“And if anyone will not receive you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet when you leave that house or town.” Matthew 10:14 ESV

“I will not allow anyone to walk in my mind with dirty feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi

We are setting Boundaries. Yes, even Christians need to set boundaries.

Have you had someone viciously attack you on the internet? No name. Delete. No Dirty feet in our minds.

Many people use sarcasm to hurt others and build themselves up.

Many people are a drain on your time and money.

Many people are in the throes of addictions.

Many people are focused on money, control, power and status.

Many say apologies and repeat their offenses.

They aren’t ready.

And you can’t change them. The precious love you want to share is not received and they may “ turn to tear and devour you.” There will always be someone who is toxic in life. If anyone knew how to handle toxic people, it was Jesus. He could see right away who was genuine, manipulative, and craved dominion over him. The woman caught in adultery was dragged in front of the Jewish leaders of the day. Where was the guy? Doesn’t it take two to tango? Jesus handled the situation beautifully. The woman caught in adultery was probably ready. The Pharisees? I don’t know but I’m sure they thought a lot about “he who is without sin throw the first stone.”

Shake the dust off your feet. The Jews, in Jesus’ time, shook the dust off their feet to show separation from the gentiles. Jesus showed us a much better way: “If they will not receive you or listen to your words…” Have you had someone tell you how much they love you but repeatedly put you down, took your money, or invaded your privacy? I had a stalker in my life many years ago—tough lesson! If I just love him enough… Time for some boundary setting and protection. There is a wealth of information to help, especially Christian books and websites. Research this or ask your pastor, counselor or a mature friend how to start. Setting boundaries will not be pleasant but living in the prison of another is far worse. You can be a joyful child of God while learning how much you matter to Him. You can be more effective in the Kingdom because you know you’re valuable and your time is valuable. Boundaries.

Musings

Trial and error. Heartache drives us to pray and to learn. It’s just the way we humans roll.  We need to ask ourselves, “Why do I let a person (fill in the blank) treat me this way? Do I treat others this way?” It seems we understand Jesus’ words so well after we’ve tried it our way, maybe many times. We don’t have to yell, cry, beg or plead. Just state the facts. Then shake the dust off your feet and move on.

The lifelong journey of discovery and love is set with safety railings, caution signs, stop signs and red lights.

The beauty of knowing your value. The beauty of knowing you’re loved. The beauty of growth. The beauty of courage: boundaries.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your Son who is the perfect image of when to help, when to challenge and when to let go. Help us to realize our worth and to do or say what is appropriate in challenging situations, especially eliminating the destructive patterns that are ingrained in our hearts and minds. Thank you for your grace that covers our attempts and mistakes.

Thank you for loving, encouraging and valuing us. It’s incomprehensible.

Amen.

“And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.” Matthew 7:25 ESV

“There is always inequality in life. Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded and some men never leave the country. Life is unfair.” President John F. Kennedy

Have you felt like life is a setup? Do you wonder why evil people live in prosperity and you’ve barely got enough money for milk and bread? Life is so unfair! Me too. It’s a living reality that requires daily struggle.

Here’s why:

“So that you may [show yourselves to] be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on those who are evil and on those who are good, and makes the rain fall on the righteous [those who are morally upright] and the unrighteous [the unrepentant, those who oppose Him].”

It’s clear. Everyone has tough times. Everyone experiences losses. Everyone faces death. Some houses will fall. Not everyone is His child.

Personally, professionally, socially and nationally, the floods and winds are beating on our “house.” And just like the weather, there’s not much we can do.

 Except… cling to the Father and his promises—dependency encouraged here

Live in the present – The past is history, the future a mystery

Count our blessings

Pray

Reach out

Reach in

Look for opportunities to be kind and helpful

Share with another

Pray

And remember: “It Came to pass”

Our Father uses these times and situations to develop our character, prune our unfruitful branches, fertilize our trust and faith, and create loving and persevering people. We are his children. We aren’t “illegitimate.” We aren’t neglected, abused or abandoned and we have a Father who always comes through. And it passes.

Musings

As children, we were afraid of the dark, afraid of others and scared of punishment. As adults, we still have “monsters and boogeymen.” The Father says, “Do not fear” 365 times in the Bible. One for each day.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We thank you for providing for our needs and for some of our wants. We thank you we have something to contribute even during stormy times. We thank you we can say during the storms, “Help me!” And you do.

