“But even if you should suffer for righteousness sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled…” 1 Peter 3:14 ESV

“Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.” — Unknown

People stuff. Exhausting. We could make it easier if we stopped explaining ourselves to those who don’t get it, won’t get it, and look for arguments and control. Do we do this to ourselves too?

Here are three things to embrace when people dismiss, gaslight or criticize you:

You can let it define you. We pick up others’ opinions like a wind-tossed tumbleweed and getting unstuck is hard. Someone once asked, “If someone called you a chair, would you be upset?” Of course not! It’s obvious we’re not chairs. But let someone tell us we’re too sensitive, shy, talkative, and on and on, we glue it to our hearts like a truism and pierce our hearts. Many times it’s not true and has much more to do with the person hurting you.

Let it destroy you. How many have been with family members or others who strike us, shame us, and dismiss us? “You made me do it and if it weren’t for you doing such and such” is no excuse. How many came close to breaking down? Taking things personally will always bring us down. I did. This is not suffering for righteousness sake. Martyrdom. It’s unhealthy for you, your children, and others who love you. How can God’s glory be in this?

You can let it strengthen you. Here’s where the rubber meets the road and it’s not for the faint of heart. How Jesus did it is miraculous. He prayed privately, publicly and constantly. He learned who He was and is. He relied on His friends and the Father. He searched the Word for His purpose. Jesus quoted scripture when He was up against the Liar. You may not do this to someone who is “gaslighting you,” but privately with the Father and for yourself. He “shook the dust off His feet” when unbelievers mocked and tried to trap Him. And He forgave. He didn’t “hang out” with those who wanted to harm him, not until the Cross, which He did willingly.

Musings

Each day may be a challenge to be who we are. The temptations to people- please, gain approval, or frankly, give up, are tremendous. Remember, if we suffer for “righteousness sake,” we will be blessed.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We know that life is hard and sometimes we suffer. Suffering for righteousness sake is a tall order that only Jesus could do. Help us see clearly when people’s stuff comes at us, especially when unprepared. Help us see every encounter as a holy encounter for us, whether others see it or not.

Thank you for Your Spirit Who teaches us all things.

Amen.

There are a lot of us!

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.” – Camille Pissarro

Today and every day, I check into a blog with good news. It champions the little guy, children who do good things and more. One elderly gentleman fed a screaming homeless person who had no money, a boy mowed an elderly person’s lawn, and a police officer delivered a baby. Millions of nobodies do kindness because they love and belong to the Father.  It’s funny, or not, that when tragedy strikes, it’s the unknown person, the Nobody, through charities or on their own is the first to help. They show up. They do this before any government group or bureaucracy shows up.

Kindness and generosity don’t sell. This is why newspapers, internet sources, and media don’t focus much on the everyday person. But we’d no longer be here if it weren’t for our Nobodies. I bet you’re one and you know many at your job, church, or community who answer the needs of many.

Every day Christians will be rewarded. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24. And Nobodies do it with love, the reward is immediate—Love for and from the Father.

Overnight success. This is very rare. It’s the Nobody who shows up and tackles a little each day—the athlete practicing before dawn, the writer who writes in between diaper changes. It may look like an overnight success, but I’ve heard and read too many interviews and biographies that show how long and arduous the process to success is. Some have turned away from the fame.

Nobodies are humble. We’re in good company. Jesus was born to a teenager in a backwater town. The Book of Ruth follows two widows who love and care for each other. David was barely an adolescent tending sheep before he slew Goliath. The Bible is full of “Nobodies” and the Father’s pleasure is to use them for His purpose. In His World, we’re Somebody.

Musings

When feeling like a Nobody, search the Bible, or biographies or ask someone you respect how they became successful. Most will be humble and give their credit to others along the way and their God. It is the Father’s pleasure to take the ordinary, the Nobody, and the humble and transform them and their purposes into something grand.

I’m a Nobody… Nice to meet you.

Prayer

Dear Father,

It’s so hard to take in and embrace the reality that we are Somebody in Your Kingdom—the Creator of all things. We know, with thanks, it’s true. Jesus proved it and He proves it every day.

Help us to embrace another Nobody and introduce them to You and Your Loving-kindness.

