“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him and eat with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20 ESV

“Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place.” Henri Nouwen.

Homecoming is a big deal where I live. It’s a little rural town, about 350 people, and eight-man football. It’s full of celebration with a band and parade and rousing cheers! We recently got stadium lights and so proud of this accomplishment. Just showing up at the game I feel welcome by the fanfare, camaraderie and single purpose. By the way, we were state champions in 2020. This may not mean home to you at your particular season of life but it’s so “homey” to me. Home changes as we change.

Not all homecomings are nice. Not all homecomings are cozy. Not all homecomings are affectionate. Not all homecomings are safe. Some invite us to their homes to show off material possessions or positions of authority. Some invite us to judge and compare. Some have a hidden agenda. Welcoming it’s not.

Some of us had a home that was full of turmoil, absent parents, rigidity, punishment, shame and worse. Who in their right mind comes home to that? Calls it home?  Feels welcome? A roof over our heads, if we were lucky, place to sleep, eat, but home? It’s hard to be at home when it’s unsafe.

I had a grandma that taught me many things, welcomed me, played games, told stories and possessed warm hugs. She was safe. It was not my home yet it felt like it. Her 850 sq. ft home was built by my grandfather during the Depression. They did not have running water, electricity or heat then. Knowing their tremendous challenges, I am amazed. My grandmother taught me by her example how to be a grandmother. How to invite others with safety. Feeling at home.

Jesus makes a home in our hearts and our minds where we are safe, whether commuting, working, grocery-shopping or playing with the kids. We can tell him anything and everything. We might as well because he knows anyway. If we are truly at home, we are safe Others are safe. It’s not the latest TV, expensive food, glamourous trappings that make one safe. It’s the heart. Cliché but true. “Home is where the heart is.” Miraculous changes occur.

Musings

Notice that Jesus knocks. He does not force, cajole, shame, bully, preach, entice or threaten. He asks. He eats with us. He sets the standard. He’s home. Our eternal home. “We have passed from death to life.” He brushes away shame, fear, insecurities while affirming great love for us. Now. Eternally. Safe. We look forward to the final Homecoming where he wipes every tear from our eyes and gives us a crown.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that you’ve made your home in our hearts and like the Prodigal Son, we are embraced and welcomed by you for nothing. Help us to welcome others into my home and your home. Remind us that “we have entertained angels.”

Amen.

^“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, ^to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues^. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.” 1^st Corinthians 12:7-11 NIV

“The more I think about the human suffering in the world and my desire to offer a healing response, the more I realize it is crucial not to allow myself to become paralyzed by feelings of impotence and guilt. More important than ever is to be very faithful to my vocation. To do well in the few things I am called to do and hold on to the joy and peace they bring me. I must resist the temptation to let the forces of darkness pull me into despair and make me one more of their many victims.” Henri Nouwen

Do you feel inadequate? Deficient? Scared? Imposter? Big mess? Me too. We all are. When these feelings happen to me, and they’re happening now with the 9/11 observations, I realize I’m going in my own strength. He needs to work through me and in me. 9/11 was definitely “the worst of times.” 9/11 was “the best of times.” I’m remembering with affection and sorrow all the people that came together to rescue, comfort, heal, pray, lead and encourage. Many never came home. From the Queen of England to the unknown on Flight 93, God was there. He worked through them.  He worked through us. He grieved with us. If only we could go back to 9/12 and be like we were then. With our spiritual gifts, we can. With his strength, we can.

Musings

I remember a tale about two angels. You probably do to. One was sent to Earth to rule the world. The other was sent to sweep the streets. They both were ecstatic to serve because they served the father. Their service was worshipping the Great I Am. The Father valued both and honored both.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for the many gifts you have given us. Help us to value and steward these gifts as an honor to you. Thank you that we never have to go in our own strength. Remind us when we indulge in our perceived lack of gifts that apart from you, we really can do nothing. Remind us how very fortunate we are that you chose us to do your work. Remind us of Jesus’ humility. Help us to operate in love, the greatest gift, and not fear.