Help us to help another today. Your word says, “Bear each other’s burdens and we fulfill the law of Christ.” Fears and troubles are lessened when carried by two.

Amen.

Caring or Knowing?

“Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.” Matthew 5:1-2 NIV

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
― Theodore Roosevelt

Jesus had a huge following and the first thing he says to the thousands collected on the mount was: Blessed are those who mourn, the poor, the meek, the merciful, the peacemakers and those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. He went on to tell them they are salt and light. He fed them. Throughout his travels, he asked, “What can I do for you?” God served. Encouraged. Loved. He demonstrated care and then knowledge even to death.

First, we need to take in how much the Father cares for us. The enemy will throw everything possible to keep you stuck but we can’t help another until we truly realize the love and care the Father has for us. The Prodigal Son story is a dramatic and caring example. The stay-at-home, judgmental and jealous son too. Haven’t we been both?

Here are some painful examples of knowing but where is the care?

Parents punish and shame their children because their self-image as a parent has been tarnished by their children’s actions. Children are learning—mistakes will be plentiful.

Marriage. Duties or caring? Taking each other for granted. Enter divorce with plenty of blame.

Bosses who punish harshly and don’t care about the employee’s training and welfare. Numbers! Bottom line. Enter burnout.

Politicians on election day. Promises made. Promises broken.

The eternal voicemail loop when seeking assistance. On hold for hours. Dismissive and shaming customer service reps.

Do they care?

Do they know?

Chances are, they know.

But the tremendous differences when care is demonstrated are remarkable, with a little grace and patience!

A private intimate conversation with an employee with specific instructions and goals.

A hug after a timeout with a child whose lip is quivering. “Let’s see how we can…”

A married couple gives space to each other and comes back together to understand each other when the intense emotions have lessened. Seek communication counsel.

Time. Time is the most precious thing we have and the thing we spend foolishly. But it’s the biggest part of love. The biggest healer. The biggest part of care. It opens the heart to learn and know. It’s safe. Secure. Caring. Loving.

Musings

I may be poor, disabled or lacking in knowledge but I can still care. Our Father will guide us because he told us we will ask him, “When did I feed the hungry, visit the prisoner, give a drink?” And He answered. Every time we do this, we show care, which softens the heart, opens the ears and maybe introduces a lost one to our Savior.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for caring and knowing. Thank you for spending 24 hours each day with us. Help us to pause and remember care comes first and then knowledge or information. We are such dutiful and driven people, but in the long run, care accomplishes something greater. In eternity the only thing that will remain is Love. Care is a big part of love. Time is a big part of love. Listening is a big part of love. Action.

Amen.

Overcoming Evil

“On the contrary, ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.’  Do not be overcome with evil but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21-22 Berean

“For evil to flourish, it only requires good men to do nothing.”  Simon Wiesenthal

Evil starts in the heart and mind. Good starts in the heart and mind too. It’s a preference. But it may be hard to identify so we have Jesus’ statements like: “Be sharp as a serpent but gentle as a dove.” In first Peter, we’re to return evil with a blessing. Paul advises young Timothy to flee the evils of youth. Looking back on my youth, I did many evil things and some were blessed by my friends and society. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And good old John says evil people hate the light because it exposes their deeds. Who wants to be exposed? I know I didn’t, but it was the only way to change and peace. David asks the Lord to search his heart and if there is any wickedness in him show him so he could follow the Lord and his statutes. Talk about brave! It’s one prayer that is always answered and may not feel so good. Usually doesn’t at first. Jesus also says to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Turning the other cheek, walking another mile and giving our coats along with our cloaks are other ways we can overcome evil.

So, it starts with me. It starts with you. It’s not always clear.

Many of you have had trauma. Many of you have been abused. Many of you have suffered a great loss from someone. And we’re to pray for them and bless them to show we’re children of God. This doesn’t mean we hang out with or provide for them. It may take years for us to do this. Finding someone trained, wise and Godly will help.

It’s difficult! I prayed for my first husband to stop drinking and to get help. He did– 40 years later. I prayed for my mom and even asked if she’d like some Godly help from others. Many times family members are stuck in a drama that never heals and it takes objective, God-loving people who are not us to help. No. It did not turn out. The night before her death, I prayed silently all night. I don’t know if it helped her but it did help me. She is with the Father now, I hope.

