Valentine’s Day

A Forgiving Heart

“Lord, if you kept a record of our sins,
    Who, O Lord, could ever survive?
But you offer forgiveness,
    that we might learn to fear you.”  Psalm 130:3-4 NLT

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation. It may, but not always.

Forgiveness does not mean it’s done once and for all. It may, but not always.

Forgiveness does not feel good. It may, but it leads to peace.

Forgiveness does not mean you are right. It may, but not always.

Forgiveness does not dismiss, belittle, or condescend to your hurt. It hurt! That’s a fact! And we may think we put it behind us, and wham! Something triggers us right back to where we were with all the pain and confusion we thought we left behind.

Many years ago, I fell in love with a handsome, intelligent, dynamic man. He called himself a Christian. Many women were starstruck by him. I was not. In the beginning, anyway. We dated. We had wonderful conversations and little gifts—all the things that make a new romantic relationship heavenly. Walking on air and sunshine! Six months of abuse began. The belittling, the abandonment, the intimidation, the lying.  I broke up with him—many times because maybe, just maybe, if I love him enough… But I participated in an unknown dance of terror. Last breakup. Then the stalking. I moved from my hometown and started over with my son, I might add. My roommate was a male because I feared being alone. A few in my new church were lovely. No judgment. Included my son and me in many Church functions. I put him in a Christian school, which he enjoyed.

However, I was an anxious, traumatized mess. I was functioning quite well, but I would jump at loud noises and refuse to go anywhere alone. Finally, I went to a therapist. With lots of work and prayer, healing began because (surprise!) I was attracted to and kept this man because of patterns in my childhood — a pattern I hoped to fulfill with love. So unaware! Childhood stuff! Can you relate?

I had to forgive myself first. I made horrible decisions in my personal life because I was unaware and unconscious. But, through talking to our Father and professional, supportive church friends, along with time, the healing began. Have I forgiven this man? Yes. Was there reconciliation? No! Did I find forgiveness for my childhood traumas? Yes. Was there reconciliation? Not really. There were phone calls and limited visits with some tension. I learned about my limits. I learned to set boundaries. The dance of terror was ended. Did I forgive once and for all? No. Situations always come up in life to trigger those dark times. But they’re a blessing in disguise, a caution sign. I walk away.

Musings

Knowing, deeply knowing how loved we are by our Father, deeply knowing Jesus and his sacrifice, and deeply knowing a mature Christian counselor or a wise friend makes all the difference in forgiveness. It’s another discovery process along the journey home. And the truth does set us free if we face the misery first.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for forgiveness, especially when “we do not know what we’re doing.” Help us to see that because of your Son, love, and grace, we can face the dark and unknown with hope. Open our hearts. Open our minds. Open our hands.

Amen.

A Christmas Heart

“And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So, He said, ‘Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.’” Luke 21:1-4 ESV

“Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” ― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Never thought it would happen to me. Widow. I am not in the straits the poor widow in the above verse was, but money has flown out of my hands with my husband’s illness and death. My life will never be the same, and the financial freedom is gone too. I remember a Christian/recovered alcoholic speaker, with a lump in his throat and wet eyes, who cautioned about money. He found the love of his life, they married, and a short time later, she was diagnosed with cancer, and their money was gone. In a flash, she was gone too. He never saved money again. He picked up what little he owned along with his shattered heart and started helping addicts. That’s the last I heard of him. But he still gave. He still had priceless gifts to give, even though he was shattered. He trusted God that “all things work for good for those who love him.” I believe our Father redeemed his pain now and eternally.

Jesus personified giving with gratitude and trust. He had nothing and yet everything. He still gives from his abundant treasure. His mercies are new every morning.

