Prioritize self-care.” – Unknown

As a former caregiver, I know how the feelings run up and down, hot and cold, especially in shocking or unpredictable situations. I never knew when my husband, suffering from Lewy body dementia, would hallucinate, have panic attacks or fall. These things happened often before I relinquished him to full-time care.

Then money worries.

Those in Life-saving careers, counselors, the military, and charitable organizations deal with it daily. Trauma, death, and catastrophic losses when one shows up for work.

Parents caring for their children and their elderly parents, and those caring for the ill can forget their purpose. Who wouldn’t?

And the following occurs: Numbness, anxiety, short temper, exhaustion, hopelessness, and PTSD. But the number one…

Guilt. This one is ubiquitous and life-damaging. Christians seem particularly susceptible to guilt because of our beliefs of what a Christian is—giving, loving and patient. Christians are these things too, but they are also human with all the limitations humanness has.

Time for Self-Care. What did you love to do before caregiving? What comforts? What or who can give you well-needed rest and support? For me, it was lunch with my close friends and a cleaning woman who would watch my husband so I could nap.

Sometimes self-care is unpleasant and unrewarding like going to the dentist, exercising, eating healthy meals, or (gasp!) finding time for a shower. I broke a tooth during my caregiving years, but I found a daycare for those with dementia through the senior center—tooth fixed. Please search sites that can assist.

Sometimes self-care is pleasant and rewarding like lunch with friends, a long nap under autumn leaves, or an online chat with someone going through similar situations. There were many Lewy body sites I could access at any time. I chatted with a woman in Australia at two a.m. who was going through the same as me. We even made lighthearted jokes to lift our spirits—we carried each other’s burdens. I thought about church members who could help but their dementia experiences were nonexistent and some were uncomfortable with dementia. They helped with errands like groceries and prescriptions and were happy to do it.

Musings

When caring for others, guilt is the number one problem. You’re doing the best you can to the point you collapse. Then we heap more guilt on ourselves. Pray, seek, and ask for help. It’s tough to ask for help sometimes but guilt is much worse. Talk to yourself like you would a beloved friend. Talk to yourself as the Father does. The 23rd Psalm is refreshing and leads us through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. The Father’s rod and staff comfort.

Prayer

Dear Father,

When we are at our limits from caring for others, help us to find solace and stillness with You. Bring support to us and hope. Sometimes our prayers are salty tears from guilt, sadness and exhaustion. We want to do what is right. You want us to practice self-care because we matter too. Christ removed all of our guilt.

With gratefulness always,

Amen.

Choose Life!

Temporary or Permanent Solutions

“See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, then you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it.” Deuteronomy 30:15-16 ESV

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” ―Fyodor Dostoyevsky

I hate to share this, but if it saves one person…

I ran away from home when I was 15 years old and was at a party. I took some drugs and I was out for two days. I was lucky. No one called a doctor or emergency assistance. I woke up alone in a dirty, vacant house not knowing anything that happened to me. Nothing!

I wobbled back home to a volatile family life. I called my high school counselor and she tried to connect with my parents. Dad was willing but my mom was not. The counselor said we were on our own and we’d work together to get me some peace and coping skills. It was tough! But dying from an overdose is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

The counselor and I started a group for teens whose home life was turbulent. It opened up communication, hope, and affection for each other. It was still tough! Hormones raging, the Viet Nam War was at its peak, and support groups were a new and untried experiment. Some of us made it. Some did not.

I regretted so much of my adolescence but dying would be worse. I had no visions of paradise, bright light, or God. A good counselor, support, and hope got me to adulthood. Was I scared? You bet! “Fear is the beginning of wisdom,” the Good Book says. It motivated me to take hold of my life and pursue it with all its hard lessons and unpredictability. There comes joy, love, and accomplishment, eventually.

Musings

There is an unseen universal and unspoken grace among us, of that, I’m sure. I’m here. You’re here. If we were honest, our youthful decisions could have erased us from this planet. The Father saved us. May we share this with others who are on the precipice of permanent solutions to temporary problems.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Life is tough. Life is particularly tough when all we see is permanent pain and harm. You provided unseen and seen angels who helped us. You provide now. You have a glorious purpose for each of us if we seek life, not death.

Thank you for life—now and eternally.

Amen.

Evil is Alive and Well

“Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good.” Romans 12:21 HCSB

“He who works with his hands is a laborer.
He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist.”
― Saint Francis of Assisi

Other Bible translations say, “Do not be overcome by evil,” which I appreciate and thoroughly believe. However, sometimes conquer describes what we must do with evil, with the Holy Spirit’s help. We Black Sheep, Scapegoats, Ne’er-do-wells, dysfunctional, rageaholics, workaholics, addicted, and downright ornery know it’s conquering evil that must be done inside first. Not another. Not a group. Not our family. EVIL. It starts within the heart. James said, “Desire gives birth to sin.” Who’s desire?