Amen.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 ESV

“Fear is a reaction. Courage is a choice.” Winston Churchill

Pet lovers will relate to this. My 16-year-old faithful dog could not get up one morning. She had been rapidly declining for a few months but there was no pain. This time, her eyes pleaded with me to let her go. Courage is doing the right thing against our human understanding sometimes. Of course, I bundled her in her favorite blanket for her last trip. She loved going any place in the car and with the little energy she had, she peered out the slightly opened window. There must be a place in Heaven for these precious creatures!

We practice courage every day. We get up and go to work wrestling with traffic, weather, and unexpected delays. Remember your first solo driving trip? It had a touch of fear with excitement but you chose courage. Now driving may be commonplace and sometimes tedious.

Apologizing to someone we’ve harmed is filled with angst but choosing the courageous thing, apologizing, or making restitution are the choices to make. The ego is bruised and tears of regret come when choosing to live authentically and lovingly.

Leaving a destructive home life with no idea of what is to come takes tremendous courage. Making excuses and giving it one more time has destroyed any hope. This kind of courage takes support, planning and faith. Just today. Tomorrow will come with new hope.

Faithfully praying, speaking, writing, and practicing higher values in a dark and treacherous world requires digging deeply for courage. It could be a PTA meeting or staying up late to keep your business going. It could be caring for a terminally ill loved one or tutoring your child in math. The Father is with us. We only have to be courageous for today. The Father is with us wherever we go. He will bring us through.

Without courage, nothing changes. Or it does and not in a positive way. The price of denial. Facing childhood issues with a counselor and support group, fighting sex and drug trafficking in your community, and volunteering at a suicide hotline are battles that require tons of courage. We don’t do it alone. We don’t have to be dismayed. We have to be strong and courageous today.

Musings

The more we practice courage, the more we trust our Father and see transformation in ourselves. Jumping into the whirlwind without the Father is risky at best and folly at its worst but with Him, we know we will overcome.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Courage is ours because You are with us and love us. Whenever we are afraid, we remember Paul’s words, “I have fought the good fight. I have stayed the course. I have kept the faith.”

Thank you for giving us courage and giving us the most courageous of all, Your Son.

Amen.

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord,

And He delights in his way.

 When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,

Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.” Psalm 37:23-24

“The longer our trail of regrets, the more we tend to value the importance of making wise decisions.” – Bob Santos

Everyone has heard Frank Sinatra’s song, “I Did It My Way.” It’s a romantic and self-confident song filled with regrets, “But too few to mention.” It includes charting every course and doing what had to be done— by Himself.

My way or the highway? To be happy, I need things to be my way. This means being unhappy most of the time. Who wants to live unhappily? I had a miserable cold, the internet was down for days, and some household chores were postponed. Little life frustrations that drag me down. It was time for some self-care, reading and acceptance. Did I regret it? At first. A nap with my cuddly dog filled me with thanks in my warm, fuzzy sweats with steaming tea and a fast-paced book about the Book of Acts. Would I have planned this? No. And I needed it more than I thought. I fought it. Then I accepted. Then I had joy because I have a Father who delights in my way. A Father who knows when I need some downtime.

The world goes on without me. We “doers” find self-esteem and approval in our work, achievements and hobbies. This isn’t all bad because the Father designed us to do good works for His glory. Doing all the time at the expense of our health, families, or church is not a wise choice. If I had continued to work, my cold could have become worse, my temper could have flared, and I would have been even more behind and filled with regrets—that’s doing it my way.

Regrets—everyone has them. This is why we have grace. We have big regrets like hurting a loved one or guilt feelings when caregiving, financial mishaps, or an ill-fitting career. We fall but the Father holds our hand and makes everything good because we love Him.

Musings

Just because a famous person with huge talent says or sings something doesn’t make it true. I remember the admonishment my mom would say when I was an adolescent pleading for permission to do what my friends were doing: “If a million people believe in a stupid idea, it’s still a stupid idea.” It was true then and it’s true now. The Father establishes our steps and delights in our ways.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Your ways are above our ways, and when we force ourselves to do or be something we shouldn’t, in comes regret. Regret stops us from doing and being all that You want for us.