I confess. The burning coals on the head of someone who has hurt or harmed me was an image I loved. I still do, at times. But It really means the Father puts a bit more pressure on them to humble themselves and look toward him.

We will not be caught doing nothing. The Father has given us some simple things to do to squelch evil. Simple but not easy. I can attest that it’s healing even though my own situations were painful and lengthy. Pray. Bless. Feed. Walk. We can do this. We only have to do it today with the Father’s help.

Musings

Once again, whose job is it? This question helps us to let God be God and us to be ourselves. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Did I pray? Evil will vanish.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We too were evil and hostile, yet you provided mercy and grace and adopted us as your children. We forget that Paul said, “We fight against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, …” Unless our heart is right with you, we are helpless. Thank you for saving us and guiding us at the right time.

Amen.

“You are the world’s light—it is impossible to hide a town built on the top of a hill. Men do not light a lamp and put it under a bucket. They put it on a lampstand and it gives light to everybody in the house.” Matthew 5:15 Phillips

“The heroes that inspire us are the ones in which we see a glimpse of our own potential.”  Alexander Den Heijer

Jesus is our favorite hero—Do we glimpse a bit of our own potential in him? We do have the potential to do as he did.

Call a shut-in?

Feed the hungry?

Mentor a young person?

Companion to the elderly?

Pray for and contribute to our country and communities?

Speak for those who can’t? Children, domestic abuse victims, animals, or other victims?

It can be a scary and isolating experience.

My husband, many years ago, was chatting with his four-year-old daughter and she showed him the many quarters she had.

“Where did you get all that money? Did you do some work for mom?” My husband queried with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh no! I went to our neighbor’s and he told me if I touch his boy part, I get a quarter.” So pleased with herself at her generous income.

You can imagine the horror, pain and anger that hit my hubby all at once. He called the police. They filed a report. The word was out. And my husband was rejected by the whole culdesac because this man was popular and wealthy. Dirty looks. Whispered conversations. Pressure to move.

Which he did. To another city with a much better career opportunity. He followed the rule of law and hope. He received some counseling and his daughter had little recollection of the incident and enjoyed a fun, loving and normal childhood.

Standing for something, especially someone we love may mean isolation and rejection. Jesus certainly coped with this over and over. He had self-control, constant presence with the Father and vision. How my husband had self-control and vision for his little one and kept self-control, I’ll never understand. God-breathed? Grace under fire?

Musings

Speaking up for what’s right is a tough one! When we ruminate on our feelings of inadequacy, we’re being “self-centered” and fragile before we start. Focused on self. I admit, standing in front of an audience ain’t easy! Standing in front of a disagreeable audience is even worse. Jesus did this many times. Again, our Father cares about our character first so difficult situations are in our lives to help us grow our character. We bring out our light from under the basket. Our strength comes from the Father.

Prayer

Dear Father,

It’s hard to believe there’s nothing new under the sun. Were people as corrupt and hostile as they are today? History and Your word proves they were. And it’s discouraging. And it’s scary. But in your word are scared people who overcame with your strength and wisdom.

We ask for you to strengthen us in these turbulent days. We thank you for your strength in these turbulent days.

We remember each day that you are God and we are not. We are especially thankful you are God.

Amen.

“Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.” Psalm 16:11 1995 NASB

“My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel have little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.” Russell M. Nelson

Obviously, we must be with people, do some work and take on some tasks that do not bring us joy or happiness for that matter. However, sometimes the efforts do bring joy. Starting a new business, raising children, training a puppy and defending the vulnerable are examples of joy that comes from effort and focus.

Today I cleaned my closet, drawers and other clutter. I asked myself, “Does this bring you joy?” Many items are no longer here. Some I gifted to others like my music box collection. That brought me joy. Pants that are too tight that I think I’ll wear someday when I lose a few pounds do not bring me joy. They’re outta here! My mother’s earrings are not pierced, and I wear pierced ones. With very little effort and supplies, I converted them to pierced. Joy every time I wear them because of the good memories of my mom.