Amen.

That Was Then. This is Now.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18-19

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”
― Bill Keane, author of the Family Circus

We black sheep, scapegoats, never-do-wells and similar types dwell in the past. We immerse ourselves in it. Punish ourselves with it like a whipping. It’s so hard to see ourselves as forgiven, beloved, with purpose. Why? I’m going to go with Introjection: an unconscious adoption of the ideas or attitudes of others. “Fully absorbing and internalizing negative information about themselves without discerning if the data is accurate.” Ginger Lapid-Bogda

A ten-dollar word for a priceless lesson. “When you know who you are; you know who you aren’t.” We picked up many labels like loose change and made them ours. Internalized. Brought to fruition. But we aren’t those things, especially after becoming a New Creation in Christ. Do we stumble? Yes, God said we would but it would not be fatal. Will others criticize, condemn or jeer? Yes, they did this to our savior. But every time these things happen to us, we need to remember who we are in Christ. Present. With loads of grace.

Musings

One of my favorite phrases is, “I’m so stupid.” It goes way back. I reject myself before others get a shot! There are other denigrating phrases that I use to put down myself and it hurts. The other side of this is that I start thinking that way about others. I don’t have “a clear eye” when I let these trolls live in my head. I don’t have a compassionate heart for myself and others.

Prayer

Dear Father,

 Thank you that we are beloved. We have grace. We can nip those critical, judgmental, parental voices in our heads and make room for your voice. When we know who we are in you, we know who we aren’t. May we share this with confidence. May we speak boldly yet gently. May we immerse ourselves in how deeply loved we truly are.

Amen.

“Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood.” Isaiah 54:4 NLT

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.” Brene Brown

Yes, there can be shame in widowhood as well as in youth. I’m sure it was much worse during Isaiah’s time. Through no fault of my own, I felt shame attending functions where couples were in attendance laughing, cuddling, and delighting in stories of vacations, children, accomplishments. Some of the shame was from a raw void, grief, awkwardness and inadequacy. I was just a crippled half of a couple. I have a dear friend whose son died at the tender age of 23 years leaving a baby and wife behind. She, too, struggles for acceptance and normalcy. Her “what-ifs” are tremendous. And shame. Shame that we should be more and do more. We are not God. We cannot prevent the tragedies that come to all.

There is a tale of a woman who suffered the loss of her husband and was stuck in her grief. A spiritual leader told her to go house to house to obtain some rice but only from those who have never experienced a tragedy. Needless to say, she came home with no rice and was amazed that everyone suffered from some calamity. I think this lesson is true for shame too.

Belonging and community can be scarce, yet so necessary. We must ask, seek, knock. Risk.

We black sheep, scapegoats, ne’er-do-wells, losers and other nefarious types have shame, but those who seem to have it all, do too. Truly.

Musings

With work, patience, prayer and community, some glimmers of the real you comes to light. Are you an encourager? Generous? Truth-seeker? Believer? Inspirational? Talented? Athletic? Nurturing? Creative? Optimistic? Hardworking? Insightful? Youthful? Spiritual? Good-looking?  I see these qualities in you and I’m making them mine as well. I’m still a work in progress and will be till I’m with the Father. The work is to become more like his son. And it is work. God transforms but I must willingly participate. I must surrender shame. Is shame an insult to God for making us the way we are?

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Help us to internalize this as we go about our day. Help us to reflect this to others. Help us to not react or internalize when criticized or dismissed but to see these as an opportunity for love, growth and transformation. When we fail, grace.

Our cups runneth over with good things and gratefulness.

Amen.

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, that no one may boast before him.” 1 Corinthians 1:27-29

“I found that the men most in repute were all but the most foolish; and that others less esteemed were really wiser and better.” Plato

My heart is broken open and humbled over Afghanistan. The 13 that died and their families showed tremendous courage, love and heart. They still do. And I feel impotent to comfort and heal. I come from a veteran family going back to the Civil War and yet, I’ve not sacrificed as these.

