Gentleness or Anger?

“He who is slow to anger is better than a warrior, and he who controls his temper is greater than one who captures a city.” Berean Standard Bible

“We need to be able to deal with doubt lovingly, helpfully, and especially without ever scolding or shaming anyone for doubting. We must allow people to be who they are and then be able to meet them where they are.”

― from “The Allure of Gentleness: Defending the Faith in the Manner of Jesus”

A man, a neurosurgeon I respect said, “Anger brings company.” Oh! How true! Pausing to ask myself what this anger is trying to tell me is challenging because I’m all emotional when angry with little rational thought. Remember the phrase, “count to ten when angry and if very angry count to 100?” So wise. Because here are some of the companions to anger:

Defensiveness. Protecting our ego, caught in something troublesome, still working on shame issues—what is this anger trying to tell me?

Unfairness. Life will always be unfair. The perfect man was sent to the cross. Many good people have died helping and rescuing others. Diseases still annihilate even the good or young. This could be righteous anger that motivates us to action or giving.

Irresponsibility. Avoiding or denying my part. Even bad relationships are not entirely one person’s fault.

Doubt. Everyone has times of doubt. Atheists have doubts. Doctors have doubts. Parents have doubts. We are tested so that doubt may shrink and trust in the Father grows.

Denial. This is another convenient behavior that will leave us stranded. Most people in recovery grapple and, hopefully, overcome through their willingness to let go to a Higher Power.

Envy. Comparing ourselves to others will always bring us up short. There will always be someone smarter, richer or more attractive. Those aren’t the things that get us to be like Jesus. I believe the Pharisees envied Jesus, who had no advantage at all, all the way to the cross and resurrection.

Past real or perceived wounds. They need attention. Pray, talk to a wise friend or counselor and let go. Make a list of progress and talents.

Illness. My husband would get very angry during his last couple of years fighting Lewy body dementia and it could not be controlled and it was not his fault. Many times it was directed at me. Boy! Did I learn to practice gentleness? I lost a few times. This brings me to…

Compassion. For yourself. For others. With lots of prayer and self-reflection without ruminating. It’s funny how compassion works. When I am compassionate toward myself, there is room for compassion for others. It’s “what flows out of the heart…” It’s gentle. It’s forgiving. It’s empathetic. It real. It’s active love. It dismisses Anger’s devilish companions.

Musings

We need to pause, pray quickly and ask ourselves, “What is this anger trying to tell me?” Sometimes it’s nothing except to walk away. Sometimes it is motivation to right a wrong like hunger, suicide or addiction. Sometimes it’s a warning light on some unconscious need, trauma or falsehood. The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are always available to help.

Prayer

Dear Father,

Paul reminds us, “We do not fight against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” It’s a challenge we often forget, which is why prayer is so crucial.

Help us to pause when angry and pause longer when very angry and let the Spirit take the lead. We ask and thank You for your constant counsel and help.

Amen.