Sacrifice of Thanksgiving

“I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.” Psalm 116:17 NLT

“Give thanks in everything, for this is the will of God toward you in Christ Jesus.” I Thessalonians 5:18 Berean Bible

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” Meister Eckhart

Sometimes giving thanks really is a sacrifice, even during this wonderful Thanksgiving time. If it depends on feelings, it won’t get done. If it depends on circumstances, it won’t get done. If it depends on making time, it won’t get done. And giving thanks requires discipline—a daily, minute-by-minute consciousness. It heals, eventually, too. Thanksgiving is not just a holiday. It’s a spiritual discipline. It’s Thanksgiving every day.

Every day there is something to be thankful for. Do we thank the Father when things are good, or after rescue?

I went to the eye doctor the other day and after my examination, the doctor and I discussed some troublesome results. I could be getting macular degeneration and we need to keep a close watch on this. Some lifestyle changes like more fruits, exercise, and supplements may slow it way down. I’m on it!

But here’s the deal. How many times have I thanked God for my gift of sight? You can bet I do now. So many gifts are taken for granted. My eyes have been opened (no pun intended) to even more blessings because of my gift of sight and oh how I treasure them! The autumn colors in my little town, the smiles from the cashiers at my grocery store, and the beautiful book I read during my morning devotions. The faces of my children and grandchildren could become a blurry fog to me.  How I pray I don’t lose my sight. How I pray to not be a burden on others. Losing my driving privileges is so scary – taken for granted. All from a disturbing eye examination. Poof! Reality! I am not alone in taking for granted our many gifts.

My mind wandered back to the blind man in the Bible and Jesus asked him, “What can I do for you?” If he asked me, of course, I’d answer the same as this blind man, “My eyesight.” With more thought, though, Jesus did everything for me and even though my circumstances are disturbing and my heart is afraid, my answer would be a simple thank you. It’s going to be okay.

Musings

Giving thanks when one is grieving, in pain, ill, homeless, addicted, and many of the “Biggies” of life feels like a sacrifice. And it truly is. The good and healing truth is we’re not required to give thanks for the evil and destructive circumstances that come to all in this life but to give thanks in all circumstances. God doesn’t, never will, and never has given us evil. We may not feel thankful. We may not understand our circumstances. We may squirm, try to breathe, and cling to our faith in these painful times but the truth is, Jesus did do everything for us. The extras are gifts and we are grateful for these too.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for all you’ve given and done for us. We can list all that we have to be thankful for and the list is still incomplete.

Thank you for each other. Thank you for giving us what we need this day. Thank you for even our breath. Thank you for some wants too. You truly give abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think.

We come to you in a thankful spirit regardless of the circumstances. Every day is a gift. Every day is an opportunity to love. Every day is a challenge to overcome with You at the helm. Like Peter amid the stormy sea, we cry, “Help us.” And as Peter later said, “Cast all your anxieties because he cares for you.”

Thank you.

Amen.

Love is Free But It Ain’t Cheap

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” 1 Corinthians 13:1 NIV

“If love is to be a blessing, not a misery, it must be for the only Beloved who will never pass away.”— C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The hardest lesson to learn is love, yet, it is the only thing that matters here and for eternity. The second hardest lesson in love is that it isn’t just emotions—passion may be there–but love acts lovingly even when the feeling is absent.

I remember taking the marriage vow, “for better or worse, for richer or poorer.” Passion and excitement covered the hard reality of what the vow meant. It meant spending almost every dollar on medical expenses, spending sleepless nights cleaning up vomit and blood, and giving up a career I loved. I did what was the loving thing through humiliation, tears and fear. Many of you have done the same for your children, families and friends.

Love ain’t cheap. But it’s the only thing that lasts. It’s the only thing that saves. Remember: God is Love. Love is a Person.

Everybody gets the lesson. The young have problems, the middle-aged have problems, and the old have problems. The rich, the poor, and the famous have problems. We all have problems with love. All problems are based on love: absence of love, dysfunctional love, or just no clue while scrambling for a fake image of it in the wrong places and persons. Sometimes we feel there isn’t enough love to go around. There is. Love is not a pie cut into pieces.