He gave from the heart. These are challenging times for so many of us, but realize you have so much to offer! It may be welcoming arms, an attentive ear, an encouraging word, running errands, or time. Priceless! The fullness we receive is priceless, too!  Cast your bread and watch the return. (Ecclesiastes 11:1)

Musings

When cash is flush, life is smooth, and sunshine is everywhere, it’s easy to be generous. In fact, that’s the time I’m most thankful and giving. It’s easy to give from abundance. When dark and lean times come, and they do, the fanatical clutching of money, things, and property is an overwhelming temptation. We lose sleep, anxiety is constant, and control rears its ugly head.  Our tempers lash out. We forget there are many ways to give. We forget that our Father is generous. “We can trust the man who died for us.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for your son, more precious than gold.

Thank you that he became poor so we could be rich.

 Thank you that he died so we could live.

Thank you for our daily bread.

Thank you for our families, friends, and courageous leaders.

Thank you for being faithful, even when we can only scrape up a mustard seed of faith.

Open our eyes and hearts to see how generous you are and with faith that considers the more we give, the more we receive—“Pressed down and flowing over.”

Amen.

Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional

We’ve heard this saying. It’s true.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

An ugly flower bulb is planted, and it becomes a beautiful flower. The earrings I cherish came from a grain of sand that irritated an oyster. My son was created in darkness, labor pains, and then he was born. A rainbow shines brightly with promise after the storm. The beloved savior, broken and dead, now lives. We live! Extraordinarily beautiful!

A lovely friend and I had a conversation. Her 20-something son committed suicide over a year-and-a-half ago. She had it rough! Despair, agony, extreme sorrow, and guilt were her companions from Christmas until now. She still has days of pain and tears, which she shares with her friends, fellow sufferers, and family. Her beauty is vulnerability. Sharing her journey of guilt, darkness, and resolve with others. Picking up parenting duties of her little grandchildren, her son left behind—with joy and pride. She is beautiful inside and out.

And God has promised to dry every tear, and there will be no more pain, suffering and death in heaven. Beautiful. Beautiful in its time.

But we’re not there yet. Some things make no sense. “We see in a mirror darkly.” I grope for the mirror during baffling times.

God brings beauty from some of our most painful experiences. Addictions? Yes. Trauma? Yes. Death? Yes. In its time. In partnership with God and each other. It is possible to carry pain and joy at the same time.

Musings

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. May we focus and try to see as our Father sees. May we behold him. Even in my friend’s suffering, there was still something to hold and cherish. Bubbles and conversation with her family while washing the dishes; the joy and pride of her grandchild who drew a picture for her; a warm bowl of homemade soup with a listening friend; her horse; and nature rides. “He has not left us as orphans.” May we see with our Father’s eyes and heart. It may take a long time, but He will wait and encourage.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We see the beauty of Jesus in his suffering, especially this time of year, and we see eternity because your son lives. He lives in us. He keeps us from stumbling, grasping in the dark, giving up. Redeem our pain for your glory, for others.

Amen.

Help Those Suffering Through the Holidays

Helping Another Through Grief and Trauma Through the Holidays

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:9-10 NIV

“Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.” Dr. Peter Levine

There is no such thing as going back to normal after a tremendous loss: No. Such. Thing.

Death of a loved one

Victim of a crime

War

Bankruptcy

Career loss

Terminal/chronic illness

Addiction

Natural disasters

Divorce – children suffer too

Abuse

If you want to help someone who has experienced a tremendous loss, let’s bust some common and harmful things right now!

Quoting scripture: Band-Aids on an amputation and dismissive. Scripture is wonderful and true, but that’s not what’s needed right away. Please. It just adds salt to the wound. For instance, the hurting person will hear: “If you were a better Christian… If you just had faith…” Don’t. Just don’t. They need “companioning.” Be with them. Assure them you’re there.

“He’s with God now.” This means making God the villain of another’s loss. This leaves the bereaved suffering and feeling even lonelier and hopeless—”Even God has left me and taken my loved one.”

“At least you have other children.” One of the cruelest things to say, and it hurts the children still alive. No one can be replaced. If you lost your leg and someone said, “Well, at least you have another leg,” how would you feel? Again, dismissive and hard.

