Returning to the Mud

“Of them the proverbs are true: ‘A dog returns to its vomit,’ and, ‘A sow that is washed returns to her wallowing in the mud.’” 2^nd Peter 2:22 NASB

“Anger is one letter short of Danger.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I have a love/hate relationship with my Internet provider. I’m in the middle of a project, paying the bills, or watching The Chosen, and down it goes. Not just for an hour but for days! It happens frequently and it’s my only option because I live in the country. I twist myself into a pretzel when talking to a customer service representative because they’re doing their best. Then comes a swear word. Then comes frustration. Then comes anger because I have no other options. Pretty soon…

I’m back in the mud. The major disappointment reveals how little I’ve progressed in dealing with the unexpected, especially regarding my will and plans. Is it life-threatening? No. Can I work around it? Could I call a friend for help? Usually, when I look at my Internet bill, I become flaming red with anger and think I’ll delay paying them the same amount of days my service is down. So much for patience, joy and peace.

It’s the little things that push me away from what I know to do and be. The daily unexpected things like traffic, a head cold, or more month than money test my soul. Patience scarcity.

What to do? Gratitude. I have food, a home and loving relationships. I have books to read, a garden to tend, and access to the Father 24/7. Good health is a huge blessing! So I tentatively tell the Father how embarrassed I am for returning to the mud. Bad habits do this to us too! One-and-done is usually not possible in the earthly realm. I feel so bad when it’s a behavior I repeat and speak the same prayer for help and forgiveness. But Help comes. A neighbor has the same frustration with our Internet service and she models such patience! And her grace with my Type A behavior is just short of a miracle. The Father provides grace for our repetitive lessons.

Musings

When we’re embarrassed to tell the Father about our return to vomit and mud, that’s the Liar working on separating us from Him. The Father promises to draw close to us when we draw close to Him. Daily frustrations and problems can be helped with Him at the helm.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We rob ourselves of peace when we become impatient with another, impatient with how the world is, impatient with ourselves. Your patience with us is unfathomable! Remind us to come to You when we’re anxious, short-tempered, frustrated, and discouraged with our impatience.

Thank you for the blessing of unlimited grace.

Amen.

What is this about?

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26 ESV

“When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people’s hearts.”-Lao Tzu

Difficult people! Tough situations! But no one has our number like our family, do they?

Who can shatter with one look? You know–that eye-brow lift that condemns?

Who can diminish with a not-so-well-meaning phrase? Example: “Are you losing weight? Celebrate, have a cookie.”

Who can share your most intimate experiences behind your back? Can you feel the shame or anger rise in you?

Aha! Family! The ones that are supposed to love us. The ones we’re supposed to love back. The ones that know our weaknesses even better than we do. And you know theirs.

What is this really about?

Coming from a very dysfunctional family is what it’s about. You did. Your siblings did. Your spouse did. Your best friend did. Your boss did. We all sin and fall short. Probably the trickiest to navigate is our family, which affects all other relationships. We learned, whether we were aware or not, how to adapt, limp, and shoot from the hip, especially we black sheep/scapegoat types. Survival! When we marry, we bring it into our marriages.

Then the biggie: Self-awareness without self-loathing. A lot of what we do that damages are the unconscious behaviors. We learn to sort through our unconscious behaviors and thoughts with a trusted friend, counselor, and the Father. He may remind us that our siblings came from the same dysfunctional family, but they experienced it and adapted differently than we did—they were in survival mode too. Then our Father reminds us of how precious and loved we are by Him so we can work on what is our responsibility. Then we open our hearts. We challenge the dysfunction, not the person. We set boundaries on what is acceptable and what is not, peacefully. The “Here, have a cookie” is met with “No, thank you.” The gossip is met with silence trusting the Father to handle the truth. Drama has left us. And we trust. We trust our Father. We gain patience. We gain peace. We let go. God reveals what a beautiful, “New Creation” we are. We live. We love. We are thankful for the lessons.

Musings

Almost every complaint, whine, and story shows what a righteous person I am compared to the other in my story. Then the question: “What is this really about?” brings me honesty. I remember the three questions when in doubt: Is this true? Is is helpful? Is it kind?