The lesson has a test. We can study, prepare, and practice, but love is still not easily learned. We have an example: Jesus. In Job, Job states how blessed he will be after he is tested by fire like gold. Love.

Love costs. Time. Money. Ego. Sleep. A teenager past curfew is a harrowing experience.

Baby steps. Just for today, I will be kind. Promise yourself this and watch what happens. Usually, someone who is very difficult will show up. A snarky customer service rep, a snoopy neighbor, or an arrogant politician will be right before you. And Jesus died for them because He loved them. Self-awareness shows how difficult just being kind can be! Hope: Romans 5 where God lavishly pours out His love for us through the Holy Spirit. We have plenty of love to give. The Father will fill it as soon as you pour out your love.

Musings

90 days of Praise was recommended to me for a coworker I had been struggling with. She was flighty, passive-aggressive, and treated me like she wanted to treat her absent mom. Through gritted teeth with prayer, I pointed out her strengths: excellent people skills, creative problem-solving, and an optimistic spirit. Did it take? Yes. Right away? No. And through it all, I was the one who changed first. By the way, this person is now one of my beloved friends. Love is patient.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your Son demonstrated perfect love on the cross. May we start today with grace and humility, loving others as ourselves. Show us how to love each person we encounter, including ourselves, with thanksgiving.

Amen.

Angry Words

Who is right or What is Right?

“An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.” Proverbs 29:22 NLT

“Discussions are always better than arguments because an argument is to find out who is right and a discussion is to find out what is right.” Aspiring Quotes

Time-out. That’s how I would discipline my son when he was mouthy or refusing to do his chores. The time-out was for me too. If I didn’t sit down and reflect, I would say things I didn’t mean, spew threats like grounding him until he was 30 years-old and relentlessly criticize my lack of parenting skills. Yes, it happened—more times than I can count. But with practice, parents get lots of practice, and we could get to the bottom of the problem without drama, name-calling or tears.

Arguments happen at work, the grocery store, the church, and much to my dismay, in our governments. Emotional explosions happen frequently with little to no helpful resolve. Would we send these people to their rooms for self-reflection and attitude adjustments? James says that someone who controls his tongue is a perfect man able to rule cities. But (sigh) our only control is self-control with the much-needed help from the Father. Prayer is quick sometimes while we breathe and count to ten or 100. We don’t want to commit all kinds of sins because of hot-headedness! Then the situation becomes worse—much worse. Through His word and the Holy Spirit, the Father wants our discussions to focus on the What, not the Who.

Musings

Paul Tripp wrote this and I find it very helpful: “How you treat your spouse is an opportunity to share the gospel. How you raise your kids is a forum for evangelism. How you do tasks and maintenance around the house or yard—and offering to serve your neighbor at the same time, for example—is a chance to put the sacrificial life of Christ on display.” What a tremendous responsibility! And it glorifies the Father. Actions do speak louder than words.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thanks are not enough for all the arguments and angry words Your grace has covered. We commit to do better and then someone tempts us to anger and our resolve disappears. Help us carve out time to reflect and obtain wisdom for the What and not the Who.

Help us, with thanks, to remember all we do reflects Your Son.

Amen.

The Little Things

“A fool always loses his temper, But a wise person holds it back.” Proverbs 29:11 NASB

“No matter what type of anger or frustration we have to struggle with, a clear picture of how our faith in God is the answer to anything we need to overcome.” – Carol Graham

Small things don’t matter until you’re in bed with a buzzing mosquito! Or death by a thousand paper cuts. Familiar?

They say, “It’s the little things that matter.” It’s true. The little treasures and gifts of the day like praise, hugs, losing a couple of pounds, or a special card in the mail boosts our spirits.

It’s the little things that can ruin our day too.

Frustration is those annoying, itching, biting mites interfering with our goals, rest and peace. It’s so remarkable that people can handle catastrophes, tragedies, and pain better than the daily nits that poke at us. An urgent phone call in the middle of a meeting, a child throwing up in class, or a flat tire on the way to work are those little bugs that throw the whole day out of kilter. Worse, our attitude goes down the drain and it spreads.

