Father, What’s This About?

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 NIV (Emphasis mine)

“Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.” Bernard Meltzer

I received the nicest birthday card from someone who had wounded me terribly in my childhood. It truly was kind, thoughtful and so welcome. You see, my pain was from some physical and emotional abuse at a time when I had no resources, adults, church, or mentor to process this properly. The pain reared its ugly head after my husband’s death, years after the offenses. Grief pulls out all the stops of buried “stuff.” It hurt like hell! And I stuffed it for months.

But it came back.

I wanted to rant and rave and tell this person off! I wanted her to hurt as much as I! Maybe more. I asked our Father for help and I got it. And without finding fault.

She came from a dysfunctional home. I came from a dysfunctional home. No good comes from that until we have a new home. The story of Joseph came to mind. His brothers set out to kill him, but dropped him in a well instead. As we know, Joseph saved his brothers’ lives during a great famine. Joseph never had a chance to tell off his brothers and was imprisoned for years. Dysfunction imprisons for years.

What’s this about? “Do not overcome evil with evil, but overcome evil with good.” So I worked on why I clung to this hurt and anger. Was it because I felt alive? Was it because it was familiar? Was it really my problem? No, I didn’t put myself in a dangerous or harmful situation. She’s worked on her “stuff” too. Will we talk about it? Probably not. She loves me the best she is able—no harm. She has her work to do and she’s doing it. All I’ve done is go about my own business, doing my best with my Father’s help. And I’ve told this rant and rave to my Father many, many times.

The right books fell into my lap. The right people companioned me. Surrender was mine. Rest. Hope. Willingness.

And I have peace.

Musings

No matter if we’ve had a “healthy childhood” or trauma, or a drama-filled childhood, what’s this about puts us on the right track. Life still smacks us (or the Liar) when we’re most vulnerable.  If someone is abusing you. Get out! Get out now!  But most of life is becoming conscious. Most of life is more unlearning than learning. As Einstein said, “You can’t solve your problems with the same mind that got you the problems.”

Prayer

Dear Father,

There are no perfect parents. There are no ideal people. You are perfect and know “what this is about.”

Help us to slow down, breathe, and ask you to help us determine what steps to take, if any. Help us to remember the end of the Serenity Prayer: “Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next.”

Amen.