There’s my business and God’s business. The other is the Father’s business.  My business is to look inside, give grace, pray, and set boundaries. Seek help, if truly troublesome. My business is not to internalize and personalize actions and comments that come from a dysfunctional family, living or dead. If I’m to do more, God will gently open a way. What peace and freedom!

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our church families. Thank you for our Earthly families. Both are opportunities to grow in grace and love, looking to You to fill our neediness and dependency. You are readily available to show us how loved we are no matter the blind spots we have. Love is a discipline we are learning because You are Love and we are Your children. We want to be like You.

Amen.

Your Thoughts Are Life

“For as he thinks within himself, so he is. He says to you, ‘Eat and drink!’ But his heart is not with you.” Proverbs 23:7 NASB

“In every adversity, there lies a seed of an equivalent advantage. Every defeat is a lesson, showing you how to win next time.” Robert Collier

Driven thoughts. White-knuckling. I was trying to reach my sales goal during a frightfully, cold January, which was filled with anxiety, nail-biting and despair. If I didn’t reach my goal, bills wouldn’t be paid, food wouldn’t be on the table and the car wouldn’t get fixed. Anxiety about the weather, circumstances, and rejections filled my mind. When driven, other behaviors and feelings consume me such as envy, revenge, and self-absorption. Let go and let God was the last thing on my mind. “Do not fear,” the phrase said over 365 times in the Bible, was not reality. Driven: short-temper, exhausted, helpless, and hopeless. All destructive thoughts. A despair spiral!

Thoughts of love. Irresistible! The first time I saw my son in the delivery room, I knew I would do everything possible to raise him with love, joy and enthusiasm. When I see tornadoes rip through our country or veterans in need, I am compelled to help. How many of you are compelled to rescue animals? Yes, I’m one. The heart and mind are focused on love.

Thoughts and prayer. When fear of the future or pain from the past envelops me, the first thing I think of is to pray—Not! Thinking I have control is so ingrained in me. There is so little we have control over. Asking for help in prayer is something I must practice over and over. The help I need is the Psalms. They help me pray because they are full of problems ending with victory and joy in Him.

Life gives us many opportunities to obsess and hurt ourselves. Memorizing 1: Peter 5:6-7 counsels us to humble ourselves and cast our anxiety onto the Father because He cares for us. Picture this! How does the Father show He cares? Jesus modeled His Father perfectly.

Musings

I don’t want my head and heart to live in fear, failure and loneliness. The Father promises to rescue us and give us an abundant life. Paul counseled us to use our minds for lovely, noble, pure, and admirable thoughts because as we think, we are. Good or bad. Joy or despair. Helpful or stuck.

Prayer

Dear Father,

When times are dark, tragic, or anxiety-filled, we forget to look upward with thanks. It is a lifetime practice. Today we will focus on what You want us to do with thanks. Jesus is our example through storms, rejections, and threats to His life and ours.

Amen.

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” Matthew 22:34 NIV

“When people hurt us, it helps us to learn how to let go of wanting them to love us. It helps us to learn how to love purely.”
― Donna Goddard, Love’s Longing

I’ve been taking a class about Dante’s Inferno. It’s a famous poem about the nine levels of Hell. It contains the line most everyone has heard: “Abandon hope all ye who enter here.”One thing that struck me like lightning is Dante has four loves: Beatrice, a beautiful woman who died young; Francesca, a woman he had an affair with; Virgil, his favorite poet; and intellectual people. See the problem? Disordered love.

Until we put Christ as our first love, all is messed up.

Our problem is failure, loss, shame, trauma and all sorts of painful experiences stop us from loving others. Who would love with all that baggage? No one. We try to empty the garbage and fill the void with things, people and substances.  In Matthew, Jesus was filled with compassion because the crowd was harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd.  Even today, our world is still filled with the harassed and helpless.

Our Father knows our stories. Love demands courage and vulnerability, especially with the Father through Jesus. Our story is a love story too.