Control. I have, once again, fooled myself into thinking I have it. The big obstacles of life are so hard, it’s true, but we give ourselves grace and admit we do not have control over life and death, tornadoes, or floods. We pray. We give ourselves a bit of compassion. We seek assistance. We pray for each other. More importantly, we get back up, dust ourselves off, thank the Father, and start again. It’s the same for the little, annoying, and frustrating things. Life is so full of these! And many times throughout our day. Right now I have a very old cat, she’s 23 or 24 years old, and she gets disoriented and yowls in a panic. Yep, another thing to bug me. But how many years of pleasure has she given me? A flat tire once saved me from a messy accident.

Musings

The termites, mites, paper cuts, gnats and bugs of life. These are what cripple our spiritual walk and our joy. The daily “what nows” of life humble us. The belief that we should have control and do have control over the little annoyances deceives us. Perhaps, that’s the point. Let’s start all over again… With grace. They are small things compared to the eternal picture.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your wisdom, grace, and counsel in the big and the little things. We consider little things annoyances and frustrations, but they are the daily disciplines of being more like your Son. Sometimes they are blessings in disguise. No matter what happens today, you are with us and we can joyfully, and with a bit of humor and humility, have a good day. Jesus took the world as it is. We need to do this too.

Amen.

Construction: Never Finished

Under Construction

“Give your complete attention to these matters. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress. Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you.” 1 Timothy 4:15-16 NLT

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” Akshay Dubey

Road construction! It’s everywhere this time of year because I live in a cold climate and winter is brutal on the highways and roads. And so annoying! Detours, potholes, lines of vehicles for miles, dusty, dirty, smelly asphalt with hot and grumpy road crew pointing where to drive next. The child in the back seat is grumpy, thirsty, and needs to go “potty.” Sigh…

We’re under construction too. Hopefully, not dusty, dirty or grumpy. There are no days off for us in the Kingdom. Even when resting we are to keep our minds on what’s above. Our Journey has lots of detours, pitfalls and potholes, delays and discouragements. This is what it takes to become more like the Son. Others are under construction too. We’re told in James that if we can control our tongue we are a “Perfect Person.” They’re as rare as unicorns, fairies or a tax refund! Or, a summer day without road construction.

That’s why we have each other. Sometimes we limp together, sometimes we cheer each other on, sometimes we pray together and sometimes grieve together. We learn to love each other as the other needs. We learn perseverance. We learn endurance. We learn (here’s my all-time favorite) patience. We learn acceptance. We learn to depend on the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

With Grace. Lots of it. The Bible reminds us that “He richly pours his grace on us.” And we need it!  Let’s remember when things get tough, we’re all Under Construction.

Musings

We need a sense of humor, along with grace when dealing with our potholes and detours. May we not take such aggravations and setbacks so seriously. Maybe, just maybe, they’re opportunities to reach our potential with kindness.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We pray for grace and patience but avoid situations that provide these. Thank you for giving us what we need and not necessarily what we want. We may not feel that way today but we have learned from You, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to “Enter by the Narrow Gate.”

Amen.

We Are All Beginners at Something

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” Galatians 6:9 NLT

“Change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.” — Robin Sharma

Why, oh why do we feel shame if we are a beginner? Babies learning to walk don’t feel shame, some bumps and bruises along the way, and they fall many times before they run. Learning to ride a bicycle was daunting in my childhood, yet I persisted and soared through forests, bumpy dirt roads, and grassy vacant lots. Then I tackled ice skating. Ouch! I had no embarrassment or shame in learning to play a game, the computer, driving. I did as I got older and someone saw me struggling. The focus was taken off the activity and onto me. When did it become shameful to become a beginner? I made many mistakes as a widow. I’ve never been a widow before. When I became a manager, I made mistakes. I’d never managed before. I was quitting destructive behaviors. I’d never done that before. In fact, harmful behaviors are quite easy to pick up. Well, except when I started smoking and had to smoke a pack till I was nauseous, dizzy and green.

We are all new at something for the rest of our lives. Old? Yep. You’ve never been old before. Married? Yep. Never done that before. And if you’re remarried, you’ve never been married to that particular person before. New job? Yep. New people and skills to sharpen our education. Grace, loads and loads of it, is needed in all beginning situations.  We’re all beginners at something.

What to do?