“God never gives you more than you can handle.” This one drives me nuts! It was used when I was caring for my husband with Lewy body dementia. My Father did not give this! He is not the author of disease!  He did not give my husband dementia. The Liar and Murderer did. But God can handle everything and promises to help. God knows I couldn’t handle this, so prayer, wise and caring friends, and support groups are essential. He wants to help and rescue—sometimes through others and sometimes through the Spirit.   Paul frequently healed others, but it was Luke, a gentile doctor, who attended to Paul’s wounds. (See Acts.)

“Well, at least he’s still with you.” Wrong, wrong, wrong again! I lost pieces of my hubby day after day after day.  He died daily. Those with spouses, children, or relatives with an addiction lose them piece by piece, day after grueling day. Always on alert for the next disaster. Ask a dementia caregiver or a parent with an addicted child. Are they really with you? Did you lose pieces of yourself along the journey?

“Well, at least you have each other.” How many hurricane survivors are jumping for joy on that one? They lost their entire fortunes, homes, mental health, faith, and much more. It may be true that they have each other, but the shock settles in. Their way of life is gone! Their friends are gone! Their church building is gone—more grueling days, months, or years ahead, leading to financial ruin.

AND THE MOST HURTFUL ONE EVER!!!!

Everything happens for a reason: Yes, yes it does. Here’s the reason: Evil in this world. This world is not our home. Remember when Job lost everything and his friends visited him and grieved with him? They were a comfort until they opened their mouths and decided that Job must have done something wrong to have experienced the tragedies he did. Remember, Job was a righteous man beloved by God. Don’t hurt a person’s conscience and heart with this one.

Please do this…

Prayer, arms, listening ears, running errands, a homemade meal, or a personal gift can lift the hurting and give hope. Say validating things like: “This is really tough! You are going through a nightmare. What can I do to help you? Tell me more.” And listen. Be an Empathetic Witness. Ask our Father to open our hearts to see theirs. Jesus said many times, “What can I do for you?” Then he did it. We need to follow his way.

Musings

It’s so sad and destructive the trite sayings we trot out to those with agonizing losses. I’ve been guilty. We do this because we feel awkward or afraid we’re next. But Jesus showed us a much better way: Ask. Validate. Affirm your love. Companion. Love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We are to weep with those who weep. We all will weep one day. We don’t want to be “Sunshine Christians” who only believe and give when it’s easy and pleasant. Help us to be “Sonshine Christians.”

With thanks, we go onward with your grace, transformation, love, and hope.

Amen.

Ease Off the Gas Pedal!

Especially During the Holidays!

“In peace I will both lie down and sleep,
For You alone, Lord, have me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8 NASB

“When we work from a place, I believe, that says ‘I’m enough,’ then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.” Brene Brown

How do you talk to yourself when you’re in the middle of planning, hurrying, and paying for the holidays? Do you stress seeing certain individuals? And the money… It’s been tough for so many of us, and we would do anything to make a lovely and full holiday with all the eats, presents and fun, except it costs… A lot!

Three things I know for sure:

  1. God loves us
  2. God accepts us
  3. We become more like his son.

Why do we insist on beating ourselves unmercifully? Childhood dysfunctions, tragedies, and mistakes; learning a new task; work fears; advertising —bombarding our ears, minds, and hearts daily. Pour the holidays over this, and it can be brutal.

Today and every day, especially during the holidays, ease up on yourself. Stop. Breathe. Thank God that you are loved. Thank him for those you love, and for those who love you. Watch how much this transforms you and your loved ones.

Musings

Being a good and gracious steward of God’s personal and unique gifts is a tremendous responsibility. It starts with how we speak to ourselves —beloved child of God. Let us talk to ourselves as a best friend would with wise counsel, love and compassion. Maybe a good friend or family member can help us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

When we are overcome and overwhelmed by our “bad,” remind us that we are loved unconditionally. We so often depend on our good feelings to determine our value. Help us remember that we can’t change without asking for your help.  Help us to let go and let You into all things, especially during the holidays, with gratefulness.

Amen.

Help the Grieving Through the Holidays

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:9-10 NIV

“Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.” Dr. Peter Levine

There is no such thing as going back to normal after tremendous losses: No. Such. Thing.