You delight in our way and we thank you. Please remind us of this when we are dwelling in regret and lose our way. Thank you we can start again and again because of Your grace.

Amen.

Born Backward

“For you, LORD, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling” Psalm 116:8 NIV

“Sometimes we are called to proclaim God’s love even when we are not yet fully able to live it.” Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey

I was born backward, you know, butt first. I’ve been doing things that way for way too long and still have that tendency. Put my coffee table together, frustrated, then read the instructions. Yes, I became pregnant and then got married.  Ran away from home, then sought out a counselor. Tried many worldly things like striving for money, perfection, and acceptance, and then had a (spiritual awakening) breakdown leading to Jesus. “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” Another typical Prodigal Son, or Daughter scenario.

Feelings were a huge part of my problem. Waiting to “feel” like cleaning the bathroom. Waiting to feel like going to work. Waiting to feel like getting counsel. Waiting to feel like going to class. Waiting to feel like loving my teenager. Waiting to feel like paying the bills. Bill collectors don’t care one bit about your feelings. Waiting to feel like becoming and being a Christian. What if Christ waited until he felt like going to the cross? We’d be dead in our sin. No hope. Paul said, “The most pitied.”

Now some good news. First, feelings are not facts. I chose daily to love my husband though, at times, I didn’t feel like it.  I’m sure he didn’t feel like loving me either through many rocky times. We had a wonderful and imperfect relationship.  I chose to budget my money. My income stabilized and increased. I chose to love my son by listening to and supporting his athletic efforts. Even better news! I received marvelous feelings of warmth, appreciation, gratefulness and most of all, love. Absent feelings come back too. Sometimes despairing when I feel God isn’t with me. Feelings are not facts! He’s always with me.

Musings

Love is a verb. Feelings are not. Feelings require no action, they’re passive, and they can destroy and place blame, if not managed and understood. I feel like drinking. I feel like hitting you. I feel like complaining. I feel… On and on it goes. Love is also patient. Loving and wonderful feelings come to those who act lovingly, even when the situation is not as we hoped. Most of life is not feelings. It’s action and the good feelings come—sometimes right away and sometimes it takes years.

Prayer

Dear Father,

You have great feelings for us that we can’t comprehend. You love us and never leave us, no matter what our fickle feelings shout at us. Thank you for the gift of feelings. Thank you that Jesus showed us how to love regardless of feelings. Thank you that Christ despised the shame and looked forward to the joy set before him. May we do the same.

Amen.

”For in this hope, we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 8:24-25 ESV

“When the whole world is running towards a cliff, he who is running in the opposite direction appears to have lost his mind.” C. S. Lewis

Is it wishful thinking or is it hope?

Is it expectations or is it hope?

Is it trusting the Father that makes us hurt? Bible greats like Abraham and David trusted for years to see what the Father had in mind and never saw Jesus in the flesh. They patiently waited. They longed to see what we now see.

Hebrews 11 says Faith is evidence of things hoped for and assurance about what we do not see. Other translations say certainty.

On Good Friday, all was lost. The hope of Jesus the conquering Messiah was gone. The disciples did not understand. Hope was shattered. Peter’s self-confidence was gone. Another committed suicide. All were in hiding from fear of the authorities. Even when Jesus died, the earthquake and the believing dead rising from their tombs did not persuade. The Roman centurions did believe when Jesus said, “It is finished,” and gave up His spirit, but it did not stop centurions from guarding Jesus’ tomb. They were sure intruders would steal Jesus’ body. What a tragedy!

Are you experiencing a Good Friday in your life?

Remember, Sunday came! What celebration! Renewal! Hope! Resurrection Sunday. When all seems lost, hang on to your Father’s promises, supportive friends, authentic prayer and Sunday.

Musings

Hope was a tricky thing for me when my husband was in Hospice his final weeks with Lewy body dementia. I hoped for him to recover, but my mind knew better. The “still small voice” assured me He was with my husband. The evidence was my husband’s conversion and baptism years before. We both were certain of Jesus. “We see through a mirror darkly,” while we’re here. Hope seems painful because we’re not in Heaven yet. We will be.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for Resurrection Sunday!

