“Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. 1 Peter 5:7 AMP
“Compassion is not a finite resource, but your energy and emotional capacity are. Prioritize self-care.” – Unknown
As a former caregiver, I know how the feelings run up and down, hot and cold, especially in shocking or unpredictable situations. I never knew when my husband, suffering from Lewy body dementia, would hallucinate, have panic attacks or fall. These things happened often before I relinquished him to full-time care.
Then money worries.
Those in Life-saving careers, counselors, the military, and charitable organizations deal with it daily. Trauma, death, and catastrophic losses when one shows up for work.
Parents caring for their children and their elderly parents, and those caring for the ill can forget their purpose. Who wouldn’t?
And the following occurs: Numbness, anxiety, short temper, exhaustion, hopelessness, and PTSD. But the number one…
Guilt. This one is ubiquitous and life-damaging. Christians seem particularly susceptible to guilt because of our beliefs of what a Christian is—giving, loving and patient. Christians are these things too, but they are also human with all the limitations humanness has.
Time for Self-Care. What did you love to do before caregiving? What comforts? What or who can give you well-needed rest and support? For me, it was lunch with my close friends and a cleaning woman who would watch my husband so I could nap.
Sometimes self-care is unpleasant and unrewarding like going to the dentist, exercising, eating healthy meals, or (gasp!) finding time for a shower. I broke a tooth during my caregiving years, but I found a daycare for those with dementia through the senior center—tooth fixed. Please search sites that can assist.
Sometimes self-care is pleasant and rewarding like lunch with friends, a long nap under autumn leaves, or an online chat with someone going through similar situations. There were many Lewy body sites I could access at any time. I chatted with a woman in Australia at two a.m. who was going through the same as me. We even made lighthearted jokes to lift our spirits—we carried each other’s burdens. I thought about church members who could help but their dementia experiences were nonexistent and some were uncomfortable with dementia. They helped with errands like groceries and prescriptions and were happy to do it.
Musings
When caring for others, guilt is the number one problem. You’re doing the best you can to the point you collapse. Then we heap more guilt on ourselves. Pray, seek, and ask for help. It’s tough to ask for help sometimes but guilt is much worse. Talk to yourself like you would a beloved friend. Talk to yourself as the Father does. The 23rd Psalm is refreshing and leads us through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. The Father’s rod and staff comfort.
Prayer
Dear Father,
When we are at our limits from caring for others, help us to find solace and stillness with You. Bring support to us and hope. Sometimes our prayers are salty tears from guilt, sadness and exhaustion. We want to do what is right. You want us to practice self-care because we matter too. Christ removed all of our guilt.
With gratefulness always,
Amen.
Prayers and Musings of a Black Sheep 