Musings

Show up!!!  Take a class, ask a friend or mentor for help, read a book, do an online search, and ask God for wisdom and courage. You’ll still fumble at first. But every day you show up, you’re making progress. Sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. Drop the embarrassment and if someone teases you, you can bet they’re new at something too. Say a quick prayer for the outlier and put your focus on Him. The One who does all and is all. Struggle. We all have messy beginnings and middles, but the ending will be something when we’re with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Prayer

Father,

We were new when we became a part of your family with failures, sins, and regrets intact. You welcomed us anyway with singing and celebration.

Being new at anything in this world is humbling, and scary, and requires patience, discipline and trust. Hold back our shame in being a beginner. Help us to accept that we all, from infants to the very old, are learning new things. Help us to be kind and understanding with the beginners in our lives. “Unless we become like children…”

Amen.

Authenticity Means Being Vulnerable

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18 NASB

“To love at all is to be vulnerable, love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” C.S. Lewis – Four Loves

I love authentic people, not only are they easy and fun to be with, but they give me the courage to live authentically. They’re warm, inviting, graceful, joy-filled.  They are not perfectionists. I leave their presence feeling just a bit better. Enlarged. May we be courageous enough to do the same because…

We practice vulnerability.

And you will get hurt. You will be stunned. You will have a broken heart. You will be betrayed. You will be criticized and sometimes cruelly by spineless creatures on the Internet. Sometimes by our own family. Yet, we must love, authentically, or it’s not love. It could be some people-pleasing, approval-seeking, manipulative, codependent behavior. It’s making someone else responsible for my well-being, my sense of self, and validation. If that person disapproves, then I crumble.

There’s only one Person who can give us perfect love. And He waits for your invitation. He does not cross boundaries, threaten, or intimidate. He does it perfectly. Where is our treasure? Where is our self-image? What is our idea of success?  Don’t let another define you.

Musings

The most authentic, unassuming, validating Person I know is Jesus. From rabble-rousing fishermen, tax collectors, and prostitutes to imperfect me, He was and is real. He had no advantages. He grieved. He wept. No status. No sports cars. No designer clothes. No media platform. No agent. Yet, people were drawn to him. Changed with him. Loved him. Died for him. He experienced everything and more to be our Savior. He was perfect in love.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you that you have made us unique individuals with stewardship over the talents you’ve given. Help us to live authentically for that is the only way we can truly live and love. Love hurts sometimes. Your beloved son knows this. “For the joy set before Him, he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Thank you for joy and a life with all the ups, downs and in between to help us become authentic.

Amen.

Are You an Over Thinker?

Overthinking

“Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.” Colossians 3:2 NLT

“I think and think and think, I have thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.” – Jonathan Safran Foer

If there’s anything I do more than anything, it’s overthinking. The belief that the more I stew, ruminate, conjugate and review, the better the situation will be. Not true! I get higher blood pressure, stomachache, and a headache that dumps me into depression. It’s spinning my wheels. I feel like I’m getting somewhere, and I am, deeper and deeper in the mud.

Time to change my thoughts. Here’s some medicine. All medicine takes time to heal, but improvement comes with time and following instructions.

Antidote: Live in the present. The past is gone. The future is the Father’s.

Antidote: Will this be pleasing to God? Overthinking causes me to be cranky with my children, and colleagues while diminishing me—not in a humble way. Overthinking is a whirlpool of apprehension, self-loathing and paralysis. I’ve again replaced the Father and used prayer to continue in overthinking. It’s been said: “God plus one is a majority.” What will be pleasing to the Father? Faith. Trust. Honesty. Courage.

Antidote: What is this trying to teach me? Maybe it’s as simple as looking upward or seeking wise counsel. Sometimes it’s a procrastination battle—it’s unpleasant or scary. Sometimes it’s reaching out to another. The Father is concerned with our character and learning, living, and loving fully.

Antidote: Write it down. Get it all out! Then put it away for a day or two. We might find the problem was not a problem or our problem. Sometimes the problem we’re overthinking dissipates. Poof!

Antidote: Self-compassion. Is this working for our good? For others? When overthinking, it’s a whole lot of self-loathing and self-condemnation. A change of mind is in order. We change our minds several times a day and we can change it back to good.

Antidote: Exercise. Take a walk with your pet. Put some elbow grease into something annoying you like a dirty car or spot on the rug. Sweat it out on a bike or dance as if nobody is looking.