We are like the disciples when tough times come, but we can reach out to You and overcome because of this holiest of days. Jesus said, “Take heart for I have overcome the world.”

Amen.

Abandonment

“Although my father and my mother have abandoned me, Yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].”

“For my father and my mother have forsaken me, But the Lord will take me up.” Psalm 27:10 NASB

If anyone knows abandonment and forsakenness, it’s Jesus.

Many of us have been forsaken and/or abandoned. There is a subtle difference, but the feelings are still devastating, dark, life-damaging.

The difference between forsake and abandon:

Forsake is to abandon, to give up, to leave (permanently) to renounce. Abandon is to subdue; to take control– slavery.

Sometimes it feels like both forsake and abandoning are happening at the same time in our lives. A spouse has an affair, parents leave either through addiction, death, or their issues, and colleagues heap work on us or gossip about us. Even worse, dealing with abandonment and being forsaken when we were children takes a lot of work, courage, and healing to overcome. We need to embrace the Lord who has taken us up and adopted us. Godly people are waiting to help you.

I come back to the Prodigal Son when I’m feeling abandoned. The imagery of the father rushing out to embrace his black sheep son in front of the judgmental Pharisees is so comforting. So uplifting. So encouraging. So loving.  How about the loving image of Jesus with the prostitute as she wept and cleaned Jesus’ feet? Then there’s the 23^rd Psalm, which is soothing and reassures us that we do have a Father who cares beyond human love. We may feel abandoned and forsaken, but if we just hang on, our Father reveals a new family, friends, and colleagues. He breaks the bonds of addictions, loneliness, shame, and spiritual poverty. Your Father covers you with His wings and sings over you. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Musings

We may feel abandoned and forsaken, but if we just hang onto faith, our Father reveals a new family, friends, and colleagues. He breaks the bonds of addictions, loneliness, shame, and spiritual poverty. Ask Him with an authentic, patient and open heart.

 Prayer

Father,

“When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son!’  Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home.”

Thank you for adopting us forever into your Home. We cry, “Abba! Daddy.”

Amen.

Back and Forth/In or Out/Up and Down

“For the mountains may move and the hills disappear, but even then my faithful love for you will remain. My covenant of blessing will never be broken, says the LORD, who has mercy on you.” Isaiah 54:10 NLT

“Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.” —Jack Welch

Everyone is a leader. The stay-at-home mom, grade school teacher, farmer and rancher, the plumber all lead in some fashion. Even the most humble of careers has moments of leadership. I think about the small business owner, local city council, or local pastor and how they lead during the upsets, uncertainties, and threats.

Life is Slippery. Just when you’ve got all the plates spinning in life—wham–something out of the blue strikes. This may happen because the Father cares about our character. He’s growing us so we can grow others. Sometimes there’s no hidden agenda. Life is sometimes tricky and overwhelming for everyone.

Life is up and down. This is particularly true with relationships. All relationships, even with the Father have down moments. We don’t realize this when we are new in the faith but there are dark times when the Father may seem absent. Someone said, “It’s easier to get into something than to get out.” Jesus warned us that in this life we will have trials. Marriage and family are also perfect examples of ups and downs. The Father’s love remains no matter what.

Back and Forth. This is especially true with finances. We saved for our home, and a down-payment was made.  We joyfully moved in and immediately we were stunned with a notice from our little town council that they were installing a sewer line and were crushing our septic tank after installation of the line. This is a few thousand dollars and an increase in property taxes. That hurt! The money was gone but with hard work and a strict budget, we made it work. Growth.

Excuses are tempting. Sometimes in our Christian journey, we make excuses for our behavior. Examples: “I deserve this ­­­­­(fill in the blank) because (fill in the blank). That’s just the way I am. If you were me, what would you do?” We even say this in prayer because we’re hiding something.

But the scarier thing is when we make excuses for someone who is harming us. Examples: “He hit me because he’s under stress. Anyone would do drugs if they had the family she had.” That’s not Christian love. That’s enabling. It’s a guaranteed, life-long heartbreak. It’s taking the Father’s place Who created all and knows all.

Musings

No other religion, person, or position guarantees love, blessings and mercy except Christianity. We are fortunate because even when we are helpless, the Father’s faithful love remains, endures, and sustains us with blessings.