God gave his only son for me. And many families gave their only sons and daughters for us, for foreigners, for freedom. I have a son. There is no way I have the strength or love to sacrifice him. Reality.

The Apostle Paul chose to boast about his weaknesses so that the Lord’s power and strength will rest on him. Truth. Apart from him, I can do nothing.

Musings

Freedom is so precious and fragile, freedom in Christ and freedom in the USA. My heart is very heavy as I observe the happenings in Afghanistan and the USA. We’ve been through many disturbing, dangerous and violent times in our history. Christ’s blood purchased us and gave us freedom. The military purchased freedom with their blood for you and me. Christ’s purchase is for eternity. The military’s purchase is ours to steward and to pass on.

 Prayer Psalm 46:1-7

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,

the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her, she will not fall;

God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;

he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Amen

Attachments

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come! Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

“Change is never painful, only the resistance to change is painful.” Buddha

Everything is God’s and not mine. When it was time to put my little dog to sleep, it was agony. She was gone. She is God’s. But still, there’s pain. I hang on. I still have her collar, numerous photos and still shed tears. Love. Gratefulness. Compassion. Relationship. And a new dog. I became just a bit better from my little dog.

Then there’s other changes that are not sentimental or loving. Every time I try to quit a bad habit, addiction or judgment, there’s pain involved. Trying to overcome low self-esteem, melancholy, the past is formidable. I am a new person, yet I cling and resist changing. Even the Apostle Paul personally struggled with this frustration described in Romans! These things are obviously bad for me and remain a part of me because, for one, it’s comfortable, like old pajamas that are no longer useful. Then, immediate regret. Attachment. False security. Instant gratification. Toxic relationship. Someone has to help me accept and live this new life and let go of destructive behaviors. God sees this new creation even if others, including myself, do not. Yes, pain is involved. Eventually, joy.

Musings

Picturing ourselves as a new creation takes practice. It involves letting go while enduring the emptiness and trusting our father. I grab worldly things to fix me and they always let me down. We have a helper to guide and encourage new behavior. We have grace as we stumble one step forward and several back. But new creations we are and we have relationship with our father, with each other while our grip lets go of “false idols.” Eventually, we glimpse this new creation in ourselves and fulfill God’s plan.

Prayer

Father,

Help us to see attachments and let them go. Help us to see relationships, especially our relationship with you. Help us to see what you saw when you created us.

Everything is yours and we are fortunate that you’ve blessed us with everything pertaining to life and joyfulness. Help us to loosen our grip on what is not beneficial and to grow up into you.

Amen

Today, will you join me in honoring and praying for the fallen and their families?

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Matthew 6:20-21 KJV

“The soul is a treasure chest; hidden inside of it are priceless jewels.”- Matshona Dhilwayo.

Today, I post with a heavy heart because I treasure my country. I grieve for the families, allies, Afghans and our precious veterans.

A pastor once said in a sermon, “If you want to know what you treasure is, check your checkbook.” And I looked. True words. A card statement works. Online statements work. Receipts. It’s a spiritual mirror which shows my real desires and what I treasure.

 Here’s what I found in my checkbook: Dog, cat and vet expenses. Non-negotiable for me. My tithe to a Christian group that rescues sex trafficked children. Books! And more books. Bills, of course, utilities, maintenance of the home, groceries, Wi-Fi, writing courses, gasoline and car maintenance, clothing, makeup and perfume. But I was astonished at how much I spent on animal expenses and books! Lots! I treasure pets and books. I really do!

Time is another valuable resource that once it’s spent, Whoosh! It’s gone. Where do I spend the most time? Social media is one addictive timewaster. Entertainment, whether it’s TV, gaming, or even online self-improvement gurus. It’s okay to have some downtime, education and fun, but never mistake it for treasure. Sometimes we need to plan our absence from those things that just aren’t treasure.