Death of a loved one

Victim of a crime

War

Bankruptcy

Career loss

Terminal/chronic illness

Addiction

Natural disasters

Divorce – children suffer too

Abuse

If you want to help someone who has experienced a tremendous loss, let’s bust some common and harmful things right now!

Quoting scripture: Band-Aids on an amputation and dismissive. Scripture is wonderful and true, but that’s not what’s needed right away. Please. It just adds salt to the wound. For instance, the hurting person will hear: “If you were a better Christian… If you just had faith…” Don’t. Just don’t. They need “companioning.” Be with them. Assure them you’re there.

“He’s with God now.” This means making God the villain of another’s loss. This leaves the bereaved suffering and feeling even lonelier and hopeless—”Even God has left me and taken my loved one.”

“At least you have other children.” One of the cruelest things to say, and it hurts the children still alive. No one can be replaced. If you lost your leg and someone said, “Well, at least you have another leg,” how would you feel? Again, dismissive and hard.

“God never gives you more than you can handle.” This one drives me nuts! It was used when I was caring for my husband with Lewy body dementia. My Father did not give this! He is not the author of the disease!  He did not give my husband dementia. The Liar and Murderer did. But God can handle everything and promises to help. God knows I couldn’t handle this, so prayer, wise and caring friends, and support groups are essential. He wants to help and rescue—sometimes through others and sometimes through the Spirit.   Paul frequently healed others, but it was Luke, a gentile doctor, who attended to Paul’s wounds. (See Acts.)

“Well, at least he’s still with you.” Wrong, wrong, wrong again! I lost pieces of my hubby day after day after day.  He died daily. Those with spouses, children, or relatives with an addiction lose them piece by piece, day after grueling day. Always on alert for the next disaster. Ask a dementia caregiver or parent with an addicted child. Are they really with you? Did you lose pieces of yourself along the journey?

“Well, at least you have each other.” How many hurricane survivors are jumping for joy on that one? They lost their entire fortunes, homes, mental health, faith, and much more. It may be true that they have each other, but the shock settles in. Their way of life is gone! Their friends are gone! Their church building is gone. More grueling days, months, or years ahead, leading to financial ruin.

AND THE MOST HURTFUL ONE EVER!!!!

Everything happens for a reason: Yes, yes it does. Here’s the reason: Evil in this world. This world is not our home. Remember when Job lost everything and his friends visited him and grieved with him? They were a comfort until they opened their mouths and decided that Job must have done something wrong to have experienced the tragedies he endured. Remember, Job was a righteous man beloved by God. Don’t hurt a person’s conscience and heart with this one.

Please do this…

Prayer, arms, listening ears, running errands, a homemade meal, or a personal gift can lift the hurting and give hope. Say validating things like: “This is really tough! You are going through a nightmare. What can I do to help you? Tell me more.” And listen. Be an Empathetic Witness. Ask our Father to open our hearts to see theirs. Jesus said many times, “What can I do for you?” Then he did it. We need to follow his way.

Musings

It’s so sad and destructive the trite sayings we trot out to those with agonizing losses. I’ve been guilty. We do this because we feel awkward or afraid we’re next. But Jesus showed us a much better way: Ask. Validate. Affirm your love. Companion. Love.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We are to weep with those who weep. We all will weep one day. We don’t want to be “Sunshine Christians” who only believe and give when it’s easy and nice. Help us to be “Sonshine Christians.”

With thanks, we go onward with your grace, transformation, love, and hope.

Amen.

If I Say Yes, What Am I Saying No To?

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” Luke 14:28 NIV

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” Josh Billings

If I say yes to driving drunk, what am I saying no to?

If I say yes to overeating, what am I saying no to?

If I’m pleasing others, what am I saying no to?

If I choose to get even, what am I saying no to?

If I fly off the handle, what am I saying no to?

If I say yes to God, what am I saying no to?

If I’m controlling another, what am I saying no to?

All of life really is a choice. We choose to be married and say no to others who may tempt us. We decide to have children and say no to our time and finances.  We choose to get help, or we flounder, suffer, and hurt others. We choose what we will be like every day, contribute, love, and lift up.