Prayer

Dear Father,

We are in the holy season of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice of love so that we can have mercy, blessings, and Your permanent love. When we want out, help us stay the course. When we are down, remind us of your mercy. When scrambling back and forth, help us to stop and realize how loved we are.

We are continually thankful.

Amen.

“And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.” 2 Corinthians 1:10 NLT

“The greatest faith is born in the hour of despair. When we can see no hope and no way out, then faith rises and brings the victory.” Lee Roberson

What’s stopping us?

Old stories about our past. Whenever I’m under pressure or need to make a difficult decision, my brilliant mind brings up all my failures.  And my mind isn’t very nice about it: “You dummy, when will you…”When this happens, paralysis takes over.

Obsessing about the past or the future. We’re to learn from the past –not beat ourselves with it. As for the future, every step forward is a foundation for future accomplishment.

Needing control. See above, old stories and obsessing.

Needing certainty. If I needed certainty, I would never have had children. See above—Needing control.

Needing approval. We all need support, good counsel, affection and information. I would not have become a Christian, married, or had horses if I needed approval. Calculating risk is the best I can do.

Perfection. There was only one perfect person—it’s not me.

Plain, old weariness.

Time for reflection. Keeping a journal will help us see all the times the Father has rescued us and most of the rescues are very subtle. Some may call it serendipity, luck, or being at the right place at the right time. We know better. Peeking into the past for affirmation of the Father’s work in our lives and not our old stories can encourage and comfort our hearts.

Seeking control without self-judgment brings us right back to Who is God and who is not. This can bring tremendous relief. We then have the energy to do what is under our control.

Approval-seeking leads to perfection-seeking. Not possible. The Father approves of us because of our faith. (2 Corinthians 10:18)

Weariness. Paul counsels us to not lose heart or grow weary because we will reap a harvest. Every spring, I’m pruning, digging, feeding, and even talking to my roses. Weary? Exhausted? You bet! So I look at pictures of my flowers from days past while sipping on my Selzer and orange, take a break, and get in the dirt again. I remember it’s the Father who causes the growth.

Musings

I know we’ve heard it many times, but it’s true, “It came to pass” is the verse to hang onto when resilience is needed and is usually quiet and subtle. Miracles do happen but not in the way we expect. Subtle is the “small whisper” we need.

Prayer

Dear Father,

During these war-torn, upsetting, and restless times, we want to quit. Then we remember Your Son who did not quit. We remember the times You’ve brought us through dark and turbulent times and we are humbled with thanks.

We only have to carry our burdens for today and we have Your help to do so. Resilience.

Amen.

Giving Up When It Gets Tough–Character Needed

“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” 2 Peter 1:5-7 ESV

“Character is revealed when pressure is applied.” – Unknown   

When Martin Luther King Day came, I remembered his famous quote: “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” I decided to make a list of positive character traits and learned that…

Character is a very tall order. I have not accomplished this by any stretch but making the following list and referring to it when decision-making, entering into an argument, or wanting to catch some more sleep, keeps me honest.

Character is who you are when nobody is looking.

Character keeps going even when not popular.

Character apologizes and makes right.

Character knows when to seek help and humbly asks for it.

Character shows up even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Character is humble.

Character relates to others and does not manipulate.

Character keeps commitments.

Character teaches much more than words.

Character gives without thought of thanks or repayment.

Character doesn’t control.

Character has a purpose that lives on when gone.

Character is a daily and worthy goal.

Character grows, no matter the past.

I bet you have thoughts about character, too, which I have not considered. The Bible is the best character-building book. I’m a word-search enthusiast but it works for me and there’s so much to learn about character in the Bible.

Musings

If one is stuck on how to have character, I think Emily Dickenson had it when she wrote:

“If I can stop one heart

From breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life from aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin,

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.”  Character.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Godly character. What a worthy and lifetime goal! We may be elderly or starting in life, we may be disabled, widowed, sick, or isolated but character is still revealed. We may be successful, loved, and popular and character still peeks through.

Strengthen and encourage our character to come closer to Your Son’s.

With thanks,

Amen.