Meeting and helping people who have recently lost a loved one does not immediately bring me joy. The young ones who’ve lost a parent or those who’ve lost a child are tough! Because I’ve been there, I know the depth, torment and shock they are experiencing. Helping them navigate the rocky ground and tidal waves of grief with some peace and affection gives me some joy. I’ve seen them do the same for others—even more joy. The circumstances are an abyss of pain. But joy is there. We aren’t thankful for the circumstances but we are thankful in the circumstances.

Many left their addictions behind. Were they joyful? Probably not for quite a time. But when I hear and read their recovery stories with pictures, what a blessing! Eventually, they radiate joy, especially to others fighting addictions.

Many of you left toxic relationships. It probably tore you to pieces. Do you have some peace and joy now? Breathing room? New confidence?

Joy may be delayed. It’s totally worth it. It’s solid. It’s permanent. Gift of grace.

Happiness is highly overrated. It’s fleeting. It’s caused, usually, by something outside of us like an award, trophy, raise, new house or car but it’s fleeting. The car and house get old. The trophies and awards collect dust. They’re not permanent. We all know finances can turn on a dime (no pun intended) and may not be something we can control.

Becoming a Christian may not bring immediate joy but it will–Beyond your imagination. Joy is yours in spite of the circumstances. Joy will show in your face, heart and life. Our Father very rarely brings immediate results. He’s working on our character first.

Musings

So much of life could be enJOYable if we asked ourselves, “Does this bring me joy?” From cleaning a stuffed closet to letting go of toxic people, addictions and situations and placing our focus upward and outward is the start of joy. Joy is a master teacher. Joy teaches us to place our focus on the Big Picture and others.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Joy seems so absent for many. It’s hard to be joyful when struggling with grief or fear. Teach us that love and trust are the building blocks of joy. Show us how the little, everyday things are cemented in joy. Teach us that “Our joy will not be taken away.”

Your Son was the perfect example of joy. His joy was to serve you. His focus was You. May we follow in his footsteps.

Amen.

“Who will rise up for me against the wicked?
    Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?
Unless the Lord had given me help,
    I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy. Psalm 94:16-19 NIV

“The greatest cruelty is our casual blindness to the despair of others.” Anonymous

The Absence of an Empathetic Witness was a quote in an encouraging email I received. Makes tremendous sense!  And so cruel! This is why we “Survivors” (hate saying victims) seek help. Counselors, pastors, books and friends all have their place in healing from trauma. We may not have complete healing here on Earth (thorn in the side?) but connection, belonging, loving and being loved are available in abundance if we have the courage to seek it.

The Father is an empathetic witness. The Son is an empathetic witness. The Holy Spirit is an empathetic witness. At any time and any place 24 hours a day.

Included in the article were symptoms of lacking an empathetic witness, especially in childhood:

Physical problems like overeating, drinking, not sleeping or sleeping too much, being startled easily and more.

Emotional problems like anxiety, avoiding people or situations, depression and lack of hope are soul-crushing. They stick like Gorilla glue and we don’t even know why. We need to know why.

Another symptom is doing too much. Always going and if you stop, the world will end. A hamster on a wheel but the hamster enjoys it—he was made for it. You are not a hamster. You are a beloved child of God.

Shame. From all-out efforts to manage the perceived faults in ourselves. We’re the worst!

How discouraging if we had to do this by ourselves and thankfully, we don’t! Jesus encouraged us to “ask, seek, knock and we will find.” Seeking takes courage and work. It won’t be linear. Some days you’ll knock it out of the park and other days will seem like setbacks. Part of the process, journey and character building. But as they say in AA, “Keep coming back. It works!” Just showing up is progress, especially with faith.

Musings

“I thank my God for you every time I think of you; and every time I pray for you all, I pray with joy because of the way in which you have helped me in the work of the gospel from the very first day until now. And so I am sure that God, who began this good work in you, will carry it on until it is finished on the Day of Christ Jesus. You are always in my heart!” Paul said this in Philippians and if he needed others to help him, we do too. I thank you and know you’re always in my heart.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We thank You for:

Loving us.

Being proud of us.

Helping us to say we’re sorry and counseling us.

For Listening.

For guiding us into what is our responsibility and what is not.

For encouraging us and showing us we have what it takes.

For being with us every minute of every day and not abandoning us.

For being the true Empathetic Witness.

Amen.