There are many choices between our birthdate and our death date recorded on a cold stone, in an obituary, or on an urn. God gives us these choices and our consequences. When we say yes, we’re always saying no to something. We do it daily. There is no insignificance in our lives.

Musings

Most of life is simple: showing up, being consistent, and thinking of others. Are we living out of fear or love? If we say yes to fear, here comes anxiety, manipulation, aggression, isolation and more. God has reassured us many times not to be afraid. He is here—always. If we say yes in partnership with Christ, we become more like him and live in and with love. We participate in his divine nature.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for saying yes to us before the foundation of the world. We say yes to you in thankfulness and awe. May we say yes with our actions, words, and resources in your peace and love.

Amen.

The Green Monster

Comparing Leads to Envy

“Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.” Galatians 6:5-6 ESV

“Don’t compare your weakness to their strength.” – Nitin Namdeo

Harmful. For you and the other person.

Dismissive. Of you and the other person.

Lacks compassion, empathy, healing, or growth for you and the other person. A relationship killer.

Feels good, perhaps, but accomplishes nothing for anybody, except envy and strife. Many things that feel good are not good.

Comparing always lacks information that is not our business. It’s between them and their Father, who knows all.

You’re giving someone, probably a figment of your imagination, space in your head rent-free that harms you. It won’t hurt them a bit.

We have no idea what a person has gone through to get where they are. None. I envied someone with lots of money, who still had their spouse, until I found out they lost a child to addiction. They would trade their money for their child.

Comparing keeps us focused on the wrong things, and not on the right things—who we are becoming in Christ.

Some compare losses as if one loss is greater than another. “I lost my mom.” “I lost my hamster.” Yes, this happens frequently because we’re all at different stages in our walk. Let go. Don’t let someone’s ignorance or awkwardness harm you.

What good is comparing in any form? Shall I compare my loss of my husband to a veteran who has lost his legs? The great losses of natural disasters to a domestic abuse victim? They are all devastating.

Comparing my success is just as futile. My idea of success is raising a loving and healthy family, while another is joining Samaritan’s Purse. Which person is more successful? It reminds me of 1st Corinthians, where there was big trouble! Tongues or prophecy? Teaching or evangelizing?  Paul says, “The greatest is love.” Be watchful of comparing. Put the focus on loving and see what happens.

Whether a believer or not, I find Galatians 6:4-6 very wise counsel: “Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.”

Musings

Here’s a wake-up call: “We all fall short of the glory of God.” The beautiful thing is that when we surrender to not comparing, our Father shows us things we didn’t know about ourselves that are essential and life-giving. After all, he made us.

Prayer

Dear Father,

It’s true. Compared to your son, we fall terribly short. With him, we become like him with no comparison. Remind us that the most significant accomplishment is love.

Help us remember, when comparing to others, that we don’t know the whole story. Please help us refocus on you, where success truly lives. You made us all with unique talents, goals, and accomplishments, designed just for us and for your glory.

Amen.

You Are Not a Mistake

But You Will Make Some

“Though he falls, he will not be overwhelmed, for the Lord is holding his hand” Psalm 37:24 BSB

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” C. S. Lewis

On my birthday, I received a gift that says, “Youth is a gift. Age is an art.” Boy! I took that to heart! So many of my youthful days were filled with optimism, fun, good health, and the perpetual myth that life should be and will be fair. I’ll meet “the one,” and we will live with rainbows and unicorns. Somehow, grace covered all the youthful mistakes in my thinking and acting. True to life, they were the building blocks of my faith and successes.

Now, I’m much older with different losses, pain, learning experiences, and disappointments galore. I wake up and my legs are a bit stiff. I think going anywhere after 9:00 p.m. is a waste of time, especially if I have a good book or an inspiring movie. I look at my granddaughters and see the very same ideas, hopes, and optimism that I had in my youth. They’re making many of the same mistakes I made. They cry over the similar situations I had. And their optimism is sky high.  High expectations of others and themselves are a crushing lesson, but necessary. They’re sure they can change the world. Their energy is boundless. Their expectations are high, and disappointment reigns. Adulting is tough work!

