When Someone Hurts You

And They Will

“But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled…” 1 Peter 3:14 ESV

“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you.” ― Rupi Kaur

We will be hurt by someone we love. We will hurt someone we love. It’s a part of life and relationships. It’s risky. I remember the story M. Scott Peck wrote in his book, The Road Less Traveled, about a solitary woman. She went to church, worked, and came home to her cat. She had no conflicts. She had no turmoil or drama. Life was predictable and secure. She avoided all relationship hurt. She avoided all relationship joy. We all have seen someone like this. Perhaps, we were this.

Relationships are risky! They can hurt! A lot!

Here are three things to consider when someone hurts you:

You can let it define you. We pick up others’ opinions like adhesive tape. Someone once asked, “If someone called you a chair, would you be upset?” Of course not! We’re not chairs. But let someone tell us we’re too sensitive, shy, talkative, and on and on, we glue it to our hearts like the gospel.  It isn’t.

Let it destroy you. How many have been with family members or others who strike us, shame us, and dismiss us? How many came close to breaking down? I did. This is not suffering for righteousness’ sake. It’s martyrdom. It’s unhealthy for you, your children, and others who love you. How can God’s glory be in this?

You can let it strengthen you. Here’s where the rubber meets the road, and it’s not for the faint of heart—first, some self-reflection, not rumination. Second, prayer– hold nothing back, He knows anyway.  Third, seek support from a friend, group, or counselor—we need each other. Fourth,  Learn to set boundaries, or resentment will eat you alive, and fifth, a biggie, let it go. Some things aren’t worth the hassle. If it comes back, and it may, let it go again.

Jesus searched and studied the Word for His place and purpose. He “shook the dust off His feet” when unbelievers mocked and tried to trap Him. And He forgave. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation; it may, but forgive for your sake. He didn’t “hang out” with those who wanted to harm him. The scary thing is he let them go.

Musings

When people are on their deathbeds, relationships are front and center in their minds and hearts. How much money they made, status, and possessions mean nothing. Relationships are the stuff of a full and abundant life here and in Heaven. The Bible is full of relationships! It reads like a melodrama at times, and it is, but it is full of insight. People haven’t changed. The problems they had then are the same problems we have now.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Thank you for our relationships, especially the ones we have with You, because Jesus cleared the way. You have provided everything necessary for healthy and loving relationships, if we seek them.

Help us find our identity and purpose in Your Son, not others. We appreciate praise and recognition from others, but we must not depend on these. We find ourselves when we find You.

Amen.