Boundaries and Myths

“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2 ESV

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why  we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or choice.” Brene Brown

Perfection. It’s not possible for you or me. This is when striving, willpower, and various gymnastics can drive us to make poor choices, especially during the holidays, family gatherings, and the workplace. And it cuts both ways. Others can’t do perfection. Only one man in all of history was perfect. We know what happened to him.

Someone once said, “I may not seem like much, but you should’ve seen where I started.” There’s so much truth in this. Growth is the best we can hope for on Earth.

Spiritual turbulence. Someone has criticized you for something you know is not true. Someone is manipulating you to loan money, show up for an event not right for you or your beliefs. There could be gossip, withholding affection, and many other people problems that tear us up. Worse, it could be family salting the wound. Then starts the “what ifs” and “I should do better, be better.” It paralyzes and stops us from saying no, reflecting on what has happened, and deciding if it’s true.

Myth: Boundaries won’t be painful or scary. Yes, they are painful and frightening, but “walking on eggshells” is no cake walk either. We don’t set boundaries alone. We have our Father. We have others to help us. We don’t scream, cry, beg, or manipulate. Nix the dramatics. We just state, unemotionally, what’s acceptable and what’s not. The best we are able. And breathe.

Myth: Boundaries mean all will be well. No. Many times, we lose that person in our lives. It can be freeing after some grieving and reflection. We may recognize patterns that need to change. We remind ourselves of our Father’s love for us and others who live in the Father’s love.

Myth: We only have to set them once. Once again, nope. Depending on the situation, the person, and the willingness you have to keep this person in your life, you will set boundaries over and over. Jesus set them with the Pharisees many times. If he did, count on it for us! Patterns.

Myth: Forgiveness is a one-time event. With prayer, support, and self-reflection comes forgiveness for yourself and others, but it is a practice. It may not have reconciliation, but peace comes.

Musings

On this side of heaven, we will never be perfect. We will never perfectly handle situations or people. We get better. Others will never be perfect. They get better. We are all at different places and came from different backgrounds. Some of us started life in a deep hole. Some of us had a loving foundation. The great equalizer: We are all doing the best we can with grace.

Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?  These questions can be a helpful guide for you when communicating with others in your life.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it kind? Your Son modeled all of this for our sake. On the cross, he said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they’re doing.” Unconscious. Unaware. So much of the evil in this world would be gone if we loved as you do. We only have to practice this today, which is challenging enough, but your grace keeps us on your path. Thank you.

Amen.