What is Love on Your List?

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.” Psalm 143:8

“Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, “I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?” We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise.”
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

The book, The Five Love Languages, is a wonderful guide for spouses, lovers or parents and friends. Mr. Black Sheep’s love language is doing and fixing. My love language is listening with empathy. Many couples are like this: The guy rushes to fix and the woman wants to vent. Some like receiving gifts and some like alone time, while others like touch.

Are we loving others as they need to be loved? My son loves encouragement. I have worked on this because I love him. If I listen to him, which I do, but don’t find encouraging words in his challenge or achievement, is that love? And for whom?

Sometimes the problem is not love itself but our ideas of how to love others. It can be fun to learn and practice! Jesus himself loved his disciples differently: John was young and loved touch—reclined on Jesus’ breast at the Last Supper. Peter had bravado and needed recognition—Peter was applauded by Jesus for knowing and saying who Jesus is: The Christ. Jesus knows exactly how to love us and others, though it may sometimes be a puzzle. Jesus makes us a person of love rather than gritting our teeth and trying to love.

Musings

Last Thanksgiving, our families took the Love Language Quiz. Not only was it eye-opening but it was fun! We had full tummies, football was done, dessert was history and we were thinking of playing games. But that book with the quiz was better than a game and taught us so much about each other without judgment or fear and with lots of insight. We are a little bit better at love and a lot less argumentative. A brush-up is required now and then because we forget and get entangled in arguments, suspicions or pettiness.

Prayer

Dear Father,

It is lovely and fulfilling to love you, our loved ones, ourselves and even a stranger. We never stop learning, growing and living in grace when we learn to love others as they need. As we need.

Thank you for loving us as you designed us.

Amen.