 Mistakes will be made, but you’re not a mistake. Others are not a mistake.

This is what my grandmother did. She smiled when I would go off on an emotional tangent. She would set out cookies and coffee. She would embrace. She somehow knew it would be all right, and she was such a comfort, without a word or judgment.  I would ask her what to do, and she would tell a story from her past, leaving me to decide whether to take it in. It sure does now! Through her personhood, she showed me grace and safety, with the assurance that all will work out. She knew the building blocks of success are mistakes—sometimes biggies!  

It’s Hands Off with Love. Detachment with love. Prayer is highly recommended.

It’s recognizing we’re all unique but susceptible to the same entanglements, mistakes, and disappointments. And I may not learn from your mistakes. They may not learn from your mistakes. But they will keep trying if they have love.  I think that’s true for most of us. I know by MY mistakes. Hard knocks! It’s a gift that seems like punishment, but it’s a gift.

Musings

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent

People and the affection of children

To earn the appreciation of honest

Critics and endure the betrayal of false

Friends, to appreciate beauty, to find

The best in others; To leave the world

A bit better, whether by a healthy child,

A garden patch or a redeemed social

Condition: To know even one life has

Breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded—Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mistakes will be made.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for grace, along with the joys, disappointments, and work that cover us when we make mistakes. It’s such an affirmation of your work in us. It’s grace that keeps us going. Progress.

We read in your Book about the many mistakes your people made. We’re making them too, thousands of years later, but your grace, love, and pursuit keep us faithful in hope, faithful in perseverance, and faithful in love.

And thank you for the transformation that is taking place in us today.

Amen.

You Have a Place at the Table

Reserved just for you!

“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Psalm 23:5-6 KJV

“Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from the inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Not everyone deserves you. Not everyone will like you. Many will gossip about you. Some will try to use you. Some will use you as a dumping ground for their emotions. Hurting people hurt people, the saying goes, even and especially family. That doesn’t mean you are another’s punching bag.

My father and stepmother were highly successful in their careers and in the church. Money and status were theirs. They taught me a powerful, humiliating and painful lesson.

My husband and I were invited to dinner at their house. My dad grilled steaks, and wine was served; the table was lovely. Then my stepmother proceeded to gossip and denigrate my sisters, their spouses, and children who were not present. “How can he be a manager of a car dealership? How awful!” “How can it be acceptable to have tattoos?” “How can she be so overweight?” “Their house is so small; are they financially strapped?” My father heartily agreed and participated in this cruel, gossipy and destructive conversation. Expensive steak and wine turned to sawdust in my mouth. Tears crept out of my eyes. A huge, painful lump was in my heart and throat. If they talk about my siblings this way, think what they’re saying about me, my spouse and my children.

My husband and I looked at each other. We got up, went to the car, and did not say a word before driving away. We sadly shook the dust off our feet. We embraced each other. Reflected on our actions and words—wake-up call. Two adults who were members of a local church, golf club, and Meals on Wheels chose to tear the heart and soul out of their own family members. Is this rare? Sadly, no. Many of you have experienced this to a greater or lesser degree. Cheap and easy. Always Cruel.  

By the way, my dad’s last words were, “I’m so sorry.”

Musings

We always have a seat at Jesus’ table. Shaking the dust off our feet means no drama, no arguing, no threatening, no explaining. It doesn’t do any good anyway—they are not ready. But more importantly, do not make another’s cruelty yours. Do not let it live in your heart and soul. It’s not yours. It’s theirs. Pray over it and let go, letting God, while moving on to others who are receptive.

Prayer

By St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace; 
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; 
Where there is injury, pardon. 
Where there is doubt, faith; 
Where there is despair, hope; 
Where there is darkness, light; 
And where there is sadness, joy. 

O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console; 
To be understood, as to understand; 
To be loved, as to love; 
For it is in giving that we receive, 
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, 
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. 

Amen.