I believe in God, so, I know Evil exists. Evil “disguises itself as an angel of light,” and is a “Liar” and a “Murderer,” too. How many addictions have we adopted looking for happiness and security, how many people have we carbon-copied, how many positive-thinking gurus have we devotedly followed, and how many quick fixes have blown up in our faces? By the way, regular people do this too. Evil is a “roaring lion” looking for someone to devour. Christ’s disciples were not immune, therefore, neither am I and neither are you.

To conquer evil, we must put on the “breastplate of righteousness, the helmet of salvation” and “draw near to God and He will draw near to us.” He conquers if we let him. Invite him. Trust him. Partner with Him. We don’t go it alone.

Musings

The most loving, uplifting, encouraging people in my life were very damaged people, and much of it was not their fault. They aren’t perfect yet but they exude courage, honesty, hope, wisdom and faith. They are always willing to help. We overcome Evil with Good. We know Who is Good and need to keep our focus there.

Prayer

Holy Father,

“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” was Paul’s instruction to believers. He was very damaged until his road trip to Damascus. He was a legalist who wrote the most beautiful description of love in the Bible. We have our Damascus roads too that introduced us to Your love and mercy.  

Only Christ is the true conqueror of every evil thing. Thank you, Father, that this is true for us. Give us the courage and strength to imitate You. Help us to go boldly

Amen.

Emotional Intelligence

It’s a Skill

“Guard your heart with all diligence, for from it flow springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 Berean

“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” -Dale Carnegie

We can be rulers of the world, leaders of a community or corporation, have many degrees from Ivy League universities, or heads of households, but without emotional intelligence, we won’t achieve much. An abundant life will escape us. We see examples of this every day.

I was listening to a pastor describe emotional intelligence, a powerful means for success in work and life. Emotional intelligence creates a Prosperous Soul—a leader, visionary and abundance, for ourselves and others.

Self-awareness.  Without this, all the rest is moot—the “good” and the “bad.”

Personal responsibility. Responsibility is a gift from God. I think of the three servants and the rich master who leaves them with talents to invest for him.  Jesus commanded us to seek and save the lost—tremendous responsibility and investment. He commands us to do this. There are many ways to reach the lost, but who you are says much.

Self-motivation. Passion can’t do it all. There will be days when getting out of bed is all we can do, but we do it. Going to counseling or seeking support is painful. Walking away from no-win situations, being truthful and strong amid controversy, and praying without editing ourselves are healthy responses. We are diligent.

Which leads to… Empathy. Trust. Respect. For ourselves and others. (Proverbs 4:23 NASB) “Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.”

Musings

Emotional intelligence means we can “read the room,” It’s a skill. It’s a necessary skill for success in relationships, careers and living. Emotional intelligence is something that requires work, prayer, patience and study. Jesus was and is the perfect example. His encounters with the poor, sick, fearful, and even the political were stunning in their accuracy, resolve, affection and instruction. It’s a lifetime project with loving results for ourselves and others. It heals.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Emotional intelligence is the way of love and success in Your world. We will always need the Spirit’s help and encouragement as we navigate the treacherous, suffering and evil in our days. Help us to successfully live our days with Your abundant grace and trust. Out of our hearts…

Amen.

Forgetting Our Why

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6 ESV

“Quit sitting on your blessed assurance!” Rafael Cruz

Hard, sad, lonely, and fearful times snatch our Why from us. We forget why we got married when arguing over finances. We forget why we had children when they became troublesome. We forget we are to serve Him when no one notices and we feel taken for granted. We forget why we’re in counseling when enduring painful memories.

We forget why we became a Christian when tribulation comes. And it always comes. Even the non-Christian will suffer tribulation. Again, “It rains on the evil and the good.” However, the evil don’t have a loving Father who put good works in them. Evil doesn’t have a Counselor who guides them. Evil doesn’t have a future or hope, or a blessed eternity. A beautiful eternity seems far-fetched when struggling.

We forget to be thankful. This one is my “thorn.” I have an abundant life, more than enough. Most days, my life flows with love, family, health, and supportive friends. I was bit by some creature, probably a spider, when I was gardening and the bite went through to my tendons. Pain! Though not a life-threatening event, the swelling, itch, and trying to use one hand made me grumpy. Was I thankful? Most assuredly not. Then I see a veteran who has no hands.

We forget how far the Father has brought us. Even a year ago, I was not the person I am today. There has been progress. There has been a transformation. And I forget to be thankful for this. Was the transformation linear? No. There were false starts and backward steps, but the Father continued His good work. It’s good to reflect on where we’ve been, whether through a journal, a close friend, or notes in our Bible.

We forget Jesus’ counsel to live only this day. Another of my shortcomings is living in the past, projecting the future, and forgetting to live, really live today. That’s a good “why.”

Musings

It’s very easy to forget why we became Christians. Jesus reminds us of this when He spoke about the seed on rocky ground, the weeds that choke out the seedlings, and the birds that ate the seed. For the  Father to complete the good work in us, we must choose our “why” daily.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for the good work you’ve placed in us. As long as we’re here on Earth, we know it’s not complete. Help us to remember our “Why.” When we do, good works are accomplished here and with You.

Amen.