Maybe you can add to this list, but one thing is sure, overthinking is not useful, kind or positive. Asking for prayer helps more than we realize. Practicing looking upward is tough but so helpful.

Musings

We get caught up in overthinking while excusing it as critical thinking. Not so. Overthinking is an indulgence in procrastination and anxiety. We cannot hold two thoughts at the same time so we need to choose: Hopefulness or trapped. Optimism or pessimism. Faithfulness or control. Confidence or escape.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You gave us a brilliant mind to solve problems, make plans, overcome obstacles and grow. Help us to see where we need to consider and unravel situations and where we need to look up to You to take the helm.

May our thoughts immediately go to You: What are you trying to teach us? Will it be pleasing to You? Is it our problem to solve? We are promised perfect peace through Your Son.

With thanks,

Amen.

Read the Room

“For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” James 3:2 ESV

“The emotions of man are stirred more quickly than man’s intelligence.” – Oscar Wilde

I’m the first to admit I stumble in what I say. By this standard, I know no perfect people but enjoy the company of others working on this themselves and helping others.

Can you read the room? Anyone who has given a speech, or presentation or entertained, knows this statement: Read the room. Are there some checking their watch or phone? Some gossiping? Some with a chip on their shoulder? Some are there to fill time or some other obligation. You’ve lost before you start.

Jesus could and still does Read the Room. He knew the hearts of the Pharisees, Peter and his impulses, and the Sons of Thunder. He could do this because He knew who He was and acted accordingly. Was He impulsive when He threw out the money changers from the Temple? No, He was acting in righteous anger for His Father’s House. I wouldn’t want money changers on my front steps and I’m not righteous except through Christ.

We must read ourselves first to read others and be a Christian example. It’s not for the faint of heart.

Musings

Professor Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, uses the acronym Ruler to guide us in our feelings and the feelings of others:

R – Recognition of emotions in oneself and others

U – Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions

L – Labeling emotions accurately

E – Expressing emotions appropriately

R – Regulating emotions effectively

It has helped so many and if struggling, seek help from like-minded people.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We can come to your throne boldly to find help and mercy for our imperfect speech and situations. With You, we dare to look inside and trust we can improve with the Spirit’s guidance and prayers.

With abundant thanks, we praise You.

Amen.

End of Life

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18 NASB

“Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” –Earl Grollman

I’ve received many requests about grieving lately and if this is you, I pray for you and your loved one.

Whether you are caring for someone who is leaving this world, or you’ve lost your love, the end always comes. It comes with a crushing, all-consuming blow.

Grief is the final act of loving someone. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. There are no shortcuts, escape, or quick tricks to avoid grief. Drinking, eating, spending, running, moving, exotic trips or any immediate action will not provide relief or healing. We all try it anyway.

The only thing that starts us on the road to healing is…

Acceptance.

I accept that this will hurt.

I accept the relationship has changed.

I accept some people will say things that hurt out of awkwardness rather than harm. And they will. Do not rub this into your wound. The time will come and you’ll be the comforter.

I accept it will take time and others may not understand how lengthy grief is. They won’t. They will someday.

I accept tidal waves of grief will come but they won’t kill me.

I accept that I may need help and will seek it.

I accept each person’s grief is unique.

I accept I must step into an unfeeling world. Their time has not come.

I accept tears, regrets, and woulda-coulda-shoulda will visit me. Much of it is part of the grieving process and our regrets are probably not true. If true, I will write a letter to my loved one and release it to him/her and the Father.

I accept others’ help.

I accept the bone-aching, heart-wrenching times and just breathe. One step is good.

I accept the bad memories with my loved ones and their illness or trauma will someday morph into precious memories and laughter. Hope.

I accept questioning my faith and pray accordingly. There will be deep, meaningful lessons if we see it through. Better? eventually.

Live in the present. It’s hard, I know. The future is still unknown and the past is gone.

I accept grief is the final act of loving someone. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief.

May you receive comfort, presence, and blessings through “companioning” your loved one’s final journey. The Lord is with you always.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Please bless this heartbroken soul with healing, peace, and comfort. We know this is not the end, but it’s so dark right now and we are shattered.

Lift us. Keep us in your wings. Let us hide in You with thankful tears.

Amen.