We start with our Father. If we make a small attempt to know him, he rushes in to save us. Love is always action. There may be good feelings right away or they may catch up to us after some time because love is not just feelings. We love because he first loved us. Our spiritual journey brings love lessons, wrestling matches, and healing but all is to love Him, ourselves, and then to love others. Love is the whole point because God is love.

If we don’t learn to love ourselves and others, how will we act with others in heaven?

Musings

One thing is sure: All things will pass away except love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for creating us and loving us.  It’s so difficult, it seems, to love when the world is a mess, personal problems paralyze and health is fading but we know it’s the foremost commandment. Love is what we will be doing forever.

Amen.

You Have Them!

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him, nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” John 1:1-4 NIV

“We are like books, most people only see our cover, the minority read the introduction, and many will believe the critics. Few will know our content.” Unknown

Have you felt or thought if you pay a compliment to another it takes away from you? Like a generous slice of pie, we’ve less pie. Do you know what would encourage someone but you let the moment pass?

You have the words of life. Another astounding, spectacular, and splendid responsibility.

What words do you say to yourself? It starts there. The harder you are on yourself, the harder you will be with others.

What words do you say to your family?

What words do you say to your coworkers?

What words do you say to the customer service rep? Waitress? Grocery clerk?

What words do you say to the person who belittles you?

What words do you say to your Father in Heaven?

The words of life can heal. The words of life can motivate. The words of life can inspire, encourage and bring wisdom. They cost nothing and the Father will give you the words if you ask. What investment costs nothing but rewards so generously? Our Father with His Words of Life.

Musings

Do you remember the Bible verses that have motivated, comforted, challenged, and inspired you? Life and light. Has someone shed light on an overwhelming problem? Problem exposed by a light giver. Did someone support you at your lowest? Renewed Life. Our words can save a life. Those who work suicide hotlines know this well.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your Son taught us how to pray and to start with, “Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name.” The Word created the universe and gives life. Help us to use this power to create positive changes in ourselves and others. To build a life, a life that honors You.

Every encounter is a holy encounter.

Thank you for Your Words of Life.

Amen.

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20 ESV

“Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place.” Henri Nouwen.

Homecoming is a big deal where I live. It’s a little rural town, with about 350 people, and eight-man football. It’s full of celebration with a band and parade and rousing cheers! We recently got stadium lights and are so proud of this accomplishment. Just showing up at the game, I feel welcome by the fanfare, camaraderie, and single purpose.

Not all homecomings are nice. Not all homecomings are cozy. Not all homecomings are affectionate. Not all homecomings are full of cheers and slap on the back. Not all homecomings are safe.

Some of us had a home full of turmoil, absent parents, rigidity, punishment, shame and worse. Who in their right mind comes home to that? Calls it home?  Feels welcome? If we were lucky, a roof over our heads, a place to sleep and eat, but home? It’s hard to be at home when it’s unsafe.

My grandma taught me many things, welcomed me, played games, told stories, and always hugged me affectionately. She was safe. Her 850 sq. ft home was built by my grandfather during the Depression. They did not have running water, electricity, or heat then but could she love! My grandmother taught me by her example how to be a grandmother. How to invite others with safety. Feeling at home. Homecoming.

Jesus makes a home in our hearts and our minds where we are safe, whether commuting, working, grocery shopping, or playing with the kids. We can tell Him anything and everything. We might as well because he knows anyway. If we are truly at home, we are safe Others are safe. It’s not the latest TV, expensive food, or glamorous trappings that make one safe. It’s the heart. Cliché but true: “Home is where the heart is.” Miraculous transformations occur in us while we wait for our heavenly homecoming.

Musings

Notice that Jesus knocks. He does not force, cajole, shame, bully, preach, entice or threaten. He asks. He eats with us. He sets the standard. He’s home. Our eternal home. “We have passed from death to life.” He brushes away shame, fear, and insecurities while affirming great love for us if we let Him. Now. Eternally. Safe. We look forward to the final Homecoming where he wipes every tear from our eyes and gives us a crown.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you’ve made your home in our hearts and like the Prodigal Son, You embrace and welcome us for just being. Help us to welcome others into our homes and Your home. Remind us that “we have entertained angels.”

Amen.