Some adjustments will be made. I learned books and animals are my soul’s desire, aside from my father, of course. Proof is in my checkbook and card statement. However, my pets may want me to spend more time with them rather than toys, too many treats and yes, a doggie sweater with my favorite football team’s logo. Am I spending for them or as a “quick happiness fix?” Guilt? Definitely applies with our children. I have been guilty of spending money on my children and grandchildren too much, rather than time and experiences. I’ve started a book of my ancestors with photos, stories, and historical events like the Kennedy assassination, 9/11, the Great Depression and plan on sitting with them and sharing the emotional and spiritual aspects too. Possible lessons and insight for all of us. Treasure.

Musings

God is my treasure, too. The “Pearl of Great Price.” There’s always room, lots and lots of room, for improvement. I have invested in seminars, books, several Bibles to know him better. But, like my pets and grandchildren, my treasure is being with him every minute, every hour with gratefulness, being open to all he has for me as I grow up into him. Relationship. Treasure. There’s a big difference between knowledge and experience. As I walk with him, he reveals how precious he is and how precious I am.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for giving us the most precious gift of all, your greatest treasure, your son. “Without the shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness.” Jesus’ blood is more precious than gold. Eternal treasure. And thank you for eternal life that we may be with your forever.

Amen.

“I will call those who were not my people, ‘My people,’ and I will call her who was unloved,‘My beloved.’”Romans 9:25 NET

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”” C.S. Lewis

Being a Christian means we belong. We belong to one another. We belong to a king. We have a Wonderful Counselor. We have grace and freedom. We have connection. We have love. We change.

 We belong!

My whole being was rejecting the daily mundane duties the other day.  My mind drifted off to high school.  Mind you, I haven’t thought about high school in years. They were extremely painful times of dramatic parents, dramatic me and no connection or belonging. Someday I’ll share that. Why visit this time? Because there was a spot of joy. This spot of joy had been neglected for many, many years.

A sweet, shy, handsome Greek boy entered my mind. There isn’t even one celebrity that could compare to this young Greek!  My heart filled when I thought of him, back to art class in my senior year. The class was an hour I relished because of this deep, open, fun Greek student with which I shared a table.  We shared so many things besides a table. He lost his mom at an early age. His parents emigrated from Greece. He felt awkward around girls. I shared my turbulent upbringing. How I hated liver and onions. Most of all we laughed at silly things. Our guard was down and we were authentic with each other. We winked at each other. We flirted. We laughed at our art projects that failed. Teased. I couldn’t believe girls weren’t stalking him! What a vibrant, caring, fun and lovely human being. We belonged.

Work and a personal crisis cancelled my art class. We lost touch. Something very rare slipped away.  He was very shy. I was very distressed at that point in my life with responsibilities and utter confusion. We were no more.

Then he died. Age 18 years. He took his life. That permanent decision for a temporary problem. Belonging? Was that the issue? Belonging is as crucial to life as breathing. He didn’t want to breathe anymore. Of course, I wished I’d phoned him, shared more, gave him a caring note. Shock! What ifs are devastating and hard to ignore.

I prayed about him and gave him to my father who loves this young man more than I did or do. I trust my father with him. Jesus died for him. He belonged and didn’t know it. May I be more aware of belonging for myself and others. I hope I see him again.

Musings

Belonging. Our father created us to belong. It’s as critical as our heartbeat. May we be brave enough to say, “What, you too? I thought I was the only one.” Slowing down and embracing what is and who is may prevent tragedy and enrich lives. Jesus invites us to his table. “Come! Eat and drink without cost.” We belong. There’s always room at his table.

Prayer

Father,

Thank you for the gift of belonging. Help us to reach out and be present. We don’t always know which soul needs a gentle touch, an authentic, listening ear or a warm embrace—belonging. The daily challenges sometimes blind us to what is truly essential for another and for our own souls. Jesus invited everyone to his banquet. May we do the same.

Amen